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take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
im scared to read this thread im sure im doing none of this poo poo

*follows thread title advice*

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take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
if you could rate your dialog on a scale from 1-10 where 1 is realistic af and 10 carries real weight what would you pick and how does that work for you

if you say u do both...…..

but seriously i'm struggling trying to choose my approach at this juncture

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

magic cactus posted:

I have a question:

I've noticed in my writing that I tend to have a lot of paragraphs like this:
.

imo you should take that sonic youth quote from goo??? and just flip some of the words around

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
hmm im not sure what that's in response to but (pretension incoming)...

the quote reads:

"I stole my sister's boyfriend. It was all whirlwind, heat, and flash. Within a week we killed my parents and hit the road."

so basically that gets stuck in my head a lot and someone actually referenced it in byob the other day. my point is essentially, and i'll see if I can dig into it a lil, if your paragraph starts off with "it only took a few minutes" it should not take me a bit to read and it should not have much to unpack. like I get it, it's ez pz. inject some flavour into it like man idk. "it wasn't even a thing" would be how some millennial fuccboi would say it.

"... hardest part was [whatever] and we snorted xan off each others' chests to put a point on it... we got over it in a haze of [something]..."

or

"...we lost ourselves in a blur of mindless sex & serial streaming..." if your chars are norms. but what I mean is if your paragraph starts by describing how short and not a big deal something is id better be done reading it in an eyeblink cuz internally I've already moved on

haha if you meant from my own writing... ok ill dig some up but I actually make no claims to be v realistic or hold weight, I meant in terms of approach

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
^yea exactly

realism (these are rough sketches)

quote:

"You've looked better." Tinges of concern like eyeshadow on a pale white face.

"You never left," Lore says. Arms in a loose fold, scarred wrists propping palms propping the Chalice tribute-orb. "Stayed here and projected to gently caress me up."

"To save you. gently caress your wrists, dude." Even now, any anger melts for her. She's taking time away from reading the Holonovel to talk to them, staring with piercing eyes. "I never asked for your little errand. You offered."

notice um profanity I guess. mild sarcasm.

holding weight will prolly be embarrassing to show.

k attempting

quote:

Altha’s lips are charcoal black, sun-kissed. “I know what you nurse. I know it’s torture.”

“Feels like an aeon,” Elise says. “Like my whole life.” As she speaks she knows that …



But when Altha speaks her words have thawed. “Life pushes and pulls, laps and flows, if you’re living it right.” She smiles at Elise, serene and so lovely it hurts. “This is just another current.”

old stuff. notice badness. loose idea is chars speak poetically/lyrically tho like to the extent that I am able. i was legit interested in what other posters tried for but not sharing is more than fine lol.

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
its cool that weve all mastered the art of writing to objective perfection in this quarantine and no longer need to consult this thread (closes thread, reads more, writes more)

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
lol I'm writing a pzombie too. great minds!!!!

I'm cheating by adopting an outer pov tho. My thesis is there would be tells

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
American Psycho dude is def not a pzombie imo

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
u might as well just read trainspotting for the sick boy povs

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
I'm aware of the phrasing but he's clearly just a sociopath. Pzombies aren't driven to violence and sex. I think it's lazy theory crafting to assume they would be. I think sick boy is better example and in context u get to contrast him with a norm. Its really effective iirx

Just my op

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
sure (shutting up after this post) but pzombies want to maintain normalcy. more likely they'd be obsessed w staying static than an external aesthetic of material supremacy.

I'm ykno like I don't know everything. But that's how I treat the concept

the fact that there's an I in Bateman to be not there is a tell I feel

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
well magic will be involved. I'm actually re-evaluating plot based on this convo so ty for starting it

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

General Battuta posted:

Also I think the phrase 'blackness enveloped him' is under a fifty year moratorium. It's not your fault, it's just been depleted of all meaning by constant overuse.

yea lol. Envelopes is an awkward word especially. Pokemon has it right when their adolescent PC's just black out in active voice

also u could chop the paras & use the old Gibson "then [char name] was [actioning] while [exciting context] happens" as openers which he does in every action scene he writes

or just avoid action cuz lol if anyone reads books for things happening. books are about feelings and thoughts with skin navigating uncertain emotional terrain and in this essay I will

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
everybody gets dead

:rip:

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
gently caress it I'll do it but itll be a skim or I'll read the opening chapters or w/e. a whole novelette is a lot to read lol

I don't have pms but im diseascipline @ Gmail dot com

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
also if if I ever punked anyone for not writing w/ the pathetic excuse of they have a job im sorry lol. I have not written a word each day I've worked. Lit. Get home and pass out

if anyone has any Advice on writing Fiction on days u just feel like sleeping off after work plz post up

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
lol nice tessa v av

yea i managed to write half a sentence before work and then churned out some trash before i went 2 sleep. the system works

lmao djeser yr av also

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

nut posted:

I am going to do a write today

gently caress yea

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
e: deleted lol it wasnt that bad tho who cares

take the moon fucked around with this message at 15:41 on May 28, 2020

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
i have trashed so many books or atrophied them as they say. i think if youre not feeling anything for whatever reason theres no reason to go hard on it

its good just to stay in the game

plus the feel of starting a new book lol

that being said the ms i feel strongest about is my first and its the one that im editing hard rn

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

Djeser posted:

"have you tried thunderdome :mrgw:"

:allbuttons:

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
yea I was thinking about a flippant answer but figured that wasn't really what op???? poster was looking for.

Ive never really liked anything I plan out too much starch in the suit you know?

different strokes

tons of Nobel writing software exists for stuff like that tho, the best stuff free & cloud based so maybe look into that?

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
my fiction advice is dont put in zumbos lol

the expanse ot away w/ it cuz it was hardly the everything. but like zumbos are hard no. like.... please dont

(i may use them lol)

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
fight fight fight

im gonna write today even though im not Long Walking 0_0

Sham bam bamina! posted:

I don't understand this at all. A sad pink firework is good, but to flare out sadly isn't? "Flared" and "flared out" are distinct actions, too; in the excerpt, that part of the character's brain burned bright for a moment before exhausting itself. "Flared out like a sad pink firework" is a perfectly decent bit of imagery.

yea that criticism made no sense. how can u even use imagery w/o contradictions

well im sure u can somehow but whatevs

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
my criticism is like, idk grade school w/e cuz every criticism seems grade school or ivory tower but its a gamble for your chars to be bored. im probably bored if the chars are. also dull or interesting are bad adjectives in the same way beautiful is. make me feel it dont tell me how to feel

i like taking every grade school crit tbh. like i flat out just dont use adverbs at all, im interested in what comes out if u just grind all the basic bitch rules in. all but purple prose. purple prose to the ends of the earth & hell also

no rules u can play with no blues u can shake them etc

i like that everyones weighing in :)

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
i waited for another post so i wouldnt double post but basically i think the best fa next to close the fuckin thread & log off is to find your voice. theres no point in it otherwise. just... use the crits for that. they are a weapon they are not the war

all the authors whove survived the years did so cuz they found their voice & nothing else is worth it

thanx 4 reading this post

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
ill linguistics major u

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

ultrachrist posted:

But I also don't know what the hell the difference between a hare and a rabbit is.

never fear

hares are dashing rogues and hardened warriors. they say things like 'death on the wind' and 'blood & vinegar' & also speak in old British piker slang for some reason. they tend to gather around the great battle mountain salamandastron and serve under badger lords assembling into legions to protect the southwest from vermin

rabbits are prissy lil beezies lol

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take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
sorry 4 sig lol posting w/ a fork

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

General Battuta posted:

Authority is great once you realize that there is a ton of really important stuff happening right under the protagonist's nose and he's just not catching it. It's a book that trusts the reader a lot and that can be frustrating if you don't trust it too. Pay attention to the chapter titles!

ya that whole series is good

whatever tho. what even is fiction

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Learning dialogue from the Left Behind guy is like learning neurosurgery from Walter Jackson Freeman II.

lol

i distrust authors who post how-to videos when they could be writing more, reading more, closing threads

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
good advice tbh. as a :siren:disabled:siren: person it sux to see what i deal with treated absurdly wrong in popular fiction & my favourite works are those that manage to display respect, empathy & dare i say show a beauty in the whole thing. not saying that you should strive for cliche & grandiose goals in yr writing but thats my perspective

*doesnt affect my functioning atm but it has been a beezy in the past

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
phone post attempt:

my windows don't open even after i chip the paint away

her windows didn't open, even after (though sounds better here) she'd chipped the paint away

im no lexicologist (though technically a humanities specialist) but those sound ok

e: the first sentence is irrelevant ig since youre dead set on a past tense thats just how i would say it irl. key is to stick to one tense i believe and not switch it up mid sentence so its like

my windows didnt open even after i chipped the paint away

e2: now im confused lol. no idea why my two second sentences seem tensed diff but they both sound fine

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

take the moon fucked around with this message at 17:21 on Oct 9, 2020

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo

Thumbtacks posted:

That's helpful advice, thank you! It was kind of a weird week yeah and I didn't get a ton of foodback (this is one of the few weeks where there wasn't individual feedback, the judge was just kinda "most of these were fine, these were the really bad ones and these were the really good ones" which was kinda unfortunate)

i also joined super late so I was panicking a bit and didn't have a ton of time to write. Like I said I wasn't thrilled with where it went and after the concept i didn't really have anywhere to take it so it kinda just dwindled out. I liked the setting though.

I will keep that advice in mind for this week, thank you!

"really bad one" here there will be blood crits they will hurt maybe they will be constructive tho

there are always crits

take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
lol i personally havent but ive joined 2, one at the local library which was a masturbation emporium and a writing group that never did any writing

if theyre known for being good tho yea why not try them i suppose. idk what else a writing club should do besides write & crit

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take the moon
Feb 13, 2011

by sebmojo
not to be that guy but you might want to check the long walk next month or whatever. ten bux is a good incentive, as is being immortalized on the wall of shame :negative:

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