Fiction Writing Advice and Discussion: Read. Write. Crit. Repeat.

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Fiction Writing Advice and Discussion: Read. Write. Crit. Repeat.

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Does anyone here do novel exchanges? I've been getting chapter-by-chapter critique on Critique Circle which is a great website with a great inline system, but there are large gaps between when chapters get posted and the same people are not always around to read each chapter. So while critters can point out line and chapter-specific problems, it's not great for getting feedback on the whole plot or character arcs.

If anyone else has a fantasy or sci-fi novel under 100,000 words and wants to exchange manuscripts for critique I'd be interested.

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 01:44

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 17:03

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

feedmyleg posted:

I've probably got 2 months left to finish my newest draft, at which point I'm planning to finally get friends and family readers. I'd love to be a part of a novel exchange once I'm at that point. I figure stranger feedback is always going to be a bit more critical than my friend who I've rambled on about the book to for ages or my mom who thinks everything I do is brilliant, no matter how much I tell them not to pull their punches.

Cool. I don't have PMs (I should probably get them though) but just quote me in this thread whenever you want to do an exchange. My book is 70k words.

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 22:23

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

What's the etiquette for saying "For fans of ____" on a book blurb. Like, you blurb your book and then at the end say, for example, "Fan of ____ and ____ should enjoy this novel". Is namedropping other author's works bad form/possibly a legal issue?

# ¿ Jul 3, 2020 16:35

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

I recently joined a website called CritiqueMatch which has been a lot more useful than the other critique sites I've used before. You can find partners and exchange chapters very quickly which leads to each person getting through each other's work in a much more timely manner than something like Critique Circle where you had to upload chapters, wait for your week to come up, and then risk getting critiques from people who hadn't read any of the previous installments.

It seems like it's in beta so the platform for leaving comments is not as polished as it could be, but for the most part it works fine.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2020 04:05

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Is there a new Fiction Farm thread to post prose snippets of less than 1000 words? I've noticed the topic listed in the thread OP has been vaulted.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2020 18:23

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

So I'll be publishing a fantasy book in early march. Got a lot of great feedback from people on this forum and on critique sites about how to improve dragging sections in the manuscript, wondering if I can get people's feedback on how to make this blurb snappier:

As an enforcer for the Order of the Magi, Cantus dreams of glory in magical combat. But the Order has been too effective in its function, leaving the world with a mere smattering of hedge wizards as incompetent opponents. Worse yet, his new partner Evroh is an ancient man who feels more at home in libraries than on the field of battle. When a seemingly simple mission leaves Cantus permanently disabled, he will journey to the center of the Auduwyn empire to track the rogue mage who can heal him before his magic disappears forever. At the same time, internal divisions in the Order become apparent and Cantus discovers Evroh is not what he appears.
A story about hubris, fear, and the occasional fireball, the self-contained novel Order of the Magi should appeal to fans of Patrick Rothfuss� The Kingkiller Chronicles and KJ Parker�s Academic Exercises.

In particular wondering if the last sentence before the comparisons could be stronger as a hook. An alternative I'm playing with is:
"Meanwhile, centuries of peace have left the Magi unprepared for a growing new threat that may challenge the very fabric of their Order."

# ¿ Jan 6, 2021 03:21

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Thanks! Someone also mentioned that comparing the book to other books in the last sentence seems gauche. Is it bad form to add comparisons to more famous books at the end of a blurb? (I know queries need comps but to very recently published books.)

# ¿ Jan 6, 2021 15:54

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

don longjohns posted:

Have you seen examples of it? I have but I cannot think of any specific examples at the moment 🤔

Yeah I could have sworn I've seen it before. But the big traditionally published books don't do so.

At alternative last line:

A story about hubris, fear, and the occasional fireball, the self-contained novel Order of the Magi transports readers into a world where magic comes at a cost. (is that too cliche?)

# ¿ Jan 6, 2021 19:29

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Good notes. Synthesizing that latest critique alonside the edits other have done, here's is a new blurb:

Cantus dreams of glory in magical combat. As an enforcer for the Order of the Magi, hunting down rogue magic-users, he should have ample opportunity to build a heroic legacy. But when a seemingly simple mission leaves him permanently disabled, he must journey to the center of the Auduwyn Empire to track the rogue mage who can heal him before his magic disappears entirely. To make matters worse, he soon discovers a growing threat that challenges the very fabric of the Order and the lasting peace it has established.
A story about hubris, fear, and the occasional fireball, the self-contained novel Order of the Magi transports readers into a world where magic and heroism come at a cost.

Ccs fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Jan 8, 2021

# ¿ Jan 7, 2021 22:17

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Alright I come to you all with another small question. I have a sentence here:

quote:

"The glow from the engraved runes on Cantus� staff faded as he and his partner Renk moved through the haze of the rogue mage�s hall."

I've realized it's technically grammatically incorrect because "staff" is the subject, and it's making the staff sound like "he".

I've tried a few variations on rephrasing. This is the second sentence in the entire book so I want to get it right.

quote:

Cantus and his partner Renk moved through the rogue mage�s hall, the glow from the engraved runes on his staff fading in the haze.

That one sorta works but the "his" is so far from "Cantus" that it could be a bit unclear to readers whose staff is being referred to. Cantus? Renk? The rogue mage?

I could substitute "his" with "Cantus" but then I'm repeating the name a lot.

Ccs fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Jan 13, 2021

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 03:35

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Leng posted:

Had to go back to your Google Doc for context:

I think you have some more options, depending on what you're trying to convey. Are the runes temporary or permanent? E.g. are they permanently engraved on the staff and glow when Cantus is actively doing magic? Or are they temporary runes which Cantus has to re-engrave every time he wants to do some magic? Is the engraving an important detail? Is it more important that the reader understands Cantus was the one responsible for the doors being blown off their hinges?

Where I think you're getting tangled up the most is you're trying to emphasize a visual detail while also conveying blocking information. The visual detail seems more important than the blocking information, which could be combined with other sentences that are conveying action.

Here's one option, which zooms in - we go from big visual and auditory detail to a smaller visual detail and a sensation, then to internal thoughts in the first paragraph. Second paragraph then focuses on action:

Here's another, if you want to play around a bit more with the opening paragraph - we go the other way, by starting with the character's emotion, to the trigger for the emotion, then to the visual detail that's evidence of Cantus causing the explosion, then the consequence of the explosion, and then the character's thoughts to bring it full circle with the emotion. This is then a nice segue into the action, leading with the stronger verb "swagger" and cutting the generic "moved through". Plus it's all centred on Cantus, who at this stage of the story, is a pretty egotistical guy, so it's nice to have Renk both physically trailing behind him in the action and also trailing and being mentioned almost as an afterthought in Cantus' POV:

Edit: comma placement, I am bad with commas

There are some good thoughts here but your first fix runs into the same problem I had, the "he" still doesn't make sense because the subject of the sentence is still "staff" and not "Cantus."

"The doors burst from their hinges with a deafening boom and crashed to the ground in a shower of dust. Glowing runes faded from Cantus' staff as he released his spell, exhilaration thrumming through his veins. A grand entrance, that was the way to begin a battle."

After some thinking I rewrote it in a way that keeps the same original structure but fixes the subject issue:

quote:

The doors burst from their hinges with a deafening boom and crashed to the ground in a shower of dust. The glow faded from the engraved runes on the staff Cantus clutched as he and his partner Renk moved through the haze of the rogue mage�s hall.

I'm happier with this because it also works in some more alliteration, which I always like. But you're right that the visual information and blocking detail is being compressed into one sentence.

Ccs fucked around with this message at 15:24 on Jan 13, 2021

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 15:16

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

tuyop posted:

I wrote a thing. Is this the place where I can post and have it dismantled mercilessly?

This thread

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3942154

# ¿ Jan 18, 2021 03:24

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Covok posted:

Would that thread be the place to drop say a fanfiction you did because you are about to do the finale for Book 1 and was wondering how it all looked? Kind of got pretty invested in writting it.

Finale for which book 1? Anyway that thread doesn't have a rule against fanfiction but it's a big ask to expect readers to already be familiar with an IP if they're to have a hope of understanding the story you're posting.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2021 22:45

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

General Battuta posted:

There is a phenomenon where, when you're working hard at craft or putting more expectations on yourself, your ability to detect what's wrong with your writing (or the setting of your 'detect problems with writing' brain module) increases MUCH faster than your ability to write. This creates the illusion that you are backsliding, making negative progress. Strongly influenced by brain health too in my experience.

Also there's lots of brain hazards just floating around generally right now.

Yeah, you're probably in one of these situations.

https://twitter.com/tituslunter/status/1143872735837347840

# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 19:58

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 17:03

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

I wrote the first draft of my novel in Word but I kept emailing it to myself so I'd have a backup. I did the third and fourth drafts in Google Docs which was much more convenient for getting beta reader feedback and for editing from anywhere.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2021 20:14

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Fiction Writing Advice and Discussion: Read. Write. Crit. Repeat.