Terrible Awful Games: it's either bees and porn or crypto and NFTs - The Something Awful Forums

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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Terrible Awful Games: it's either bees and porn or crypto and NFTs

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Welcome to the thread where we discuss and make fun of the exceptionally bad but also ridiculously bad games that have been releasing on Steam since Valve stopped giving a gently caress about Greenlight and opened the floodgates. Worst shovelware you've seen in your entire life, "this is totally not the dev's fetish", games that you can't even launch, horrific art and writing, stuff like that.

This is the thread equivalent of the awful Skyrim/Fallout mods threads so only post stuff that is actually hilariously bad, nobody gives a gently caress that you think Fallout 4 is trash, holy poo poo and I'll ban you for smug-posting something like that.

Thread rules:

We're only interested in actually hilariously bad games on Steam. If you're not sure if a game fits this theme then don't post it. Something being anime doesn't mean it's automatically thread material but if it also has bad art and dialogue then sure.
Always post a Steam link to the game you present. It's also advisable to post screenshots but it's not required.
Don't post your unpopular opinion on how some popular title is actually bad, nobody cares.
This is a thread to make fun of bad games so the most important rule is to keep things fun and chill. Talk about games, don't go into slapfights about how PC gaming is bad or some poo poo.
You may post content but then always link it and indicate it with the smilie.

An example of things you should post:

Holy poo poo, check out Miner Ultra Adventures. The video is a pro-click.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVBcUkH1X0g

Palpek fucked around with this message at 10:31 on Jan 30, 2017

# ¿ Jan 30, 2017 07:36

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 17:54

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Quest For Glory II posted:

check out this sweet map

drat, Zybourne Clock guys developed another game?

# ¿ Jan 30, 2017 09:27

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Ikari Worrier posted:

Good to see that honey boo boo is still getting work.

Rirse posted:

Are the bad shovelwares games that came out pre-Green Light allowed to talk about? I don't mean Bad Rats, but stuff like Horrid Henry and Eternity Child?

Sure, if it's not something overdone like Secret of the Magic Crystals then I have nothing against it.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2017 17:07

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Stexils posted:

"bookworld"

"Bookworld" was supposed to be pretty hardcore:

# ¿ Jan 30, 2017 19:48

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Ragdoll Kung-Fu: Fists of Plastic for the PS3 was cool, I agree that the PC version sucked though.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2017 17:15

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

These games were originally discovered by FirstAidKite, all from the same developer/publisher seriously called RyuVsCloud:

1. Valortha

The official game banner + description:

These "genres" were set by the devs themselves:

Official screenshots on the game's Steam page:

Such a subtle name for the place, everybody's welcome:

Just lol at some freaking rear end in the dark:

2. Epica

This is how the animated main menu looks as shown in the trailer, just some sexy legs while you set up stuff:

The gameplay as a story in 3 acts. I recorded all these from the official trailer for the game:

3. Sayaka

I'm loving dead.

Palpek fucked around with this message at 01:17 on Feb 13, 2017

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 01:15

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

muscles like this! posted:

Giant Bomb played a little of this on their Friday stream and when you play as the monster in multiplayer it has a big swinging dick.

Also this is from the official game FAQ:

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 10:22

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

:f5:

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 17:34

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Something the devs of Haydee thought to themselves: what if we made a Portal-inspired metroidvania but added gigantic bouncing tits and rear end?

Some achievements:

The community screenshot section is basically outright softcore erotica.

The game also has a workshop where you can download nude body mods of varying breast sizes and of course nude versions of female protagonists from other games like Lara Croft, Quiet, Edi or...female Pyro from TF2:

I have no idea why nude Skyrim mods still aren't allowed on Steam at this point.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 12:46

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

There's one male body in that workshop and it's a nude version of Chris from Resident Evil 5.

Wow, you can choose if he wears a clockwatch or not, pretty cool.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 16:19

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 10:04

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Explain the concept of a repressed sexual desire for clean car-seats.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 21:54

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

SaviourX posted:

There is no way in hell this belongs in this thread, but I don't want to make a thread OP, so here it is, the answer to all PC games. Pack it all in:

Genital Jousting
http://store.steampowered.com/app/469820/

This game owns and I'd like to see more like it on Steam.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 09:59

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Lumpy the Cook posted:

lmao

# ¿ Feb 18, 2017 11:47

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

It's 2017 and Castle Werewolf 3D is here.

quote:

The game is made in the tradition of the classic first-person shooters - especially Wolfenstein 3D. In the game you will have to wait interesting 13 levels of huge castle (dark dungeon, beautiful officers' rooms, scary laboratory, bloody ritual temple and others.), finding secrets (sometimes the walls are not what they seem), various monsters, 6 types of weapons, a lot of bloody effects

This game has everything. Not an Imperial Eagle:

Fat not Nazis:

Bad Rats:

Not Nazi orcs:

Everything's fine, why are you asking:

Somebody page the retro FPS games thread.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 20:07

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

eonwe posted:

I came in here to link to this game

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 20:55

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

While we're on an FPS roll: The Last Hope: Trump vs Mafia

Just chilling in your skyscraper:

Ok, at least the desk is probably accurate enough:

Meeting with the voters:

Your ultra-modern jet where they apparently replaced all the knobs with touchscreens:

When suddenly (it's still a pretty good depiction of Europe):

We gonna get medieval on their asses:

War, war never changes:

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 22:22

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

If I were an amateur dev bringing my first RPG maker game to Steam via the power of some shady third-party company that generates Greenlight votes I'd just create the most commonly used and edgy set of chat smilies that have nothing to do with the game and watch the cash flow. Or maybe some smart entrepreneur has already done that?

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 12:04

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

drat, that's great.

They actually created a rare Pepe.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 13:46

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

I could probably just keep posting horrendous FPS games and never run out of material so to mix things a bit here's another upcoming hot release that Steam has seen a lot of during the last year: Frisky Business.

quote:

Take the Case!
You are Mr. Falco Frisk, private detective of Frisk Investigative Solutions! Develop your relationships with your team as you take on your very first case. Dive into a sexy and strange adventure of hot babes and killer clowns!

Gather Clues!
The devil, or in this case the clown, is in the details. Meet interesting and sexy characters, track down leads, and collect clues as you attempt to unravel the mystery of who is behind the creepy clown make-up!

Get the Girl!
3 college roommates Jenny, Lucy, and Balbina need your help, and maybe your love! Flirting and romance await, but just make sure to stop the dangerous clown before it's too late!

Oh, did we mention there's a mini-game called STRIP TRIVIA? 'Nuff said.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2017 13:58

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Lmao these people don't give a gently caress anymore. Just create some garbage, literally name it trash, write some random poo poo and throw that dumpster fire on Steam for 2 people to buy it. Who cares.

Uncompromising Trash

quote:

How long have you not seen this, you have not experienced for a long time it is. Your hero, behind the group - sperm. You need to survive the killing of bacteria of various weapons, throw bloody tampons, shoot by poo poo and dildo , spit green snot and kill all enemies.

Frankly nasty bosses will not let you breathe quietly, a barrage of filth lead you to insanity.

Survival mode can identify the strongest. You need to kill all the filth. Collect food and buy employee, it will protect you and keep you in your path is not easy - to survive. Stay alive - and only you can continue life on earth.

You're on the planet 'poo poo world' between turds, you're a sperm and you cum at little asses that in turn poo poo in your general direction, also dolphins and pizzas, the face of Jesus Christ is your special attack, roflcopter. Roll in your own piss, turds, vomit and snot.

Welcum to the Razer afterparty.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2017 17:06

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Guy Mann posted:

Big price drop ($USD 24.99 to $USD 9.99)until we release a new version with more features and fix a few issues.Chasing Dead is a story-based, Sci-fi/Horror First-Person Action Shooter. [url]http://www.ChasingDead.comThe game begins with a strange phenomenon in which another Earth appears[/url]

Lmao, what's up with the people on top of the header graphic:

I'm guessing there's some snapchat knock-off involved in my zombie game?

Nevermind.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2017 22:43

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

What happens when developing indie games goes too far: FBI MANIA

quote:

FBI MANIA - it's a 2D action shooter. The game designed as a simulator that will help you (with 6 levels which will increase the difficulty as you progress through) to develop the sharpness of reaction and increase your level of using a computer mouse. In the last level a boss is waiting for you and will need you to do your best!

The main character Tommy is suffering from the delusions of persecutor. Inner demons kept his life in fear and once one of them offered Tommy a deal: to live free from a phobia or die. He agrees, and begins the fight for control over his own mind from now on.

GAME FEATURES:

* 6 levels to pass and a level with the boss!
* 3 types of weapons: gun, automatic rifle, sniper rifle!
* Bicoloured graphics!

Oh poo poo, the creator is hard at work developing another game as we speak:

Palpek fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Mar 1, 2017

# ¿ Mar 1, 2017 19:51

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

quote:

Stick Shift is an autoerotic night-driving game about pleasuring your gay car.

Driving games are usually about speeding around a track, but racing is actually just one form of driving, right? What else can driving mean? Similarly, how else can games think about sex, beyond a cutscene? What does sex feel like, beyond pornography?

This short game tries to expand eroticism in games beyond a cutscene. What if sex in games was something we did, instead of something we obtained? One way to do sex is to see sex everywhere. Sex here, sex there, sex behind yonder tree!... and sex through the tender caresses that seduce gay cars everywhere.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2017 15:48

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

I had an ongoing bad game write-up series on these forums way before Greenlight and I would never run out of material. However, some of the awful releases in the last 2 years have been on another level entirely.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2017 15:07

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

A heads up for people who like digging up treasure: go to Greenlight released titles list. They're all games that got to Steam, some are still upcoming but many are already in the store. A janky name and an amateur-looking title graphic are good indicators of potential thread material.

Anyway: The Pasture - simulator of art gallery curator.

quote:

Mikhail Maksimov manages almost impossible: he combines heavy Russian mysticism where theosophy and cosmism are intervened with the spirits of nature, with the contemporary form of glossy pop culture - 3d-graphics.

It is this gap that creates wow-effect for the audience when you remain stuck to a video-work or computer game. Glamour-chthonian institutional critics the artist is involved in, in olden times never had mercy either on Tarkovsky, or Platonov, and now have no mercy on Olga Sviblova who, undoubtedly, worthfully continues the range of great men of culture.

All works of Maksimov, without exception, are extremely elevate and poetic, in Kantian meaning of the words. Even if they lacked complicated disrupt narratives or, on the contrary, unexpected psychedelic metaphors, they would be worth appreciating for their easiness for the eyes, and this pleasure is not shameful.

:nws:

http://i.imgur.com/u7AAg1G.jpg :nws:

:nws:

# ¿ Mar 10, 2017 00:25

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Kai Tave posted:

I'm the bar that denotes the time until you die.

Wait, you mean you don't see one irl?

# ¿ Mar 10, 2017 10:05

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Another game with 'trash' in the title, how fitting: Trashville

quote:

Trashville - top-down action game, in which you'll have to fight off waves of different enemies. In this hell of a battle you won't be able to solely rely on your weapons. You'll have to use your creativity and set up different traps to survive.
No more bullets? Summon a giant dwarf from the Wizard's hat. Can't push through the walls of enemies? Fly away on a magic elevator. When you feel like there is no escape, pray and an army of crusaders will storm to you on a dope rear end tram.
Even if that won't better your situation, you can always choose to run away to the forest where you can chill with Gangsta bears!

Features of the game

the insane atmosphere filled with fun

the rapid pace of the game that won't let you break away

endless waves of funky enemies

the main boss is a glamorous TREX

HOT GIRLS

:monocle:

Palpek fucked around with this message at 12:23 on Mar 11, 2017

# ¿ Mar 11, 2017 12:20

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

FirstAidKite posted:

I was just about to post these, lol. drat.

# ¿ Mar 17, 2017 20:16

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Nckdictator posted:

This actually makes me imagine an adventure game where a murder is commited and you're stuck in one room with a variety of characters and the plot thickens every time the next person dies. It was probably done before though.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2017 10:39

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

d0grent posted:

so I recorded a play-through of the game posted in the OP. This game is pretty amazing guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP9xo3LzRMA

Lol, that's pretty cool, please continue playing through games posted itt.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2017 09:02

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

ChickenHeart posted:

Do you know what Steam is missing? More lovely youtube celebrity simulators!

This is the most on-point video game depiction of a youtube letplayer I've ever seen:

# ¿ Mar 28, 2017 07:42

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Ikari Worrier posted:

Have a ~~low~~ no effort Russian shooter that dares to ask one of life's most important questions:

drat, those Russian slingshots are insanely powerful.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2017 07:07

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

FirstAidKite posted:

I thought for sure your link was going to be to this VN game that came out the same day as the one I posted earlier.

At this point I'm just waiting for a game where the dev will draw 2 circles and write 'bewbs' next to them. It will sell like a hundred copies too some of which will be accidental triple purchases from people furiously fapping to the circles.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2017 22:35

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

So what's up with that Mr. Massagy game on Steam:

Does that controller have a vagina?

quote:

Q: Okay� So, what do I get?
A: A fine dating simulator with the possibility of getting a real massage from your gamepad controller!

Q: What's up with the massage and the controller?
A: We programmed various vibration patterns� depending on the date�s personality.

# ¿ May 13, 2017 00:07

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

In the case of HuniePop the nude patch is in the OP of a thread created by the dev and stickied on top of the game's forum directly in Steam. It's pretty funny.

# ¿ May 30, 2017 23:26

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Also, while I went to the forum to check if the official nude patch thing is still the case (it is):

# ¿ May 30, 2017 23:30

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

DEEP SPACE WAIFU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPtRzTcafRM

# ¿ May 31, 2017 22:50

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

I guess it's such an out-there parody that they had to really carefully and lovingly craft all of those "ironic" garbage backgrounds and assets for it.

# ¿ Jun 1, 2017 14:31

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 17:54

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

In before 'no ring'.

# ¿ Jun 2, 2017 10:10

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