Tryzzub posted:

punisher skulls are out, this here is the new poo poo:

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Someone post the colossal super slam by that professional hiking guide who was like dude your poo poo sucks and you haven't even tested it WHAT THE gently caress WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A STOVE

quote:

Hi OP.

I don't imagine you will listen to this, but I'd like to give you a few pointers.

I hike for a living as a guide, I spend 250+ nights a year in the bush and I've been doing it for over 5 years now.

First off, I have to say I have absolutely no idea about the geography or climates of the areas you're going to be walking through, but I do have a lot of experience in hot, dry climates.

I'm going to approach this from my experience which is in remote areas with no support options, you say you are planning on stopping in towns which may mean some of what I say is redundant.

You say you are planning on carrying a 26l container with you and a camelbak. I you are walking a conservative 20km a day in 40 degrees celsius, I would expect that to last you around 3 days at a stretch. I climbed a mountain last year that was a 35km walk, and the temperature during the day hit 45. I went through 16 litres in about 18hrs, and didn't pee once. I probably needed to drink more. If you run out in that kind of heat, you will go into heat exhaustion extremely quickly, followed by heat stroke, and then death. Once you reach the point of heat stroke, you're in a very bad place and with no one to support you, you will not survive. At certain temperatures, not even water will save you, your body just can't cool itself effectively.

Lets look at your gear.

Most mountaineers and long distance hikers live and die by their gear, they test it, tweak it and get it completely right before bringing it into a situation where it actually matters. All of your stuff still has the tags on. Have you actually loaded up and camped out for even one or two nights with it?



Your pack is a Jansport. Jansport make gear for the "camp once or twice a year" market. Without seeing the harness setup I can't say for sure, but my gut says it is not a pack that's appropriate for what you plan on doing. You say it was the most comfortable one you tried on, but I don't get the feeling you really looked at that many. More important than how a pack is designed is how you adjust it and how it supports and transfers the weight of the contents on to your body. You would be much better off with a lightweight option from someone like Osprey or Black Diamond.

You have a Big Agnes tent, can you set it up in the dark? In the wind? In the rain? In all three at once? Do you have a repair kit? Have you seam sealed it?

You have a wide brimmed hat. Good. Ditch the umbrella.

Nothing gets me more frightened than an unopened first aid kit. Open it. Pull everything out, put it back in and make sure you know where everything is. Add things to it. I have never found a stock first aid kit that has everything I want to carry in it. Are you first aid qualified?

Your sleeping bag is too big and heavy for extended hiking. Lightweight small bags are expensive but given the distance you are walking, it would be prudent. Likewise your sleeping mat.

Do you have a liner for your bag? It will stop it smelling quite so bad after a few weeks.



You have insect repellant, get rid of the head net. Get rid of the camp towel, use a t-shirt.

You don't need bath wipes, whatever the gently caress they are.

You don't need camp soap, and having it just screams "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE gently caress I'M DOING"

Hot water cleans pots and pans although since you're not taking a stove (something so retarded I'm having trouble comprehending it) you won't need to clean them.

Your lantern is too big and heavy, get one of the small flat magnetic ones.

That poncho will keep you dry for about 5 minutes in anything other than light rain, and anytime you start to sweat it will gather on the inside as condensation and make you wet anyway. I'm not sure how much rain you're planning on coming across, but a lightweight goretex something will be far more versatile.

Your shoes are awful. Get something better. I can't even really break down how inappropriate they are. Walking on the road is going to put a lot of strain on your joints and you need to have excellent cushioning in your footwear, I recommend superfeet. They will also probably wear out in about a week.

As an example here is one of my old boots, next to a new one.



I'd put 7 months on the one on the left and these are the top of the line hike boot in this brands line up.

I deal with people who make wrong gear choices every day, but they're also paying me to make sure they don't die. Your entire setup just screams inexperience and lack of research and time spent outdoors.

I'm not saying what you're attempting to do is impossible, but out of the gate you are drastically reducing your chances for success by not being prepared. Yes, people like that chick in Wild manage to do amazing things with no preparation SOMETIMES, but I've also had to rescue and help idiots like yourself when they've jumped into places and situations that they aren't prepared for.

Morale is also something you're going to struggle with. Hiking is one of those things that sounds easy and fun in your mind but rapidly changes once you start out. Have you ever been so incapacitated by giardia that you poo poo in your tent because you couldn't physically move? Have you ever been so tired hiking that in between steps you actually fall asleep for a second? Have you ever sat in a tent with the wind and the rain howling outside, stuck by yourself miles away from the nearest human being, set up your stove to eat something warm and found that you hadn't screwed the lid on the fuel bottle properly and now you have no fuel for the next 5 days? Have you ever laid in the fetal position in a sleeping bag, tears in your eyes wishing you were anywhere but here? I've done all of those things and while I've come out the other side glad I gained the experience, they were never transcendent events that changed who I was or any bullshit like that. They were just lovely, awful situations.

Take some time, do a whole bunch of extended hikes in fun places, get yourself prepared mentally and physically, get your gear sorted out, and then attempt something like this. As it stands you're being loving stupid.

Wasabi the J posted:

Smiling Jack posted:

I'd watch a movie about a bunch of socalist internet nerds stealing a Nazi's mustang

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

https://twitter.com/SunGodSam/status/1226272973256056833

Scratch Monkey posted:

https://twitter.com/TLCplMax/status/1246867287136546817?s=20

Casimir Radon posted:

A friend's dad claimed he was some variety of operator in Vietnam. It later turned out that he never served in anything and just abandoned his family for a few years, and no one really knows where he was.

Mister Speaker posted:

Don't you yanks have a problem lately with poo poo-talking jabronis passing BUD/S and ruining the whole 'quiet professional' nature of the job?

Godholio posted:

I honestly thought it was a photoshopped screen from Shaun of the Dead at the Winchester.

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

I am a strong 2nd amendment person. Also, my enemies use guns to fight authoritarianism, and this is bad.

CRUSTY MINGE posted:

I don't remember this, but I remember the Flying Hellfish episode.