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LEGO Genetics
Oct 8, 2013

She growls as she storms the stadium
A villain mean and rough
And the cops all shake and quiver and quake
as she stabs them with her cuffs
I cannot live in this country anymore

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nooneofconsequence
Oct 30, 2012

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

previous biggest come back in history was only 10 LOL

Doloen
Dec 18, 2004
Hail Satan!

FizFashizzle
Mar 30, 2005







so atlanta just basically had maybe the worst loss in the history of athletics

im fine with it

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

Fruit Soup Riot posted:

I know this is a couple pages old, but drat Matt Ryan looks like a pretty successful businessman who is rapidly closing in on 40. He competes in triathlons in his spare time and he has come to the realization that he never really loved his wife. He goes on long runs early on Saturday mornings, and the last several weeks he's been arriving at the river trail a few minutes later than normal so that he spends part of his run staring at the rear end of the 20-something grad-student who he has started to chat up. Maybe this weekend he'll invite her to get some coffee after their run. He's fantasizes about the impending divorce. He doesn't hate his wife; he plans on making sure that she is comfortable and well taken care of, and he'd prefer to not have a contentious split since he knows that would be harder on his daughter. He tells himself that he wants to make sure he is still a part of his daughter's life, but he hasn't really ever been that involved with her and deep down he knows their relationship will devolve into the odd phone call and birthday card. If he could pinpoint where it all started to go wrong it would probably be after his wife had her third miscarriage. He had always wanted a big family, but at that point it was just too much for her and they stopped trying. He thinks that if they had more kids they could have made it work, but he's still not quite 40 and it isn't too late to start over. He wonders if the grad-student wants a big family...

You guys can't tell me that when you look into that picture of Matt Ryan you don't see a man who grew up in the shadow of an older brother. Jerry was the better athlete, Jerry had all the girlfriends, Jerry was the charmer who could roll around in pig poo poo, flash that million dollar smile, and come out smelling like roses. That’s not to say Matt wasn’t a decent athlete or didn’t have any girlfriends, but Jerry was the star player on the high school football team (although “star” is a relative term on a team that won 6 games in 2 years) and Jerry’s wife (then girlfriend) was the prom queen, and how exactly was Matt supposed to compete with that? Matt would say he had the last laugh now that Jerry is a balding, over-weight claims adjuster living in Overland Park Kansas, but Jerry and Cynthia found Jesus and have five kids and Matt is preparing to divorce his wife whom he hasn’t seen naked in over a year so it’s difficult to feel superior. Matt stopped being bitter at Jerry a long time ago anyways. Once they grew up and stopped competing with each other at everything Matt realized that his brother is just like everyone else, trying to do his best and get by day to day. Matt sometimes lies awake at night wondering if his financial success, which he considers moderate but which any sane person would consider substantial, has really bought him anything but heartburn and a failed marriage, but it’s the sort of crisis that doesn’t lead to any meaningful change and is forgotten by the time the alarm goes off and it’s time to hit the river trail. It’s a cold morning and Matt hopes the grad-student doesn’t decide to hit the snooze button.

You misunderstand. It’s not fan fiction. I’m just trying to describe what this picture looks like:

And what it looks like is a man who has been calling his lawyer’s office for the past week and a half and hanging up as soon as the receptionist answers because he feels guilty for beginning this process and blindsiding his wife with divorce papers. But it isn’t really blindsiding is it? Shannon has to know this is coming. She has to. She knows what has been going on for the past five years, or, more to the point, what has not been going on. Hell, she’s probably been seeing someone else behind his back. Who the gently caress knows what goes on all day when he’s at the office? But then again, this is a woman who spends forty-five minutes in the bathroom at a time and he can hear the sobbing through the door on occasion when she forgets to run the sink to drown it out. She still isn’t well and probably never will be, and if he were to serve her and she were to hurt herself he’s not sure he could forgive himself, not to mention the damage that would do to their daughter. So he continues to put it off, and most nights when he gets home from work he parks his Lexus in the driveway and rehearses what he’s going to say when he walks through the door. “Shannon, we both know this isn’t working. It’s not good for either of us to go on this way.” But what if she wants to work things out? He’s well past wanting to try and make it work, but what if she wants to? Could he actually say no to counseling? Wouldn’t that make him a bad person? And as soon as he’s ready to finally say it, he walks in the door and into the bedroom and the master bathroom door is closed and he can hear the sink running. So he changes into his running clothes and heads out to the river trail.

Sorry jefe, it’s June and the Halos are bottom feeders so I feel empty inside.

Matt looks like he feels pretty empty inside, sort of like a man who just had a two hour argument with his wife because she felt “Way too loving fat” to go to dinner at the club with the Applebaums. But he’s tired of making excuses for her, “Oh sorry, Shannon is a bit under the weather,” “Oh sorry, our baby sitter canceled at the last minute,” “Oh sorry, Shannon is feeling way too loving fat to come tonight.” So he begs and pleads and she slams the bathroom door so hard the windows shake. They ride to the club in total silence. He reaches for the radio, but she shifts in her seat and groans so he retracts his hand and curses to himself internally. At the club it’s all handshakes and smiles, though she does manage a subtle glare at him when he orders a double Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. Janice Applebaum asks if she’d like to share a bottle of wine, and she says “No thank you, I think one of us should remain sober.” Other than that little dig things go smoothly enough, but before they’ve ordered dessert she excuses herself and doesn’t return for twenty or so minutes. She claims to have run into Emilia Parker in the ladies restroom and she just couldn’t get away any sooner, but he notices the hastily reapplied lipstick and he’s sure the Applebaum’s do as well. On the way home he catches a brief whiff of sour breath from her and he almost says something, but before he can she asks if he wouldn’t mind sleeping on the couch tonight because he always wakes her up when he leaves early to head out for a run. As they walk through the door she heads straight into the master bath and shuts the door.

lol

Rabid Snake
Aug 6, 2004



I posted this earlier when the Patriots were down by 25.

DO NOT SLEEP ON TOM BRADY


Can't wait for the next fast the the furious

Kalli
Jun 2, 2001



nooneofconsequence posted:

previous biggest come back in history was only 10 LOL

Also by the Tom Brady Patriots

pro starcraft loser
Jan 23, 2006

Stand back, this could get messy.

I wanted Atlanta to win, but I feel so, so bad for true Atlanta fans right now.

Eggs
Apr 15, 2007
I hate the pats and am indifferent toward the falcons but I'm happy to know that falcons fans feel crushed and destroyed.

Nervous
Jan 25, 2005

Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Kalli posted:

Also by the Tom Brady Patriots

Apparently the Patriots have so much dirt on the rest of the NFL they can pull off 31 unanswered.

Cat Hassler
Feb 7, 2006

Slippery Tilde
gently caress you Atlanta. That was the most shameful collapse I can remember in a Super Bowl.

sector_corrector
Jan 18, 2012

by Nyc_Tattoo

Rabid Snake posted:

I posted this earlier when the Patriots were down by 25.

DO NOT SLEEP ON TOM BRADY


Can't wait for the next fast the the furious

gently caress you. I hope you get cancer in an especially painful place. Or your mother.

Volkerball
Oct 15, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
jake matthews and matt ryan are to be executed

PrinceRandom
Feb 26, 2013

Sherman laid a curse on Atlanta and it'll never win anything

D-LINK
Oct 1, 2007

I was talking to peachy Peach about kissy Kiss. He bought me a soda.
As much as I will always hate Tom Brady, that was really something to witness

Ussr
Sep 17, 2004

Wait, what?
Goodell having to kiss rear end to Brady in about 15 minutes is a good thing for football.

GaussianCopula
Jun 5, 2011
Jews fleeing the Holocaust are not in any way comparable to North Africans, who don't flee genocide but want to enjoy the social welfare systems of Northern Europe.
The New England Patriots are the World Champions.

Eifert Posting
Apr 1, 2007

Most of the time he catches it every time.
Grimey Drawer
Someone try to think of a way that game could have been worst for Atlanta fans.

Aaaaaaarrrrrggggg
Oct 4, 2004

ha, ha, ha, og me ekam
I hate everything.

sector_corrector
Jan 18, 2012

by Nyc_Tattoo
I mean, at leas you know that (like your QB and your cheating, piece of poo poo coach who both support trump) that America hates you. You do realize that, right? You're the bad guys.

GOOD TIMES ON METH
Mar 17, 2006

Fun Shoe
Just dropping by to give a shout out to my boy Lloyd Christmas

Volkerball
Oct 15, 2009

by FactsAreUseless

Ussr posted:

Goodell having to kiss rear end to Brady in about 15 minutes is a good thing for football.

no it's not you dumb poo poo

Iodised QQ
Jul 23, 2004

bernie, and also eli, would have won

sword_man.gif
Apr 12, 2007

Fun Shoe

Eifert Posting posted:

Someone try to think of a way that game could have been worst for Atlanta fans.

the only thing that would have made it worse would have been ryan or julio literally dying on the field

sector_corrector
Jan 18, 2012

by Nyc_Tattoo

sector_corrector posted:

I mean, at leas you know that (like your QB and your cheating, piece of poo poo coach who both support trump) that America hates you. You do realize that, right? You're the bad guys.

Quoting this for emphasis. Nobody likes you except your terrible little hick conclave.

DC Murderverse
Nov 10, 2016

"Tell that to Zod's snapped neck!"

Tom Brady could take a poo poo on the American flag in the middle of Boston and people would defend him. that motherfucker is good

Groovelord Neato
Dec 6, 2014


5

RING


SHRIMP

sirtommygunn
Mar 7, 2013



Ussr posted:

Goodell having to kiss rear end to Brady in about 15 minutes is a good thing for football.

I can't believe anyone is convinced the Roger Goodell is a human being with the capability of feeling shame or embarrassment. There's no schadenfreude to be had here, and the idea that this year was any kind of feel good underdog story is laughable.

GonadTheBallbarian
Jul 23, 2007


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbzUTRAUac4

Suspicious
Apr 30, 2005
You know he's the villain, because he's got shifty eyes.

sector_corrector posted:

Seriously, you're cheaters, and you're top to bottom trump supporters. I hope every last one of you dumb hicks gets cancer.

I would be astonished if less than 90% of all pro athletes were trump supporters.

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/828447350200926212

Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

So do you murder Dan Quinn or Kyle Shanahan for running that pass play there

LEGO Genetics
Oct 8, 2013

She growls as she storms the stadium
A villain mean and rough
And the cops all shake and quiver and quake
as she stabs them with her cuffs
I bet Golden State is happy about Atlantas loss :suicide:

pro starcraft loser
Jan 23, 2006

Stand back, this could get messy.

Ussr posted:

Goodell having to kiss rear end to Brady in about 15 minutes is a good thing for football.

Why? Cause he dared punish Brady for cheating?

Shindragon
Jun 6, 2011

by Athanatos

sector_corrector posted:

I mean, at leas you know that (like your QB and your cheating, piece of poo poo coach who both support trump) that America hates you. You do realize that, right? You're the bad guys.

ozymandius1024
Mar 15, 2006

You don't yank on the Spine of God

FizFashizzle posted:

so atlanta just basically had maybe the worst loss in the history of athletics

im fine with it

Yep.


That Super Bowl hangover is going to be a bitch next year

Probably Magic
Oct 9, 2012

Looking cute, feeling cute.
NEVER LET A loving NFC SOUTH TEAM INTO THE SUPER BOWL EVER AGAIN.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
https://twitter.com/RichardBSpencer/status/828444947732914176


nazis won

mastershakeman
Oct 28, 2008

by vyelkin
I legit don't understand how the team's flipped around so badly. the pats had like 88 plays and I think the falcons less than 50

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Nervous
Jan 25, 2005

Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

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