The Great Goon War: German High Command

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HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

brigade me

# ¿ Feb 8, 2017 23:28

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:44

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

in the map in the chat, 43rd is deploying west of 19th; in your map, 19th is northwest of 43rd. which one are we going to pick

# ¿ Feb 10, 2017 11:44

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

look out for Breakfast Ridge and the rise around Clemenceau, if i were the french i'd want that high ground

# ¿ Feb 10, 2017 14:08

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

aphid_licker posted:

That said, since we seem to be going in circles a bit, I will 100% cheerfully roleplay a sour Zu Befehl, Ew. Exzellenz and execute the orders that end up being put into writing by Corps command to the best of my ability, no matter what they are.

all the scenarios i can think of end up in the same place: the 77th attacking french positions uphill.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2017 01:10

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

gotcha

edit: 76Bde, right now my orders are to advance "toward" Bois de Goonville but if i end up advancing "through" it my infantry might have to slow down to allow my guns enough time to get up. that could make our line curl back a bit.

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 23:59 on Feb 12, 2017

# ¿ Feb 12, 2017 23:48

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Rough draft of my orders, subject to review from other brigade commanders:

approach Bois de Goonville in marching order
get into battle order right before we enter the forest
march through forest in battle order, allowing time for my guns to come up
if i encounter resistance, switch to Defend
throughout, remain In Touch with the 76th

edit: 79th, can you send a runner to me as soon as your cav sees something? i am worried about not being able to see out of the forest once i am in it

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 02:42 on Feb 13, 2017

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 01:28

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

steinrokkan posted:

PLEASE PROVIDE BASIC ORDERS ASAP SO WE CAN HAMMER OUT INSTANCES OF OVERLAP AND SUCH

quote:

Rough draft of my orders, subject to review from other brigade commanders:

approach Bois de Goonville in marching order

get into battle order right before we enter the forest

march through forest in battle order, allowing time for my guns to come up

if i encounter resistance, switch to Defend

throughout, remain In Touch with the 76th

aphid_licker posted:

Ideally 77th will be unengaged and in reserve somewhere to your east. In that case your number one concern obviously is to activate them so they can wheel to engage, because I have them uncomfortably doubletasked as a reserve both for a push south and a screen east and they need a poke to fully switch to defensive west-facing stance.

if i encounter resistance, i am the flank anchor. if i don't, i'm the reserve and you get me where i am needed

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 23:04

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Tevery Best posted:

You gotta draw an arrow though. Arrows are non-negotiable, Trin said.

this isn't the final thing, this is the penultimate thing, and will become the final thing after feedback

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 23:13

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

*Clicks heels*
*waxes moustache*

Euer Hochwohlgeborener Herr, Freund, und Vetter, mein G�nner, Herr aphid_licker:

Ich habe die grosse Ehre to enclose to you these brigade orders for the most honorable and praiseworthy brigade, the 77th, with map:

1. Approach Bouclecourt on the road with the rest of the 43rd Division, behind 76th, 78th, and 79th Brigades
2. If no resistance is encountered, head southwest to Bois de Goonville in marching order, keeping to the Bouclecourt-Saint-Croissant road as long as feasible and overland after that.
3. Deploy into battle order before we get into the forest. Advance through the forest in battle order, infantry ahead and guns 2" behind. Approach in Attack stance.
4. Advance until the foot is one inch beyond the treeline, with the guns two inches behind them, one inch within the forest. This will allow both the foot and guns to see out but give cover to the guns, and maintain a two-inch distance between the foot and the guns so the latter can fire over the heads of the former. If nothing else happens, entrench where we are, send a runner back to Division HQ, and await news from the brigades next to me.

Brigade headquarters will be set up an inch within the forest.

At all times: remain In Touch with the brigade next to me.
Halt and fire if fired upon. Send a runner back to division HQ if fired upon.
Break off if we receive 3/4 casualties.

Ich bleibe
Ihr freiwillige Diener
Herr HEGEL

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 04:26 on Feb 14, 2017

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 04:02

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

most of the only war songs i know are from the Anglosphere, so interested observers might be able to pass these on to Entente players:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Q4BrtuM5mU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfuyY0Ur8-M

this one's from the 16th century:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvECtlJQ4dU

this one is German, but contrary to the topic it was written in 1917:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0yuPtlZtJQ

i guess we stick with Landsknecht songs. Or this thing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkmQViWan5g

Edit: OK Trin, I know we do not have bagpipes, so there's no chance for the 77th to do anything like those heroic pipers you've talked about, but do I have a band? Trumpeters?

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 04:38 on Feb 14, 2017

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 04:34

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Trin Tragula posted:

Not bad; but the woogly arrow is concerning (although I think I know what is meant by it

Oops, my hand shook.

quote:

and "as long as feasible" is very vague.

Remain on the road in such a way as to take the shortest distance between that road and the forest.

quote:

It is good that it is specified that the guns should line up two inches behind the infantry to fire overhead. It is very bad to say the infantry should be "one inch beyond the treeline" so that they can "see out". Does this mean you want them in the wood or out of it? If I'm "seeing out" of a forest, this kind of implies that I'm in the forest...

poo poo, that was entirely my bad: one inch away from/outside of the treeline so I do not have to worry about seeing out. In front of the forest.

quote:

Final comment; no formation has been given, so the default formation will be in use for at least part of these orders. If you want a specific formation, you must show me a picture of what it looks like.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 05:02

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

hopefully, i will make it through the woods without incident and end up like this:

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 05:42

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Tevery Best posted:

MGs that are in base contact with an infantry unit can fire as if they stood where that infantry unit does, but remain protected from enemy fire by the presence of said infantry. I would heartily recommend you keep the MGs behind the footsloggers, not the other way around.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 13:00

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

are we sure Ikasuhito exists? all i have heard is rumors

# ¿ Feb 15, 2017 17:56

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Trin Tragula posted:

Official Historian's Survey: Turn 0

In among the vast amount of paperwork for a general officer to deal with on the eve of battle, you find a note from the Official Historian, urging you to set out your honest and unrestrained views now for posterity and the benefit of future officers and servants of the Empire. He asks that you answer all, some, or fewer of the following questions, and assures you that they will be kept most secret until the end of the war.

1. How do you feel the planning for this battle has gone, in general?

2. How confident are you in the plans and orders that you personally have laid for this battle?

3. How confident are you in fulfilling the various objectives set by the Army Commander?

4. Is there any one aspect of the battle that seems to you will be most critical, on which success or failure is most likely to turn?

5. Thinking optimistically, what do you think the likely result of the battle will be?

6. Thinking pessimistically, what do you think the likely result of the battle will be?

Post ITT. Keep the observer thread supplied with content.

edit: on the other side of the hill, one general replied with a deeply heartfelt letter to his beloved on the eve of battle, which still managed to hit all these points; another responded entirely in the medium of SNL Sean Spicer gifs. Just saying, la.

Young brigadier HEGEL sits at the rough farmhouse table, the noise from outside fading--voices: this brigade is Brunswickers, and it's hard to understand their dialect unless he concentrates. Woodsmoke and tobacco. The original inhabitants of the place have long since fled.

He takes the paper off the stack, and holds it in the hand that doesn't have the book. Tomorrow we will meet the enemy, he thinks. He is unmarried, and there is no woman back home to spill his heart to; he's never had the time for such things, with his military career and his scholarly interests. So it does him good to put his thoughts on paper, even if only to an anonymous bureaucrat. Perhaps I could imagine that I am writing to von Moltke, he thinks; he knows him socially, but they are no more than glancingly acquainted.

He sets the book aside, lights a cigarette, and picks up his fountain pen.

In accordance with Prussian officer training since our fight for freedom against Napoleon, each one of us knows what the objective is and has workshoppped his path to it. We have planned exhaustively for this engagement. And yet, our success depends on so many things going off without a hitch. How can we know that the enemy will be where we think they will be? We are racing to secure Saint Croissant from an assault from the southwest, very well, but do we know that the enemy intends what we believe they do? If I were them I'd want that junction, but...There are too many variables.

The battle hinges, as I see it, on position. If we and the French end up attempting to pivot around each other, things will be dicey until we can regroup. If we and the French end up attempting to pivot around each other and we fail, they may turn our flank.

If the French take the high ground before we do, things will be difficult for us for a long time.

If God gives us success--that's superstitious, this is the modern age, not 400 years ago!--if we are successful, we will secure the vital junction at St. Croissant and control the roads and railway line which it commands. From there, we may push to Quatreprouts. If we fail, we will be confined to the low ground before the ridges. The worst case scenario for the 77th is that we end up attacking a fortified position uphill, in the open. Der Grosse Fritz could do that, but not even he could do that every single time. And Old Fritz's enemies didn't have machine guns.

Outwardly I am a picture of calm. When I stop writing I will walk among the men of the 77th and I will smile, make conversation, buck them up for the morning. I will be the picture of an officer of the Second Empire. But my soul is full of doubts.

I take comfort in knowing that whatever happens, I will have done my duty.

"To save all we must risk all"--Schiller.

Brigadier HEGEL stares at the paper for a minute, blowing on the wet ink, then folds it gently and throws it into the fireplace, watching it curl and blacken in the flames. Then he walks to the door and calls to his aide. "Fuhrmann," he says, "it seems I have blotted this copy of the Historian's Survey. Please obtain another one for me from HQ."

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Feb 16, 2017

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 05:04

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

glynnenstein posted:

HEY GAIL: is the infantry on the road set back from your line the Trench Mortar unit? It isn't marked on your formation diagram.

yo yo

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 05:11

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Tias ~~got probated~~ got into a fight with a brother officer and is now cooling his heels until he sobers up/while the lawsuit is pending, so he wanted me to give y'all this:

quote:

I couldn't tell what markers were for what, so the key is: Crossed square = bicycle, slashed square = infantry and MG = MG. The upper diagram is for the advance along roads and the lower for entrenching on Anschluss Knob.

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 08:58 on Feb 16, 2017

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 08:41

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

The Sandman posted:

...oh, wait, one more thing. Any instance of "Frenchmen" in the above orders should be considered to also include Belgians, British, Luxembourgers or any other members of the motley alliance arrayed against the will of our Kaiser. If you believe otherwise, you get to lead the charge and personally confirm the enemy's nationality.

Belgians will kill you dead if they get a chance. Shoot you in the back too, I've heard--maybe from a window or a barn, maybe they're hiding when they do it. Sometimes, this makes the men panic.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 09:08

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

retreating is good though, it allows you to regroup and counterattack

# ¿ Feb 16, 2017 09:15

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Ikasuhito posted:

Well, that's not ideal.

it's not entirely terrible either. Here's my idea, expressed in some godawful MSpaints:

Everyone who's on the Naineville-Baguette road--19th--should stay there and fortify their position. If it's a sunken road, dig in. The 43rd should haul rear end to the south of those guys. If the French end up trying to flank the 19th Division, the 43rd could end up getting them in the side instead.

Thoughts?

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 04:01

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

we also have an advantage in machine guns and artillery. if the 19th div can hold out long enough for the 43rd div to unfuck itself and reposition itself, this doesn't have to be that terrible.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 04:11

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Crazycryodude posted:

_{_{Yes I know it's almost pure luck I called this ahead of time but it's not gonna stop me from being a vindictive bastard and lording it over my superiors for the entire rest of the game}}

i'll ~~steal~~ ~~extort~~ buy you a bottle of champagne if we survive this, ok? :jerkbag:

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 04:15

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

shoot at them with our superior guns until the 43rd can get on that road as well is not an unfeasible proposition. this is bad but not battle-ending

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 09:02

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Perestroika posted:

Bring back the Totenkopfhusaren, imo. With a proper crown princess at their head to lead them.

christ, she's hot

oh wait, is something else going on?

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 22:33

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

excellent. do you want me to get that french brigade near nainville? or the one that the remnants of covski's force are stuck in with

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 22:59

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

ideas:
circled machine guns, start firing asap

the 77th can haul rear end to Pasteur Ridge, form up on the high ground there, and start shooting at the french brigade near nainville
cryodude can follow me
perestroika and jaguars, form up on St. Croissant and repel the attack from the south

ikasuhito is, i guess, doomed

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 23:34

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

every machine gun, shoot at the french, buy time

# ¿ Feb 18, 2017 00:00

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

steinrokkan posted:

The fate of those MGs is in their own guns. They are mine, and I can't get to them in time.

i'm imagining you wandering the halls of your commandeered chateau mourning "give me back my machine guns" like Augustus

# ¿ Feb 18, 2017 00:42

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

aphid_licker posted:

e: heavy guns can't move without limbering so that's bad

afaik we are all still limbered up

e

like this but fewer english people

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 09:49 on Feb 18, 2017

# ¿ Feb 18, 2017 09:43

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Jaguars! posted:

- The majority of Covski's bde is alive. Even the majority of Nastytoes' troops are alive. Doomed, ofc, but alive, and that means that they'll cause french casualties.

are they breaking? if so, can we reform them?

# ¿ Feb 18, 2017 13:56

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

i am thinking of having the 77th form up here, on pasteur

unlimber the guns to the rear, as so

("front" is the top of the picture)

fire on the enemy but do not entrench yet
if the French rout await orders before pursuing them
break off if we get 1/2 or more casualties
if attacked from the right flank, refuse the line and shoot back

thoughts?

i am assuming that french brigade down there below my destination, with its left flank on sacados ligne, is going to right wheel and come up the hill into me.

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 07:04 on Feb 19, 2017

# ¿ Feb 19, 2017 05:47

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

lol while we get mulched we're gonna hail-mary pass Tias to the bottom of the map so we can win on a technicality :newlol:

edit: thanks, let me see if i can find the machineguns for foot in the place where we copy/paste poo poo from

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 07:12 on Feb 19, 2017

# ¿ Feb 19, 2017 07:08

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

the internet in my house stopped working last night, i am posting from a coffee shop.
-go wherevver aphid_licker tells me to
-if you don't hear very much from me in the next day or so, the rest of my orders stand: infantry in front, screening the machine guns, big guns two inches behind. Fire on the enemy but do not pursue without further orders, I want to maintain ~~the line~~ the line-like conglomeration of people we have collected
-break off if we receive half casualties and try like hell to regroup

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Feb 21, 2017

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 23:39

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

my roommate tells me that things are still not fixed at home, so if I don't post very much in the next few days, assume I'm scrounging internet from coffee shop to coffee shop

HEY GUNS fucked around with this message at 02:46 on Feb 22, 2017

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 00:20

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Crazycryodude posted:

Needs more nihilism. God is dead, and we killed Him.

E: I guess that stuff is more for once the trenches set in rather than now

since we're Germans, once things really get grim we can invent Expressionism

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 02:10

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

whoever's to my left, watch your left flank and reform! :ohdear:

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 02:51

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

If it's not automatic, send a runner back to say that we are holding and, in fact, battering the enemy, but the guy next to me should watch his left flank

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 03:13

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Crazycryodude posted:

Doubleposting because Trin yelled at me to post ITT: We can probably tidy up the east, then just dig in and wait for them to come to us if we want to play it safe. We've got Croissant solidly in hand, and while charging of for Q-town gets us the win if we can hold it, it also possibly over-extends us. If we go for Q I'm sure the French will figure out it's our objective if they haven't already, and they can probably just call in a whole bunch of fresh reinforcements right on top of the town to take it back or prevent us from getting it in the first place. Honestly, I think digging in roughly where we're at is the best course of action. Maybe shift the line west some to shorten it up north and better protect any route they'd take to the top left (which I'm pretty sure is their objective).

TL;DR they beat us to Dejeuner, so taking Q seems off the table. Move the guys up north back out of their gun range, shorten up the line, and start digging.

Thoughts?

-joining our forces would be good, make an unbroken front from st. croissant to baguette/points northeast of baguette, where we are

-le ouef is a commanding height tho, and i love that. gonna be disappointing if we can't seize it

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 04:09

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

steinrokkan posted:

- Hey Gal's brigade is currently ordered to retreat, and because she is the only one up there with any long range guns, her leaving would force everybody else to follow, just to keep the French from picking them off with impunity....

- However, in order to protect this counterattack in any scenario, it would be optimal to have Hey Gal stay in her general area, where she, with Saros' help, would be uniquely placed to protect our flank from the French brigade(s) that are known to be loitering in the North, as well as to provide artillery fire at the gap between Baguette and the nearby forest, thus supporting defenders of the town against survivors of initial fighting in the area.
- Personally I think Hey Gal is absolutely a pivotal player in this gambit even if she shouldn't remain under the same command as Sandman for long, since she, once again, has all the significant artillery in that sector. Otherwise, I think it's a good idea that gives us an opportunity to clear by far the greatest threat to the stability of our flank, and I support it, albeit it's a dangerous plan for those involved as well.

the good news is i have been successful so far, but the bad news is my internet is still out at home, so until that gets fixed if there is a time crunch, aphid_licker can say what he wants me to do and yall can just assume that i agree with him

if you really really need me, my roommate is a goon but i don't want his name getting out, PM me for his name if you want to to PM him and he can get that on his phone

Tevery Best posted:

Homework assignment: every commander picks out a youtube clip that best describes their current situation and intent

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=milOPzbpWc8

Tevery Best posted:

Also, Sandman - if your plan of attacking their artillery calls for use of anything more than your single brigade, please do not attempt it, there is no way in hell we can coordinate enough units in the few hours we have before the deadline. This is not an indictment of the plan itself, but if it is anything that is difficult to coordinate, well, we are on a timer now.

HEY GAIL, please do not withdraw too far right now, shift over to the western slope of Pasteur to avoid having a duel with their eastern artillery units, but otherwise only start any withdrawals when Sandman does (coordinate with him, if possible, if not, you are authorised to fall back). Saros will probably be away from your left flank in two shakes, but if we position ourselves on the reverse slope, then you should have a few turns' worth of calm in that sector.

since i'm the only one up there with longrange guns, i see myself as the anchor/guard for any movements, am i correct?

# ¿ Feb 24, 2017 00:24

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:44

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Crazycryodude posted:

the ENTIRE BRIGADE THAT HAS JUST APPEARED ON THE WEST EDGE OF THE MAP

oh. rad

# ¿ Feb 24, 2017 00:39

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > The Great Goon War: German High Command

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