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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Tell me how to gain weight, I should probably gain weight
 
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Covok
May 27, 2013

Yet where is that woman now? Tell me, in what heave does she reside? None of them. Because no God bothered to listen or care. If that is what you think it means to be a God, then you and all your teachings are welcome to do as that poor women did. And vanish from these realms forever.
Yes, something I am an expert in.

First, stop excercising. Just stop. Sit in a chair all day and work on spreadsheets for a job you hate and frequently work past 11pm.

Second, eat terrible food. Make buffalo wings a routine part of your diet. Consider putting more lard in your food. Go back for seconds and thirds. Always fill then clean your plate.

Third, make Fast Food a regular part of your lunch routine.

Fourth, dabble in alcoholism. Alcohol can really help put on those pounds.

Fifth, consider growing a deep seated hatred for yourself and consider extenstial fears that your life doesn't matter objectively. That ought to create proper amounts of stress eating.

Lastly, don't do any of the above. For God's sake, don't.

* # ¿ Feb 23, 2017 19:46
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# ¿ May 6, 2024 07:52
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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Tell me how to gain weight, I should probably gain weight