Tales from the Desert

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Tales from the Desert

Arc Light: Sep 26, 2013

Thanks, Rev maynard, for making this thread, because it made me remember my all-time favorite intel sperg story. Which ties in with drone chat. Man, I actually forgot about this, which is a small personal tragedy.

At one of my fobs, in maybe 2013, the S2 guys would print out screenshots from their favorite ISR feeds. Mostly drone, sometimes gunship. The best of these came from a Switchblade.

For those unfamiliar, the Switchblade drone is a tiny flying bomb. It can fit in a soldier's backpack, has a range of maybe ten kilometers, and was usually used by our guys to defeat an ambush when they were unable to maneuver. It was also used extensively for long-range engagement, as it could fly 10 km.

https://www.avinc.com/uas/view/switchblade

On this magical occasion, a SOF team was using one to scope out the path ahead. They observed a couple of insurgents planting an IED in the road, but the dudes evidently heard the UAV's motor and got spooked. They hopped on a motorcycle and hauled off. The SOF guys decide to go for the kill.

Mind you, the Switchblade can fly from about 60 to 100 mph. Those insurgents were just delaying their fate. But they were treated to the pants-making GBS threads sight of a little remote controlled rocket chasing them down.

The last frame of the ISR feed, taken right before it exploded and printed out for all to see, was of the motorcycle's backseater looking over his shoulder in horror at the rapidly approaching drone.

On the one hand, as a taxpayer, I'm sure we spent more money than those dudes were worth to kill them. On the other hand, we all had a good laugh when the intel LT explained what we were looking at. Good times.

Truly, GiP has become our internet VFW.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 18:24

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 07:42

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

My desert time was mostly out on the water, but that brought it's own little joys. Iranian fast boats would come out and harass us periodically. Mostly though they would ignore us and just harass local fishing dhows. We would have chat going with various drones flying over the oil terminals we were guarding. Our RoE was basically just turn and run from any boat or ship that approached us. The Iranians started harassing a dhow one morning, so the dhow started driving right to us for protection. We see a dhow coming in hot right towards us, so we spin up and start running away. No way it could catch us, so not too much of a threat, but the drone guys were loving it in chat. They were laughing at us while they watched us get chased by a tiny fishing boat being chased by iranians.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 18:42

psydude: Apr 1, 2008

Arc Light posted:

Thanks, Rev maynard, for making this thread, because it made me remember my all-time favorite intel sperg story. Which ties in with drone chat. Man, I actually forgot about this, which is a small personal tragedy.

At one of my fobs, in maybe 2013, the S2 guys would print out screenshots from their favorite ISR feeds. Mostly drone, sometimes gunship. The best of these came from a Switchblade.

For those unfamiliar, the Switchblade drone is a tiny flying bomb. It can fit in a soldier's backpack, has a range of maybe ten kilometers, and was usually used by our guys to defeat an ambush when they were unable to maneuver. It was also used extensively for long-range engagement, as it could fly 10 km.

https://www.avinc.com/uas/view/switchblade

On this magical occasion, a SOF team was using one to scope out the path ahead. They observed a couple of insurgents planting an IED in the road, but the dudes evidently heard the UAV's motor and got spooked. They hopped on a motorcycle and hauled off. The SOF guys decide to go for the kill.

Mind you, the Switchblade can fly from about 60 to 100 mph. Those insurgents were just delaying their fate. But they were treated to the pants-making GBS threads sight of a little remote controlled rocket chasing them down.

The last frame of the ISR feed, taken right before it exploded and printed out for all to see, was of the motorcycle's backseater looking over his shoulder in horror at the rapidly approaching drone.

On the one hand, as a taxpayer, I'm sure we spent more money than those dudes were worth to kill them. On the other hand, we all had a good laugh when the intel LT explained what we were looking at. Good times.

Truly, GiP has become our internet VFW.

I was there at the same time and this video was widely circulated on SIPR. Nothing like some dark humor at the morning shift change briefing.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 18:50

PookBear: Nov 1, 2008

That switchblade story is kinda terrifying.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 20:42

Genocide Tendency: Dec 24, 2009; I get mental health care from the medical equivalent of Skillcraft.

Arc Light posted:

Mind you, the Switchblade can fly from about 60 to 100 mph. Those insurgents were just delaying their fate. But they were treated to the pants-making GBS threads sight of a little remote controlled rocket chasing them down.

The last frame of the ISR feed, taken right before it exploded and printed out for all to see, was of the motorcycle's backseater looking over his shoulder in horror at the rapidly approaching drone.

On the one hand, as a taxpayer, I'm sure we spent more money than those dudes were worth to kill them. On the other hand, we all had a good laugh when the intel LT explained what we were looking at. Good times.

This makes the entire war worth every penny.

Is this footage on google?

# ? Feb 21, 2017 04:30

PookBear: Nov 1, 2008

oh man speaking off dudes on motorbikes, someone in my battalion evidently chased down an IED planter on a dirt bike and ran him over with a mineroller lol

# ? Feb 21, 2017 05:24

A Festivus Miracle: Dec 19, 2012; I have come to discourse on the profound inequities of the American political system.

I have an uncle who was in Iraq from '04-'05. Stryker commander, some notables:

1. A guy who had a couple of 155mm artillery shells rammed into his stryker in a truck and blew himself to hell. He was blasted into extremely small bits, everybody inside the stryker got a concussion. Only significant damage was one of the tire mounts was wrecked.
2. He saw some guy on FLIR just giving it to a goat in a ditch. Zoomed way in to watch a sexually frustrated Iraqi relieve his urges with a satisfying round of bestiality. Guy probably had a company of people just watching him gently caress this goat like a bunch of goat cucks.
3. Had a convoy get lit the gently caress up by like 150-200 dudes. Had several RPGs hit the Stryker, most of which hadn't been serviced in so long that they just wanged off the armor, the one that actually did explode gave my uncle permeant ear damage. After about an hour of engaging the locals, air supports becomes avaible. He tells the A-10 to just fly over the hotzone real low and slow, no rounds. A-10 does as commanded, immediately 150-200 angry Iraqis stop shooting at them.

gently caress every single one of you for your service, tia

# ? Feb 21, 2017 05:53

Radical 90s Wizard: Aug 5, 2008; ~SS-18 burning bright,
Bathe me in your cleansing light~

Why the gently caress would you ever want an a-10 to not brrrrt?? That's just rude.

e]Unless that whole post is a "my uncle at nintendo" style joke that went straight over my head....

# ? Feb 21, 2017 06:36

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

Your uncle is telling you lies.
Iraq was a false flag op 🇮🇷.

# ? Feb 21, 2017 08:51

tyler: Jun 2, 2014

Your uncle sucks.

# ? Feb 21, 2017 18:33

Slim Pickens: Jan 12, 2007; Grimey Drawer

Arc Light posted:

On this magical occasion, a SOF team was using one to scope out the path ahead. They observed a couple of insurgents planting an IED in the road, but the dudes evidently heard the UAV's motor and got spooked. They hopped on a motorcycle and hauled off. The SOF guys decide to go for the kill.

Mind you, the Switchblade can fly from about 60 to 100 mph. Those insurgents were just delaying their fate. But they were treated to the pants-making GBS threads sight of a little remote controlled rocket chasing them down.

The last frame of the ISR feed, taken right before it exploded and printed out for all to see, was of the motorcycle's backseater looking over his shoulder in horror at the rapidly approaching drone.

On the one hand, as a taxpayer, I'm sure we spent more money than those dudes were worth to kill them. On the other hand, we all had a good laugh when the intel LT explained what we were looking at. Good times.

Truly, GiP has become our internet VFW.

Oh man, how soon can this be FOIA'd/leaked by some Snowden wannabe? There's gonna be so much good poo poo coming out in the next couple decades.

I still have video of some Afghan dudes trying to fast rope. You get one or two doing it correctly, then the rest sit on the ramp, try to pull the rope with their feet and chickenshit their way down.

# ? Feb 21, 2017 19:16

Arc Light: Sep 26, 2013

Slim Pickens posted:

Oh man, how soon can this be FOIA'd/leaked by some Snowden wannabe? There's gonna be so much good poo poo coming out in the next couple decades.

I still have video of some Afghan dudes trying to fast rope. You get one or two doing it correctly, then the rest sit on the ramp, try to pull the rope with their feet and chickenshit their way down.

God, I can't wait to see the whole video. If the original classification authority has any spark of humanity in their heart, they'll declassify it and put it on a .gov site.

And watching Afghan soldiers do anything was a hoot. Hope one of you guys got that on tape.

iraqijumpingjacks.gif

# ? Feb 21, 2017 20:27

UP THE BUM NO BABY: Sep 1, 2011; by Hand Knit

Arc Light posted:

God, I can't wait to see the whole video. If the original classification authority has any spark of humanity in their heart, they'll declassify it and put it on a .gov site.

And watching Afghan soldiers do anything was a hoot. Hope one of you guys got that on tape.

iraqijumpingjacks.gif

I was at FOB Gamberi for a while. There's an ANA training unit there. I was sad that I didn't have a camera to record their PT sessions.

# ? Feb 21, 2017 20:29

Time Crisis Actor: Apr 28, 2002; by Hand Knit

I trained some ANA dudes at Shorabak a while back, and the scary thing was that they were actually sort of compotent. The only thing that we ever got on video was them playing volleyball. It turns out that they were actually good!

# ? Feb 22, 2017 01:52

Mercury Ballistic: Nov 14, 2005; not gun related

Afghans can dig holes like no other nation. Holes everywhere.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 02:05

psydude: Apr 1, 2008

Pesticide20 posted:

I was at FOB Gamberi for a while. There's an ANA training unit there. I was sad that I didn't have a camera to record their PT sessions.

The Afghan commandos at Ghazni were in surprisingly good shape. Probably the only Afghans I ever saw that didn't look emaciated.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 04:30

MaxPowers: Dec 29, 2004

Yo 2011 marjeh bro, did you get to see that house we blew up? The patrol found wires and poo poo and disabled 2 IEDs just entering the compound so some dude was like " Yo nuke this thing, we'll make sure no one goes in or out. " we slammed 3 himars and 6 600pound GBUs into that fucker, was like god drat fourth of july. You could see the secondaries going off from the feed. only thing left standing was a side wall hahaha

# ? Feb 22, 2017 09:05

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

In mid 2005 in Iraq my JSOTF was doing a lot of what we called VI's for Vehicle Interdiction. The missions ideally went Assault Force disables vehicle while still airborne, quickly land the helicopters to the front and rear of the disabled vehicle, capture or kill all the Military Aged Males, fly back to base.

My role was running the ISR that followed the vehicle and walking (talking) the Helo's onto target.

One day they interdicted a car full of armed assholes. Being the insane bad asses they were they put bullets in the head of every single MAM in the car. This left a young Iraqi boy in the middle of the backseat covered in brains blood and auto glass desperately clinging to his puppy he has in his arms.

So what do the guys do?

Steal the loving puppy.

Somewhere in Iraq is an extremely hosed up young man who can't get over what easily had to be the worst day of his life. When all his uncles and dad got brained and the Army men took his puppy.

He probably thinks we tortured the puppy but I happen to know it's living life fine in Fayetteville NC of all places and is loving life. I see him on my FB feed all the time.

We probably made the next Bin Laden that day.

Circle of life man.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 09:23

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

gently caress

# ? Feb 22, 2017 09:42

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

Two Finger posted:

gently caress

Haha that's a happy story. That kid lived. I got plenty where they don't and it's really goddamn sad and also will make you question my humanity. :ohdear:

# ? Feb 22, 2017 09:52

Radical 90s Wizard: Aug 5, 2008; ~SS-18 burning bright,
Bathe me in your cleansing light~

gently caress, imagine asking someone where they got their sweet dogger from and hearing that

# ? Feb 22, 2017 10:10

Bernard McFacknutah: Nov 13, 2009

I want to hear from that Medic again who said he had a call on the radio that some SOF guy was coming in all hosed up with a broken back and it turned out he had been doing wheelies on a quad.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 13:10

pantslesswithwolves: Oct 28, 2008; Ba-dam ba-DUMMMMMM

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

In mid 2005 in Iraq my JSOTF was doing a lot of what we called VI's for Vehicle Interdiction. The missions ideally went Assault Force disables vehicle while still airborne, quickly land the helicopters to the front and rear of the disabled vehicle, capture or kill all the Military Aged Males, fly back to base.

My role was running the ISR that followed the vehicle and walking (talking) the Helo's onto target.

One day they interdicted a car full of armed assholes. Being the insane bad asses they were they put bullets in the head of every single MAM in the car. This left a young Iraqi boy in the middle of the backseat covered in brains blood and auto glass desperately clinging to his puppy he has in his arms.

So what do the guys do?

Steal the loving puppy.

Somewhere in Iraq is an extremely hosed up young man who can't get over what easily had to be the worst day of his life. When all his uncles and dad got brained and the Army men took his puppy.

He probably thinks we tortured the puppy but I happen to know it's living life fine in Fayetteville NC of all places and is loving life. I see him on my FB feed all the time.

We probably made the next Bin Laden that day.

Circle of life man.

Saving this post for the Congressional inquiry in 10 years when that same Iraqi kid flies a plane into the Freedom Tower.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 15:57

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Radical 90s Wizard posted:

gently caress, imagine asking someone where they got their sweet dogger from and hearing that

In the Carolinas? Dude's probably a hero for stealing that terrist's dog.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 16:45

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

Godholio posted:

In the Carolinas? Dude's probably a hero for ~~stealing~~ rescuing that terrist's dog.

FTFY

Mercury Ballistic posted:

Afghans can dig holes like no other nation. Holes everywhere.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLsCR2RMBak

# ? Feb 22, 2017 20:04

PookBear: Nov 1, 2008

MaxPowers posted:

Yo 2011 marjeh bro, did you get to see that house we blew up? The patrol found wires and poo poo and disabled 2 IEDs just entering the compound so some dude was like " Yo nuke this thing, we'll make sure no one goes in or out. " we slammed 3 himars and 6 600pound GBUs into that fucker, was like god drat fourth of july. You could see the secondaries going off from the feed. only thing left standing was a side wall hahaha

I wasn't in Marjah just in farm land near there. One of the companies in my battalion was though.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 22:04

new friend from school: May 19, 2008; by Azathoth

Deathy McDeath posted:

That stuff is called Naswar and it is the devil's own tobacco. Holy poo poo, I've never seen so many nicotine-addled freaks laid low by such an innocuous product.

Fun fact: naswar literally translates to "brown," and it's also the word used to describe all tobacco in general

# ? Apr 6, 2017 16:12

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

In mid 2005 in Iraq my JSOTF was doing a lot of what we called VI's for Vehicle Interdiction. The missions ideally went Assault Force disables vehicle while still airborne, quickly land the helicopters to the front and rear of the disabled vehicle, capture or kill all the Military Aged Males, fly back to base.

My role was running the ISR that followed the vehicle and walking (talking) the Helo's onto target.

One day they interdicted a car full of armed assholes. Being the insane bad asses they were they put bullets in the head of every single MAM in the car. This left a young Iraqi boy in the middle of the backseat covered in brains blood and auto glass desperately clinging to his puppy he has in his arms.

So what do the guys do?

Steal the loving puppy.

Somewhere in Iraq is an extremely hosed up young man who can't get over what easily had to be the worst day of his life. When all his uncles and dad got brained and the Army men took his puppy.

He probably thinks we tortured the puppy but I happen to know it's living life fine in Fayetteville NC of all places and is loving life. I see him on my FB feed all the time.

We probably made the next Bin Laden that day.

Circle of life man.

Iraqi John Wick, calling it right now.

# ? Apr 6, 2017 17:11

MaxPowers: Dec 29, 2004

Godholio posted:

Watching assholes get turned into flying pieces on the CAOC ops floor was always interesting.

The UAV section would put the feed up on one of the huge wall screens, and as people around the room started to notice, they'd stand up. You knew something was about to happen when the ops floor was "prairie dogging."

It was always great when the air officer in the FIST taps you on the shoulder, whispers, " dont overreact " and shows you a feed of a dude getting smoked by a hellfire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cuHxTlvsr4 was always my response.

I have a ton of 2011 afghanistan stories. They're all fob staring at computer screens and smoking dudes from an arm chair tho. Did get to get oustide the wire a few times with a Civil Affairs Group behind a 240. Got to point it at a bunch of kids, some buildings and bake in the sun while some fullbird makes a local sheik happy. Watching a lot of iraq sniper videos I had the mind set of keep my eyes open but most likely I wont feel anything when afghani joe decides he wants to be the next juba and pops me one in the face.

Watched as the local police force out the taliban, lots of gunfire and poo poo on fire. That was pretty cool.

Found out you dont get a CAR for smoking dudes with HIMARS. Only way I would have gotten one out of that deployment was if we were to take mortar fire and do the proper procedures of counter battery.

Got fastest call for fire to shot in operations of afghanistan. I heard it was broken when I was leaving buy a second or two but I held it for a while. I bet they found out my secret. :opsecwizzard:

HIMARS can physically make a person dissapear. 2spooky5 me.

Always make sure your blimp is tied down and in its upright position. :filez:

A 500pound GBU will OBLITERATE a vehicle. The bag full of parts to correctly ID dudes in said vehicle was kida cool to handle.

Watched a LT almost walk his plt into his own arty fire. That one made my butt hole pucker. Same with some lady walking 8 preschool kids near a dude we were about to smoke and the round was already away.

Good times. Great oldies. 97.3

# ? Apr 8, 2017 03:59

ded: Oct 27, 2005; Kooler than Jesus

Arc Light posted:

-SNIP-

Truly, GiP has become our internet VFW.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heMboVN12r0

I know whomever came up with the design of that watched this movie.

# ? Apr 8, 2017 07:08

666: Jun 27, 2002; Carrion Fairy

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

Steal the loving puppy.

was it a HVD?

# ? Apr 8, 2017 07:29

Time Crisis Actor: Apr 28, 2002; by Hand Knit

MaxPowers posted:

Good times. Great oldies. 97.3

Yo I grew up listening to KBSG and I can still remember this stupid jingle. Goddamn you.

# ? Apr 8, 2017 08:11

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

Most of my stories I have had idiot friends getting themselves or others hurt or killed.

One guy I went through MOS school with was police calling an area outside Tikrit to set up a FOB, E2 work. He found a cool little orb and stuck it in his cargo pocket. Later he picks up a bunch of pipes and starts to carry them away over his shoulder. One slips and falls straight down, hitting the unexploded cluster bomb in his cargo pocket. Now he's dead. He was showing it off to me earlier that day but I had no idea what the gently caress it was.

I had another friend killed while doing convoy security. He died in the turret of a HMMWV cause his driver say a backpack on the side of the road and said audibly "what's that". The captain said "pull us closer let's take a look". Of course it explodes, flips the HMMWV, kills my friend, and the captain gets a Bronze Star for dragging his stupid rear end out of the vehicle. No one else was seriously injured.

An idiot like 2 months into the Iraq Invasion kept falling asleep during convoy security missions. My sergeant was loving done with him. Everyone hated him. The sergeant threw the dude's rifle out of the window when he fell asleep. The kid had his three point sling on and somehow his A2 wound up in the vehicle's wheel well. Dislocated the gently caress out of his shoulder. We had to stop and he got a medivac and I never saw him again. He all lied for the sergeant and said the kid fell asleep with his rifle laying half out the window.

Some details are a little fuzzy cause the VA made me take mad drugs and now my loving memory is swiss cheese. Does anyone else have that? Like I can't even remember the last kids name. I do remember the sergeant, but gently caress man, I have some serious name forgetfulness.

# ? Apr 8, 2017 11:04

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Grem posted:

Most of my stories I have had idiot friends getting themselves or others hurt or killed.

One guy I went through MOS school with was police calling an area outside Tikrit to set up a FOB, E2 work. He found a cool little orb and stuck it in his cargo pocket. Later he picks up a bunch of pipes and starts to carry them away over his shoulder. One slips and falls straight down, hitting the unexploded cluster bomb in his cargo pocket. Now he's dead. He was showing it off to me earlier that day but I had no idea what the gently caress it was.

was that at Danger?

# ? Apr 8, 2017 11:34

new friend from school: May 19, 2008; by Azathoth

Grem posted:

Some details are a little fuzzy cause the VA made me take mad drugs and now my loving memory is swiss cheese. Does anyone else have that? Like I can't even remember the last kids name. I do remember the sergeant, but gently caress man, I have some serious name forgetfulness.

Do if you have trouble with faces too? If so, it could be prosopagnosia, which results from TBI.
Otherwise, it's relatively normal to struggle remembering names. Our brains aren't made to be effective at retaining "random" (non-normalized) information.
I'd say mention it to the VA, but it's probably no use. I'm certain I suffer from the former, and they just told me to try and remember people by features other than face. Like, wtf do you think I do?

# ? Apr 8, 2017 13:23

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

This is a grim thread.

Where's that Yucca Mountain text

# ? Apr 8, 2017 17:30

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

was that at Danger?

Yup

# ? Apr 8, 2017 17:33

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

new friend from school posted:

Do if you have trouble with faces too? If so, it could be prosopagnosia, which results from TBI.
Otherwise, it's relatively normal to struggle remembering names. Our brains aren't made to be effective at retaining "random" (non-normalized) information.
I'd say mention it to the VA, but it's probably no use. I'm certain I suffer from the former, and they just told me to try and remember people by features other than face. Like, wtf do you think I do?

Yea, faces are as blurry as nameplates. Well gently caress. Back to the VA!

# ? Apr 8, 2017 17:35

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

I don't know if I just have memory problems or my brain is shutting down a lot of memories. I can remember most faces but have trouble remembering names. I think I just blanked out the memories of most of my deployment to Iraq.

# ? Apr 8, 2017 17:36

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 07:42

Mercury Ballistic: Nov 14, 2005; not gun related

This guy shared a b hut with me and we worked in the same shop at Camp Spann.
http://www.latimes.com/local/obituaries/la-me-toner5-2009apr05-story,amp.html

I was out with him running when he and another friend were killed. Another sailor was wounded as well. Of the five of us out running, two were unhurt. He got the silver Star for his efforts. I ran past the shooter maybe a minute before he decided to shoot.

# ? Apr 8, 2017 17:45

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