CPAC 2017 - Feb 22-25 - Slightly less flamboyant, but still terrible

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > CPAC 2017 - Feb 22-25 - Slightly less flamboyant, but still terrible

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

LIVESTREAM ON YOUTUBE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vaK-qUmfWw

Hello, friends! It's time once again for CPAC, where the greatest minds and voices of the conservative movement gather to screech at the rest of America from their safe space at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center. Live coverage is typically provided by C-SPAN on TV and online.

I would like this to serve as the TVIV thread for the conference so the One True Trump Thread doesn't explode, maybe get a sticky once the festivities start?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c0P28cqFDY

There are a lot of speakers, and they will all be varying degrees of awful! Let's start with the government/elected officials:

some of these jokes I've used before, i don't care

Donald J Trump - President of the United States of America, obese racist yam
Mike Pence - Vice-President, suit stuffed with evangelical mashed potatoes
Scott Walker - Gov of WI, ham sandwich connoisseur, Reagan fetishist
Ted Cruz - Sen from TX, future corpse found on Senate floor with 99 stab wounds
Stephen Bannon - Sith Lord of the White House
Reince Priebus - White House Chief of Staff, competitive alcoholic
John Bolton - former UN Ambassador, Yosemite Sam cosplayer
Matt Bevin - Gov of KY... nothing else, just lol, he's the governor of Kentucky
Sam Brownback - Gov of KS, Laffer Curve cautionary tale
Doug Ducey - Gov of AZ, probably awful because he's a Republican in Arizona
Pete Ricketts - Gov of NE, rich rear end in a top hat whose family owns the Chicago Cubs
Rick Santorum - former Sen from PA, just google him for more info
Jim DeMint - former Sen from OH, runs the Heritage Foundation and is picking all the new SCOTUS judges now
David Clarke Jr - Milwaukee County sheriff, water conservation advocate

A bunch of Congressmen and state-level legislators, who the gently caress cares

Media and others:

Sean Hannity - FoxNews and radio host, carries water all day for Trump but won't get waterboarded for charity
Michael Reagan - has done nothing of note with his life other than be expelled from Ronald Reagan's spasming cock
Lou Dobbs - financial reporter who is very angry about immigrants
Carly Fiorina - failed executive, failed presidential and Senate candidate, tied her fortunes to cratering asteroid Ted Cruz in 2016
Mercedes Schlapp - married to the guy running this conference
Dana Loesch - writes books with cover photos where she wears cocktail dresses and poses with guns
Dr. Gina Loudon - blonde lady Trump advocate on CNN when they can't get anyone else
Nigel Farage - former head of UKIP, hangs out here because England doesn't really want him hanging out there
Wayne LaPierre - head of the NRA, definitely not jamming his dick in a gun right now
~~Milo Yiannopoulos~~ - hahahahahahaha gtfo

As always, the best part of CPAC is the breakout meetings. This is where you get the wonderful clips like our rapping founders seen earlier!

Always On Target: 2nd Amendment Activism Made Simple
A Conversation with Reince Priebus and Steve Bannon (no word yet if this will take place in HELL IN A CELL)
Crisis Communications Training (for when your Congressman gets caught doing the Larry Craig)
The United States Must Stop Funding Palestinian Authority Pensions For Terror
Russia: A Friend or Foe
Black Lives Matter, so why does the Left not support Law Enforcement?
50 Shades of Property... or at least 3 ("gently caress, I need a catchy refernce for this workshop title")
Prosecutors Gone Wild
Who Plays God? A Conversation On Assisted Suicide
Repealing Obama's Banking Monstrosity and Making Money Work Again: Making Money Great Again
If Heaven Has a Gate, a Wall, and Extreme Vetting, Why Can't America?
Facts, Not Feelings: Snowflakes, Safe Spaces, and Trigger Warnings

Crack open a beer, or bottle of bourbon, or plastic bottle of jenkem and enjoy the vanguard of conservative thought in America!

skaboomizzy has issued a correction as of 18:39 on Feb 23, 2017

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 01:25

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# ¿ May 8, 2024 23:58

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Every year I play with idea of making up a fake workshop title to see if anyone notices

Then I see one like that and say no, this can stand on its own

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 01:45

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Comrade Cheggorsky posted:

this might be the worst event in human history

Someone says this every year

The next year, someone else says it

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 03:33

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

CPAC likes to hold itself up as continuing the grand tradition of Will, Buckley, Safire, Kristol, etc

In reality it's now a circus of FoxNews screechers, D-list radio hucksters, Birchers, whatever the gently caress you call the modern people crazier than Birchers, wing nut welfare authors, etc

It's kind of a new pilgrimage for the hardcore College Republican chairman types

I doubt they'll do it with a Republican in the WH, but there's been a Presidential straw poll the last few years. Romney won it in 2012, then Rand Paul the next three years.

In that way CPAC really is a pretty good barometer for where the American right is going; absolutely no long-term plan or ethos besides gently caress YOU, PAY ME

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 16:01

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Sarah Palin has talked the last few years, in 2013 she did it with a Big Gulp in her hand to protest Bloomberg's soda regulations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkRw4EOwY2g

==============================================

a guy defended slavery during a breakout as being good because "they had food and shelter"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hUgXJYgMbY

==============================================

Literally any Michelle Malkin speech

Rush Limbaugh did about an hour in 2009

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 16:44

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Exactly what each party deserves

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 20:22

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Uncle Wemus posted:

Is there an LPAC

DailyKos used to organize a thing called Netroots in the summer, don't know if that's still going

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 22:34

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

whomupclicklike posted:

Am I wrong to read the addition of Ken Bone as a desperate attempt to seem cooler, particularly the younger crowd?

He's at a booth, not speaking on stage

Some sponsor or vendor brought him in

I for one am shocked they could book him on such short notice, I'm sure he's got a lot going on

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 01:21

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

I posted before the big announcement :smith:

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 20:02

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Cardinal Ximenez posted:

As recommended, I'm going to post the livestream here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vaK-qUmfWw

Thanks for finding that, I added it to the OP

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 18:40

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# ¿ May 8, 2024 23:58

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

whomupclicklike posted:

I've been in meetings all day and haven't been able to watch. Anything particularly interesting or noteworthy happen yet?

Bannon and Priebus sat down with the conference organizer and pretended not to hate each other

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 20:35

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > CPAC 2017 - Feb 22-25 - Slightly less flamboyant, but still terrible