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You are hungry, go to the fridge.. but there is an alligator there - it has eaten all the food and looks to be sizing you up for it's next meal. You jump into the car, ready to get to work, it's rush hour - and you realise that there is a grizzly bear in the back seat. He doesn't like to ride cars. You are at the gym talking to a hot girl and another guy - you ask for a spot - from the girl - but end up getting the guy - it's bench press time.. and he is freeballing it under the shorts. You prepare roses, dinner, candle lights and romantic music.. it's valentines day, your wife comes in... so does your mother-in-law. You and your girl watch 50 Shades of Grey on the TV, commercial break - Batman is coming on later.. Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Feb 21, 2017 |
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Feb 21, 2017 08:42
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 06:59 |
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Your washing machine decides to honor the peace treaty you signed and spits out the last prisoner of war: a sexy bra it ate 5 years ago, 3 years into your new relationship. You forget to read the microwave instructions. No egg in the microwave. It's now hatched and an angry, radioactive alien lives in it - eating any food that you want to heat up.
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Feb 21, 2017 11:33
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<3 
<3 Vanisher
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You download "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" - it turns out it IS "Snow White and he Seven Dwarfs".. but definitivly not the PG13 version.
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Feb 21, 2017 16:37
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You adopt a dog, but it turns out it's a coyote. Now you live in the shed, and a coyote family in your living room.
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Feb 21, 2017 17:08
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You kiss a frog in hopes of it turning into a prince... Turns out it's one of the most poisonous frogs in the world.
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Feb 21, 2017 18:40
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You want to show your boss something on your phone, you open safari - resuming your old tab: Lesbian Granny Porn.
Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Feb 21, 2017
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Feb 21, 2017 21:36
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You log onto Something Awful, but click on BYOB and find chill.
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Feb 22, 2017 02:27
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You walk down the boulevard of dreams, soon to be broken - as the wind lifts the skirt of the girl in front - behold - futanari
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Feb 22, 2017 14:22
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You talk to a hot girl on the sidewalk, a dog passes by and drive-by farts.. there is no one else near, and the smell is delayed for a few seconds - the girl is disgusted, pukes on your shoes, runs of screaming and posts it on her facebook wall, tags you, her friends laughs and shares - suddenly you are an internet sensation in the worst possible way.
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Feb 22, 2017 23:23
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You walk into the store, grab a pack of condoms, proceed to the checkout - already blushing your credit card transaction fails - you scramble for cash in your wallet, drop pennies on the floor, causing everyone to look at you - and what you are buying - you suddenly notice your mom in the other line - she notices you - walks over and offers to pay for you. Defeated you leave the store, your girlfriend somehow hears what happends, brings it up as you are putting the rubber on - embarrassed you fall flaccid, further increasing the trauma as you know this story just got worse and all her friends will hear about it. You never see her again.
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Feb 22, 2017 23:32
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You walk in the door, you hear noises from the bed room - your wife is there, so is Bill Nye the Science Guy.. teaching her all about the birds and the bees. Bill Nye the Science Guy is a practical teacher.. you sit there envious of your wife: Not everyone gets tutored by Bill Nye the Science Guy!
Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 13:10 on Feb 23, 2017
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Feb 23, 2017 11:37
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Splatmaster posted:You're sitting there bored out of your mind twiddling your thumbs mindlessly when suddenly, they spin faster and faster, out of your control, a frightening whirring blur of whizzing fury, your arms rise above your head! Your thumbs are now a freakish ornithopter of twiddling madness lifting you up and out of your seat and you fly, out of the door of the room you were in, outside the house now, up into the air you rise! Still your thumbs whir above your outstretched arms, suspending you in a freaklish fingery feat of flight. People on the ground look up in amazement, attracted to both the sight of you, feet dangling helplessly as you are held upright by the digital dervish that is the dynamo of your fingery flight and the BZZZZZZZZZZ! of your thumbs chewing through the air, keeping you aloft! This would make a great children's movie  Man with the Twiddling Thumbs!
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Feb 23, 2017 18:56
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Your out on town, meet a girl at a bar, end up at her place, 9 months later she calls you - abit nervous and shy... turns out that 9 months ago, on that very night you visited her - you forgot your wallet, she found it under the sofa.
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Feb 24, 2017 02:46
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You get invited to your in-laws, taco - you know it's risky, but you accept - your in-laws are nice, so is the taco, but taco being nice is just a lie - the roaring has begun, you know there isn't any escape from this - you excuse yourself from the table, ready to devestate the bathroom.. and then it happends: You look down the toilet, mean, evil eyes of corn looking back up at you, their maleficent intent is clear.. it's done.. it's clogged. You should have known poo poo happends. You hear evil laughter coming from the depths of what surely is a portal to the hell dimension.. Revenge is a bitch.
Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Feb 24, 2017
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Feb 24, 2017 15:36
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 06:59 |
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You hit the road, suddenly you hear banging - damnit, flat tier again.. You pull over, but the banging continues.. It turns out it's Bill Nye the Science Guy that you locked in your trunk a few days ago...
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Mar 1, 2017 04:44
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