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I predict this bitch will give birth @ 2:10pm on March 16th. Place your bets.
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Mar 9, 2017 01:36
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When is it going to be time to eat this giraffe miscarriage? When?
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Mar 9, 2017 05:29
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My mom went into labor 6 weeks early because she was trying to repaint the kitchen. Have they tried giving the giraffe some paint?
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Mar 9, 2017 08:28
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What's even the name for the meat of baby giraffes?? Tall veal?
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Mar 9, 2017 11:46
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Teriyaki Hairpiece posted:What's even the name for the meat of baby giraffes?? Longer pig.
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Mar 9, 2017 17:01
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Hey guys, remember when I made this thread like a month ago. April is still figuring out how to give birth.
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Mar 12, 2017 05:05
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I think I've got it. We just recently discovered that there are actually four species of giraffe right? So what if things like standard giraffe gestation were based on one species of giraffe, but it's different for April's species?
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Mar 12, 2017 05:27
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935 posted:How come modern medical science can tell a woman what day she's going to give birth months out, but top veterinarians can't offer a better estimate for giraffe birth more accurate than "maybe sometime in February?"  Anyway I'm pretty sure this dumb giraffe is reabsorbing her calf now. She's like a real live Sophie the Giraffe after a toddler has chewed on her for a year: if you cut her open it'd be just air and mould inside.
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Mar 12, 2017 05:34
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Grem posted:Hey guys, remember when I made this thread like a month ago. April is still figuring out how to give birth. I noticed one of the live streams has started taking donations. There were people donating $100 and more. I was like wtf?? I think this is all just a scam.
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Mar 12, 2017 05:36
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Can't a lot of mammals self-abort pregnancies and absorb the fetus? Maybe April gives no fucks?
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Mar 12, 2017 06:32
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Pvt.Scott posted:Can't a lot of mammals self-abort pregnancies and absorb the fetus? hosed up if true
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Mar 12, 2017 06:44
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Pfft. The stream was being sponsored by Mazuri, a company which sells exotic animal feed. Was. Probably because they only had so much advertising money budgeted and it ran out before the baby fell out. Though I'm not discounting the possibilities of either April absorbing the life energy of her own spawn or Mazuri's PR department catching the same moment I did when April tried to eat some grass by throwing it over her head.
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Mar 18, 2017 13:49
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The Deviations posted:Pfft. Someone at the Mazuri HQ had just watched Speed and got a really awesome idea to raise funds but it's gone too far and they don't know how to stop. There's no brakes on this train, as they say
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Mar 18, 2017 20:21
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Bareback Werewolf posted:hosed up if true The body has a way of shutting it down
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Mar 18, 2017 20:22
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Did I miss the birth or is the camera still rolling on a dumb, fat giraffe named April, decidedly not giving birth?
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Mar 18, 2017 22:53
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It was like fifteen minutes ago you missed it
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Mar 18, 2017 22:55
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How strong are giraffe necks?
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Mar 18, 2017 23:10
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DrManiac posted:How strong are giraffe necks? Not strong at all, they regularly break under the weight of their heads. It doesn't kill them though, so they run around and it's all flopping around and poo poo, it's p hosed up tbh
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Mar 18, 2017 23:12
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Did the stupid giraffe give birth or not?
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Mar 19, 2017 00:29
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Rozzbot posted:Did the stupid giraffe give birth or not? She ain't even pregnant. Just fat.
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Mar 19, 2017 06:44
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Like a month ago I dreamed that a zoo worker had made up the giraffe being pregnant and had to apologize on the camera before everyone. Give birth, stupid giraffe.
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Mar 19, 2017 06:49
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what is that thing
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Mar 19, 2017 07:10
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Blue Train posted:Not strong at all, they regularly break under the weight of their heads. It doesn't kill them though, so they run around and it's all flopping around and poo poo, it's p hosed up tbh 
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Mar 19, 2017 07:10
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...and the pitch! posted:The body has a way of shutting it down Thats only in the case of rape though. Did this giraffe get giraffe raped?
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Mar 19, 2017 21:27
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wesleywillis posted:Thats only in the case of rape though. Did this giraffe get giraffe raped? Are giraffes capable of informed consent?
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Mar 19, 2017 22:35
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where are my delicious giraffe eggs
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Mar 19, 2017 22:57
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XMNN posted:where are my delicious giraffe eggs Sorry, but the rampant use of DDT-based insecticides has caused the giraffes to lay extremely-weakened eggs, and none survived the transition into precious, juicy giraffe-belut.
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Mar 19, 2017 23:02
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Facebook Aunt posted:Are giraffes capable of informed consent? Preferred giraffe sex is male-on-male rape, with females being at the bottom of the priority list below "literally just humping the air." So, no.
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Mar 19, 2017 23:04
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Pvt.Scott posted:Preferred giraffe sex is male-on-male rape, with females being at the bottom of the priority list below "literally just humping the air." So, no. 
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Mar 19, 2017 23:06
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I forgot all about this she's still sitting there being stupid.
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Mar 19, 2017 23:17
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Grem posted:Hey guys, remember when I made this thread like a month ago. April is still figuring out how to give birth. It'll actually be a month in about 3.5 days. You struck comedy wine here; the thread title gets better with age. I remember when I was a kid, being taught sex ed in a windowless van by a giraffe puppet. Left me with the clearly mistaken impression that giraffes knew how sex worked. The Deviations posted:Maybe the problem is that she thinks her name is her due date.
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Mar 21, 2017 10:40
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The Deviations posted:It'll actually be a month in about 3.5 days. You struck comedy wine here; the thread title gets better with age. that wasn't a sex ed lesson and it wasn't a giraffe puppet. you were molested and the "puppet" was the guy's penis.
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Mar 21, 2017 11:09
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:that wasn't a sex ed lesson and it wasn't a giraffe puppet. you were molested and the "puppet" was the guy's penis. ..............no, I think I'd remember if my father had a van. No, no, this was a seperate event. The entire class would be bundled into the van at least once a year and there'd be two strange and overly enthusiastic people - it was the 90's - with the puppet and a TV. Suss, but more informative than abstinence only so w/e can I please get some fellow  corroboration here so I don't sound like I'm trying to rip off Candle Cove
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Mar 21, 2017 12:26
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i have some bad news for you, this was just your school and it really was a penis, not a giraffe
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Mar 21, 2017 12:43
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they did that in the UK in the 90s but seeing as its the UK i wouldn't rule out noncing
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Mar 21, 2017 12:51
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it's me. i am the giraffe baby. i will come out when i feel like it. thank you very much
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Mar 21, 2017 13:10
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Having 24/7 visual access to animals that should be cool makes it pretty clear that almost everything living is boring 95% of the time I mean this one's trapped in a room til it gives birth in captivity but I bet everyday giraffes are just as boring. There's a reason Planet Earth has "making of" segments that are just as long as the episodes themselves that are basically about how they waited 4 months with 24 hour suirvalence until a penguin threw up
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Mar 21, 2017 20:30
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The giraffe emojis are out (unlike the baby.) The stream's now sponsored by Toys'Я'Us with a giraffe's head emerging from the Я so now even a corporate logo has given birth to a giraffe before April has.
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Mar 23, 2017 00:36
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Pvt.Scott posted:Preferred giraffe sex is male-on-male rape, with females being at the bottom of the priority list below "literally just humping the air." So, no. can confirm, pvt scott knows what hes talking about
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Mar 23, 2017 01:01
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Best Giraffe posted:can confirm, pvt scott knows what hes talking about I guess you would know.
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Mar 23, 2017 01:03
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