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ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

It's that time of year again! The Combine has come and gone, the Pro Days are proceeding with almost no draft-shattering injuries, and any free agents likely to affect a team's draft have been signed. All that stands between your team and the Super Bowl now is a slam-dunk draft class. Are you a great enough football mind to lead your team to glory? Welcome to the 2017 Goon Draft!

The Rules

Each team will have one poster as its GM, responsible for making the picks. Teams are first come first serve. War rooms are fine, so long as there is a designated spokesperson. Picks will be made in a separate thread. The clock on each pick is 24 hours, at which point if the spokesperson has not made a pick I will make one for them. No trades will be allowed, as they just tend to complicate things and previous drafts have run much more efficiently without them. Any actual trades that have taken place are reflected in the order below, and if any occur between now and the start of our draft the appropriate changes will be made. After we start, though, the first round order is locked in. If you just want to take part and don’t care which team you get, post and I’ll assign you to a team that might not have any other takers.

The Teams

Here’s the first-round draft order:

1. Cleveland Gatts
2. San Francisco Coldforge
3. Chicago zimbomonkey
4. Jacksonville Teva
5. Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams Demon Of The Fall
6. New York Jets mcmagic
7. Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN
8. Carolina TheFlyingLlama
9. Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply
10. Buffalo fsif
11. New Orleans Silly Burrito
12. Cleveland - from Philadelphia Gatts
13. Arizona MrLogan
14. Philadelphia - from Minnesota 89
15. Indianapolis ShakeZula
16. Baltimore The Puppy Bowl
17. Washington Beer4TheBeerGod
18. Tennessee Demon Of The Fall
19. Tampa Bay wandler20
20. Denver a neat cape
21. Detroit Shangri-Law School
22. Miami Amy Pole Her
23. New York Giants Saucer Crab
24. Oakland warcrimes
25. Houston Sad King Billy
26. Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT
27. Kansas City No Butt Stuff
28. Dallas incompetent
29. Green Bay Abugadu
30. Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus
31. Atlanta pubic works project
32. New Orleans - from New England Silly Burrito

New England Detroit_Dogg
Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise

Claim your teams!

Edit: Here's the spreadsheet No Butt Stuff made to help track which of the top prospects have been picked: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/130B79wMsSDVyLDRiqic4XUJRlLFDwTJ-OtU5iHBdlUQ/edit#gid=522664237

ShakeZula fucked around with this message at 16:44 on Mar 27, 2017

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Silly Burrito
Nov 27, 2007

Gimme the Saints so I can draft a QB first round.

TheFlyingLlama
Jan 2, 2013

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?



Taking the panthers

TheFlyingLlama fucked around with this message at 22:06 on Mar 18, 2017

incompetent
Jun 4, 2013

I'll take America's Team.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
I'll take the worst team in the National Football League, the Bay Area 49ers.

89
Feb 24, 2006

#worldchamps
gently caress it, I'll take the Eagles and not really know what I'm doing

Perry the Platypus
Aug 7, 2009
I'll take the Steelers, I lurk all year for this

warcrimes
Jul 6, 2013

I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life. :parrot: :parrot: :parrot: :parrot:
I'll do the Mojave Warboys Raiders.

No Irish Need Imply
Nov 30, 2008
Cincy

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
I will take The New England Patriots

Roasted Donut
Aug 24, 2007

NWA WHITE POWERRR!!!!

Detroit_Dogg posted:

I will take The New England Patriots

I will also take the New England Patriots.

Teva
Feb 22, 2007


In for the Jaggies!

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon

Nap Ghost
I will take Cleveland by blitzkreig!

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

Roasted Donut posted:

I will also take the New England Patriots.

Sorry RD, the Pats have to play by the rules in this thread!

Edit: VVVV You got it!

ShakeZula fucked around with this message at 02:55 on Mar 19, 2017

zimbomonkey
Jul 15, 2008

Tattoos? On MY black quarterback?
Can I get Chicago please?

Intruder
Mar 5, 2003

I'll take the Titans, who immediately trade their entire draft for the Texans 7th round pick

.....I'll take the Texans

JIZZ DENOUEMENT
Oct 3, 2012

STRIKE!
I'm Seattle

89
Feb 24, 2006

#worldchamps
Wait, how do we do war rooms?

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

89 posted:

Wait, how do we do war rooms?

No real system, it's just a fancier way of saying "get advice on the pick." I used PMs for my war room a few years ago, but any kind of private communication would work as well.

Beer4TheBeerGod
Aug 23, 2004
Exciting Lemon
gently caress Washington.

I'll take them.

Amy Pole Her
Jun 17, 2002
Miami plz

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004

Nap Ghost
Titans please. Metapod and other Titans posters can pm me and give me their opinions on picks and we can try to come to a consensus.

fsif
Jul 18, 2003

Bills

John Brown
Jul 10, 2009

When I first heard goon draft, I always thought of it as this thing where you all go out and run the 40 in your backyard or some poo poo and post the results. Then we vote on a draft order and the winner gets bragging rights.

You can imagine the disappointment I have now. Nonetheless, knock yourselves out.

Sad King Billy
Jan 27, 2006

Thats three of ours innit...to one of yours. You know mate I really think we ought to even up the average!
I will take a team that nobody wants please. I've learnt a lot these last few months though I still don't know enough.

89
Feb 24, 2006

#worldchamps

John Brown posted:

When I first heard goon draft, I always thought of it as this thing where you all go out and run the 40 in your backyard or some poo poo and post the results. Then we vote on a draft order and the winner gets bragging rights.
We can still do this.

mcmagic
Jul 1, 2004

If you see this avatar while scrolling the succ zone, you have been visited by the mcmagic of shitty lib takes! Good luck and prosperity will come to you, but only if you reply "shut the fuck up mcmagic" to this post!
I'll take the new york jets.

wandler20
Nov 13, 2002

How many Championships?
Bucs

Silly Burrito
Nov 27, 2007

Sad King Billy posted:

I will take a team that nobody wants please. I've learnt a lot these last few months though I still don't know enough.

Sounds like a man interested in the Atlanta Falcons to me.

The Puppy Bowl
Jan 31, 2013

A dog, in the house.

*woof*
Ravens

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

Roasted Donut posted:

I will also take the New England Patriots.

Welcome to the New England Patriots.

MrLogan
Feb 4, 2004

Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.
If a team goes unclaimed, I will take them, but don't want to take away a team from an actual fan.

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
Detroit_Dogg and Roasted Donut would like to offer their draft pick up for trade.

Abugadu
Jul 12, 2004

1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.
I'll take GB.

Intruder
Mar 5, 2003

Detroit_Dogg posted:

Detroit_Dogg and Roasted Donut would like to offer their draft pick up for trade.

I will give you the Texans 7th for all of the Patriots picks plus Jimmy G

Also it's a conditional pick that never has to be delivered if the Patriots remain in New England by the time of the draft

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

Detroit_Dogg posted:

Detroit_Dogg and Roasted Donut would like to offer their draft pick up for trade.

You Patriots are really pushing my buttons!

Shangri-Law School
Feb 19, 2013

I'll be the Lions.

Metapod
Mar 18, 2012

Demon Of The Fall posted:

Titans please. Metapod and other Titans posters can pm me and give me their opinions on picks and we can try to come to a consensus.

Select the good players you shouldn't have trouble avoiding the bad because the jags will have already taken them

Teva
Feb 22, 2007


Metapod posted:

Select the good players you shouldn't have trouble avoiding the bad because the jags will have already taken them

Ouch. That is the trend though I guess.

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Kurgarra Queen
Jun 11, 2008

GIVE ME MORE
SUPER BOWL
WINS
You'll do well as long as you ask yourself "Is this what Doug Whaley would do?" before every pick and then not do it if the answer is "yes".

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