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Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


Axolotl posted:

- only interests are guns and hunting
- 50% of wardrobe has Realtree ® camouflage pattern, at least one item worn daily
- Wore a Realtree ® patterned tuxedo to prom, impregnated prom date
- Bride wore a Realtree ® patterned wedding dress at her shotgun marriage
- Realtree ® Realtree ® REALTREE!!!!!!®

-Buys Realtree ® Otterbox case for iPhone

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Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


Northern small towns:

-takes neighbor to small claims court for tree with branch overhanging into yard
-attends town council meetings every week
-votes against sidewalks and street lights in town because they lower property values
-vehemently opposes 150-unit affordable-housing complex, votes to approve 60-unit luxury condo complex on the site instead, site turns out to have massive amounts of soil/groundwater contamination due to formerly being a golf course
-local cops are cracking down on high school kids getting hosed up on parents' prescription drugs

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


marsisol posted:

Ah Bergen County.

It's slightly scary that you know this, I didn't realize that poo poo was specific to this area. Or do you live here too?

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


Baronjutter posted:

Thinks small town people are kind and well mannered and city folk are all rude and terrible because:

-I wanted to ride one of those underground devil trains and despite being first in line at the door when it arrived everyone getting off PUSHED ME out of the way!


lol someone tried yelling at me for this once (I was closest to the door to exit the train and the guy was the first on the platform trying to get in) but the effect was kind of ruined by the fact that other people continued to push him out of the way too because his chosen spot to rant at me was in the center of the doorway on the train

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


I never considered "Canadian hockey fan" to be a rarity tbh

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


Ein cooler Typ posted:

what else do you expect them to do? it's too dangerous to try to put out the fire yourself if you're not trained

Don't grain silo fires have a tendency to violently explode, too?

e: yep https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dust_explosion

e2:

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


Like it or not small-town farmers are being dragged into the digital age: Desperate John Deere tractor owners are downloading illegal Ukrainian firmware hacks to get the crops in

tl:dr: John Deere made it so if you replace a part on one of their tractors you have to pay one of their people to come to you and plug a thumbdrive into your tractor's USB port to "authorize" the part you just swapped in

e: welcome to the darknet, are you looking for drugs, stolen credit cards, or farm equipment firmware updates, we got it all!!!

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


I had a bit of a small-town moment when the guy who moved in next door last week asked me if he could pay me to just piggyback on my wi-fi.

I politely declined as that seems like a very easy way to get arrested and blamed for whatever hosed-up poo poo he browses

OTOH the possibilities for fun pranks seemed endless but :effort:

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


marsisol posted:

Did some environmental work on that golf course and was in the loop on the redevelopment battles which gave it away.

Bergen county does have a creepy, insular vibe to it too though.

ha awesome, is the ground really as toxic as they say?

They're tearing up the trees and poo poo now lol, I have to drive by there to get to work and it's going to be really annoying when there are an additional 100+ fancy cars coming in and out every day.

e: it's a pretty diverse county overall, but yeah the richer parts are definitely very insular and Trump-voter-ish.

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Snow Cone Capone
Jul 31, 2003


shame on an IGA posted:

Within the general guideline of "Too small for parking garages to exist" the subcategories of "too small for walmart" and "too small for Dollar General" are just progressively lower circles of hell

Does it count if the big scandal in my town is whether or not to build a parking garage in the commercial part, and it's been debated for several years now?

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