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Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006

It's good to be a G
That marriage was a sacred institution and should. Now I recognize it as a tax decision.

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Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

Les Os posted:

all dogs are boys and all cats are girls

I thought this too. Then we got a male cat.

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

how did your sister get fired

Well, to start with, she hated people and wasn't too fond of Orange Julius, either. One day she brought home an inflatable Orange Julius punching bag that I was supposed to take in the pool. The day she got fired, she punched that sucker into oblivion.

Junk
Dec 20, 2003

Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?
That cartoons were drawn including the background over and over, and not re-used cells layered on a painting.

I actually remember the moment where I thought a bit more about it while watching a background looping in The Flintstones and realized this was nonsense

FogHelmut
Dec 18, 2003

smug n stuff posted:

When I was like 11 I thought hey, when you move one end of a stick the other end moves at the same time. So, I thought, why not make a huuuuuuge stick that went from Earth to places wayyyy far away. You could move one end of the stick on earth, and the other end would move on mars or whatever, and you'd have faster than light communication.
I legitimately thought this idea would revolutionize communications and thought I was a genius.

Anyways, post ITT really stupid ideas you had when you were a kid that you thought were smart.

Congrats on inventing quantum entanglement.

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .
Doctor Rope
i thought ringing the stop request bell on a bus actually physically forced the bus to stop

Ice Blue Mink
Mar 21, 2017

by zen death robot

YeahTubaMike posted:

i thought ringing the stop request bell on a bus actually physically forced the bus to stop

Holy poo poo that'd be way more fun if it worked that way. Just wait until someone stands up and pull on that thing REAL hard.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

I liked to use big words as a kid without necessarily knowing what they meant, so after cleaning my room at 4 or something I proudly announced "isn't it hilarious!?"

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

I got stabbed with a pencil in kindergarten and had heard of lead poisoning so I came home and very casually asked if lead was poisonous, then my mom laughed in my face when I almost cried. Owned.

Bulgogi Hoagie
Jun 1, 2012

We
communism was good

VoteTedJameson
Jan 10, 2014

And stack the four!
That wooden box in the stand of trees behind my school contained a bear. If you touched the box, the bear would escape and chase you. There was also a decent chance of being electrocuted...by the wooden box. For some reason.

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014


that possible energies followed a continuous distribution instead of being discretized :xd:

insulated staircase
Aug 21, 2014

heard "the aids virus cannot survive being exposed to oxygen"

child me: let's inject them all with oxygen

terrible

berth ell pup
Mar 20, 2017

I am a business magnet.

insulated staircase posted:

heard "the aids virus cannot survive being exposed to oxygen"

child me: let's inject them all with oxygen

terrible

this is the best username on the forums, congratulations.

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014


bonerjam posted:

this is the best username on the forums, congratulations.

if there's a poster named "load bearing drywall" they would make a dynamic duo

Explosive Tampons
Jul 9, 2014

Your days are gone!!!

Harald posted:

hot dogs stuffed with spaghetti

Ralph Hurley
Aug 3, 2009

:barf::sweep::zoid:



a bone to pick posted:

Nice, I used to think cheese grew on top of streetlights when I was very young.

I used to think those clay squares on top of chimneys were cheese

Jestery
Aug 2, 2016
Probation
Can't post for 4 hours!
I remember being deathly afraid of touching the sand while wading out at the beach.

I had read something about coneshells
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cone_snail?wprov=sfla1

And was afraid of touching one and dying

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011

by FactsAreUseless

Ralph Hurley posted:

I used to think those clay squares on top of chimneys were cheese


they need to stop putting things that look like cheese on top of tall structures

Light Gun Man
Oct 17, 2009

toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN




Lipstick Apathy

Junk posted:

That there were these short people that lived in the street light poles whose jobs were to manually change the lights between green yellow and red

I thought it was a dude in a small room under the intersection.

I was kind of thinking about trying to make a fake documentary about like the last manual light changing guy retiring as they've all been phased out by computers, just to see if people would belive it.

When I was real young I can remember thinking something about the ribcage (thinking of it like a cartoon thing that just branches off) was storage for all the food you ate, so like one rib was for salad and one was for pizza and so on. When it came time to poo poo, the small creatures inside your body would clear out the most full ribs. Child logic.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

insulated staircase posted:

heard "the aids virus cannot survive being exposed to oxygen"

child me: let's inject them all with oxygen

terrible

lol this reminds me of when my grandfather showed me this disinfecting cleaner he got that was supposed to be the strongest poo poo out there, he told me "this stuff is so powerful it can even kill the aids virus!" and ten year old me, having just learned about condoms in sex ed at school, could not understand why all condoms weren't covered in this disinfectant

why not put super bleach on our dicks???

Night Pay
Nov 22, 2016

by Smythe
My dad told a cyclops lived under my front porch so I wouldn't go under there. I still believe it.

magikid
Nov 4, 2006
Wielder of the Soup Spoon
CLUCK THE CHICKEN

A platformer game where you play as a CHICKEN with boring FARM-THEMED LEVELS and a PASSWORD FEATURE. The password wasn't to save progress, it was to prevent other people from uninstalling your game without permission. Apparently I thought assholes would do that.

DANGER ZONE

Basically sidescrolling DOOM before I knew what DOOM was. Actually this idea was pretty good.

TOILET DUCK

You fight hunters by giving them a hamburger and the hunters eat it but it's actually POOP.

Psycho Society
Oct 21, 2010
i would play toilet duck. where is the kickstarter so we can make this happen

evobatman
Jul 30, 2006

it means nothing, but says everything!
Pillbug

smug n stuff posted:

When I was like 11 I thought hey, when you move one end of a stick the other end moves at the same time. So, I thought, why not make a huuuuuuge stick that went from Earth to places wayyyy far away. You could move one end of the stick on earth, and the other end would move on mars or whatever, and you'd have faster than light communication.
I legitimately thought this idea would revolutionize communications and thought I was a genius.

I had this thought too.

When I was something like 33. It's in my post history somewhere.

It wasn't for an actual practical implementation, but more for a thought experiment for breaking the FTL barrier for communication.

Nolgthorn
Jan 30, 2001

The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense

Tace Vim posted:

I thought I had invented masturbation

I was gonna be so rich dammit!

The one scientific discovery that has never been satisfied by peer review.

Nolgthorn
Jan 30, 2001

The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense
I thought since cats always land on their feet and bread always lands jam side down, you could tie a piece of bread to the back of a cat creating a temporal anomaly which would revolutionise contemporary physics. It'd probably start spinning really really fast just above the ground. I theorised you could probably find a way to move these things, harness their levitation powers.

Some day, I was pretty convinced that due to my discoveries we would some day see bridges held up by cat bread turbines.

Kawalimus
Jan 17, 2008

Better Living Through Birding And Pessimism
When I was a kid I watched dragonball z a lot and was intrigued by how Goku got so much stronger when the Gs were higher. I was like holy poo poo people should do that. I thought I had some revolutionary idea and I was going to be the first person to train under gravity when I grew up and be able to do the stuff goku did.

Kawalimus fucked around with this message at 18:48 on Mar 26, 2017

goat manilla
Nov 13, 2003

For a period of several years, maybe between 7 and 9 I developed empathy toward inanimate objects such as paper plates, prepared food, crumpled up paper, etc... I would feel so bad throwing trash away hearing crying sounds in my head as I tossed it. This came completely out of the blue and I ended up snapping out of it. In the back of my head I knew this was irrational behavior as I didn't tell my parents how I felt about it.

Now I only use paper items and throw uneaten food out with impunity.

Hrist
Feb 21, 2011


Lipstick Apathy
When I was very little, probably before pre-school age, I always assumed women got boobs when they were a mom. But I didn't know how or why. Like, I just didn't have any concept of ages between kid and adult. So all women with boobs must have been moms.

WithoutTheFezOn
Aug 28, 2005
Oh no

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Does light slow down when it goes thru glass vs when it goes thru air?

Maybe you could make a material that slows it down by like 5 hours and leave it in the sun. Then at night you could bring it in the house and the photons would slowly come back out.

You could prob do something completely insane with it too but i'd use it to keep natural sunlight for a while

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Light_of_Other_Days

Psycho Society
Oct 21, 2010

Hrist posted:

When I was very little, probably before pre-school age, I always assumed women got boobs when they were a mom. But I didn't know how or why. Like, I just didn't have any concept of ages between kid and adult. So all women with boobs must have been moms.

so I'm guessing you grew up in mississippi

Hrist
Feb 21, 2011


Lipstick Apathy

Psycho Society posted:

so I'm guessing you grew up in mississippi

In the north east states.

Maybe I am just a weirdo for not being the type of 2-year-old who would sit at a table and have intelligent discussions about boobs and puberty with my peers though.

Hrist fucked around with this message at 17:12 on Mar 26, 2017

Bulgogi Hoagie
Jun 1, 2012

We
i used to think that defensive, bunkering down strategies rule but then i realised that high mobility shock troops are the future

Psycho Society
Oct 21, 2010

Hrist posted:

In the north east states.

Maybe I am just a weirdo for not being the type of 2-year-old who would sit at a table and have intelligent discussions about boobs and puberty with my peers though.

it was a joooooooke

Houle
Oct 21, 2010
To the guy who said the thing about Dreamcast games on the OG Xbox...don't know if it was on purpose but Microsoft and Sega were working together for a while on a new system before the dreamcast came about that's why the Xbox feels so much like a souped up Dreamcast - so much so that Sega was trying to convince Microsoft to firmware update their system to allow it to read and play Dreamcast games natively.



As for the topic

- Inanimate objects have feelings because I watched the Velveteen Rabbit as a kid and it messed me up
- That being stabbed with a pencil would kill me because of lead poisoning
- That the battery acid I accidentally touched from the old game of battleship was a death sentence and would erode me down to the bone regardless of if I washed my hands similar to the deaths in Mars Attacks
- That if I watched certain movies with conspiracy theories of aliens that those organizations/species would know I watched it and kill me to keep the secret essentially making a ton of movies like the ring
- That the tooth infection I got from a botched root canal meant that my brain was in risk of rotting and I would lose half my face like that dude from Ripley's Believe It or Not.
- That girls had their vagina around where the penis was, so that if you had a really long penis you could basically skewer her and go into another woman and that that was what threesomes were.
- That women's hair got darker if they lost their virginity, so if I noticed a girl's hair change I assumed she had sex
- That if I did anything wrong, even if it was a misunderstanding God would punish me harshly and swiftly. So I believed God was omnipotent enough to punish me no matter where I was with impunity but would take a misunderstanding from my child brain and run with it.
- I wrote a letter to Missingno asking it to return the Pokemon I lost in a saving battery glitch thinking Missingno was sentient and messing with my game of Pokemon Red :(
- That only men wanted sex and women only wanted the pursuit of romance and begrudgingly gave sex as a motivational tool for reenactment of romance movies.
- That "Tween" and "Tweenager" meant in their 20s and not "in between child and teenager". Lead to A LOT of misunderstandings in my teen years
- That any mild illness or body pain/break/sprain has a large possibility of killing me, it reminded me of my mortality on a daily basis making me the only second grader terrified of death to the point of missing a lot of school from panic attacks
- That if I practiced enough I would be able to perform a Kamehameha or do a double jump

Psycho Society
Oct 21, 2010

Houle posted:

- That if I practiced enough I would be able to perform a Kamehameha or do a double jump

Same but I actually did do a double jump once, haven't got enough points to do another one yet though

smug n stuff
Jul 21, 2016

A Hobbit's Adventure

Houle posted:

- That "Tween" and "Tweenager" meant in their 20s and not "in between child and teenager". Lead to A LOT of misunderstandings in my teen years


Did you read LOTR as a kid? Because that's how Tolkein defines "tween." (IIRC he coined the term, but when people actually ended up using it it was used as "preteen"

Houle
Oct 21, 2010
That might be where I got it from. I read the Hobbit and the first two Lord of the Rings books...couldn't get through the third one. Interesting how fast grammatification can process words.

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Ice Blue Mink
Mar 21, 2017

by zen death robot

Houle posted:

That might be where I got it from. I read the Hobbit and the first two Lord of the Rings books...couldn't get through the third one. Interesting how fast grammatification can process words.

Is grammatification what happened to all of those GBS posters' avatars?

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