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Houle posted:- That women's hair got darker if they lost their virginity, so if I noticed a girl's hair change I assumed she had sex My tiny dumb child brain interpreted the phrase as "put the pedal to the middle" and I was so confused because they were clearly putting the pedal all the way down
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Mar 26, 2017 20:10
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French Canadian Catholic actually. This was before sex ed, which wasn't really informative until the 9th grade. Before that it was just puberty and babies while avoiding anything about anatomy or sex. Basically everything is about guilt or awkwardly trying to avoid uneasy discussions. A lot of my information came from when I discovered TV had nudity and I would watch Discovery's Sex Files on mute with close captions to see boobs. I'd learn some facts...but a lot of fringe theories that are hilariously stupid now that some time has been put between me and that show. The hair colour theory came from me misinterpreting them having a theory that women's hair and scent changes when they have a baby. Or something equally as odd as that. Oh and another thing I believed as a kid, if I watch tv it means society hasn't collapsed yet because if society had the tv would be cut or an announcement would come on - it became a bit of a security blanket when an alien movie scared me shitless as a young kid. Man...I probably should have saw a therapist as a child. Houle fucked around with this message at 20:25 on Mar 26, 2017 |
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Mar 26, 2017 20:22
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Teacher asked us to think up how we would run society if we could. As a kid without an allowance, I wanted a world where I could get toys without money. So, I proposed a world where everyone worked their job, whatever that may be, and took what they needed. You make shoes? People can take ur shoes. You need bread? As long as you worked as a shoemaker, just take some bread! And you want a toy…? No money required! Teacher made me redo it, because she said there cannot be a world without money 
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Mar 26, 2017 20:29
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Western Backstroke posted:Teacher asked us to think up how we would run society if we could. As a kid without an allowance, I wanted a world where I could get toys without money. So, I proposed a world where everyone worked their job, whatever that may be, and took what they needed. You make shoes? People can take ur shoes. You need bread? As long as you worked as a shoemaker, just take some bread! And you want a toy…? No money required! American education system at work, friends.
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Mar 26, 2017 20:31
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why would anyone make shoes if you can just take all the toys you want without working
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Mar 26, 2017 20:40
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Houle posted:
Same but I think The Little Toaster is why I believed this. Whenever I stubbed my toe on something I would yell at and hit that thing for hurting me lol.
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Mar 26, 2017 21:51
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If you got REALLY REALLY strong, you could grab your own feet, pick yourself up, and fly through the air.
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Mar 26, 2017 22:25
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Houle posted:That girls had their vagina around where the penis was, so that if you had a really long penis you could basically skewer her and go into another woman and that that was what threesomes were. i thought that boys just rubbed their dicks on the outside until sperm came out posting instances of genital confusion in an "idiots ideas you had as a kid" thread feels like cheating though quote:- That women's hair got darker if they lost their virginity, so if I noticed a girl's hair change I assumed she had sex these, however, are amazing
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Mar 26, 2017 22:44
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I remember a friend of mine getting real excited / amused after reading some kind of sex ed pamphlet or something and telling me a bunch of totally incorrect poo poo. I'm pretty sure he was unironically talking about peeing in butts and thought it was fuckin hilarious.
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Mar 26, 2017 22:51
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- Communism was a great system that definitely worked and created paradise of equality on earth. I was reading a lot of kids' books with Soviet propaganda in them when I was a kid.
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Mar 26, 2017 23:05
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Kite Pride Worldwide posted:If you got REALLY REALLY strong, you could grab your own feet, pick yourself up, and fly through the air.  How else do you think Superman can fly?
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Mar 26, 2017 23:20
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Ice Blue Mink posted:
exactly. hell, it worked for the Lorax
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Mar 26, 2017 23:29
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My bedroom was next to a meter of some kind--gas, maybe--that did a Thump-Thump all the time, just like a beating heart. My big sis helpfully told me how an evil witch had been buried there, and it meant she was alive and going to come after me. I spent a lot of nights cowering in my parents' bed before they realized a radio would drown out the hateful heart, To my knowledge it's still beating away, frightening new generations of kids. I also thought that the tree shadows which would occasionally light up my room whenever a car passed was evidence that the tree shadows chased each other around the house all night long, adhering to the walls.
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Mar 27, 2017 00:24
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I wad deathly afraid of being abducted by aliens as a kid and I usually slept with my back facing the door. sometimes I would wake up at night and think there was an alien in my room trying to abduct me but as long as I didn't turn around and see him (which is what everyone does in horror movies) I'd be fine.
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Mar 27, 2017 00:31
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Ditto but with crocodiles under the bed. Couldn't step off that bed until daytime.
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Mar 27, 2017 04:29
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I did a report on UFOs in 4th grade and had a phobia of aliens for a while too. I would get very little sleep some nights staring out my window at the sky, so in case I saw a UFO I could prepare to ... defend myself from the aliens I also thought inanimate objects and foods had feelings but I imagined my food being sad if it didn't all get eaten, like its life had had no meaning!
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Mar 27, 2017 04:36
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Surprised no one said this yet. When I was really young I was afraid there was a monster waiting to kill me but it couldn't get me so long as my feet or arms were within the confines of the bed. I feel like this was my brain making sense of the whole keep my arms in the car while it was moving or I would lose it rule/reality. That and somehow blankets had this power too.
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Mar 27, 2017 16:06
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Houle posted:Surprised no one said this yet. When I was really young I was afraid there was a monster waiting to kill me but it couldn't get me so long as my feet or arms were within the confines of the bed. I feel like this was my brain making sense of the whole keep my arms in the car while it was moving or I would lose it rule/reality. That and somehow blankets had this power too. If you have soft toys in your bed the monsters will go for them first and you can use them as a decoy while you escape.
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Mar 27, 2017 16:34
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Ralph Hurley posted:My school mascot was the Bears and our school bags had a snarling cartoon bear on it. When I was in first grade they wanted to change the design of the bear and decided it would be cute to let the kids vote on it. So they passed out a sheet with five or six scary bear faces on it and told us to pick one. I was in elementary school during the end of the Vietnam War (I am old as gently caress) and I was terrified I'd be drafted by the NFL. I knew I could get a deferment from the military draft like my dad if I just stayed in school but I didn't know how not to get drafted by football and getting knocked on my rear end.
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Mar 27, 2017 19:39
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Valko posted:When I was five I used to think firemen sprayed fire on houses instead of water. I guy in my class father was a fireman and he used to threaten us by saying his father would come and spray fire on our homes. lol why would he threaten schoolchildren
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Mar 27, 2017 19:46
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Toadvine posted:for like, far too long I was hung up on the question of whether everybody perceived colors differently so do they perceive it differently or not is there a way to even tell
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Mar 27, 2017 19:49
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That Robot posted:so do they perceive it differently or not
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Mar 27, 2017 20:09
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- I have a vague memory from when I was two or three of sitting in the shower and rationalizing that if I pooped, the poop would strain down the drain. It did not. - In first grade, I remember explaining to my friends that Noah's ark was proof unicorns were real. I think this is kinda common for little Christian-raised kids, but I thought it was genius and just SO obvious. - Also believed toys had feelings. My mom told me to only pick up toys I was sure I wanted to buy because if I kept switching them, they'd have their feelings hurt. They thought they had a chance to be loved but I had implied weren't good enough. I'm not sure if this was a lesson in compassion or to make me quit bringing her toys. - My sister would hide in the closet and stick out a furry earmuff. This was the paw of the O Great Easter Bunny and it would get me if I displeased it. - An all-white cow meant the apocalypse. (???) - A solar eclipse meant the zombie apocalypse, which was different from the regular apocalypse. (???) - IT was in the sewers and would grab me if I stood on a grate or a manhole cover too long. And all clowns were IT, so I flipped out on Halloween and at a children's hospital.
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Mar 27, 2017 20:12
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Das Boo posted:
You got the color wrong, but an all-red cow born in Israel is a genuine end-times sign in some religions I think, maybe that's where you got this from? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_heifer
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Mar 27, 2017 20:19
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Das Boo posted:- I have a vague memory from when I was two or three of sitting in the shower and rationalizing that if I pooped, the poop would strain down the drain. It did not. Amazingly, I have friends who will believe and try this out and they're in their late 20s, it never turns out well.
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Mar 27, 2017 20:22
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smug n stuff posted:You got the color wrong, but an all-red cow born in Israel is a genuine end-times sign in some religions I think, maybe that's where you got this from? That's gotta be it. No idea who I knew that was Jewish, but the idea cropped up before I was 7 and all religions followed the same blob of a god at that age. a bone to pick posted:Amazingly, I have friends who will believe and try this out and they're in their late 20s, it never turns out well. What's worse is they admit to it. I'd bury that shame with the dinosaurs. Das Boo fucked around with this message at 20:26 on Mar 27, 2017 |
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Mar 27, 2017 20:24
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I thought I could use knock-out gas to rob drug stores and it would be the perfect crime.
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Mar 27, 2017 20:23
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I thought the word rear end meant penis stfu im gonna kick ur penis
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Mar 27, 2017 20:27
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I thought if I focused hard enough I could develop psychokinesis like a Jedi or one of the characters on beetleborgs. That kid just had to point his fingers at something to make it float and goddamit I wanted that power so badly
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Mar 27, 2017 20:29
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Arrhythmia posted:That probably actually did happen, neo pets loved doing poo poo like that and your mom just lost you like, a poo poo load of neopoints My uncle worked at the Neopet factory, and he told me this was 100% true.
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Mar 27, 2017 22:40
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I forced my sister to take me to a park one time because I wanted to plant a stick because I thought it was going to grow into a tree. I thought I invented the word "save."
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Mar 27, 2017 22:54
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Grump posted:I forced my sister to take me to a park one time because I wanted to plant a stick because I thought it was going to grow into a tree. One day my friend and I were running around the house, pointing at random spherical things, and yelling "Ball bearing!" When my dad stopped us and told us there really were ball bearings, we freaked out.
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Mar 28, 2017 03:02
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That Robot posted:lol why would he threaten schoolchildren It was the firemans son who threatened us not the fireman himself. The same kid once told all of us he could turn himself invisible because he was ninja. I asked him if he could show me how but he said "Only if you are being trained as a professional."
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Mar 28, 2017 03:07
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One time I saw the lyrics to "the rose" and so I wrote them down and was convinced that I wrote the song Also I recently tricked my niece into thinking I'm Taylor Swift
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Mar 28, 2017 03:38
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i very clearly imagined wolves underneath my bed. i imagined ninjas climbing through my window. how funny would it be if we all told our kids all kinds of horrible things they would believe it lol
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Mar 28, 2017 04:59
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I remember telling my mom one time that I didn't understand money because she gave the cashier one bill and got a whole bunch of bills + change back. It seemed to me that she was coming out of that deal better off.
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Mar 28, 2017 06:41
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I just wanted a pet cheetah
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Mar 28, 2017 07:29
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whacking off on an escarpment
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Mar 28, 2017 07:32
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I also was taught that food would have its feelings hurt if you didnt finish it, because it would make the food feel rejected and worthless. I felt bad every time I ate half a banana and left the rest on the kitchen counter. I have passed this teaching on to my younger nieces and nephews
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Mar 28, 2017 08:00
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That everyone was either Christian or Jewish. I wasn't really aware what religion even was, I just knew that these were the only two significant categories of people. Anyway I decided I was Jewish because I found it easier to pronounce, my 4yo tongue really struggled with that "s-tch" sound in "Christian" for some reason.
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Mar 28, 2017 08:42
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