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Android Blues

Vynar posted:

Draped in a American flag, Steve stands atop the podium. He is flanked by a disappointed Finn and weeping Hungarian. They despair in their inferior medals. Steve has claimed the gold. Finally America has a true champion. Steve the most good sex guy in the world. Gold Medalist Freestyle Gay Division. A national hero.

FactsAreUseless posted:

I'm the good kind of SEX GUY. *guitar riff* Yeah the good kind of SEX! GUY! *guitar riff*

google THIS posted:

I am the good sex guy. I sit in the lotus position, meditating on the good sex. I appear to be levitating, but actually I am...oh ho ho, you probably thought I was going to say that I was balancing on my large member, but no, the good sex guy is beyond such frivolously crude humor. No, I actually am hovering off the ground, because I am such a good sex guy, and because my penis is so large its gravitational field can hold me aloft.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Good sex guy: tantric meditation
Bad sex guy: tantric-or-treat

Manifisto posted:

I am not a good sex guy, I am a great sex guy. I have long surpassed simple binary, trinary, or even human-spectrum gender roles. I'm on a whole new level, the fungus level. did you know they have 36,000 sexes? the fungus kama sutra is mind-bogglingly big and I am mastering it. I am crushing it. I am not sure I have time to sex you, but come by in case I can fit you in, and please bring some perky young chanterelles.

Vynar posted:

Diligently, the bad sex guy watches youtube tutorials hoping to one day improve.

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Majuju

I had a beer with Stephen Miller once and now I like him.
"Though it has taken us nearly a decade for construction, and required both the unparalleled investment and cooperation of the international scientific community, I am pleased to announce today that the Large Hardon Collider is ready for full operation. This facility will allow us to explore the hidden depths of our universe, with the goal of discovering that truly elusive dream: the neutral sex guy."

*ribbon cutting, polite applause*

cda

by Hand Knit
me: :grin: girl let's have sex
her: are you the good kind of sex guy or the bad kind?
me: the good kind.

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cda

by Hand Knit
Secrets to being a good sex guy

The first secret of being a good sex guy is: There is no secret. Just be a good sex guy.
The second secret of being a good sex guy is: There is no secret. I told you that.
The third secret of being a good sex guy is: If you're still reading, congratulations, you weren't fooled. There is a secret to being a good sex guy which i discovered years ago. The secret is to never read to the end of things, because the end is where you end up getting owned by me, the good sex guy. I will never reveal my secret.

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Manifisto


it is naive in the extreme to think that one individual can be "good" or "bad" at sex. I am taking the smarter route, I am crowdsourcing my sexhaving. when you are entering captchas, do you really think you are helping to digitize old books? no, you're providing input into my sexing, to make it the good kind.


ty nesamdoom!

cda

by Hand Knit
i'm the good kind of sex guy, but...is sex good? if sex is bad, then being the good kind of sex guy is bad.

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FutonForensic

:) i'm good sex guy. i'll keep insisting on going down on you and i'll try not to grunt so loud when i'm thrusting

:twisted: i'm bad sex guy. i'll tug your hair a little and smack your butt while i keep saying "yeah, u like that??" in a silly low voice

and now, let's meet our mysterious third contestant!

:zombie: i'm worst sex guy. i always fart when i orgasm and i accidentally got a little too much back in my foreskin restoration surgery. i've been a virgin longer than i've been alive

*good and bad sex guy start sweating profusely in the face of strong competition*


HotSoapyBeard

I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
Good sex guy:
The 1500s; a monastery somewhere in southern France (don't worry I've translated)
Monk: "I don't understand, how can it be that I, a celibate monk could be the one true good sex guy who can save the world from bad sex? Is it not against our teachings?
Abbot: "Fear not my son, sometimes our calling can take us outside the Church, follow your true path"

Bad sex guy:
At the same time, in a monastery in England
Monk: "I... I think my calling is to be a good sex guy"
Abbot: "Shut your filthy mouth, heathen!! Now bend over and let me fondle your arse you bald young trollop!!!"

Dick Bastardly

Muttley is SKYNET!!!
me: you see, good and bad, those are subjective concepts that are dependent on the one having the experience. So baby, you tell me, am I a good sex guy, or a bad sex guy? :grin:
girl: *goes home, masturbates*


Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

Senior Management



I am the sex king of loving otherwise known as the good sex guy.

:jerry:

Senior Management



I will take you on the ride of your life but you need to sign this waiver first and also bring cash. The tickets to the theme park are $55 each and we need to at least split the gas.

:jerry:

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


I am the bad sex guy. I am bad at sex. women do not enjoy sex with me, but sometimes do because everyone makes mistakes.

Space Taxi
Good sex guy wrote the Kama Sutra.
Bad sex guy shoplifts Hustler from the convenience store.

Space Taxi fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Mar 25, 2017

cda

by Hand Knit

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I am the bad sex guy. I am bad at sex. women do not enjoy sex with me, but sometimes do because everyone makes mistakes.

Hey, let's never be in the same room, or else the universe might end

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cda

by Hand Knit
Did I loving stutter? I'm the good kind of sex guy. You heard me. No need to wonder what kind of sex guy I am. It's the good kind. Been having it for years, no problems here. So get off my loving dick with this "what kind of sex guy is he" poo poo. Check the label, dumbass; it says "Good"

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FactsAreUseless

Piso Mojado


hey which wikihow did you git that from? just curious. i mean if it came from a sex tutorial that would be cool. not that i need it, of course.

FactsAreUseless

Piso Mojado posted:

hey which wikihow did you git that from? just curious. i mean if it came from a sex tutorial that would be cool. not that i need it, of course.
I asked my girlfriend(s) to take a picture of me.

Piso Mojado

FactsAreUseless posted:

I asked my girlfriend(s) to take a picture of me.

damb we could be brothers

Senior Management



FactsAreUseless posted:

I asked my girlfriend(s) to take a picture of me.

As the girlfriends in question we are of one mind and united in this logical path. We took the picture. This is the admin's true form. King of the good sex guys. Also Billy has somehow joined our collective hive mind and won't leave and he is getting weird with his strong opinions about Mountain Dew Baja Blast.

:jerry:

Senior Management



I am the mediocre sex guy. My partners would describe me as adequate if they existed. And trust me, they do.

:jerry:

lmbo calrissian

i'm into fashion
men are my passion

FactsAreUseless posted:

Blaxploitation hero Sexual Jones, a character appearing in more than 35 different films from 1973-1986,[1] is often described in the films as a "bad sex guy."[2] However, the audience is then informed that the characters in the film "can dig it."[3] In this way, Jones can be defined as both a "good sex guy" and a "bad sex guy," a dichotomy that Dr. Cornel West calls "the paradox of black sexuality in white society."[4]

lmbo calrissian

i'm into fashion
men are my passion

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I am the bad sex guy. I am bad at sex. women do not enjoy sex with me, but sometimes do because everyone makes mistakes.

The sex honesty award goes to

Cosmik Slop

What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?


I'm a bad sex guy in a bad sex cabin working on a bad sex bomb. Try not to get hit by any of the sexy shrapnel when this nasty little contraption blasts off in your face.

Senior Management



It takes a lot of work being the good sex guy because all she has to do is lie their disappointed in me while I do all the heavy lifting. Seriously Janet I do not think that moving your couch up a flight of stairs counts as foreplay no matter how much you promise that it is a sexy act and look at your phone.

:jerry:

Senior Management



Sometimes while making a sex I accidentally forge a deep emotional connection and have to skip down in fear. And when I find myself a-fallin' for some girl I hop right into that car of mine and ride around the world.

:jerry:

Mariana Horchata

recently divorced poster seeking safe and clean byobjob can host 420 safe

cda

by Hand Knit
Do u think it's impossible to have sex and be good? Well io've got news for you, and the news is called: it's me, the good kind of sex guy

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cda

by Hand Knit
ever since the world changed on November 8 2017, i've been thinking; it's time. it's time to let people know i'm the good kind of sex guy

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit
love this new hallmark line of greeting cards they created for me. example

Outisde: I'm the good kind of
Inside: sex guy

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit
Outside: Greetings,
Inside: I'm the good kind of sex guy

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit
Outside: What kind of sex guy am I? Read the inside of this card to find out.
Inside: The good kind

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit
Outside: Happy birthday, Grandma!
Inside: I'm the good kind of sex grandson

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

FactsAreUseless

Outside: Oh the places you'll go!

Inside: The mouth, vagina, and anus.

cda

by Hand Knit
Q: How many good sex guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One (me)

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

cda

by Hand Knit
IO'm such a good sex guy,. that when I take the Myers-Briggs, my MBTI type is GOOD SEX GUY.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

FactsAreUseless

cda posted:

IO'm such a good sex guy,. that when I take the Myers-Briggs, my MBTI type is GOOD SEX GUY.
Just like Hitler.

cda

by Hand Knit
Hitler was definitely a monster, but he was also, according to legend, the good kind of sex guy. Sorry if your brain can't stand nuance.

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Slush Garbo

FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
can't wait to find out what kinda sex guy i am #oneday #keephopealive #itsgonnahappen

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