- Android Blues
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I'm the bad kind of sex guy. I'm the kind of sex guy your daughters warned you about. I wear a long moustache and a sport coat. I'm the bad kind of sex guy.
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Mar 24, 2017 13:09
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Apr 29, 2024 03:47
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- Android Blues
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bad sex guy:good sex guy :: the pallid rays of the moon:the smoky warmth of the sun
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Mar 24, 2017 13:10
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- Android Blues
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Bad sex guy has sex like this. Good sex guy? Has sex the other way. *audience cracking up because they all get it immediately*
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Mar 24, 2017 13:10
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- Android Blues
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When the bad sex guy has sex, a wolf howls and an eagle feels desolate. When the good sex guy has sex, a cactus blooms in the desert. A sand vermine scurries from its hole and lets the sand wash over its coat, cleaning it of grit - when the good sex guy has sex.
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Mar 24, 2017 13:12
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- Android Blues
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A household where they have a shrine to the good sex guy and the bad sex guy, and they sacrifice crows for the bad sex guy, and bake biscuits and heavy doughy treats for the one who's good at sex.
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Mar 24, 2017 13:14
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- Android Blues
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Little dishes in front of the good sex guy and the bad sex guy shrines. They go, "mmh," when you weigh them down with an offering, except bad sex man has a sound to him that is more like, "hmmph!". His sport coat is rendered in ivory.
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Mar 24, 2017 13:16
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- Android Blues
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The good sex guy, Spenta Mainyu, battles endlessly in opposition to the bad sex guy, Angra Mainyu. Humanity, of course, is bent over in the middle and getting it at both ends.
Goofus finishes first and wants to watch TV while they do it.
Gallant does the exact same thing because our misogynist culture doesn't value women's sexual needs #YesAllSexGuys
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Mar 24, 2017 13:45
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- Android Blues
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bad sex guy: learns sex moves at dojo run by mean ex-special forces guy
good sex guy: learns sex moves one-on-one as personal slave of maverick retired sex expert, who teaches unusual long-shot technique that is pivotal in winning the love interest's heart at . . . the . . . uh, sex competition?
sex is like pizza: the enjoyability of a pineapple topping depends entirely on the other ingredients
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Mar 24, 2017 14:19
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- Android Blues
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Draped in a American flag, Steve stands atop the podium. He is flanked by a disappointed Finn and weeping Hungarian. They despair in their inferior medals. Steve has claimed the gold. Finally America has a true champion. Steve the most good sex guy in the world. Gold Medalist Freestyle Gay Division. A national hero.
I'm the good kind of SEX GUY. *guitar riff* Yeah the good kind of SEX! GUY! *guitar riff*
I am the good sex guy. I sit in the lotus position, meditating on the good sex. I appear to be levitating, but actually I am...oh ho ho, you probably thought I was going to say that I was balancing on my large member, but no, the good sex guy is beyond such frivolously crude humor. No, I actually am hovering off the ground, because I am such a good sex guy, and because my penis is so large its gravitational field can hold me aloft.
Good sex guy: tantric meditation
Bad sex guy: tantric-or-treat
I am not a good sex guy, I am a great sex guy. I have long surpassed simple binary, trinary, or even human-spectrum gender roles. I'm on a whole new level, the fungus level. did you know they have 36,000 sexes? the fungus kama sutra is mind-bogglingly big and I am mastering it. I am crushing it. I am not sure I have time to sex you, but come by in case I can fit you in, and please bring some perky young chanterelles.
Diligently, the bad sex guy watches youtube tutorials hoping to one day improve.
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Mar 24, 2017 19:01
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Apr 29, 2024 03:47
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- Android Blues
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I'm the good sex guy. You may have read such novelisations of my life as
Mills & Boone: A Good Sex Affair
Mills & Boone: Good Sex In The Good Sex Hotel With The Good Sex Guy
Mills & Boone: Good Sex With The Guy Who Does Good Sex; That's The Good Sex Guy
Mills & Boone: I Wish That Guy Would Let Me Cheat On My Husband With Him But He's Just Too drat Noble And Also Good At Sex; He's The Good Sex Guy
Bad Sex Guy can only do up to 68
good sex guy: ill do the sex to anyone really well
bad sex guy: *gets a boner and his dick explodes*
"Though it has taken us nearly a decade for construction, and required both the unparalleled investment and cooperation of the international scientific community, I am pleased to announce today that the Large Hardon Collider is ready for full operation. This facility will allow us to explore the hidden depths of our universe, with the goal of discovering that truly elusive dream: the neutral sex guy."
*ribbon cutting, polite applause*
Secrets to being a good sex guy
The first secret of being a good sex guy is: There is no secret. Just be a good sex guy.
The second secret of being a good sex guy is: There is no secret. I told you that.
The third secret of being a good sex guy is: If you're still reading, congratulations, you weren't fooled. There is a secret to being a good sex guy which i discovered years ago. The secret is to never read to the end of things, because the end is where you end up getting owned by me, the good sex guy. I will never reveal my secret.
 i'm good sex guy. i'll keep insisting on going down on you and i'll try not to grunt so loud when i'm thrusting
 i'm bad sex guy. i'll tug your hair a little and smack your butt while i keep saying "yeah, u like that??" in a silly low voice
and now, let's meet our mysterious third contestant!
 i'm worst sex guy. i always fart when i orgasm and i accidentally got a little too much back in my foreskin restoration surgery. i've been a virgin longer than i've been alive
*good and bad sex guy start sweating profusely in the face of strong competition*
I am the sex king of loving otherwise known as the good sex guy.
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Mar 27, 2017 00:09
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Mar 24, 2017 13:09
