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KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008




----------------------------------------------------------------------


WRESTLEMANIA 33
APRIL 2ND! KICK OFF STARTS AT 5PM EST. MAIN SHOW STARTS AT 7PM EST!!!!:siren:

HOSTED BY THE NEW DAY

Universal Title Match
Goldberg(c) vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

WWE Title Match
Bray Wyatt(c) vs. Randy Orton

Unsanctioned Match
Seth Rollins vs. Triple H

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

US Title Match
Chris Jericho(c) vs. Kevin Owens

Intercontinental Title Match
Dean Ambrose(c) vs. Baron Corbin

Raw Women's Title Elimination Match
Bayley(c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

Smackdown Women's Title Match
Alexa Bliss(c) vs. Every Smackdown Woman Available

Raw Tag Team Title Triple Threat (Ladder?) Match
Gallows & Anderson(c) vs. Cesaro & Sheamus vs. Enzo & Big Cass

Kick Off Pre Show Matches:
Cruiserweight Title Match
Neville(c) vs. Austin Aries

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

More To Be Announced?????

----------------------------------------------------------------------


NXT TakeOver Orlando
April 1st!!!


NXT Championship Match
Bobby Roode(c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

NXT Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match
Authors of Pain(c) w/ Paul Ellring vs. #DIY vs. The Revival

NXT Women's Championship Match
Asuka(c) vs. Ember Moon

Aliester Black NXT Debut Match
Andrade Cien Almas vs. Aliester Black

Maybe More???

----------------------------------------------------------------------


WWE Hall of Fame
This Friday!!

Kurt Angle inducted by John Cen

Diamond Dallas Page inducted by Eric Bishoff

The Rock 'N' Roll Express inducted by Jim Cornette

Beth Phoenix inducted by Natalya

Ravishing Rick Rude posthumously inducted by Ricky The Dragon Steamboat

Teddy Long inducted by The APA

Eric Garland receives the Warrior Award from Dana Warrior

Legacy inductions of Rikidozan, Toots Mondt, Farmer Burns, Luther Lindsay, Dr. Jerry Graham, June Byers, Betty Grable, and Haystacks Callhoun

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Raw Results

Raw started with Undertaker hacking/possessing the feed.

Bayley came out and cut a promo about fulfilling her dreams until Charlotte came out and told her to stop dreaming and open her eyes. She says that Sasha Banks has turned her into a pawn to get that title back. Sasha comes out and says that Bayley and her know they are friends and anything else is just friendly competition even though she is going to be Bayley. Nia Jax comes out and says she's tired of hearing about the three women in the ring as they just been all over Raw since she got here. A brawl breaks out and its a tag team match next.

Bayley and Sasha defeat Charlotte and Nia Jax. After the match Nia lays everyone out.

Sami Zayn is interviewed and says he is going to be in the Andre Battle Royal. Stephanie McMahon butts in and says that isn't the case because Sami is a loser. If Sami wants to be in the Andre Battle Royal he has to beat Kevin Owens in a No DQ match or he's fired.

Austin Aries defeated Noam Dar. Neville was on commentary. The Cruiserweight title match was announced for the preshow.

Seth Rollins came out on a crutch to sign the contract for the Non Sanctioned Match with HHH. HHH comes out and tells Rollins to sit down and listen to him or he won't sign the contract. HHH gives Seth one more out and Seth turns it down. HHH says morals don't mean anything and people now get mad at rich people like him. HHH is giving Seth a chance to be rich and live well like him instead of being a poor loser without money. Seth says that's the same crap HHH sold him years ago and this time he isn't falling for it. Seth wanted redemption for falling for HHH's fast talking back then. Seth and HHH sign the contract and HHH attacks Seth Rollins. HHH tries to pedigree Seth Rollins but gets dumped out of the ring. Seth then hits HHH with a crutch to send him running.

Clips of Taker interrupting the broadcasts and digging a grave for Reigns keep showing throughout Raw.

Big Show hosts an Over the Top Rope Invitational in preparation of the Andre Battle Royal. Big Show eliminates Jinder Mahal, Bo Dallas, and the Shining Stars until Curtis Axel and Golden Truth triple team him. Even they aren't enough until the 4 previously eliminated guys come in and help eliminate Big Show. I don't think anyone treated this like a real match as Show came back in the ring and laid out all the heels as Golden Truth ran away. Big Show was about to leave when Braun Strowman came out and said he was in the Andre Battle Royal and Show would have to wait until Mania to get his big rear end kicked by Braun. The Andre was announced for the preshow as well.

Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows cut a promo on Enzo Amore and Big Cass as they have a match tonight.

Roman Reigns was interviewed about the messages Undertaker was sending and Roman says he doesn't believe in mind games and dead men and he'll tell the world what he's going to do to Taker at Mania.

The New Day were at Wall Street and the Rocky Statue today being goofy or whatever.

Cesaro and Sheamus were getting interviewed when The Club attacked them with ladders.

Neville defeated Jack Gallagher. Neville was then interrupted with a Austin Aries News Network Update. Aries was backstage to question Neville's claim that Aries can't beat him. Aries is here to interview New Day. He wants to know who will be the Cruiserweight champion after Wrestlemania. New Day says the person that uses their hips the best. Aries says he needs to rephrase the question and gyrates this time while asking it. New Day start an A Double chant similar to their chant.

Roman Reigns comes out to massive boos. He says won the Rumble in Philly one year and main evented Mania twice which he thought was the biggest moments of his career. He was wrong because at Wrestlemania he'll do what no one has done and put the deadman down. Taker cut a promo digging a single grave all by itself for Roman. He teleports into the ring and tells Roman he will rest in peace. Taker then causes the lights to go out.

Enzo and Cass came out to cut a promo on Gallows and Anderson. Gallows and Anderson come out but are attacked by Sheamus and Cesaro with a ladder. All three teams fight over the ladder for some reason with Gallows and Anderson standing tall. Their tag title match will probably be a Ladder match now.

Kevin Owens is interviewed backstage. He said he was a moron to be a Chris Jericho fan just like everyone else. He said they were never friends and he'd prove that at KOMania 2. First he's going to take joy in ending Sami Zayn's WWE Career tonight in a No DQ match.

Sami Zayn defeats Kevin Owens after Samoa Joe and Chris Jericho interfere. Jericho apparently finally adds Kevin Owens to the List of Jericho and Owens is outraged.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman come out and Heyman gives Goldberg boring second hand compliments. He calls Goldberg the Man, but Lesnar is the Beast. Heyman calls Goldberg a real life hero and real life heroes don't fair well against Brock Lesnar, as if Goldberg didn't make Lesnar look like a fool twice already. Golderg will go to Suplex City, so says Heyman. Goldberg comes out and says he can't take all of Philly to Mania so he'll bring Mania to Philly and spears Lesnar laying him out with one spear to end Raw.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Smackdown Results
  • AJ Styles and Shane McMahon had a contract signing, cementing with finality that this is seriously it, this is what they're using AJ for at Wrestlemania, a match with Shane "I'm not Shinsuke Nakamura" McMahon. Shane warned AJ not to underestimate him because he always brought more than expected. AJ - wearing a new UNTOUCHABLE shirt - reminded him they've signed for a MATCH, and going through a table or leaving the ring for more than 10 seconds will see Shane DQed/counted out. He can't hang with AJ in the ring in a wrestling match, and AJ intends to humiliate him.

  • Alexa Bliss and Mickie were on commentary for a Becky Lynch vs Carmella match. They got into an argument, started fighting, got into the ring and caused a No Contest ending to the match. The exact make-up and stipulation of Alexa's title match at Mania has still not been set.

  • Alexa and Carmella defeated Becky Lynch and Mickie James in a tag match after interference by Nattie and Ellsworth. Everybody started brawling, Naomi returned and said everybody would "feel the glow" at Wrestlemania.

  • Tyler Breeze tried to enter the woman's title match as "Breezy Bella", Bryan turned him down and was then surprised to discover it was Tyler and not Nikki. He offered Fandango and Tyler a chance to be in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

  • Miz and Maryse did another Total Bellas Bullshit segment, playing John Cena, Daniel Bryan, Nikki and Brie Bella at an awkward dinner. After mocking Nikki never getting married or having kids, Miz and Maryse broke character to openly taunt Cena and Nikki. In the ring (where Miz and Maryse were watching themselves) they claimed Mania would be Cena and Nikki's curtain call. Cena came out and ripped into Miz for being a knock-off of better wrestlers (including himself) and was particularly vicious towards Maryse for never having accomplished or done anything, pointing out that there was a woman's revolution in WWE but she wasn't part of it. Miz and Maryse declined to get into a fight and left, Miz almost returned but Maryse held him off. Nikki taunted them and then she and Cena made out.

  • Mojo Rawley won a ten-man tag featuring himself, American Alpha, Heath Slater & Rhyno against The Usos, Breezango & Dolph Ziggler. Rawley pinned Tyler Breeze.

  • Luke Harper warned Bray Wyatt that now he was free of Bray's influence, Bray should "run".

  • Bray Wyatt defeated Luke Harper in the main event non-title match. Afterwards, Randy Orton appeared on the titantron, warned Bray he was coming for him at Wrestlemania, and planted a cross into Sister Abigail's gravesite.

Somebody fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Mar 29, 2017

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Abroham Lincoln
Sep 19, 2011

Note to self: This one's the good one



Magicbacon
Dec 13, 2004
Magicpig Mk.II

Sir Plus
Jan 16, 2008

Ain't easy looking this eggstraordinary.

raw? boy i dunno....

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

If you aren't ready for Wrestlemania after these incredible Sami Zayn segments and Stephanie McMahon setting up for some incredible women's matches, then well, you might need to re-evaluate your commitment to the WWE and wrestling as a whole.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007

go home shows that feature almost zero wrestling are the best go home shows

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
So after Kurt, DDP, Rick and The Rockers they didnt gave a gently caress about the HOF, right?

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

DoctorGonzo posted:

So after Kurt, DDP, Rick and The Rockers they didnt gave a gently caress about the HOF, right?

After Angle.

a.lo
Sep 12, 2009

I thought Christian was going in the HOF

Shayna Baszler
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you
Muldoon
the ultimate thrillride

death

Tweak
Jul 28, 2003

or dont whatever








t h e

u l t i m a t e

t h r i l l

r i d e

Jetfire
Apr 29, 2008
Can someone explain to me why Heyman changed his tongues speak mid-curse? Was it because Goldberg's also Jewish, I guess?

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007

Jetfire posted:

Can someone explain to me why Heyman changed his tongues speak mid-curse? Was it because Goldberg's also Jewish, I guess?

yep

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

So whatever happened to the Raw smack talk show Raw Doggin' It or whatever it was called?

Did they just say, "Well, Talking Smack is dumb and nobody likes it so we are just gonna quit the Raw version?

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

SUN GOD AVATAR posted:

So whatever happened to the Raw smack talk show Raw Doggin' It or whatever it was called?

Did they just say, "Well, Talking Smack is dumb and nobody likes it so we are just gonna quit the Raw version?

they do it after raw ppvs

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

SUN GOD AVATAR posted:

So whatever happened to the Raw smack talk show Raw Doggin' It or whatever it was called?

Did they just say, "Well, Talking Smack is dumb and nobody likes it so we are just gonna quit the Raw version?

its only after big raw ppvs or next monday

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

SUN GOD AVATAR posted:

If you aren't ready for Wrestlemania after these incredible Sami Zayn segments and Stephanie McMahon setting up for some incredible women's matches, then well, you might need to re-evaluate your commitment to the WWE and wrestling as a whole.

Good point, maybe I'll just play Mass Effect and watch Baseball

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

Tweak posted:

t h e

u l t i m a t e

t h r i l l

r i d e

Taker having to say this during his graveyard promo was the best :allears:

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

See that's lame. Talking Smack rules and you'd think they would maybe want to do the same for Raw since it works and people enjoy it.

SalTheBard
Jan 26, 2005

I forgot to post my food for USPOL Thanksgiving but that's okay too!

Fallen Rib

SUN GOD AVATAR posted:

"Well, Talking Smack is dumb and nobody likes it so we are just gonna quit the Raw version?

Look at this guy being all wrong and poo poo

We Got Us A Bread
Jul 23, 2007

Talking Smack is proof that the people writing promos for the wrestlers are terrible at their jobs. Look at how the Miz, Corbin, etc. are on Talking Smack when they're allowed to be themselves, versus how they are during the show. It's night and day.

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?
Sheamus got a really nasty gash on Raw
:nws:https://twitter.com/WWESheamus/status/846564732920320000:nws:
:barf:

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

nobody should get hurt over this piece of poo poo show

TheKingslayer
Sep 3, 2008


Good God that's gnarly.

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

I missed that section. How did this happen to Sheamdaddy?

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"
Prepare the battlefield for a massacre.

https://twitter.com/pwstream/status/846422672900870144

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
The Hardys with wwe writing? I hope Impact wins the lawsuit.

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

DoctorGonzo posted:

The Hardys with wwe writing? I hope Impact wins the lawsuit.

Well, maybe they'll get lucky and end up on Smackdahahahhahahhaha

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

I can't wait to see the nostalgia run wild as the Hardy's convulse dance and point their fingers to their heads with extreme angst.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

SUN GOD AVATAR posted:

See that's lame. Talking Smack rules and you'd think they would maybe want to do the same for Raw since it works and people enjoy it.

They did it for Raw and it was loving awful

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Ragnarok the Red posted:

Well, maybe they'll get lucky and end up on Smackdahahahhahahhaha

HHH is going to book them on NXT or in a bullshit network tournament that nobody cares. If they are lucky HHH will book himself to feud with them.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage
Raw was bad.

a.lo
Sep 12, 2009

Sheamus' third eye

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage
I didn't even watch raw.

a.lo
Sep 12, 2009

Good

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold
man samoa joe injuring seth's knee might have been the best thing to happen to his character. otherwise he'd still be whining about not being handed the title

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~


I'm not going to lie, the Broken Hardys burning through Raw's poo poo tag division to set up a confrontation with New Day could be the only thing that makes me give a poo poo about it again at this point. Complaints about Smackdown's tag division being dead due to lacking screentime and storylines may have merit, but at least they're only theoretically buried due to lack of exposure instead of actually buried.

Also, its hard to envision the Broken Hardyz (or even Hardy Boyz classic edition) fitting in with Smackdown's division. I feel like they would stick out like a sore thumb. But for some reason the Broken version seems like it would slot in with what Raw has going pretty seamlessly. Can't say for sure why, its just a feeling.

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR
Hardys on NXT would probably be the best thing for them and WWE. It'd give the Hardys a much lighter schedule and let them be with their families and their kids more, something that is a priority to them, they'd be big draws and they'd obviously have a lot to teach the developmental guys.

Like, they should be around for big shows like the big four, but gently caress it, why not let them mainly be NXT guys. I don't think two guys with their mileage and each one having a very young child need to be on the road every week.

MysticalMachineGun
Apr 5, 2005

Go home, Mania.


Go home.

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Jiro
Jan 13, 2004


Holy Christ that looks deep. :stonk: Right above the eye socket too, he's really lucky.

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