We havent had a F*R*i*E*N*D*s topic for awhile

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > We havent had a F*R*i*E*N*D*s topic for awhile

naem: May 29, 2011

Manic Mailman posted:

Rachel has the best set of tits (Chandler comes in second).

# ¿ Mar 29, 2017 18:18

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# ¿ May 4, 2024 05:34

naem: May 29, 2011

# ¿ Mar 29, 2017 23:30

naem: May 29, 2011

oldpainless posted:

I'm not sure exactly why Phoebe was one of the Friends. 4 of them were upper middle class, one of working class and Phoebe was some homeless criminal masseuse who also had psychic powers or something.

Anyway Rachel had hard nipples almost all the time.

Every female friend group needs a tall hot blonde, and also a low ranking follower who's just happy to be there. Phoebe managed to be both at once.

Also she's BY FAR the hottest friend

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 01:33

naem: May 29, 2011

Gaunab posted:

Is Rachael supposed to be likable?

She's a quirky rich girl who turns down being an even RICHER girl by dumping her fianc� haha what a big nip free spirit breaest womand sex cumm

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 02:12

naem: May 29, 2011

FIRENDS�� makes you feel like you are an attractive young person with no real problems living an impossible safe pleasant life of a kind that has never and can never exist HAHA IM JUST LIKE CHANDLIKKAOEYOEBE

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 02:16

naem: May 29, 2011

Pawn 17 posted:

Chandler was the only successful one. The rest of them were poors.

Presumably, they could only afford rent because it was a family apartment with rent control from like 100 years ago. And chandler paid for the other apt.

Ross had a phd and his own apt and only hung out with the group out of concern for his developmentally disabled sister and of course he wanted to bang Chanandracheloebe

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 05:21

naem: May 29, 2011

Pawn 17 posted:

Oh yea true. I forgot he and chandler went to college together. He also had a kid and an ex wife at pretty much the beginning when they were mid 20s or whatever lol. Did that kid even get mentioned in later seasons or did they kind of write him out?

Wait the ex wife was an over the top lesbian stereotype right? I don't remember anything about them after like one episode

Ross makes a lot more sense if you imagine his weird fake speech patterns as a man attempting to placate a group of unstable schizophrenics that his sister hung out with. Like he's trying to play along but can't believe how bizarre it's all getting

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 05:33

naem: May 29, 2011

oldpainless posted:

From up to about season 7 Monica was really really pretty. Beautiful even. But then she like lost some weight or something and she became near skeletal in later seasons. Check out an episode in season 3 and then 9. Pay specific attention to her cheekbones and collarbone area. What happened to make you this way Monica?

Starving yourself to be as skinny as she was for a decade is super bad for you

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 17:36

naem: May 29, 2011

More ice nips

# ¿ Mar 30, 2017 19:22

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# ¿ May 4, 2024 05:34

naem: May 29, 2011

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

"Which Friends character are you most like?" I ask my date. I'm a witty guy who uses humour as a disarming mechanism (and, some might say, as a tool to masking my crippling insecurity), so I'd most likely be Chandler. But I'm smart like a scientist, so I could also be Ross. Finally, I'm klutzy and adorable--just like a Golden Retriever--so there's are certainly hints of Joey inside of me. "I'm basically Chandler, Ross, and Joey." I loudly proclaim this fact, because confidence is an aphrodisiac.

Every six months, Staples performs an employee review on me and gives me anywhere between a $0.30 and $0.50 raise. This last review, my "upsells" were so high that the manager bumped me up $0.65. The trick is to target older customers and mislead them on their purchases. Thus, it only took me seven weeks to afford a pair of Toto elevator shoes, which added five more inches to my height. The problem is that the shoes don't do much once you sit down, so I've also been growing my hair out and using Axe molding clay to stand it straight up, which adds several more inches. All-in-all, I'm pretty close to my goal of adding another foot to my height.

Women love it.

"These are really great breadsticks," I complement the breadsticks. I keep eating them because, hey, free food. "Nom nom nom...hah!" She doesn't get it.

Actually, I can't help but notice that my date sits a little straighter (and therefore higher) than me. As I try to fit an entire breadstick into my mouth and chew it without also biting my tongue, I carefully eyeball the top of her head. She follows my eyes and touches her hair. "What?" she asks.

I squint and chew harder. Louder. Faster. I lean in. She smells like...cinnamon? No, nutmeg. It's hard to tell. My nose is stuffed up so I have to keep my mouth open while I chew. I suddenly imagine the ball of bread rolling around in my mouth like a load of dirty laundry and it makes me want to throw up.

"I'll be right back," I jump up from my seat and jog to the restroom. When I get there, inspiration strikes me like a bolt of divine lightning. "Eureka!" I start balling up paper towels and stuffing them into the back of my pants--I think I fit half of a roll down there. Then I waddle back to the table and quietly take a seat.

She looks mildly shocked. Or perturbed? I don't know, women are hard to read. "Are you...are you alright?" she asks.

"Who? Me? Yeah. Of course." My rear end crunches softly on stiff brown paper towels while I use her forehead as a ruler and try to estimate the height that they have added to my position. Maybe an inch--not bad, not bad. I lean forward. "Do you think there's a difference between, like...anime and manga?"

Suddenly a sharp pain hits my stomach. The breadsticks. They're interacting with the pot of lukewarm coffee I drank earlier. I wince as I feel a burning sensation running through my intestines like a G-scale model train. An "uh oh..." escapes my lips before I can stop it at the proverbial gates. I don't think I'm going to make it to the bathroom. But the paper towels. "...spaghettiooooos..." I force a smile.

I imagine a beleaguered General Adama facing down a whole Cylon army with nothing but a handful of fighters and flak guns. He meditates on the coming battle before finally saying, Alright, here goes nothing, Colonel Tigh. I close my eyes, hesitantly relax my rear end, and immediately feel a warm burbling rise up between my legs, just like I sat down in a pool of sun-baked mud or bread dough. The sensation persists for what feels like an eternity--the duration of which I am entirely silent. When it ends--mercifully--I let out a soft sigh.

When I open my eyes, I realize something very strange: I have risen another inch or so and am now looking slightly downward at my date. It is the most shocking and beautiful thing I could ever conceive of.

They say, "When god closes a door, he opens a window." I don't believe in god, but if I did, I'd swear he was with me that day.

# ¿ Mar 31, 2017 23:23

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > We havent had a F*R*i*E*N*D*s topic for awhile