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We're back! On the tail of the extremely successful (unless you are a drag link) Trans Mountain to Tide Water Rally 2016, event organizers decided that not only having a lovely car wasn't enough, they also had to have a lovely event organizer. That's me. Previously on Trans Mountain to Tide Water We drove from south-central Alberta to British Columbia, and stayed in a variety of campsites and hotels. Team Cool Ranch had a little fire when their non-tied-down battery made a break for it in the middle of a steep truckers-gear-down downhill section. Team Hellica failed in rush hour Kelowna traffic when their fuel filter clogged, necessitating a parking-lot fuel filter swap while we tried to avoid the Corn Barn Mafia. Team Sweet Chili Heat's drag link bent while going through Highway 99, causing a loss of control. NASA scientists now believe the drag link failure was not linked to the use of 60-millimeter-wide wheel spacers, but instead cosmic rays. For its crimes, the Hellica was condemned to respectable daily driver duty, where it is currently a very nice car. This is not at all because we couldn't get rid of it for what we put into it. Who?
What? It's a Shitbox™® road rally where vehicles cannot cost more than $1000 CAD and also if it's like anything like last year you win by default by neither hitting a public works project nor spending nearly five grand on your car. When? June 2-5, 2017 is the provisional date. Where? Our current plan is to drive up the infamous Forestry Trunk Road. Why? In your heart, you already know why. The Rules
Scoring Points are awarded arbitrarily by group consensus. Things that may gain you points: deliberate fire. Things that may lose you points: accidental fire. Automatic victory is gained by choosing an Italian car, or an Eastern European car that you can convince me is "Italian enough" to qualify. Winning this event is the first step to fixing the rest of your life. You can do this. Everything is hinging on this trip. Seat Safety Switch fucked around with this message at 16:51 on Apr 11, 2017 |
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Apr 10, 2017 04:38
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Here's what we're running! No, not like that! The tires are all bald! Who has better tires?   Yes! It's a 1988 Town Car that we bodged a Taurus alternator into after the stock wiring harness caught fire and it sat in a field for 15 years before making its way to us for free from a friend-of-a-friend network. It rides on massive General Grabber AT2s with Ranger wheels and is the most comfortable truck I've ever owned. The transmission may be one posi burnout away from letting go entirely. Currently it is missing one of the front windows and has been that way for over a year. The interior is sort of gross.
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Apr 10, 2017 04:38
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For anyone interested I happen to know where you can get a cheap Scirocco for this. Edit: also PM me for a sweet 1986 GMC Safari. Tony quidprano fucked around with this message at 04:51 on Apr 10, 2017 |
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Apr 10, 2017 04:45
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We're hoping to take the Forestry Trunk Road (AB 40 and 734) between Cochrane and Nordegg. 8 hours for traveling less than 300km of distance, this road is fun. There are lots of technical areas, so try to bring something with a little ground clearance and decent traction, but don't sweat it too much. I traveled this route with my parents over the course of an entire month when I was young in a 2wd 1978 longbox crewcab GMC towing a 25' 70's era RV trailer, so if that barge could handle this road full of twisty sections, washboarding, steep hills, landslides, and literal moose attacks, whatever rolling garbage fire you can bring will be able to do this road without too much trouble. Bring extra gas, keep your food in a good sealed container (  EVERYTHING WILL GET DUSTY ) a comfortable sleep system, spares and tools and you shouldn't have much trouble at all. Bring mom's old minivan, it'll handle it, so long as you don't drive like a complete dong.Camping is plentiful along the way, and it's almost all PLUZ (public land use zoning) so there will be opportunities for ill-advised offroading excursions, firearms target practice, and practicing your general poor decision making skills.
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Apr 10, 2017 05:18
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Seat Safety Switch posted:The interior is sort of gross. The interior is super gross, but not nearly as bad as it could have been. Here are some of the tasks we've done so far: Went to edmonton to get used wheels and tires on the assumption that the wheels would fit. We were lied to and the bolt pattern was incorrect, necessitating new canadian tire special steelies. Here was the original test fit, note the coffee mug on the bumper. no table needed with this beaut.  Switch and I tore into the engine bay to fix a problem with the alternator, specifically that it was not charging the battery. When removing parts to gain access, we discovered a huge gaping hole in the pre-filter side of the air intake box, this would be sucking hot smokey air from inside the bay and robbing us of precious horsepowers, so I fixed it with a soda can and some 5 minute epoxy.   fucks given: zero Now for the alternator itself. Easiest way Switch found to do this was to replace the 2 wire alternator with a 3 wire (I think), splice in the charge cable, and cut part of the cast ear off the alt housing so we could actually get the belt over the pulley. Note the corroded and near-to-flames former alternator harness in the bottom right corner. New charge cable is spliced in with the old one under that nice crimp/heat shrink coupler in the middle. The big maxi fuse should keep this car mint for years to come.  The harness came from an F-150, the alternator from a taurus.  Ran the wire in front of the rad and over to the solenoid.  This week we had the tires on the proper wheels.  God drat that looks good.  The wheels only barely touch at full angle, when the suspension is compressed there's a little rubbing. No big, that will clearance itself no problem.  Today we replaced the plugs, wires, dizzy cap, rotor, and air filter. Fuel filter was done on the hoist, and we put in a replacement for a burnt out lowbeam headlight. It will do two wheel burnouts on gravel, so it's already fantastic. THE LIST posted:1. replace the rubber brake lines, service rear drums once the parts arrive
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Apr 10, 2017 05:41
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I liked how the succesfull the last rally went, and look forward to all the smart decisions that will be made in this one. Town car needs extra spotlights. A bunch of them.
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Apr 10, 2017 06:14
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God drat I love you guys
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Apr 10, 2017 11:50
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Man, I'd love to go on these if I had the PTO to do this sort of stuff and didn't fear leaving the country for what rectal exam I'd have to get when I came back in 
CommieGIR fucked around with this message at 12:50 on Apr 10, 2017 |
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Apr 10, 2017 12:44
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I'm 100% in. It'll either be exhibition class for me in the RX-8 or the F-150 (which will be 3" lower than stock by the time of the rally). Unless I can find a sub $1000 Honda Ruckus...Slung Blade posted:practicing your general poor decision making skills. Hahaha, that sounds like a challenge. Edit: http://www.kijiji.ca/v-scooters-pocket-bikes/edmonton/pair-of-honda-hobbit-pa50s/1251506677?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true McTinkerson fucked around with this message at 19:58 on Apr 10, 2017 |
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Apr 10, 2017 17:11
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I live in the wrong country and on the wrong side of the continent (and I have a family blah blah blah) but someone here should buy a $1000 RV and use that. Edit: 37 hour drive to the starting city. beep-beep car is go fucked around with this message at 17:23 on Apr 10, 2017 |
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Apr 10, 2017 17:12
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Shiny and chrome. 
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Apr 10, 2017 17:18
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Wow, that town car.stevobob posted:God drat I love you guys
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Apr 10, 2017 17:19
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scuz posted:Wow, that town car. It rubs a bit on the fender liner when you do donuts.  Since the alternator harness is ziptied to the passenger side fender well we should probably figure out a solution. I wonder if the caster is adjustable.
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Apr 10, 2017 17:22
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Seat Safety Switch posted:It rubs a bit on the fender liner when you do donuts.
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Apr 10, 2017 17:28
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scuz posted:Garden clippers, an empty gallon milk jug, and some hot glue will probably get you some clearance there. Or just wait for the tires to clearance themselves. Man, that's a cool look. I like how it gives the "hella flush" fender-filling look while also gaining half an inch of ride height and not completely trashing the geometry. It sounds like the caster is adjustable though, maybe I can just pull the wheels forward a bit and get a better alignment for all the track use this thing is sure to see.
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Apr 10, 2017 17:29
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While I can't join you on the journey, I will join you in spirit. Local off-road rally car we hacked together this weekend.  Don't worry, the best has yet to come.  
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Apr 10, 2017 19:01
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Needs a (fake) supercharger out the bonnet Or warboys.
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Apr 11, 2017 03:11
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Man, that's a 22 hour run to the starting city, or I'd be tempted. I saw an '88 Crown Vic for ~$500 on CL yesterday...
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Apr 11, 2017 04:18
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I may or may not have access to a rusty as gently caress E36 328is auto on eBay coilovers for basically free. I always wanted to know what a Bavarian inline 6 with zoomies sounded like. I also found another megasquirt while cleaning up my garage..... I wonder if I could actually top Sweet Chili Heat?
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Apr 11, 2017 04:56
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McTinkerson posted:I may or may not have access to a rusty as gently caress E36 328is auto on eBay coilovers for basically free. I always wanted to know what a Bavarian inline 6 with zoomies sounded like. I also found another megasquirt while cleaning up my garage..... Oh god yes that ratty BMW would be incredible on the FTR. Liquid Communism posted:Man, that's a 22 hour run to the starting city, or I'd be tempted. I saw an '88 Crown Vic for ~$500 on CL yesterday... Come on out! You'd have a place to stay and wrench as necessary when you get here at least.
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Apr 11, 2017 07:20
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Lol I drove a good chunk of this road by accident years ago. In my parents Buick Century. Anything can make this run. If I had any vacation time left I'd likely try to at least exhibition class this, but, I'm tapped out 
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Apr 11, 2017 12:21
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We have decided that June 2-5 is the most probable date for the event, but it is not set in stone. Let me know if you are planning on coming and cannot do June 2-5.
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Apr 11, 2017 16:51
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Probably a moot issue because I think you are officially starting a little further north, but I know the extreme southern leg of the trunk road doesn't open until the end of June. If someone was planing to start in Coleman in the Crowsnest Pass, well, don't.
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Apr 11, 2017 17:02
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Yeah we're sticking north of Cochrane, there's lots of oil field stuff in there and they maintain the roads at least a little. The only question I really have is, do we meet at my place and start from the south, or meet in nordegg and start from the north?
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Apr 11, 2017 17:36
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Either works. It's party before or after really since I/We will be coming from Edmonton. With the June dates, the wife and I are thinking RX-8 in exhibition class. It'll have the cat removed by then so we can keep the tradition of fire breathing rotaries going. Plus with the Bilsteins on stock springs, it's riding an inch higher than stock.
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Apr 11, 2017 17:48
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I love that lincoln. Those tires look so beefy on there even though they're the exact same size as the M+S tires on my lincoln. I've worked in around that area, On a weekend, the first 40-50kms at least will be full of mostly drunk campers in giant brotrucks pulling giant trailers. Remember you're going to be without cell service for basically the full length of the road(a cell booster gets you coverage at the top of hills). Depending on your fuel tank size, with the drag of gravel and a heavy foot, some vehicles might not make the full trip on a tank of fuel, and a single jerry can won't get you to a gas station. The speed limit is still 80 on most of it so 8 hours might not be realistic. You can stop for lunch in water valley, have one car go ahead to the other end of the single lane trail to spot traffic, and turn that road into a special stage for 2 cars in each direction. clicky This is a video from my truck, you could imagine how much more fun it would be in something 100,000lbs lighter, and how little fun it would be meeting another car head to head. That's the road i used to burn my turbo oil feed line and power steering hoses to a crisp. At one point coming in hot empty, i nearly threw myself out of the seat. It was fun even in an empty mack. the west half is a rollercoaster, the east half you have to push your way through cows. If there's an oilfield company using the road, they'll probably have flaggers keeping traffic one way during daylight. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So8falUGwz4 Also, watch out for bears, there will probably be bears. Slung Blade posted:Yeah we're sticking north of Cochrane, there's lots of oil field stuff in there and they maintain the roads at least a little. I would say start south and go to nordegg, if you end up with an extra day at the end or if someone wants to extend their cruise you can go west to jasper or banff, or the columbia icefields. Get a pass now for free entry to the parks http://www.commandesparcs-parksorders.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=22953&urlLangId=-1&productId=524528 Powershift fucked around with this message at 18:08 on Apr 11, 2017 |
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Apr 11, 2017 18:06
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Powershift posted:I love that lincoln. Those tires look so beefy on there even though they're the exact same size as the M+S tires on my lincoln. Where the hell do I get a cell booster? Do you have a spare one?
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Apr 11, 2017 18:07
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Mine came off a ranger!
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Apr 11, 2017 18:08
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Powershift posted:Sage words of wisdom. Yeah I'm thinking we'll want to take our time and enjoy the sights along the route. At least two nights of camping, or one plus a motel or something. I think mountain air Lodge is along the way somewhere on that road. Ram River falls is gorgeous, Pepper's lake is about the prettiest campground I have ever been to (oh yeah bring fishing gear everyone), we'll want to zip into Caroline for gas and to take in the, uh, atmosphere of the town  lots of other things to see and do.
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Apr 11, 2017 18:15
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Oooh, slap a tail number on your Lincoln and sneak onto the ram river air strip for some speed runs. It's gravel, but also a private air strip so it's only trespassing! This isn't something i would normally openly admit, but it's information that may contribute greatly to your efforts. whoo, here it goes. I've often thought about how a 5 poster roo bar compliments the grille/headlight/fender arrangement of the Lincolns and how wonderful one would look on my own. It would be good fab practice, and contribute to both road safety, aesthetics, and resale value.
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Apr 11, 2017 18:38
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Powershift posted:This isn't something i would normally openly admit, but it's information that may contribute greatly to your efforts. whoo, here it goes. I've often thought about how a 5 poster roo bar compliments the grille/headlight/fender arrangement of the Lincolns and how wonderful one would look on my own. It would be good fab practice, and contribute to both road safety, aesthetics, and resale value. Yes! Do this! and get some flags, too. They'll stream sideways when you're doing big stupid donuts in a field, which the Aussies call "Circle Work". It's more authentic that way.  Circle Work Competitor 4 by Martin Brummell, on Flickr Circle Work Competitor 5 by Martin Brummell, on FlickrNote the flexible vertical rods, I don' t know exactly how useful they are but they're part of the package. Seat Safety Switch posted:We have decided that June 2-5 is the most probable date for the event, but it is not set in stone. Let me know if you are planning on coming and cannot do June 2-5. Anybody need a co-driver? I don't think I'll be able to bring my GF along.
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Apr 11, 2017 22:14
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If you don't mind driving in a van that's been sideswiped and reeks of gasoline and brake cleaner we could probably go in mine if I haven't sold it by then.
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Apr 11, 2017 23:01
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Aww man I wish I could make it; this summer just doesn't work for me in the least. McTinkerson posted:I may or may not have access to a rusty as gently caress E36 328is auto on eBay coilovers for basically free. I always wanted to know what a Bavarian inline 6 with zoomies sounded like. I also found another megasquirt while cleaning up my garage..... BMW L6s sound like rear end with anything resembling open headers, and this is coming from a die hard BMW fan.
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Apr 11, 2017 23:28
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I'd love to do this again but I am not going to use my WRX nor my FD and, unfortunately, I sold Cool Ranch (which I would not have, if I knew this was coming up so soon) after last year's thing. I've got kind of a lot going on early summer too. Maybe next year.
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Apr 12, 2017 01:03
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DoritoPower posted:I'd love to do this again but I am not going to use my WRX nor my FD and, unfortunately, I sold Cool Ranch (which I would not have, if I knew this was coming up so soon) after last year's thing. I've got kind of a lot going on early summer too. Maybe next year. Buy a 500$ hooptie and race that mofo.
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Apr 12, 2017 04:08
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I desperately want to do this but could probably only swing a day or two and no money, since I ran out of wifely goodwill last year  Although if we're doing up a BMW I could probably be tempted. Zoomies, a homemade push/light bar, CB antenna and a ghetto suspension lift 
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Apr 12, 2017 23:27
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Apr 13, 2017 01:41
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Slung Blade posted:Oh god yes that ratty BMW would be incredible on the FTR. I'm switching compaines on 1 May, so there's no way I can swing a week off that quick. I'll just have to settle for cheering via internet. 
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Apr 13, 2017 04:51
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DrakeriderCa posted:I desperately want to do this but could probably only swing a day or two and no money, since I ran out of wifely goodwill last year Bring her with you! It's a camping trip, fun for everyone! Liquid Communism posted:I'm switching compaines on 1 May, so there's no way I can swing a week off that quick. I'll just have to settle for cheering via internet. Tell them you have some pre-planned vacation when you start, that's totally legitimate.
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Apr 13, 2017 05:11
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Liquid Communism posted:I'm switching compaines on 1 May, so there's no way I can swing a week off that quick. I'll just have to settle for cheering via internet. It's a religious obligation.
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Apr 13, 2017 13:29
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