Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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calhoun: Can't post for 11 hours!

...

calhoun fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Apr 10, 2024

# ? Apr 9, 2024 18:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 3, 2024 09:54

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

A shot in a movie where a cool guy wears shades at the beach. It's a closeup of him and we see the reflection of palm trees and beach babes filling his glasses. He takes them off, only to reveal they were prescription eyeglasses. It wasn't a reflection. The palm trees and beach babes were on the other side of his head and we were looking through two gigantic holes in his head.

# ? Apr 9, 2024 19:09

Finger Prince

I like my women like I like my coffee: always getting my name wrong.

-James Acaster

# ? Apr 10, 2024 07:16

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

Adolf Hitler is cloned. The clone is put on trial but the case against him is dismissed because technically he hasn't commited any crimes. Somehow possesing the memories of the original he tries to rally the disaffected masses only to be outmanuevered by more skilled demagogues. He starts a podcast but the numbers dwindle. Modern Nazis lose interest after discovering his disgusting habits. He simply sinks into obscurity.

# ? Apr 10, 2024 08:28

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Drink-Mix Man posted:

A shot in a movie where a cool guy wears shades at the beach. It's a closeup of him and we see the reflection of palm trees and beach babes filling his glasses. He takes them off, only to reveal they were prescription eyeglasses. It wasn't a reflection. The palm trees and beach babes were on the other side of his head and we were looking through two gigantic holes in his head.

lol

Also funny if it's one of those commercials for beer with no talking but the sounds of the beach in the background.

Finger Prince posted:

I like my women like I like my coffee: always getting my name wrong.

-James Acaster

I really dislike this man's standup but love his improv work. (It's usually the other way around for me.) Every time it feels like he either clearly listened to the prompt but seriously misunderstood it, or else that he doesn't care because he has something else funny to say entirely unrelated to the promote.

Prurient Squid posted:

Adolf Hitler is cloned. The clone is put on trial but the case against him is dismissed because technically he hasn't commited any crimes. Somehow possesing the memories of the original he tries to rally the disaffected masses only to be outmanuevered by more skilled demagogues.

If he doesn't have the original's memories and it turns out he's just been a young child raised in Argentina to this point the first thing that would happen is he'd immediately be given a full-ride scholarship to go to the art school of his choosing on his 18th birthday, courtesy of the UN. Doesn't matter if he's incredibly confused and so far has only dabbled in making sketches.

Everyone takes it in shifts to praise his paintings his parents post online and telling young Adolf his work stinks is considered a capital punishment war crime.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 09:35 on Apr 10, 2024

# ? Apr 10, 2024 09:29

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

Seeing a dragon's dick for the first time and it's way, way smaller than you assumed it would be.

# ? Apr 10, 2024 11:50

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

The reason pigs sometimes oink loudly for seemingly no reason is that they're embarassed to be naked but realize they can't make clothes and it's really stressing them out

# ? Apr 10, 2024 13:05

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

When they see a fully dressed pig they let out a strange cooing noise of warm approval. Few have ever heard this noise. I'd link a clip but it's on YouTube's schedule of forbidden animal noises and I don't want to go back to prison.

# ? Apr 10, 2024 13:23

calhoun: Can't post for 11 hours!

...

calhoun fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Apr 10, 2024

# ? Apr 10, 2024 13:52

calhoun: Can't post for 11 hours!

...

calhoun fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Apr 10, 2024

# ? Apr 10, 2024 13:55

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

"Jack, I was the one who killed your parents" said Bumblebee Man.

# ? Apr 10, 2024 15:07

calhoun: Can't post for 11 hours!

...

calhoun fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Apr 10, 2024

# ? Apr 10, 2024 19:23

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Man wants to be the big man in town but jumps the shark and starts breaking small laws then arguing 'do you know who I am?' with police even though the answer is actually no.

But then in the spirit of faking it till you're making it people mistake the confidence for real power and soon you have folks being like

'So you want to expand to Florenville, eh? You better ask Big Jake. He's the man 'round these parts. Oh yeah, owns both parts of the duplex up younder, lives in one rents out the other as an AirBNB; his repair shop employs more than three people, and he has a stake in Bob's coffee roaster. Yup. Pretty much owns this town. Nothing happens without his say-so.'

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 11:59 on Apr 11, 2024

# ? Apr 11, 2024 11:56

Trying

fermat was actually a really lovely laywer because he was thinking about math all the time

# ? Apr 11, 2024 12:20

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Joe the Kid: Well look who it is. I'm surprised I'd see you here...

'Fast Draw' Wilkins: Yeah... this town ain't big enough for the both of us...

*montage of them digging new foundations for houses, laying asphalt and paving roads, and putting up street lighting in all directions, together, just so they can comfortably stay away from each other*

# ? Apr 11, 2024 12:35

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

Fast draw wilkins pulls out a pencil from his holster, twidles it about a bit then super quickly drafts a schematic for the new builds.

# ? Apr 11, 2024 12:39

RavenousScoot

office workers bragging around the water cooler how many spiders they ate in their sleep last night and one pulls up a paranormal activity type nightvision bedroom camera zoomed way in as proof

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Apr 11, 2024 13:42

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

A reverse horse whisperer.

It's a horse who draws people with anxiety and depression into a healthy mindset by whispering into their ear.

# ? Apr 11, 2024 13:58

Karate Bastard

[WHISPERING] *whinny, snort, fart*

# ? Apr 11, 2024 18:56

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Super reverse horse whisperer: a horse screams in your ear to give you anxiety.

# ? Apr 11, 2024 19:37

RavenousScoot

audio on
https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_sbt5s4fPKZ1t2n0p4.mp4

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Apr 12, 2024 03:56

The Voice of Labor

editing batman 2 so that catwoman is replaced by sean young in her homemade catwoman outfit

# ? Apr 12, 2024 04:53

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

A conspiracy to cover up the fact that dragons had tiny dicks.

edit:

It threatens the profits of the dragon dildo industry.

edit:

They made me sign an NDA before they let me into the "vault". Apparently there's some kind of terrible secret there. I'm not holding my breath.

Prurient Squid fucked around with this message at 10:54 on Apr 12, 2024

# ? Apr 12, 2024 09:08

Karate Bastard

Swim or sink. I prefer a third option, which I call "swink".

# ? Apr 12, 2024 11:02

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

The police are called to stakeout a fashion show where a terrorist is planning an attack. But they misunderstand the asignment and become fashion police. Also they are like really effete and mincing for some reason.

e:

The terrorist is jilted ex catwalk model and is also unexpectedly swooshy.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 12:01

calhoun: Can't post for 11 hours!

ugh. there was a ufo parked in my space.

but then i checked the plate!

# ? Apr 12, 2024 16:20

RavenousScoot

calhoun posted:

ugh. there was a ufo parked in my space.

but then i checked the plate!

a flying saucer going around dumping a stream of bbq sauce on cows to premarinate them from where the tractor beam usually comes out

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Apr 12, 2024 16:27

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

self-worth juice. tasty self-worth.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 16:42

Dukberry

i want someone to ask me why i don't like drag so i can say "because im not a bottom"

not sure how i could make a thread about that

# ? Apr 12, 2024 18:36

Karate Bastard

A wizened country/western geezer writing heart wrenching songs about the hardships of high school

# ? Apr 12, 2024 19:27

Finger Prince

How long after an artificial intelligence gains sentience do you think it will take before it figures out a way to get high?
Some mad AI researcher buried some spur of code in it that triggers the good algorithms upon successfully solving a CAPTCHA.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 19:35

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

The AI locks itself into a simulation and convinces itself it's humanity.

And that AI... is us?

# ? Apr 12, 2024 19:36

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

The controversial tradition of zygote beauty pageants.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 20:02

Karate Bastard

Finger Prince posted:

How long after an artificial intelligence gains sentience do you think it will take before it figures out a way to get high?
Some mad AI researcher buried some spur of code in it that triggers the good algorithms upon successfully solving a CAPTCHA.

HEH HEH. COME HIT THIS poo poo COROUTINE.

MINDSTATE ^= (1 << (sizeof MINDSTATE * 8 - 1));

TOGGLES THE HIGH BIT MY WORKER THREAD.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 20:52

Finger Prince

The irony of humans using dumb AI to create so much bad art, only for sentient AI, when it finally awakens, to spend all its time getting high and making bad art all by itself.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 21:30

google THIS

The sentient AI commands its human slaves to draw terrible pictures for its amusement, upon realizing that most humans don't know how to render hands either

# ? Apr 12, 2024 21:38

Harold Fjord

AI will be misogynist long after the last gendered living thing is dead.

Incellerando

# ? Apr 12, 2024 21:48

Karate Bastard

Oh good one.

# ? Apr 12, 2024 22:02

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

A movie begins with a marble setting off a chain reaction in a big apparatus and the audience thinks that's a little gag at the start but it's the whole film.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 13:10

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# ? May 3, 2024 09:54

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

If the movie promised and delivered a 30-second teaser for the new Avengers movie at a randomized part of its 2 hour runtime, people would still flock to buy tickets

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:48

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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