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person who stops conversations about any topic and plays the wikipedia blue links game in their head connecting thoughts to end up accusing you of making a hitler reference and being a secret nazi
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Apr 26, 2024 20:41
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| # ? May 7, 2024 05:44 |
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a new barista at Starbucks is instructed to put a tea bag in hot water, but mishears this as "d-bag" and drowns a guy with a popped collar. |
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Apr 27, 2024 08:45
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Winnie gets the thousand yard stare when Piglet apprehensively asks how he earned the title "The Pooh" |
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Apr 28, 2024 00:04
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Same |
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Apr 28, 2024 00:15
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using your post count to attract mates at the county fair |
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Apr 28, 2024 00:51
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google THIS posted:Winnie gets the thousand yard stare when Piglet apprehensively asks how he earned the title "The Pooh" misread this as piglet accidentally took the title of pooh away from whinnie
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Apr 28, 2024 01:59
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sonic 3 and sonic and knuckles were sega's use your illusions 1 and 2 |
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Apr 28, 2024 23:37
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cat ceo with a candy dish of assorted toys on their desk, offers you one when you step into their office, takes one themself to play with while you're conducting business
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Apr 29, 2024 01:09
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country cat talking to his catballs before his daily bath "y'all gonna git a lickin'"
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Apr 29, 2024 01:48
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Stand-up comic who *only* talks about how stiff their wallet is. Not as a metaphor for being broke, but that the black leather bifold they got at the department store is stiff. At one show an audience member asks if they can see it for themselves. The comic pauses and answers 'no' they left it at home. They know they can't deliver the goods. Little do the audience suspect but that's not just the only thing the comic talks about when performing but in day-to-day life as well. To their wife, their friends, waitstaff at restaurants, to themselves in the mirror |
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Apr 29, 2024 08:42
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A student enrolled in one of those Be an Alpha courses that have replaced PUA classes works themselves up for the final exam: He purchases her KFC combo at the mall food court, and, not caring if anyone can see, saunters over to the Burger King soda fountain and pours himself a cup from their fountain |
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Apr 29, 2024 14:44
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Years later the student will look back and say they owe it all to that move. It's how they met their husband. How they got rid of their social anxiety and became a public speaker. How they learned that not all Pepsi from all soda fountain tastes the same. |
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Apr 29, 2024 14:47
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So Mr Calhoun, you solicited the services of a prostitute- Yes. to do your tax returns- Yes. ... ... Wh- It's not like they could get any worse, right? |
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Apr 29, 2024 17:00
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(Years back there was a story being shared about two rich 12 year old who used their credit cards linked to mom & dad's to order escorts to come play Super Smash Bros. or whatever. It wasnt an Onion piece but had the angle of 'stupid Gen Z puriteens' and 'video games are melting kids' brain you have 13 year olds alone, without parents, with an expensive escort and all they can thing about is vidya'. I don't think it was true because for one who would anyone ever find out and for two do escorts take credit cards? Then again it could be true because that does sound like the kind of trolling a kid that age with too much money might find the most amusing thing on the planet.) |
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Apr 29, 2024 17:22
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I bet the ones that can do tax returns do |
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Apr 29, 2024 17:25
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Down for the nastiest poo poo, forms, filing, data entry... |
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Apr 29, 2024 17:26
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for the next 4 hours we can do whatever you want "prime and base coat these space marines" |
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Apr 29, 2024 17:30
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"......ew." |
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Apr 29, 2024 17:54
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Miss Misty Legs Sexual and Bookkeeping Service, THE RULES: No. 1: No kissing! (Unless you pay for the girlfriend experience.) No. 2: You must let us know well ahead of time if an appointment will be for sex or for tax returns. You cannot mix the two on a given night. The rates for both are the same but the preparation is slightly different. No. 3: Time spend reading up on the latest tax code counts towards your appointment time. This applies both to sexual and tax appointments. No. 4: You don't get naked until we ask you to do so. It's a safety thing as much as common courtesy. Again, both sexual and tax appointments. No. 5: We do take credit cards. But you better not be another 12 year old boy. Super Smash Bros. is lame and we're all Elder Scrolls girls over here. |
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Apr 29, 2024 18:01
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Here is my escort, his name is StevenHow do you do I can speak five languages. |
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Apr 29, 2024 18:01
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"There is no boning like trom boning" --Mike Hunt's Brass Marching Band and Escort Service, enquire below for statements and service catalogue. We follow Anyone Everywhere |
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Apr 29, 2024 18:12
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Ask about our threesome package offered by our popular escorts Roth and Ira. |
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Apr 29, 2024 18:25
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let's play of monster hunter but i use my high charisma and dialogue options to convince every monster to give up. |
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Apr 29, 2024 18:57
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captive spy contacting hq when questioned on how he was captured in the first place: "I can't hear you I'm being waterboarded" *blblllblblblblbblbblbl strumming lips sound*
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Apr 29, 2024 19:08
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Finger Prince posted:Ask about our threesome package offered by our popular escorts Roth and Ira. lol Actually I just realized that apparently sex workers have been putting 'accountant', 'bookkeeper', and 'tax advisor' on forms for a long time to avoid scrutiny. And if you want people to know what you actually do while evading filters on social media, 'sexy accounting' is the code for sex work of all forms. So once again, for the thousandth time, the escorts have beat us to the punch. |
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Apr 29, 2024 20:00
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Bright Bart posted:lol It's the world's oldest profession! Accounting I mean. |
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Apr 29, 2024 21:02
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the joker's most evil scheme yet. infiltrate the city zoning meetings with henchmen to get a plan approved for a new shopping center in gotham city with a costco, trader joe's, and in n out burger all sharing the same parking lot |
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Apr 29, 2024 21:38
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Man goes on a first date with a woman and she asks him what is something that he enjoys that isn't so popular and other people might not. He responds: 'Dick. Good Ol' Dick. When he teases me. When he lines it up. Then When he slams it home.'.' He nearly streams it out of excitement. His date just gets up and leave the restaurant after a moment of silence. Patrons at the next table overhear and let the manager know. The manager comes and tells the man who leave. Walking home, he's really confused by why so many people are offended hearing about the Dick Van Dyke show. |
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Apr 30, 2024 12:04
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Passive-agressive instructions on the boxes for microwave meals. 'Don't like the price? Well these pizza pockets are GMO-free and organic. If you guys didn't insist on that they'd cost half the price. I mean, do you even know what GMO is?' 'Make absolutely sure that all the last bits of wrapper are off or it's a choking hazard. You might not care about your life too much but it's taxpayers who'll foot the bill for your emergency endoscopy.' 'Heat for 4 minutes. But I know you. I know that you're going to get inpatient and take this mini lasagne out after 2. Then you're going to complain the cheese doesn't melt properly and write a negative review. But you'll still buy these again, read these instructions again, and take the lasagne out way too early again. Because that's the kind of person you are.' Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 12:16 on Apr 30, 2024 |
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Apr 30, 2024 12:14
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mormon DLC infinite wife glitch
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Apr 30, 2024 13:22
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oh no, that's way too many wives, how do i |
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Apr 30, 2024 15:37
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*dies under a sudden inrush of mormon wives* |
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Apr 30, 2024 15:38
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Widowed by a fatal overflow error |
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Apr 30, 2024 16:09
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Attempting to murder someone but in the most obvious ways possible: 'Hey honey how about we take a refreshing dip in that volcano? It'll be so fun. The volcano is inactive so that means the magma isn't too hot. You go first.' Putting rat poison in your roommate's cooking pasta but leaving the half-empty empty box right on the counter. 'Could you please stand right there, next to the bullseye 100 ft from here? Oh this? This is just a Civil War rifle, sighted to 100 ft. But don't worry about that now just head on over.' Writing a forged confession letter to a capital crime in a country with the death penalty, in an enemy's name but in your handwriting and on your own monograpghed stationary, then slipping it under the door or the police station. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 18:51 on Apr 30, 2024 |
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Apr 30, 2024 16:28
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Bright Bart posted:Writing a forced confession letter to a capital crime in a country with the death penalty, in an enemy's name but in your handwriting and on your own monograpghed stationary, then skipping it under the door or the police station. you could easily do this in telegram era. STOP I KILLED SOMEONE STOP. STOP ME FROM DOING IT AGAIN STOP - someone you don't like (but you could steal their stationary)
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Apr 30, 2024 18:09
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Keeping an updated Wikipedia article or even personal webpages that aren't going to end up being very long any time soon: 'Movies set to be release in 2034' and 'Pimps that became astronauts'. Too many cooks in the kitchen being a problem is news to a chef who also misheard the phrase and now she's carolling as many passerby as physically possible into her workspace in an attempt to make her ratatoui turn out tastier. Non-sequitors, or rather statement of consequtive events where the relation is unclear or at least you hope it's not what you're thinking it might be: 'Well the new trailer for GTA Six just dropped last night, so of course that means today is laundry day and time to wash the towels and the sheets.' Minors not yet of legal age are allowed to serve alcohol even when they can't buy it. So why not allow children to make alcohol instead? Kids are creative and I suspect a gin distilled by young teens will likely have some cool flavours. Plus for those even younger I bet it'd raise a lot more funds for the elementary school than a lemonade stand or a bake sale. |
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May 2, 2024 02:12
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Tired of the dumb blonde stereotype, blonde haired women run an ad campaign to replace it with a new stereotype on the principle that only a meme can beat a meme. The new stereotype for blondes. They're really good at opening things. Like they can open a really stiff pickle jar. |
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May 2, 2024 09:41
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The National Association of Blondes release a video showing blondes to be slow and ditzy. Taken as clever self-deprecating humour the video scores points with all audiences and leads to a change in stereotypes. In reality the blondes had just taped their annual meeting and failed to notice that's what they were submitting instead of the actual video they had made |
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May 2, 2024 10:28
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braino's school for the stupid kids that don't smart so good
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May 2, 2024 16:12
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| # ? May 7, 2024 05:44 |
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Wall of Japanese vending machines that like have holographic hibachi chefs making your meals and poo poo and then just a regular soda vending machine in the middle. When you order from it, a robot arm takes your drink and shakes it up before the glass slides open, and it sprays you.
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May 3, 2024 00:51
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