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ghost emoji

oooOooOOOooh

joke_explainer posted:

like the babadook, but it's a wifi enabled smart appliance that costs hundreds of dollars

like It Follows but it's IT Follows

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:
The contents of this post and any attachments are intended solely for the addressee(s) and may contain confidential and/or privileged information and may be legally protected from disclosure. The information is intended to be for the use of the individual or entity designated above. If you are not the intended recipient of this post, please notify the sender immediately, and delete the post and any attachments. Any disclosure, reproduction, distribution or other use of this post or any attachments by an individual or entity other than the intended recipient is prohibited.

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Starshark
I'm what you might call a race realist.

I can't see betting on the 200/1 being a good investment. That horse is just too drat slow.

Jedrick

:420: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.
:420:
When I'm 'batin, I always Bing Image Search for "nice dumper" so that the results alternate between hot asses and sweet trucks.


"Horny Dad Hacks" maybe?

Plebian Parasite

I have a good idea for a thread but i just posted one so now i gotta play the waiting game and let it peter out before i try to steal my own thunder.

Macnult

Plebian Parasite posted:

I have a good idea for a thread but i just posted one so now i gotta play the waiting game and let it peter out before i try to steal my own thunder.

:justpost:

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Content: "I triple dog dare you!" said the cat to the mouse.

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Pomp

by Fluffdaddy
laser shoot larry

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

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oooOooOOOooh
sane clown posse

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:
The contents of this post and any attachments are intended solely for the addressee(s) and may contain confidential and/or privileged information and may be legally protected from disclosure. The information is intended to be for the use of the individual or entity designated above. If you are not the intended recipient of this post, please notify the sender immediately, and delete the post and any attachments. Any disclosure, reproduction, distribution or other use of this post or any attachments by an individual or entity other than the intended recipient is prohibited.

little munchkin
saying that guys who drink bud light are really tough and could easily kick my rear end

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Pomp

by Fluffdaddy

little munchkin posted:

saying that guys who drink bud light are really tough and could easily kick my rear end

your ability to kick rear end has an inverse relation to your tolerance for hops

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Macnult

I have mad hops how are you gonna kick my rear end from way down there lmao

vanisher

My basketball skills are unrivaled. It comes from diligent training and dedication to the sport on and off the court.

(Wife and I about to use the microwave at the same time, I begin flailing elbows and slam my bowl in the device)

(garbage bag full of rotten food and molding coffee grounds is tossed by wife into the garbage, out of nowhere I block the trash bag, causing the contents to scatter all over the ground)

vanisher

You got no game sucka! I'm the man of this house.

(Tiny baby learning to crawl is blocked from moving towards toy)

Twenty Four


vanisher posted:

My basketball skills are unrivaled. It comes from diligent training and dedication to the sport on and off the court.

(Wife and I about to use the microwave at the same time, I begin flailing elbows and slam my bowl in the device)

(garbage bag full of rotten food and molding coffee grounds is tossed by wife into the garbage, out of nowhere I block the trash bag, causing the contents to scatter all over the ground)

lol!

Same but with baseball, whenever someone is in my way I start running and slide into them knocking them down, then stand up and wave my arms making the "Safe" motion in their face.

Twenty Four


Whenever someone makes a small mistake in public, I point at them and yell "STEEERRIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" in their ear loud enough for everyone to hear. When they avoid making a bad decision, I just point to off to the side, which I am sure they appreciate.

deep dish peat moss

Sci-fi insults, like "There must be a wormhole between your rear end and your mouth" but that's the only one I can think of.

Plebian Parasite

"Live short and suffer, VulCAN'T"

deep dish peat moss

I labored over that wormhole joke for days and that was the best I could do. There's gotta be something... wormhole/rear end in a top hat... there's something there. Have you got a tapeworm, mate?

Plebian Parasite

"You can walk with rhythm, you'll never attract anything anyway"

deep dish peat moss

The US National Anthem sung over the theme song from Tetris.

Starshark

Plebian Parasite posted:

"You can walk with rhythm, you'll never attract anything anyway"

Macnult

Plebian Parasite posted:

"You can walk with rhythm, you'll never attract anything anyway"

lol

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

shaggy 2 dope really hosed up when he didn't make his rap moniker 'John Wayne Jay-C'

Putty

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
new email form concerned lady Richard Cocks

quote:

Good day sir. My name is richardson cox.
Am from chicago united state of america. Am happy to write to you today. I want to your profiel
to check your identity and i was so much happy to see that you have good identity.
Am 21 years old lady schooling at university of chicago studying accounting.i was in my first
year in university before my father and mom deid in accident and am the only child of my late
parent. when the news came to me in school i was very shock because my uncle hate me and my
family so much because of my late father investment and his money. He want to kill me too so
that he will inherits my fathers property and money. I am the next of king in my late fathers
property. He will all to me as his only child.Now that my uncle wanna kill me by all miss.
so i have to run away from the house to save my life first. my father lawyer advice me to run
away first.And the documents of my late father investment is with him and the bank where my father
bank the sum of ($20,000000) TWENTY MILLION USD. All the documents is with my late father lawyer.And he told
me told me to look for trust worthy pearson that will not hurt me. And my spirit ask me to tell you about
it.I hope you are not gonna hurt me.Am waiting to read from u. THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU. (JESSICA)

little munchkin
had a funny idea with a friend about a freddy kruger type guy execpt he invades people's dreams to call them out on being sexist/racist, and to correct them on pronoun usage. if anyone else wants to turn that into a thread then go ahead. i think there's a lot of potential.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.
oh yeah I'm glad this thread got bumped. I had like a silly sketch like South Park style satire joke although it's not particularly riveting

Like I noticed this thing where middle aged men acquire exercise equipment but never actually use any of it or stop using it and refuse to get rid of it because they might use it in the future (but probably not.)
So I imagined this extremely tongue-in-cheek situation where middle aged men with huge guts are nerding out over collecting expensive and interesting exercise equipment despite never using it. Like there are whole conventions of these guys just talking about how cool their hobby is and discussing all equipment collecting relating things all the while being generally out of shape and gross.

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

alnilam

Starman Super DX posted:

oh yeah I'm glad this thread got bumped. I had like a silly sketch like South Park style satire joke although it's not particularly riveting

Like I noticed this thing where middle aged men acquire exercise equipment but never actually use any of it or stop using it and refuse to get rid of it because they might use it in the future (but probably not.)
So I imagined this extremely tongue-in-cheek situation where middle aged men with huge guts are nerding out over collecting expensive and interesting exercise equipment despite never using it. Like there are whole conventions of these guys just talking about how cool their hobby is and discussing all equipment collecting relating things all the while being generally out of shape and gross.

that's a comedc and satirical situation that I enjoy, in concept, thanks for sharing

deep dish peat moss

Starman Super DX posted:

oh yeah I'm glad this thread got bumped. I had like a silly sketch like South Park style satire joke although it's not particularly riveting

Like I noticed this thing where middle aged men acquire exercise equipment but never actually use any of it or stop using it and refuse to get rid of it because they might use it in the future (but probably not.)
So I imagined this extremely tongue-in-cheek situation where middle aged men with huge guts are nerding out over collecting expensive and interesting exercise equipment despite never using it. Like there are whole conventions of these guys just talking about how cool their hobby is and discussing all equipment collecting relating things all the while being generally out of shape and gross.

They're building tiny scale models of exercise equipment, they have gym dioramas in their basements

deep dish peat moss

Fat collector dad is taking his fat son in birkenstocks with chocolate smeared on his face to a Gym to see the real thing in action, they sit in the lobby watching really fit men walk by, pointing at them and marveling at each different model. Dad puts his hand on Son's shoulder, points at the reception desk and says "Son, if you work hard and discipline yourself, you could be sitting behind that desk one day."

Putty

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
Just me and my giant crab claw for an arm

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Putty posted:

Just me and my giant crab claw for an arm

...playing the claw machine for a chance at a stuffed animal plushie Vanisher crab

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Twenty Four


Splatmaster posted:

...playing the claw machine for a chance at a stuffed animal plushie Vanisher crab

I want you to win SO BAD and see the results

little munchkin

Putty posted:

Just me and my giant crab claw for an arm

relaxing on a friday night after a long week of work, watching bad 80's action movies with a cold beer in the giant crab claw I have for a right arm

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

vanisher

Splatmaster posted:

...playing the claw machine for a chance at a stuffed animal plushie Vanisher crab



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext

Putty

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
Glass jars will never bother me again!

Manifisto


little munchkin posted:

relaxing on a friday night after a long week of work, watching bad 80's action movies with a cold beer in the giant crab claw I have for a right arm

finally trying to learn some domestic skills, eager to sew a button back onto my expensive coat, engaged in an epic struggle to thread the needle


ty nesamdoom!

Manifisto



lol

needs glasses tho

byob historian

I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

Manifisto posted:

finally trying to learn some domestic skills, eager to sew a button back onto my expensive coat, engaged in an epic struggle to thread the needle

try lickin the end of the thread

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

try lickin the end of the thread

ewww I wouldn't lick the end of this thread, look at all of the people who have touched it!

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

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Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Twenty Four posted:

I want you to win SO BAD and see the results

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

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