Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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crusty: Crustacean

google THIS posted:

In the duck pond, welcome to the duck pond!
Watch out for the
Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na geese, geese!
Oh, I wanna eat your bread!

Some nice synchronicity with the blessed thread:

Unperson_47 posted:

Sound absolutely required:

https://i.imgur.com/qMaCjZT.mp4

crusty fucked around with this message at 11:05 on Mar 18, 2024

# ? Mar 18, 2024 11:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 09:02

crusty: Crustacean

QINE

# ? Mar 18, 2024 11:04

Karate Bastard

I'm sorry, I can't, I have Sigma personality.

What do you mean "Sigma personality"?

SIGMA BALLS LMAO GOTTEM LOL LMAO

# ? Mar 18, 2024 11:57

RavenousScoot

A pair of monkeys chitter back and forth in a salon. The chairs begin raising to the metal hairdryer domes while they relax in.

Cut to a different monkey couple at an upscale restaurant. One points at an item on the menu, the waiter (cappuchin) hops off the table and scampers over to a crank. Jaunty organ music hails two cloches coming up through the table. Their host returns, continuing to whistle the organ's fanfare albeit a tad breathlessly, and reveals their lauded course: Two scalps crawling with plump insects! The couple screech in excitement and dig in.

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 18, 2024 15:10

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

I like the fact that the monkeys are very thoughtful and intellignet and then they turn into antic type monkeys when they have to do something. That switching back and forth is comedy gold I think.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 17:28

Karate Bastard

Hobnob is short for hobbit knobbit.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 18:20

Karate Bastard

We've all been to yard sards and groj sales, but have you ever been to a ....groj sard?

# ? Mar 18, 2024 18:40

Karate Bastard

Groj sard gurl with the yale sale face

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:00

google THIS

Burn the groj and sard the earth

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:05

Harold Fjord

And other misheard Rob Zombie lyrics

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:09

Zoya: echoes of a distant past,
bodies die but voices last.
once were held within a cell,
your mind is where these voices dwell.

(heading home after a brazilian lasering session) "hey babe, i'm on my way back now, doc just got done chargrilling my meats,"

thank you snuff melange for the beautiful winter siggy~!

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:19

Karate Bastard

Zoya posted:

(heading home after a brazilian lasering session)

I like that you just dropped this thing in here as part of a subclause in the setup to the joke, as if it's a thing that is real, instead of a joke all on its own, and I'm absolutely not going to check which of them it is.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:42

Karate Bastard

At the lasering clinic: laser this!!!

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:43

google THIS

Karate Bastard posted:

I like that you just dropped this thing in here as part of a subclause in the setup to the joke, as if it's a thing that is real, instead of a joke all on its own, and I'm absolutely not going to check which of them it is.

Snotty beamed me twice last night

It was wonderful

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:59

Zoya: echoes of a distant past,
bodies die but voices last.
once were held within a cell,
your mind is where these voices dwell.

Karate Bastard posted:

I like that you just dropped this thing in here as part of a subclause in the setup to the joke, as if it's a thing that is real, instead of a joke all on its own, and I'm absolutely not going to check which of them it is.

well i just got back from having my meats chargrilled so i can assure you it's real :hmmyes:

thank you snuff melange for the beautiful winter siggy~!

# ? Mar 18, 2024 21:59

google THIS

Can you get off early dear? Oh no reason, just got my tender crisped is all

Just got my halibut seared, nbd

Got my brisket smoked, iykwim

# ? Mar 18, 2024 22:06

google THIS

Slow down there lover boy, you know it needs to rest for 20 minutes first :wink:

# ? Mar 18, 2024 22:10

Zoya: echoes of a distant past,
bodies die but voices last.
once were held within a cell,
your mind is where these voices dwell.

just got my goose gandered

thank you snuff melange for the beautiful winter siggy~!

# ? Mar 18, 2024 22:33

Karate Bastard

Me I just strip to the waist and take a running sit on the carpet

# ? Mar 18, 2024 23:35

RavenousScoot

the ghost of the crocodile hunter phases through your bedroom walls, tumbling around and wrangling some sort of wraith before phasing back out of the room

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 19, 2024 03:12

The Voice of Labor

the witchy girl at the farmer's market selling herbs. she has terrorgon, rage, slay leaves, cuman eater, kill, thyme to die, corpsiander, demon balm, demon grass, demon thyme to die, fearmint, rosescary, damnedomile, parsR.I.P., sellery your soul, and horroregano

# ? Mar 19, 2024 05:20

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

RavenousScoot posted:

the ghost of the crocodile hunter phases through your bedroom walls, tumbling around and wrangling some sort of wraith before phasing back out of the room

man, I wish

# ? Mar 19, 2024 07:11

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

A blues artist that specializes in making people EXTRA bummed out by just switching the pronouns in an existing blues song from "me/mine" to "you/yours."

i.e. "Born under a bad sign. You've been down since you began to grow. If it weren't for bad luck, you know you wouldn't have no luck at all..."

# ? Mar 19, 2024 09:31

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Personalized Bespoke Blues would be a hell of a genre

# ? Mar 19, 2024 14:28

RavenousScoot

inverse nofap phenomenon where people believe semen retention begins to seep into your perspiration, so they masturbate obsessively to avoid "the nut sweats"

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 19, 2024 14:30

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

In order to be more realistic survival crafting games add a meter that when it fills up you have to take time out to masturbate or your character gets kind of a little bit flustered as represented by -2 to morale and -1 to any charisma checks involving NPCs.

It's really clinical too like the developers look into stats for the average time it takes men and women when they're in a hurry.

RavenousScoot posted:

inverse nofap phenomenon where people believe semen retention begins to seep into your perspiration, so they masturbate obsessively to avoid "the nut sweats"

It's all the playground rumours and warnings from conservative grandparents but in reverse, if you don't do it you'll see in such high definition you'll go crazy, and your hair will stop growing.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 14:52 on Mar 19, 2024

# ? Mar 19, 2024 14:49

RavenousScoot

A flyer on a telephone pole with all the phone number tabs ripped off. It only says "Wanna Party with a Chinese Guy?" with no further explanation.

The tabs only said "YES" with no contact info

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 19, 2024 21:16

RavenousScoot

RavenousScoot posted:

A flyer on a telephone pole with all the phone number tabs ripped off. It only says "Wanna Party with a Chinese Guy?" with no further explanation.

The tabs only said "YES" with no contact info

a usps worker is scrawling and sloppily wiping away ideas on a whiteboard under the header: "work new phrase into lexicon to overshadow 'going postal'"

he pauses and steps back pondering "party like a mailman" before loud music from outside rattles the whiteboard and other magnets off his fridge, and he makes his exhasperated way to the window

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 19, 2024 21:17

Karate Bastard

I shake my butt but I shake yours too

# ? Mar 19, 2024 21:23

Karate Bastard

RavenousScoot posted:

inverse nofap phenomenon where people believe semen retention begins to seep into your perspiration, so they masturbate obsessively to avoid "the nut sweats"

That's a real thing btw

# ? Mar 19, 2024 21:32

Karate Bastard

So close, no matter how *farts*

# ? Mar 19, 2024 21:34

Karate Bastard

If you've never listened to Steve'n'seagull's "Farm Machine" then please take a moment to do so now. It is completely unrelated to any puns I may be making here, it's actually good. Here's Nothing else matters.

# ? Mar 19, 2024 21:38

RavenousScoot

town has been beset with swarms of roving hoops, bouncing and rolling all over everything

but lo our faith can be placed in the hands of the local ragamuffins with sticks to beat back the scourge!

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 20, 2024 03:59

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

RavenousScoot posted:

town has been beset with swarms of roving hoops, bouncing and rolling all over everything

but lo our faith can be placed in the hands of the local ragamuffins with sticks to beat back the scourge!

The Last Hoop Roller

# ? Mar 20, 2024 07:12

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

Fabricstein. A sapient amalgamn of textiles assembled by a mad fashion designer.

# ? Mar 20, 2024 13:16

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

An accounts manager sits in the office breakroom randomly heckling people like the bully in the middle school cafeteria.

'Are you a smoker or a joker? You gonna share this cigarette I stole from my older sister with me or what?'

'Ewww. That's your lunch? Are you poor? I basically always order KFC. And I eat caviar at home pretty much every day.'

'Want a ride home in my Porsche? You know, just because you'll never afford one of your own. It's actually my dad's, but he keeps getting DUIs and so it's pretty much mine. He doesn't even care I don't have my licence, he's too blacked out to notice. I'm so lucky right?'

'Hey. Psst. You know nobody here likes you right? They're all too nice to say it but it's true. Not your fault. This just isn't a company for dweebs. You should probably find a new job. Or else if you give me your drink tickets for the office party I'll teach you how to be cool.'

'What are you doing after work? A date?? Don't lie. I bet you've never even touched a boob. I touch boobs all the time. My girlfriend lets me whenever I want. She's so hot, but you won't meet her she goes to a different office.'

# ? Mar 20, 2024 16:21

WithoutTheFezOn: Oh no

RavenousScoot posted:

town has been beset with swarms of roving hoops, bouncing and rolling all over everything

but lo our faith can be placed in the hands of the local ragamuffins with sticks to beat back the scourge!

The Pied Pipe-er.

# ? Mar 20, 2024 16:41

RavenousScoot

Dr. Hoopenstick and Dr. Ballencup assemble teams of igors to go head to head in a Transylvanian Olympics of all their favorite childhood games (augmented with scientific advances and magic potions of course)

THANK YOU NESAM :^))
Previous:

code:

https://i.imgur.com/1rh8sdW.mp4 - manifisto
https://i.imgur.com/DeyYjwj.mp4 - vanisher

# ? Mar 20, 2024 19:43

Karate Bastard

*science show voice* Even bananas have mass.

# ? Mar 20, 2024 23:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 09:02

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Karate Bastard posted:

*science show voice* Even bananas have mass.

CUT TO: Bananas kneeling in church

BANANAS: Our father who art in kitchen, yellowed be thy peel

# ? Mar 21, 2024 02:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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