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Nosfereefer posted:straight up gruel is the only acceptable food  I insist on gruelty-free
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Dec 14, 2017 23:32
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| # ? May 20, 2024 15:45 |
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i love animal gruel |
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Dec 14, 2017 23:33
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animal cool tees |
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Dec 14, 2017 23:40
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Man who farts in church sits on pew. |
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Dec 15, 2017 01:47
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how come every time a woman proclaims to the world that she's independent, people call her brave, but whenever a man does it the manager at target tells him that the intercom is for employees only?
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Dec 15, 2017 14:57
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In America, instead of Christmas, they celebrate a quartet of holidays each from a different part of their rich cultural make-up Beginning on December 23rd, they celebrate Sol Festivus, a secular tradition from the famous Seinfeld program, on December 24th they celebrate Christmas Eve, which is Middle-Eastern in origin December 25th is Untitled Solstice Project, from Laos, and finally on December 26th, Boxing Day, formally Armistice Day, brought over by Canadian railroad migrants please share if you think this is BEAUTIFUL |
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Dec 15, 2017 21:01
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reading the garfield archives and getting really angry at jon arbuckle and swearing out loud to myself about it |
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Dec 19, 2017 11:45
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God dammit Jon! Grow a pair of loving balls and ask that veterinarian lady out on a mother loving date already! If you weren't such a god dam coward this wouldn't be such a big loving deal! You got no balls Jon. No loving balls! gently caress this, I'm not reading this stupid comic strip anymore *continues reading Garfield intently*
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Dec 19, 2017 18:02
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as u continue reading, u realize the anger is a misplaced emotional deflection of ur fear that u are jon arbuckle 
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Dec 19, 2017 18:08
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"I'm so tired of these stupid unfunny Garfield cartoons! Maybe it's not Jon's fault, maybe it's the cat. Ah look here's one with a dog instead!" *Starts reading Fred Basset* "Dammit!!!"
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Dec 19, 2017 23:16
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Koishi Komeiji posted:God dammit Jon! Grow a pair of loving balls and ask that veterinarian lady out on a mother loving date already! If you weren't such a god dam coward this wouldn't be such a big loving deal! You got no balls Jon. No loving balls! gently caress this, I'm not reading this stupid comic strip anymore *continues reading Garfield intently* Weirdly enough this was exactly the reality check i needed this morning even if it was filtered through semi-serious outrage at Garfield. Thank you, Koishi. |
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Dec 20, 2017 15:13
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I don't have the details worked out on these yet 1) Hell, but everyone is terribly apologetic. The devils don't actually control the giant spiders or the lake of fire. You're all merely stuck there together. There is bocci ball though if that makes a difference. 2) Share your daydream plans for escaping christmas dinner with your awful family. Dress up as cranberry sauce and get smuggled out with the rest of the garbage, fashion hang glider from this dry-rear end turkey and sail to freedom, potato bomb (work out details later), set punch bowl on fire then throw self into fire, etc. 3) A conspiracy forum for people who still believe in cooties despite being in their 30's. |
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Dec 20, 2017 15:52
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imo All 3 of these would be good threads even if yo just posted what you wrote here as the op |
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Dec 20, 2017 15:56
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Twenty Four posted:"I'm so tired of these stupid unfunny Garfield cartoons! Maybe it's not Jon's fault, maybe it's the cat. Ah look here's one with a dog instead!" *Starts reading Fred Basset* "Dammit!!!" Fred Basset is hilarious, actually ---------------- |
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Dec 20, 2017 16:19
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This is a good thread and all but a lot of what you yobs post in here could work as stand alone threads, I'm just sayin.
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Dec 20, 2017 18:27
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I'm just saiyan 
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Dec 20, 2017 18:29
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John Mack, Second Grade PI It was late in the day about 1 PM and I was contemplating a nap when she walked into my life. She had strawberry hair and a Strawberry Shortcake backpack. She was trouble. I could tell by the way she held her pencil case and that far off look people get when they're deciding how much they'll tell me. And how much will be true. Most of all though, I knew she was in trouble because she was in my office. You don't come to John Mack unless you're out of options. I swept a pile of juice boxes off my desk and pointed to a chair. She grimaced at the cracked plastic, then settled in with a resigned sigh. She looked up from a bottle of spilled play doh and said, "Detective Mack?" "Just John." "John," she said, "I need to find someone." "Most people do. Are you willing to pay for it?" She reached into her pencil case and pulled out an envelope. She slid it across my desk. Gummy bears and a lot of them. Sugar free? No, these were the real thing. "Pre-war gummies," I said. "You have an eye for quality," she said with a wan smile. I gestured around the room, "Yeah, I'm a real coin-a-sure. Who's the lucky boy worth all the grizzlies?" "Everything you need to know is in this workbook, John." "I didn't say I'd take it," I said. She stared me straight in the eye and said, "You'll take it. You need the gum." She had me there. I looked into the workbook and shook a candy stick loose from a crinkled pack. I champed the sugar stick in my teeth and said, "Yeah, I can find your man Waldo." |
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Dec 20, 2017 23:47
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:John Mack, Second Grade PI |
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Dec 20, 2017 23:56
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I have an idea if you want to make a thread for that one. |
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Dec 21, 2017 01:34
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An old shack off a coastal highway has an old marquee sign on the front: "Live Maine Lobsters." You pull over, mouth watering for some authentic eats. Inside is a smoky burlesque parlor. A gigantic, dead-eyed crustacean picks up pieces of shell, tassels, and one-dollar bills from a stage. Another gyrates on a businessman in the corner. An emcee announces they'll be starting hot butter wrestling in ten minutes. You feel a claw sensuously stroke your shoulders. "Looking for some tail, sweetheart?" |
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Dec 21, 2017 18:34
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You ask if they have a hot tub you could use and the place goes silent, all eyes on you & the terrible faux pas you just made. |
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Dec 21, 2017 19:07
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Drink-Mix Man posted:"Looking for some tail, sweetheart?" "Why yes madam I would enjoy some tail. One sex please!" 
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Dec 21, 2017 19:40
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Drink-Mix Man posted:An old shack off a coastal highway has an old marquee sign on the front: "Live Maine Lobsters." You pull over, mouth watering for some authentic eats.
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Dec 21, 2017 21:24
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whispering something dirty into a robots ear, and it's head pops off on a spring and makes a cartoony "boi-oi-oing" sound
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Dec 22, 2017 04:19
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If there's an unfunny boioioing sound joke i haven't heard it |
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Dec 22, 2017 04:43
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Who's the lucky boy worth all the grizzlies?" Post was great but this was the highlight for me lol
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Dec 22, 2017 11:02
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Perfectly reasonable dating concerns What if we get "intimate," I unzip my fly, and a jack in the box springs out? What if this OK Cupid profile is deceptive and she's not "a free spirit looking for adventure" but actually deceased political economist John Kenneth Galbraith? How many ferrets is too many to bring to a first date? What if my parents' catastrophic relationship and my own personal shortcomings make me incapable of healthy relations and also she's a 12 foot spider? ShinyBirdTeeth fucked around with this message at 15:49 on Dec 22, 2017 |
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Dec 22, 2017 15:46
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Perfectly reasonable dating concerns If your date is a 12 foot spider, you can bring as many ferrets as you want. |
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Dec 22, 2017 15:57
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what kidnd of dipping sauce does she like with her ferrits
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Dec 22, 2017 16:23
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a foot fetish should just be called feetish
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Dec 22, 2017 18:42
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cute anime girl posted:a foot fetish should just be called feetish sure, if you like feet for me, it has to be a single foot |
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Dec 22, 2017 19:08
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What if I'm on a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant and reality starts to collapse around me like in the upcoming game Death Stranding by Hideo Kojima-san and there are like ethereal glowing babies floating in the air and I look down at my feet and there is like a foot of black goop on the ground that wasn't there a second ago should I pull out her chair for my date or is that considered dorky and kinda misogynist?
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Dec 22, 2017 19:10
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What if I set the rival flag instead of the romance flag is there a way to reset the first date? |
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Dec 22, 2017 19:45
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Staring up at a 40 foot banner of a bull penis, "But is it art though?" My date checks her watch for the seventh time in two minutes. |
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Dec 22, 2017 19:48
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Staring up at a 40 foot banner of a bull penis, "But is it art though?" my friend, everyone knows that if ur date isnt nice/respectful to the art even though the don't have to be that u shouldn't take them on another date |
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Dec 22, 2017 20:04
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Perfectly reasonable dating concerns make the thread |
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Dec 22, 2017 20:47
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This is the year we finally turn things around at Crapulon Incorporated. I know last year wasn't what we hoped for. People just weren't buying landmine filled with orphan poison. But we've got a lot of great ideas, a lot of fun new products, and a solid defensive perimeter around the CHUDS in basement 2. |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:47
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Koishi Komeiji posted:This is a good thread and all but a lot of what you yobs post in here could work as stand alone threads, I'm just sayin. This thread could be the "should I make this thread" thread and if anyone has more jokes you should make the thread Could be that this thread has robbed us of a few threads, but otoh has probably caused a few more to get posted maybe? |
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Dec 24, 2017 01:03
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Hugh Malone posted:This thread could be the "should I make this thread" thread and if anyone has more jokes you should make the thread That's basically how I use this place. I throw a ton of ideas at the wall and every once in a while it feels like something has legs, so it gets a real thread. |
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Dec 24, 2017 01:36
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| # ? May 20, 2024 15:45 |
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hey I'm sorry I reacted that way, I misheard you and my mind was filled with terrible images of sewer spiders. sorry to hear your father took his own life |
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Dec 24, 2017 07:41
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