|
oh yeah I'm glad this thread got bumped. I had like a silly sketch like South Park style satire joke although it's not particularly riveting Like I noticed this thing where middle aged men acquire exercise equipment but never actually use any of it or stop using it and refuse to get rid of it because they might use it in the future (but probably not.) So I imagined this extremely tongue-in-cheek situation where middle aged men with huge guts are nerding out over collecting expensive and interesting exercise equipment despite never using it. Like there are whole conventions of these guys just talking about how cool their hobby is and discussing all equipment collecting relating things all the while being generally out of shape and gross.
|
#
¿
Jun 14, 2017 03:11
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:03 |
|
|
mrbradlymrmartin posted:try lickin the end of the thread ewww I wouldn't lick the end of this thread, look at all of the people who have touched it!
|
|
#
¿
Jun 16, 2017 16:35
|
|
|
alnilam posted:*atears off shirt and my sexy 6pk reads "YEAH, I ALWAYS LOOK TOO... THIS SPACE FOR HIRE. 1-800-555-6PAK"* someone told me today that people actually will sell out parts of their body for a shitload of money for tattooed advertising space. What a world. Helpful Road Rage. On the road today I nearly didn't see this guy walking in the dark with his black T. "HEY! WEAR SOMETHING REFLECTIVE!." *me to a young bike rider coming toward me* "WRONG SIDE OF A ROAD!" and so on. "HEY YOU! USE A SIGNAL! YEAH, IT'S INFORMATIVE TO OTHER DRIVERS!"
|
|
#
¿
Jun 21, 2017 03:40
|
|
|
vanisher posted:If you accidentally hit an animal with your car, but you're a vegan, it cancels out. Every pregnancy = one murder
|
|
#
¿
Jun 25, 2017 05:01
|
|
|
vanisher posted:Tough but fair I mean women have to deal with a lot of poo poo- at least give them a few freebies.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 25, 2017 05:11
|
|
|
Doobie went down to alabama he was looking for a potato to peel He was in a bind cause he needed fries. and he was willing to make a deal there could probably be more to this but this is the best I can do I think.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 27, 2017 15:14
|
|
|
snacks always advertise low-fat but what about snacks that advertised how lovely they were for you but like in a realistically marketable sense? "high in fat! but that's okay. you deserve it." "lots of sugar and salt! because it tastes better."
|
|
#
¿
Jun 27, 2017 18:21
|
|
|
oh come on that's hardly the same thing and isn't cane sugar at least marginally better than hfc?
|
|
#
¿
Jun 27, 2017 20:00
|
|
|
sebmojo posted:furniture becomes a controlled substance I read that as "sentience" this summer... the couch sits on YOU
|
|
#
¿
Jul 8, 2017 03:01
|
|
|
SomethingAwful needs some kind of option to turn on an European word filter so every time a U.K. goon says something unintelligible like "car park" or "lift" it'll be automatically changed to the correct, American word or phrase. 
|
|
#
¿
Aug 23, 2017 21:01
|
|
|
Willy Wonka's Chocolate Phylactery
|
|
#
¿
Sep 6, 2017 00:11
|
|
|
FactsAreUseless posted:Still not as dank as Great Grass Elevator. 
|
|
#
¿
Sep 7, 2017 00:55
|
|
|
I think bat dog has thread potential. I mean there was a Super Horse.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 7, 2017 20:44
|
|
|
What is it that they say around here? Another BYOB success story, I think.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 8, 2017 04:40
|
|
|
and they say that a hero's a sandwich bread layered with veggies, cheese and meat no hoagie or sub but a hero's a sandwich watch as I sit here and eat I'm not too good at song parodies but I do love trying to sharpen my skills here at the yob 
|
|
#
¿
Sep 11, 2017 21:48
|
|
|
onomatopaella is arguably the noisiest food you can cook.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 12, 2017 00:27
|
|
|
ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Some joke fragments that I need to get out of my brain: Tbf the butter chicken COULD contain things other than butter and chicken. I do like "living fart sound" though and might have to steal it for my own common speech. Here's a joke I came up with ages ago that people where I come from appreciate. What's Will Smith's favorite convenience store? The Wa Wa West 
Starman Super DX fucked around with this message at 03:36 on Sep 12, 2017
|
|
#
¿
Sep 12, 2017 01:24
|
|
|
This is dumb but I'm a weirdo who likes this sorta thing so Playing Nioh and I kill a guy, he drops something that's labeled "Boss' Room Key". This makes sense given the game's realistic context, but it's funny because in a typical game it would be the "Boss-Room Key" Link gets the Boss' Room Key. Opens door and quickly slams it out of embarrassment as Ganondorf is changing. "JESUS CHRIST I KEEP IT LOCKED FOR A REASON!" ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I got a good chuckle out of that. Thank you you are v welcome!
|
|
#
¿
Sep 12, 2017 20:14
|
|
|
deep dish peat moss posted:An undercover cop who can't stop bragging about being a cop and citing his knowledge of the law if Michael Scott were a secret detective
|
|
#
¿
Sep 15, 2017 22:37
|
|
|
Robot Made of Meat posted:IRL, I was once in a restaurant that had restrooms labeled, "Kings" and "Queens." As a gay man, I was momentarily put off.  at some point I'll label the doors "FYAD" and "GBS"
|
|
#
¿
Sep 17, 2017 03:18
|
|
|
Olive Garden tonight! posted:someone who thinks 'japanese' is spelled 'japenis' someone who thinks that a Jabroni is a Japanese brony
|
|
#
¿
Sep 18, 2017 23:34
|
|
|
guy Fieri except he swears and uses vulgarities a lot. "HOLY poo poo THIS IS MONEY RIGHT HERE YOU loving GANGSTER. IT'S SERIOUSLY LIKE YOUR FOOD DICK IS ROCKING THE poo poo OUT OF MY MOUTH PUSSY! BALLIN!" I feel like there's thread potential there
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 03:06
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:he couldn't even cook the eggs right who cares how crappy he is at cooking he dresses and acts like he's constantly stuck in a time warp from 2005 and shouts outdated slang about how good food is. it's hilarious vanisher posted:A thread where we make ironic animated gif text owns of eachother ironic complinsult gifs
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 18:46
|
|
|
oh yeah I know about this and it is very funny to me. I was just reiterating what makes him an amusing cartoon character I mostly just enjoy the smug @fart article and him goonishly standing off to the side as all three of them were brutally self-owned
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 18:58
|
|
|
actually, here's something that could be a fun thread and this thread seems like the place to gauge interest Whose Post is it Anyway? The OP plays the host and picks the first couple posters to join in on a series of comedy related challenges a la Whose Line is it Anyway Games could include taking an single image and making it funny Three headed poster (players have to tell a story/write song lyrics one or a couple words at a time) Whose Line (other posters send random lines via PM, are given to posters in a scenario) etc.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 19:18
|
|
|
Olive Garden tonight! posted:I think it can work but I think the game 'Whose Line' specifically wouldn't work very well in text idk I think it works if you focus less on the improvisational aspect and more on just finding a way to make a line that fits a scenario in a comedic way. I'm gonna take some time to come up with some scenarios/games/images that I could use to make this happen. If anyone else likes the concept feel free to send me any ideas you may have.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 19, 2017 23:11
|
|
|
vanisher posted:Listen I'm not here to be your friend. I'm here to make hilarious jokes about eating rear end and guess what, if that offends you? Good. Jokes about eating rear end are my litmus test for society. At the doctors office right before my physical examination ill say something like "hey doc, if you like looking at my rear end so much you should just chow down." If I dont get at least a chuckle I'm out the door. When I'm choosing deli meat at the grocery store I might say "you ever pair that seasoned ham with these hams?" as I press my butt against the glass viewing window. Yeah, I know its not as solid a joke but I'd better see a smile or else they just lost a paying customer. "service desk? yeah it's the deli guy... yeah he did it again. send the janitor over with the squeegee, will you?"
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2017 23:16
|
|
|
woke up this morning with this thought in my brain for some reason a therapist who offers to be your "sounding board" but won't stop calling you about their own problems.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 24, 2017 18:27
|
|
|
Jedrick posted:Piglumps Magic Community College *No arcane accreditation make the thread
|
|
#
¿
Sep 25, 2017 04:46
|
|
|
I like to imagine, in a video game context (of course), that every time a Cyclops gets hit in the eye it shouts "gently caress! GOD drat IT! EVERY FREAKING TIME THEY GO FOR THE EYE."
|
|
#
¿
Sep 26, 2017 05:46
|
|
|
Accompanying Ogres: "poo poo man, are you alright?" Cyclops: "I'm... *sssss*... poo poo... I'm fine. It's just still... *god drat* sore from the last one. Someone... would someone please get me my eye drops? Holy gently caress, that smarts."
|
|
#
¿
Sep 26, 2017 05:54
|
|
|
little munchkin posted:im the guy who glues the watermelons back together after a Gallagher show, ama do you find Gallagher funny?
|
|
#
¿
Sep 29, 2017 02:56
|
|
|
little munchkin posted:dont worry too hard if you get asked "what part of a boat would be the boat's dick if they had sex?". Theres no one correct answer, your interviewer is just trying to see how your mind works and how you approach solving problems haha, that's pretty good.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 29, 2017 22:57
|
|
|
Since my last thread is going down in spectacular flames, I thought I would take my next idea to the jokes workshop first. I've been reading my favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut (which is saying a lot because I don't read nearly as much as I should) and I thought it would be funny to write in the style of Breakfast of Champions about the daily minutia of our lives. Even without a real point, it still sounds just as absurd/mildly depressing. "Starman loved to speak to people through something called the internet. The internet was a thing intended to be a way for people to share information over vast distances. It was invented by the military in 1969 and is now mainly used to distribute pornography. Starman spent most of his time speaking to people through a website called Something Awful. A website often stored information or dirty pictures. This website had both. Their logo was a picture of a pineapple grenade. A pineapple grenade is special kind of explosive used to tear people's flesh off. It looked like this:  Talking to the people who frequented Something Awful gave Starman a sense of community, even though he didn't really know any of them. Something Awful's slogan was this: quote:The Internet Makes You Stupid Starman told his community that he was reading Kurt Vonnegut. He adored Kurt's books. Starman felt as though he could identify with the writer's blunt and sarcastic attitude. He felt a sort of kinship with Kurt, even though he didn't really know him. It gave Starman a sense of satisfaction to read his books. It made him look smarter, he thought. The books did make him smarter too. That wasn't why he was reading them though. It was so he would look as though he was smarter."
|
|
#
¿
Oct 2, 2017 16:00
|
|
|
alnilam posted:I like it and i like Vonnegut a lot and i like the idea of him writing cynical words about my everyday life so since he's dead good on you for taking matters into your own hands It's like maybe I could write them for people based on some things they did during the day
|
|
#
¿
Oct 3, 2017 05:39
|
|
|
BYOB the late night talk show "Tonight's special guests, new BYOB administrator alnilam, and fresh off of his latest project Crab Adventure 2, forums poster vanisher. Now here he is because he has nothing better to do on a friday night, hey nowwww, Starman!" Well I almost couldn't make it tonight. You know I can't post here without any drugs. So I almost gave up hope when I sat all over my pot. But then I remembered I'd fit right into BYOB with my weed rear end. *audience laughter and applause*
|
|
#
¿
Oct 7, 2017 05:06
|
|
|
Oops forgot the music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc6jqO_o7Yk Now I just need someone to be my Rip Torn
|
|
#
¿
Oct 7, 2017 05:23
|
|
|
(I took the lazy route out of this but I still think it's funny) You sit alone in the dark at your PC. Your face is alit by a box that appears on screen. Strangely, it has no buttons, only the following truncated text. quote:For twelve years, you have been asking... Also, a soliloquy box is one that appears on your PC when you're away and disappears shortly thereafter.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 8, 2017 06:09
|
|
|
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw bone(r)s
|
|
#
¿
Oct 10, 2017 00:47
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:03 |
|
|
I thought it was the Merv Griffin Show just like in the Seinfeld episode but I wasn't sure. Goons can do some amazing things
|
|
#
¿
Oct 11, 2017 18:29
|
|