|
A guy who bought an evil ghost house trying hard not to face up to his evil ghost house: Hey guys, how often would you say you get hit by cars? Like, 2 or 3 times a month if you don't go out much? They're going to raise my rates and I can't afford that after my cabinets started rotting again. I just don't know how these mopeds keep getting in here...I think there's a hole in the drywall somewhere. |
#
¿
May 5, 2017 19:04
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 3, 2024 07:33 |
|
|
I think I've sorted the cabinet issue. There's a lot of thick water coming down through the ceiling. It's pretty gross, but these iron pipes get rusty and then you've got goopy, red water...But you know that's what you get when you get a "fixer upper." Hahah. Such a good deal and I love this hedge maze. Anyone know a good gardener? I'm clearly doing something wrong...lot of black roses? I guess coming in? |
|
#
¿
May 6, 2017 16:27
|
|
|
"How can I be more confident?" Dentist, confident and carrying huge iguana: do you mind if my assistant Rojerick joins us? Me, cowardly: Uhh I guess not? Him, digging in: Have you been flossing? Me: Yesh shur. Him, giving me the eye:. Roj, get in there and take a look. I think we've got a fibber. |
|
#
¿
May 8, 2017 13:31
|
|
|
hockey jockey posted:Taking these mirrors back to Ikea though! They have some kind of defect in the glass that makes me look like I'm screaming, about 500 years old and been in the grave for 450 of them, haha! Do you have any recommendations for good quality, low price looking glasses? Thread created: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3819779 |
|
#
¿
May 8, 2017 17:34
|
|
|
I don't have time for all of you hoity-toity words dripping with condensation. I like good, honest, God-fearing words. Humble words. Words that could change a tire. Champagne? Bubble drink. Quiche? Egg cake. Kindergarten? Baby prison. Just say what you mean, people. |
|
#
¿
Jul 10, 2017 23:50
|
|
|
"Welcome $PLAYER_NAME to Octavio's Questionable Magic Warehouse, please browse our wares" 1. SWORD OF DOUBLE SLAYING - 1/15 chance to apply Death effect if the blow already dealt lethal damage. 2. FLAGON OF ULTIMATE HEALING - cures all status ailments on one enemy. 3. SCROLL OF METEOR - summon an astral stone to burn up in the atmosphere. 4. TROUSERS OF SPEED - dramatically increases the speed of your pants. |
|
#
¿
Jul 16, 2017 22:44
|
|
|
little munchkin posted:brainstorm bad times/places to do the Rick Flair "Woooo!" yell "If anyone has a reason why these two shall not be wed..." |
|
#
¿
Jul 17, 2017 13:41
|
|
|
little munchkin posted:brainstorm bad times/places to do the Rick Flair "Woooo!" yell "Yesterday, December 7, 1941—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan." And one last one: "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known." ShinyBirdTeeth fucked around with this message at 13:46 on Jul 17, 2017 |
|
#
¿
Jul 17, 2017 13:42
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:Yeah but that thread was great and I managed to make a couple of okay jokes there, I think! But sometimes a thread is great and I'm like "dang, I've got nothing!" BYOB: TRY HARD OR TAKE A NAP |
|
#
¿
Jul 17, 2017 17:20
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:BYOB 8.2: Post hard or nap trying! I think that scans. I immediately recognized what you were going for and got a gentlemanly chuckle. |
|
#
¿
Jul 17, 2017 18:25
|
|
|
Nah, we're all this guy:
|
|
#
¿
Jul 18, 2017 00:51
|
|
|
The many, many reasons I am not allowed back in this Irondale, Alabama Shoney's: Family Style Restaurant. 1. Tried to order off menu, requested bottle service 2. Insisted on ordering "chicken embryos and wheat boards" 3. Extended eye contact with salad bar attendant. 4. Would not shut up about Denny's: Family Style Restaurant. |
|
#
¿
Jul 18, 2017 01:32
|
|
|
little munchkin posted:i can think of some funny reasons to not be allowed back, but i won't post them unless a thread is made Alright, go hog wild. |
|
#
¿
Jul 18, 2017 22:27
|
|
|
Ride The Gravitron posted:Gun shop owner : now see you got this big rear end shotgun for elephant hunting, a small pistol for the heynas and a nice long rifle for that pack of Lions Fireflies?! Hell, son, you'll need a Browning Smol. That's the only rifle chambered for the Remington .05 "Lip Tickler" cartridge. |
|
#
¿
Jul 20, 2017 01:36
|
|
|
DragQueenofAngmar posted:an alternate timeline for the late 90s and early 2000s where instead of smaller and smaller gadgets being the hot trend its bigger and bigger stuff, all massive helmets with cell phones built in and towering monolithic computerboxes a tamagotchi the size of a dinner plate to compliment my 12-cassette walkman. |
|
#
¿
Jul 26, 2017 21:28
|
|
|
Glorious Nipawn
|
|
#
¿
Jul 29, 2017 18:27
|
|
|
DragQueenofAngmar posted:thought this was gonna be a gag about pawning japan tbh :/ "Don't be mad, Baby, I just got a little note on a couple of allies; I'm gonna pay it off! We're not even using them right now --- come on don't walk out on me while I'm talking! Britannia, get back here, Baby, I need you!" |
|
#
¿
Jul 29, 2017 19:53
|
|
|
Me, hesitating to run into an obstacle course. Drill Sergeant: I need you full of piss and vinegar, you dirt eating maggot. Me: I'm mostly taco and balsamic does that -- DS: GET UP THAT ROPE YOU IDIOT |
|
#
¿
Jul 31, 2017 15:49
|
|
|
I'm having trouble navigating life now that I finally purchased a very tall hat. From an early age I knew that something was missing from my life, something real, something vital: a very tall hat. When you're a kid, you don't really know what to do with yourself and god help teens, but I'm a man now and I took my life into my own hands. I purchased a remarkably large garment that I refuse to remove at any time or for any reason.. I regret absolutely nothing about what I have done. But I had not considered the limitations of standard doorways -- the less said about airplane cabins the better -- and I never worked out the geometry of a driving a 1996 Geo Hatchback while wearing generously apportioned head-wear. The bird nesting has become a problem. I said it wouldn't, but it has and I'm man enough to admit that now. My girlfriend is coming around. She's coming around to coming around. Our relationship is strong and she likes the coloring of the middle band of the North face of my towering lid. There is a lot of space to work with, so there's a little bit of something for everyone. She'll find her own joy in this journey we're taking as a family. This journey into impractically-sized, aluminum-girded hats. |
|
#
¿
Aug 1, 2017 02:13
|
|
|
Flicks open a zippo. Lights up a slim jim. "Welcome to flavor country." |
|
#
¿
Aug 2, 2017 02:40
|
|
|
I once read the instructions on a box of pasta, threw it away, then fished it out to consult it again. The box saidNoodleman's Delight posted:Just boil water, you lovely idiot. I set the box on the counter. Just in case. |
|
#
¿
Aug 2, 2017 04:25
|
|
|
If you want to put your faith in that dull knife, then be my guest, but I don't feel safe at brunch without my butter machete. |
|
#
¿
Aug 2, 2017 20:50
|
|
|
[37 seven seconds of adjusting mic stand noises] this...ahh...is a really special song. I think it really captures...uhhh...what we're all about. [beige-colored rock music] singin bout music singin bout music nothing could matter more than singin bout music stories are boring rapping takes talent key changes are hard but i keep scoring singin bout music singin bout music I don't even know all the words singin bout music singin bout music |
|
#
¿
Aug 4, 2017 03:52
|
|
|
alnilam posted:Natural Mail Enhancement: Smaller, more manageable letters are ultimately more satisfying than impressive, but unwieldy packages. |
|
#
¿
Aug 4, 2017 18:20
|
|
|
got any sevens posted:skeletons can't get boners GASP shut your ugly teeth. Skeleman rocks nothing but bone. got a horse femur down there :struttin music plays Skeleman out: |
|
#
¿
Aug 5, 2017 02:27
|
|
|
MEAT PILE from the people who brought you Ice Cream Cone Made of Chicken. Both available with chocolate sauce. Order an extra large fried lemon pepper with 2 scoops of pistachio and get an extra lumpy pile for FREEEEE. |
|
#
¿
Aug 6, 2017 17:04
|
|
|
Quotes from the BYOB-iverse Sic semper tostadas. We shall smoke it on the beaches, we shall smoke it in the fields and in the streets, we shall smoke it in the hills. We shall never get sober. I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by cuteness, smol hysterical naked, dragging themselves through dril tweets searching for an angry fix. |
|
#
¿
Aug 7, 2017 00:31
|
|
|
Honorious addresses the Senate and People of Rome: "Senators, Tribune, common men of this the City Eternal, I beg you do not make haste. If we plunge now into the folly Flavius Hispanicus lays before you, if we do this against custom and sense, if we flee the harbor of Roman traditions for the tempest of barbarian schemes, we will surely beclown ourselves and in this beclowning shame the republic, the whole of the Roman World. A thousand years would not suffice to wipe clean the custard pie from our memory." ShinyBirdTeeth fucked around with this message at 02:37 on Aug 9, 2017 |
|
#
¿
Aug 9, 2017 02:35
|
|
|
Dad Rock Death Room - Two Bands Limp In, One Band Shuffles Out Round 1: CCR v. Cheap Trick Round 2: Dire Straits v. The Eagles VOTE |
|
#
¿
Aug 9, 2017 02:36
|
|
|
I'm not high; I just have strong opinions about Robert Fripp. |
|
#
¿
Aug 10, 2017 15:53
|
|
|
I had no idea that people had so much to say about Robert Fripp. Also, Brian Eno is the musical equivalent of two retirees talking about the weather. |
|
#
¿
Aug 11, 2017 02:10
|
|
|
Me: My man, I had a hell of a day yesterday. I got high as poo poo and thought about cool birds, I invented a new kind of taco, and I got the phone number of a chick who tattoos fake hair onto old guys for a living. Policeman: Sir, I really just need you to get out of the crosswalk there's traffic-- M: And not just eyebrows neither. She tattoos like whole sideburns onto them. P: I am gonna need you to get out of the crosswalk and share that number, sir. |
|
#
¿
Aug 11, 2017 04:23
|
|
|
I never said I was too good for it, I just said it was garbage. |
|
#
¿
Aug 11, 2017 21:15
|
|
|
FactsAreUseless posted:Someone hasn't heard his early stuff On account of this thread I went and listened to Another Green World yesterday and I was like "Woops...I hope that slips under the radar." |
|
#
¿
Aug 12, 2017 00:14
|
|
|
Me, taking a census 1,400 years ago: Look, I get off at four and they're tapping a cask across town, so can you just tell me what they call that town with all the salt? Peasants: Salzburg? M: Good enough *tosses my palimpsest in the wagon* let's trundle, my dudes. P: Can we-- M: Not you. Never you. Everyone laughs except peasants. |
|
#
¿
Aug 13, 2017 23:15
|
|
|
mrbradlymrmartin posted:f o r y o u r p l e a s u r e Hook me up with more music recommendations. You powerful jokemen also have some pretty good ear taste. |
|
#
¿
Aug 14, 2017 01:55
|
|
|
mrbradlymrmartin posted:that was Aww, I was too dumb at music to realize that you were making a recommendation and I will deffo be following your thread from now on. Thanks for the recommendation. |
|
#
¿
Aug 14, 2017 21:19
|
|
not that i made a thread for it or nothin 
|
:squirting ranch dressing into my mouth: But now that I switched to Diet Pepsi I have a lot more energy |
|
#
¿
Aug 22, 2017 15:45
|
|
|
I do a lot of my own cooking, i'm very craftly like that. Instead of a store bought cake, let me teach you how to make a cakecano. First bake two ordinary, round sheet cakes. Hollow out the top of one. That's your lava hole where you'll put the filling. Most people put sugar and cream in there but that's so unhealthy. I make a hearty batch of velveeta shells and cheese, then add a bunch of red food coloring to make it "on brand". Fill your magma hole with some cheese lava and put the other cake on top. Poke a hole through the top cake and fill with lava - don't forget to drizzle some down the mountain for effect. Technically you are done, but to really complete the look (and the meal) chop a brocolli into little brocolli trees and stab them into the cakecano. If you want to make it even heartier, add some roasted ham chunks as boulders both to the outside and to the magma chamber. So much fun adn a complete meal too! |
|
#
¿
Aug 22, 2017 15:52
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 3, 2024 07:33 |
|
|
i've been thinking about this dumb joke all day and, like, what if you did it though? Just replace sheet cake with cornbread. is it really all that different from a pot pie?
|
|
#
¿
Aug 23, 2017 02:35
|
|