Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

«‹›7 »

Manifisto

adult trick or treating: leave extra time at each house for reading and signing the waivers

# ¿ Oct 31, 2017 23:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 11, 2024 15:59

Manifisto

adult trick or treating: while you might be inclined to approach the houses with the most/best candy, you could be accused of trick or treating out of your league

# ¿ Oct 31, 2017 23:17

Manifisto

adult trick or treating: you're ready to go home, but you are forced to stay out late even though you will earn no additional candy for doing so

# ¿ Nov 1, 2017 00:00

Manifisto

adult trick or treating: your trick-or-treating job has been replaced by young interns willing to trick or treat for raisins

# ¿ Nov 1, 2017 00:05

Manifisto

the family next door was always generous with their leftover sandwiches in the days after thanksgiving

but in retrospect they laughed a little too hard every time someone called them "mayflowers"

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Nov 3, 2017 21:28

Manifisto

little munchkin posted:

a list of things that are going to make this year the chillest thanksgiving ever

amazon/whole foods going to deliver each course of the thanksgiving meal by drone at exactly the right time

tiny drones will deliver each bite of the meal from the plate to our waiting mouths

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Nov 5, 2017 17:32

Manifisto

UWBW posted:

A guy that is absolutely convinced he is in a horror movie-type situation, but actually it's just normal life and he's super paranoid.

this is a great idea. I would actually love to watch a movie where horror movie tropes are constantly happening ("what was that out in the darkness? let's split up and see!") and there's one guy who is clearly hyper-aware of the situation. however it's not a scream-like scenario where he's constantly breaking the fourth wall and explaining the cliches to whoever will listen, it's handled very subtly with reaction shots and understated comments and questions that nobody seems to understand. and, needless to say, nothing bad ever actually happens, which drives the guy even crazier.

sort of a reverse cabin in the woods. the forms are followed assiduously but there is no purpose and no bad consequences. there's just a guy being driven slowly nuts because it feels like he's being gaslighted . . . by reality.

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Nov 20, 2017 23:19

Manifisto

UWBW posted:

Well, the thing is, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is literally that. Two friendly rednecks have mishaps with a bunch of college kids that think the rednecks are trying to kill them. I saw the movie after I had this idea, but... yeah, someone already did this, and did it really well.

well then I think the creators owe me some royalties

because that's how royalties work

srsly tho I guess I'll have to see it! it occurred to me that this is not actually that uncommon a concept. I was thinking of the always sunny episode where the gang goes to a ski resort and all of these 80s teenage ski movie tropes keep happening and they're baffled by why this is occurring and why nobody else is questioning it

e: oo it's on netflix

# ¿ Nov 20, 2017 23:52

Manifisto

I watched tucker & dale v. evil, and yeah it was a good take on this concept. it's interesting tho, in this take each frame of reference about what was happening (horror movie/not a horror movie) had several people to reinforce or at least act as a sanity check as to their perspective. tucker & dale could comment to each other about what was happening and how weird it was.

I suspect that's essential to making a lighthearted comedy. where a character has nobody to validate their "objectively" sane point of view, that's either a much blacker comedy or not a comedy at all.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2017 17:48

Manifisto

UWBW posted:

Well without that constant sanity check you wind up with something a bit closer to American Psycho, I think, where the main character believes a completely different version of reality than everyone around him , and it definitely dips into black comedy territory.

speaking of black comedy, there is one joke in tucker & dale that is really super dark. this occurs at the very end, where dale's creepy looking friend in the bowling alley knocks a girl out--deliberately or accidentally is unclear--her friends run away, he drags her off camera, allison asks "should we go help her?" and dale says "hell no" and continues kissing her. while this joke might seem like a bit of a throwaway, I think it is actually central to the movie because it subverts the message that "this is a romantic comedy instead of a horror movie." the creators are at least self-aware, but they are almost daring the audience to simply shift from one comfortable set of cliches to another.

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Nov 21, 2017 18:35

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I think you're on the money. In Tucker and Dale, the titular characters can reassure one another of their basic goodness and of their basic sanity and the absence of that reassurance turns farce into terror.

I think this plays off of a basic human need for social confirmation (social media is basically an engine for self-validation through peer-validation). That need sits side by side with naive empiricism and rationalism. 'Naive empiricism' meaning that we don't usually pay attention to the fact that we're sensing things: We act as though the external world was just present without any sensory distortion. At the same time, we act like rationalists in that we think the progress of our ideas ought to inform us of something in nature. But neither of those are right and we know it. So the ordinary experience of the world involves an unfounded faith that the world is clear and obvious, a strong conviction that the order of our ideas is itself the order of nature, and a pressing need to confirm the reasonableness of our ideas by getting others to agree.

When any part of that delicate balancing act breaks we freak out as we face the very real possibility that we're completely deluded about the world. There's the Lovecraft version where the world turns out to be hiding a second, incomprehensible world. There's the Cassandra version where you and you alone grasp reality but everyone ignores you. And there's the one you're describing where your ideas and experience clearly fit together to point in one direction, but the world is advancing based on an entirely different logic that you can't grasp. Any of these experiences make the viewer feel cast out of contact with the rest of humanity and the rest of the world as though both thought and nature had betrayed you.

an excellent post. I watched the movie gaslight the other day, prompted by various current events, some of which aren't really byob-friendly. it's an outstanding movie both in its own right and as an archetype for a certain kind of abusive behavior. (I suppose a fair share of the credit should really go to the play on which it was based). when you talk about the "freaking out" reaction, it's notable that there are people who are aware of this reaction and consciously or unconsciously exploit it for their own ends.

thank you for mentioning cassandra by the way, that's an excellent shorthand for the type of structure I was describing.

a very good comedic take on cassandra/joan of arc is the ill-fated television series wonderfalls. that is not really a black comedy, however. part of the reason it's not a black comedy is that the viewer is privy to all of the weird things that Jaye experiences - we're meant to take as a given that there really is some higher power using her as an instrument, which relieves the cognitive dissonance of someone who sees the world in a different way but nobody believes them

way less funny are some of the examples discussed in this article on unconscious gaslighting about doctors and scientists who discovered things we now accept as true but were not only mocked but locked away in madhouses for propounding their ideas. such as:

quote:

For instance, consider the case of Ignaz Semmelweis, who first suggested that doctors wash their hands between treating patients to reduce mortality rates. This was rejected by the medical establishment and doctors were offended by the idea that a gentleman could carry germs. He was forced out of medicine, subjected to widespread ridicule, eventually committed to a mental asylum and then beaten to death soon after his arrival there.

His name lives on via the Semmelweis reflex or Semmelweis effect, which refers to the reflex-like tendency to reject new evidence or new knowledge because it contradicts established norms, beliefs or paradigms.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2017 19:21

Manifisto

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

the naturopath community, but it's just medieval medicine with modern slogans

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Dec 5, 2017 01:40

Manifisto

DavidAlltheTime posted:

She pees on the pregnancy test and you both wait with baited breath... this is it, your lives may never be the same after this moment.

A flap on the tester opens up and a caterpillar pokes its head out and gives the anxious couple twenty-five thumbs up.

# ¿ Dec 6, 2017 22:04

Manifisto

alnilam posted:

ironically enough, american "italian bread" looks and tastes more like it was made by an Entirely Non-Ethnic Character With No Identity of Any Kind and Nondescript Job

have you ever had tuscan bread? there is a style there made without salt. it is almost literally tasteless, just a textured thing to put in your mouth to deliver whatever toppings/sauces it accompanies.

it is weird.

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Dec 14, 2017 20:44

Manifisto

Nosfereefer posted:

straight up gruel is the only acceptable food

I insist on gruelty-free

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Dec 14, 2017 23:32

Manifisto

Drink-Mix Man posted:

An old shack off a coastal highway has an old marquee sign on the front: "Live Maine Lobsters." You pull over, mouth watering for some authentic eats.

Inside is a smoky burlesque parlor. A gigantic, dead-eyed crustacean picks up pieces of shell, tassels, and one-dollar bills from a stage. Another gyrates on a businessman in the corner. An emcee announces they'll be starting hot butter wrestling in ten minutes. You feel a claw sensuously stroke your shoulders. "Looking for some tail, sweetheart?"

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Dec 21, 2017 21:24

Manifisto

cute anime girl posted:

a foot fetish should just be called feetish

sure, if you like feet

for me, it has to be a single foot

# ¿ Dec 22, 2017 19:08

Manifisto

POOL IS CLOSED posted:

like fingerprints, everyone's butthole stamp is unique

*bows* ty for reading

artist ("artist"?) wim delvoye has you covered

:nms:

clicky if you dare :nms:

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Jan 11, 2018 19:56

Manifisto

vanisher posted:

Then they crash into a rock and their boat sinks, stranding them as well.

*benny hill music plays as sailors chase rescuers*

circe appears and waves her wand. the sailors are transformed into puppies. resume benny hill music as the sirens chase the puppies.

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 18, 2018 16:37

Manifisto

albany academy posted:

Taking a poop so loud that the American in the next couple stalls over compulsively begins to write a national anthem

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 21, 2018 19:20

Manifisto

little munchkin posted:

wondering where the trash goes after you throw it away... the world may never know

when you think about it isn't it crazy that food just sort of appears on the supermarket shelves? sure it comes on trucks, but have u ever stopped to wonder where the trucks come from?

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 25, 2018 23:59

Manifisto

alnilam posted:

someone tried to tell me the food comes from the ground??? like yeah right buddy, the ground is made of dirt didn't u kno

pshyea

trucks come from truck eggs, which obvs are laid in nests up in the trees

I think your friend was thinking of truck nutz, which are an important part of the reproductive cycle and hang considerably lower to the ground

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 26, 2018 06:01

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Getting this on my right gun (that's what I call my right arm). This one is for the true fans

I feel like you should consider some sort of meme tattoo

memes are current, they're fresh, and they perfectly encapsulate your feels

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 27, 2018 08:21

Manifisto

like how about some sort of variation on loss.jpg, imagine the lulz from those in the know

# ¿ Feb 27, 2018 08:23

Manifisto

spectres of autism posted:

an immaculately dressed waiter with a curly mustache walks in slow and graceful with a delicious looking surleigh on a gleaming plate

"you ordered the surleigh?"

"no, surleigh not, haha"

his mustache droops. his left eye twitches

e: never mind joke cancelled i was literally sure there was a kind of steak called a surleigh though. as i type this i realize i was thinking of surloin this joke is bad i messed up big in the good jokes thread

actually I quite like the concept of attempted jokes that are based on the joketeller's misremembering/misunderstanding something

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Mar 2, 2018 07:01

Manifisto

: so if you can believe it I once saw bill gates play the piano

:cool:

: no kidding! how was it?

: I'll be honest, not too great. I love the moonlight sonata but he really butchered it.

:cool:

: I guess you could say . . . his bach was worse than his byte!

: . . .

: you were about to say something?

: . . . no. no. . . . nope.

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Mar 2, 2018 07:19

Manifisto

if all the girls who attended the yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that were longer than a football field

# ¿ Mar 3, 2018 20:55

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Questionable Gifts

A mug saying "bored and horny"
A toilet bowl brush
fifteen thousand malted milk balls (loose)

sentience

# ¿ Mar 3, 2018 23:15

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

A cookbook for the chronically depressed with entries like "This is edible" and "Crying pasta."

grinding pepper into your eyes so you can feel something

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Mar 9, 2018 00:32

Manifisto

imagining a timeline in which presidents day falls on 3/14

an overwhelming bipartisan majority passes legislation setting the value of pi for that day only to exactly three point one fourscore and seven

cut to satellites falling out of the sky, gears refusing to turn, hats no longer fitting correctly, etc

# ¿ Mar 14, 2018 17:36

Manifisto

Splatmaster posted:

A contractor tried to use a protractor as a murder weapon and nullified his own existence...

and/or transformed into a john deere in a sudden puff of smoke

# ¿ Mar 20, 2018 16:10

Manifisto

scientists eager to test the "no stupid question" hypothesis are constructing a Superconducting Stupidinquirer in the foothills of switzerland. at a cost of two billion euro, this machine will employ cutting edge technology and state of the art scientific techniques in an effort to determine once and for all whether there are in fact no stupid questions. it is theorized that discovery of an as-yet-unseen fundamental particle, the bozon, would permit the construction of an inquiry that is not merely misguided or naive, but actually flat-out stupid.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 17:03

Manifisto

Jolo posted:

Ready Kramer One

These <references> are making me <adjective>!

fruit gushers / horny

# ¿ Mar 26, 2018 18:49

Manifisto

Kthulhu5000 posted:

At least three nerds in the world have sexual fantasies about George and Jerry showing up at their domicile with a Pizza Hut Bigfoot Pizza, a case of Great Bluedini Kool-Aid Bursts, and a Sega Master System. And after the pizza has been consumed, and the Great Bluedini sipped, and the Alex Kidd in Miracle World beaten, a quick bit of shrugging "I'm down with a threesome if you're down with a threesome!" banter between George and Jerry leads to some consensual and pleasant double-teaming of said nerd.

I'm probably being way too vanilla and tame with what people are actually jacking and jilling off to these days, however.

I dunno and frankly don't care whether this is true. really the only thing that is sad about it if true is the introduction of specific brands to sex fantasies. and if you think about it it's gotta happen sooner or later. pizza delivery guy porn brought to you by dominos or whatever. it will all get commodified eventually. I'd buy that for a dollar!

does chuck tingle have anything about getting it on directly with corporate brands

asking for a friend

actually I googled it (although I barely needed to) and yep the internet wanted to bang erin esurance, parody is almost impossible these days

# ¿ Mar 27, 2018 02:17

Manifisto

Koishi Komeiji posted:

The company had to retire the character because if you did a google image search of their company name you got lots and lots of porn of her and no official insurance stuff whatsoever.

https://priceonomics.com/how-esurance-lost-its-mascot-to-the-internet/

quote:

“When you’re in a board room designing a corporate mascot, gender is always a part of the conversation,” Brewe says. “And that conversation always goes, ‘Do we make the zebra a woman or a man? Let’s make it a man, because there won’t be as much porn of it.’”

chairman of the board: our thanks to the creative team for that outstanding presentation about our new mascot. you've answered nearly all of our questions . . . except one.

creative lead: well thank you but, uh, what's the issue?

chairman: I regret that we even have to bring this up, but in a word: fuckability

creative lead: come again?

chairman: fuckability. you know, will people want to gently caress the mascot?

other board member: will there be porn of it, and if so, like a regular amount of porn, or just a ton of it?

chairman: what will people be fantasizing about with respect to our new mascot, that's we want to know

creative lead: well uh, do you, uh, want it to be fuckable?

other board member: you tell us! that's what we're paying you for!

creative lead: . . . but it's a talking toilet paper roll

chairman, settling back in his seat, fingertips touching his nose: go on

# ¿ Mar 27, 2018 22:36

Manifisto

smoking cigarettes with your ears

# ¿ Mar 31, 2018 18:37

Manifisto

City of Glompton posted:

alternative listerine breath strip flavors

spring water
parmesan
beef jerky
first puff of cigarette
curry

first kiss
swimming pool
puppy breath
pen barrel
imminent roller coaster drop
carbs (for atkins followers)

# ¿ Apr 4, 2018 05:07

Manifisto

figures from history if they'd gotten laid more

hp lovecraft's ravening tentacled horror monsters turn out to be mostly friendly but value communication

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Apr 24, 2018 03:59

Manifisto

gustave eiffel designs a tasteful three-story convention hall for the 1889 world's fair

# ¿ Apr 24, 2018 04:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 11, 2024 15:59

Manifisto

sir edmund hillary and tenzing norgay become world famous for the goji berry scones served in their himalayan valley b&b

# ¿ Apr 24, 2018 04:53

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

«‹›7 »