- The Voice of Labor
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neil diamond humor megathread
the joint that I roll up for a session
the joint that I roll will get me there soon
I got the one love if you got the tokin'
the joint that I roll is big enough for two
that and, like, a crayon drawing of a young neil diamond and his imaginary friend shilo, but shilo is just an explosion of black and anger and hate and threateningly gaping bird beaks
and a 20 page essay on how girl you'll be a woman soon would get you canceled nowadays but the video for it girl is totally o.k.
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Jul 25, 2022 23:16
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May 10, 2024 13:44
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- The Voice of Labor
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shilo is the plot to drop dead fred. that's not a joke, merely a neil diamond miniobservation
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Jul 27, 2022 04:26
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- The Voice of Labor
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traveling back in time to all possible pasts in all possible worlds to ensure that the stussy "s" is both ubiquitous and without genuine cultural significance
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Jul 28, 2022 02:01
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- The Voice of Labor
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one of my favorite jokes is from the simpsons
lisa is lamenting to marge that gore vidal has kissed more boys than her (lisa)
marge replies "boys lisa boys kiss girls"
the joke is that marge is so perfectly square that she gets hung up on the gender role thing, that if there is a kissing relationship, the boy is to be the kisser and the girl the kissie, that she completely misses the gore vidal homosexuality thing.
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Jul 29, 2022 23:42
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- The Voice of Labor
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soon to be old timey problems: compulsively mowing your lawn because of the amount of lead you were exposed to as a child
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Aug 3, 2022 00:52
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- The Voice of Labor
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a "youtube influencer" who reviews gas station bathrooms
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Aug 6, 2022 06:20
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- The Voice of Labor
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you're watching a movie and it begins with a person watching t.v.. the t.v. is showing a propaganda film of people laboring in a foreign country, hoeing fields, digging coal. the film then displays imagery of tanks and bombers and marching soldiers all donned in the national uniform. the film concludes with the national flag being raised over ruins in a foreign country. after the propaganda film, the person turns the t.v. off. they are healthy, exuberated. moving with confidence and solidity they leave their apartment to attend a minor league sporting event.
around this point in the movie you fall asleep. you wake to the last scene. the person in the movie is now scarred, broken, emaciated. their movements stuttering and cumbersome, with despondence they hoe the very same foreign field from the propaganda film.
the movie concludes as does your 3 hour rest period. you leave your apartment to commence your second shift at the shoe factory
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Aug 11, 2022 02:23
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- The Voice of Labor
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a man is sitting at the desk in his study. he paid off his mortgage a few years ago and through thrift, hard work, luck and inheritance has enough invested in index funds to finally retire. he suffers a massive heart attack and dies.
he finds himself amidst the clouds. what can only be presumed to be an angel greats him. the angel is mute and resembles an og star trek green alien girl. the man's echo, dismayed and angry, asks the angel "why now? this isn't fair, it was so close to finally being good." the angel smiles from ear to ear, beaming, joyfulness and warmth emanating from every from every detail of her face. she beckons to a couch hewn of golden silk. he sits down and sees his life before him. it has its rough spots and traumas and passing hardships to be sure, but overall it is all comfortable and rewarding to a point that could be considered blessed. most of his life is spent with a loving and tolerant wife and largely free from financial woes. his children grow to be relatively functional adults. his work is neither simple nor overly demanding. his network of friends and acquaintances broad enough that he does not want for companionship or sport, but honed enough so as to not be intrusive. decades upon decades of small accomplishments, smiles and love amassed into a immense baroque structure of shimmering gold. the shade of the man again exclaims "but I finally going to live my life, I was finally going to be happy. this isn't fair." the angel shakes her head and puts her hand to her forehead. she points towards an arch.
the man walks through the arch and is reincarnated as a house plant. the house plant comes to reside in the man's former home, now occupied by the man's son, daughter in law and grandchildren. were a house plant able to see, it would've seen the man's son and his family likewise living lives comfortable and rewarding. for about 2 years until the firesharks arose from the seas and burned everything they didn't eat. the house plant, were it able to apprehend the situation and recall the thoughts and opinions of its former incarnation, would now finally understand that neither having the good nor avoiding the bad were enough to satisfy the man it had been.
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Aug 20, 2022 02:12
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- The Voice of Labor
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OK so most of you come from America and all my life I've understood that it's really big. I mean, do you ever get confused? Like what stops you from getting lost? Or does everyone just stay in their own bit? Also don't the laws change when you go over the lines? I don't know, it just sonds difficult.
years ago in a gbs american food thread this came up. like, explaining to europeans that america is a bunch of small countries each with its own food and culture and only united by a shared currency, kind of a shared language and racism
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Aug 22, 2022 13:18
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- The Voice of Labor
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duke nuke'em five finger wherein duke must shoplift to sustain himself following his financial ruin and public disgrace from duke nuke'em forever
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Aug 22, 2022 22:31
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- The Voice of Labor
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peter jackson just flipping out because danny is sitting in the regular chair and not the forced perspective huge chair, giving the illusion of a monster sized man with strongest hobbit proportions
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Aug 25, 2022 21:24
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- The Voice of Labor
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mining town sailor scouts but they are all sailors mercury
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Aug 27, 2022 21:15
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- The Voice of Labor
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learning how to play mahjong because the only available pornography is a strip mahjong game
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Sep 3, 2022 08:18
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- The Voice of Labor
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they call me wonder boy and I'm going to rock your monster world
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Sep 4, 2022 00:27
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- The Voice of Labor
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the last man, his last hen dead, sits at his table and taps listlessly with a spoon at a prickly pear in an egg cup
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Sep 19, 2022 06:04
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- The Voice of Labor
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the ceo sending the interns out to score him coke. who ever brings back the best gets a paid position, aquiring coke for the ceo
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Sep 21, 2022 23:49
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- The Voice of Labor
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a salt water fish tank but the salt in the water is instant ramen flavor packets
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Oct 3, 2022 23:08
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- The Voice of Labor
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joining the byob army. stopping off at the byob quatermaster for your issue of jay-rations
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Oct 10, 2022 06:28
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- The Voice of Labor
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getting disciplined for a clean piss test
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Oct 10, 2022 06:29
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- The Voice of Labor
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army health reels about the dangers of cotton mouth
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Oct 10, 2022 06:30
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- The Voice of Labor
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only it's goon success. like abusing the tacobell app to order a recreation of a discontinued menu item or making it to middle age without dying or being arrested
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Oct 12, 2022 06:18
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- The Voice of Labor
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hey eee eyy joe
where you goin' with that gum in your hands?
I'm goin' down to chew by old bailey
heathrow, I bought a plane ticket to tour england
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Oct 13, 2022 08:52
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- The Voice of Labor
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doug: "ah man, no more donuts"
bill: "I, bill, the dark revealer of souls, have EATEN the last donut. you are getting FAT, mcvarlay. you have PUT ON 12 pounds in the last THREE months, none of it muscle. in fact, you have lost SIX OUNCES of your ALREADY meager muscle mass over that same period of THREE months."
later
doug: "I liked bill a lot more when he was just bill and not bill the dark revealer of souls."
steve: "yeah, yesterday, while I was taking a piss, he laid into me about some of my past mistakes causing some of my current misfortunes. I could've done without that. you know, we were just subjected to that dippy active shooter drill, maybe that time and money could've been invested in a "handling cursed arcane relics" drill."
doug: "would make sense considering we work in arcane relic excavation and a surprisingly large number of the relics we excavate are cursed."
steve: "yup"
doug: "yup"
steve: "....you are getting kinda fat"
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Oct 20, 2022 05:40
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- The Voice of Labor
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a wolf head helmet except it's a blobfish
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Oct 21, 2022 01:32
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- The Voice of Labor
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whupping the lhamas rear end
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Oct 22, 2022 02:05
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- The Voice of Labor
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I still use winamp 2.8 with the basic skin. it's nice to have something unchanged from younger times
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Oct 22, 2022 04:02
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- The Voice of Labor
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get in loser, we go chant down babylon one more time
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Oct 29, 2022 17:56
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- The Voice of Labor
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every year the wizard school teaches the freshmen wizards detect evil and for a whole month all of the town's aristocracy, constabulary, landlords, bankers and small business tyrants glow red
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Oct 29, 2022 21:46
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- The Voice of Labor
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administering confession is getting harder every time. I listen to these people and their petty trangressions. it's all I can do to stop myself yelling at them, how absurd and myopic they are to think god would bat an eyelid at their "sins" when everyday crimes are committed in this city, the cruelty and viciousness of which enough to shake the faith of the most devout
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Nov 1, 2022 19:27
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- The Voice of Labor
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forgotten 80s hair metal band fat snake
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Nov 2, 2022 01:42
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- The Voice of Labor
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getting midway through my rendition of pee on hoe man before someone reminds me that was billy joel and not elton john
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Nov 2, 2022 23:45
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- The Voice of Labor
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nothing moves the blob!
*the blob weeping uncontrollably while watching grave of the fireflies*
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Nov 4, 2022 06:00
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- The Voice of Labor
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strong bad's all excited for the next limousine horse album to drop
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Nov 9, 2022 04:30
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- The Voice of Labor
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a horse posts a trolling rebutal in a poltical forum. then he goes to the bar, clears his throat a few times and says to the bartender "set me up with a cup of hot tea and a shot of brandy, I'm a bit horse"
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Nov 12, 2022 18:59
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- The Voice of Labor
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slogans for failed toy lines
it's like it made a nest in my heart
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Nov 16, 2022 07:10
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May 10, 2024 13:44
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- The Voice of Labor
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failed toyline slogans
don't put it in your mouth!
she just won't stop f***ing nagging
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Nov 16, 2022 20:16
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Jul 25, 2022 23:16
