Gringostar posted:

and now a special address from madam presidents press secretary

Lastgirl posted:

hope everyone's having a great 4 day weekend so far, I'm traveling to my winter whitehouse because i realized that tearing the roof off on the first one was a bad idea so I need tax payer money to cover the damage done to that and also the tax payer money to cover my charter flight to the maldives where the winter whitehouse is because it gets cold in the tropics

anyways pay me lots of money and we'll make everything fine dont worry about it

Lastgirl posted:

actually lets make Lindsey Secretary of Short Pants

crazy cloud posted:

sir we don't have 10-piece nuggets anymore at this location. would you like a 6-piece for 2.99 or a 20-piece for 8.99?

crazy cloud posted:

extremely hypernormalized stephen king's IT voice ]: also we have a new size MAGA fries 2.69 please drive through

crazy cloud posted:

Thatim posted:

I am missing a secretary of Education / Hypernormalization.


We need to be ready when the piss tape is released

Thatim posted:

If we trim these, lg will see the gnomes in there left by the previous administration

Thatim posted:

I just mow the lawns and trim the hedge.

I dont talk that fancy ivy-league landscaper talk.

But i can also mow the rosebeds if needed. I am not sure if i can mow moss

Vox Nihili posted:

oh HELL yeah

now who are my competitors gonna be tho. show urselves

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

dont lie i seen you watchin them boys from the lawn service!!!!

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

i dont pull weeds i smoke em

Chokes McGee posted:

hi I'm still interested in secretary of state but, have you considered a minister of culture

punchymcpunch posted:

maybe the secretary of booze's office should be called the Cabinet Sauvignon

Squizzle posted:

oh poo poo i just put irish moss in this year. i didnt get enough so now it looks like a patchy mud hole but i have high hopes!!!!!!!!

Squizzle posted:

thats a deputy assistant undersecretary tho

Thatim posted:

lawing mows is my thing, but i can teach you. you can ride with me on the mowing machine

2DCAT posted:

I, Mr. 2DCAT, am the only true choice for Secretary of Liquor!

I submit the following from my collection to prove that I am a raging alcoholic:




In total, I have about 250 bottles floating around, but I buy and sell so much that the number kind of fluctuates.

I actually even went down to my basement cellar to pull three from my good collection (yes, i consider the pappy in my living room to be rubbish!) to drink and celebrate my imminent appointment to this most prestigious position!





Why should I be selected?

I am forcing the lol nothing matters agenda within the government! I have an actual meeting at the white house on the 3rd, where I intend to :think_face: all that ask dumb questions! I will follow up this ordeal by doing the same at Congress on the 9th! I plan to take a massive poo poo in both locations as well, and shitpost on the C-SPAM threads while doing so!

2DCAT posted:

My fridge contains:
- Store bought vermouth
- Vermouth I made (and now in wine bottles) because I got bored and thought I could make a better vermouth
- experimental cocktails in Mason jars
- limes to make cocktails with
- 1 English muffin
- garlic, to keep vampires away from my booze

M_Gargantua posted:

as I come home from my working man labors to rest my working man feet among my study rustic hardword furniture, I see that my scandalous competitors have advertised their unpreparedness for the gravitas of the position.

one whose ticket is red and has been obviously bought and paid for by Big Rye. does depravity know no bounds? im not one to kink shame but no need to flaunt it in public.

another fringe crackpot whose strange free market viewpoints claim that lower prices are the goal! what nonsense, if price was all that matters United could ship us like cattle and hangover healthcare would be motrin and water!

no, what this position calls for is a dutiful, respected, well qualified candidate.

i come with years of experience, and a fully stocked under cabinet of deputies for the minutiae:



special interest lobbiests pursue my favor diligently and can be swayed for the proper motivation.



a panel of experts stands ready as a renowned think tank of mixology



ALL foreign involvement is properly documented, my ties to russia are purely professional and have no conflicts of interests!



your CHOICE is clear citizen!

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

wtf!!!

the fans u got already aint fukken good enough for you now or somehtin!!!!!

Conch Shell Corp posted:

That limo had a wife and kids



this poor child is now an orphan RIP

Lastgirl posted:

"you're the animals, you're the animals" I insist as I continue to spew vitriolic, divisive and shallow rhetoric

Al! posted:

my vote goes to 2dcat

Squizzle posted:

if your applying considered judgment to yr vote for sexy of liquor your not engaging the matter in its proper mode imo

i havent even looked at the last page of the thread, i vote for whoever the person who posted above me voted for

if the vote can be changed im also open to corruption graft extortion etc

Lastgirl posted:

2D Cat wins by 7 votes majority and is Secretary of Liquor, may he bring his best thinking face game for the goblins~

so be it that Weeping Wound and M_Gargantua are undersecretaries and may handle beer and wine respectively and confer with 2DCat for alcohol of the week should they choose for immunity and bragging rights and should contesting these decisions put forth by the Liquor committee is probation worthy~

Next thing on the agenda soon moving forward once 2DCat testifies at Congress!

(Appreciate the) Congrats on your arbitrary but slightly fancy position!

punchymcpunch posted:

dont forget to tell em your full title when you testify, 2d cat

2DCAT posted:

Currently inbound to judiciary square to make everyone proud. I'll ensure maximum shenanigans at congress today. I'll make sure to lol at and cpsam_thinkface Lindsey Graham as much as possible and then ask him to pass along to Jeb! that he is a mess. After that, we'll get down to business in selecting the liquor of the month!

Edit:

2DCAT posted:

Choosing my first Liquor of the Month has been a very difficult and challenging problem. On one hand, I'd like to select a liquor that truly represents the people -- a high proof, low cost whiskey that truly represents the history of America. On the other hand... now that the Republicans in Congress appear to have formally recognized my position as Secretary of Liquor, I also feel the need to side the bastard 1%, and select a whiskey thats mediocre, unavailable to nearly the entire world, and outside the price point of the vast majority of the people. But today, as I walked the halls of Congress... I was reminded at how broken our society has become. Instead of choosing one, or the other... I have chosen to make a compromise.

May's Liquor of the Month is:
Rittenhouse Rye Whiskey



Rittenhouse Rye is widely available across most of the country, it costs $24, and is 100 proof. It's delicious on its own, but also works really well in a manhattan, a sazerac, and an old fashioned. At a lower price range is Old Overholt. It has a more storied history; however, it's 80 proof, and you're pretty much getting better value for money ($18 price point for OO), but who wants extra water in their liquor anyways? Sazerac Rye is also good, but with the higher price point and lower proof (90 proof), it becomes hard to recommend that over the Rittenhouse.

anime was right posted:

as the secretary of mattering, im glad i dont have to do anything since trump got elected pres

punchymcpunch posted:

pro strat if theres more than a thousand daycrew posts i just skip em all

punchymcpunch posted:

omar culture is pretty terrible and will inevitably mestastasize into the cancer that kills the barksdale gang.

rudatron posted:

What happened to the spirit of ed balls

what happened to nothing mattering

Ur all wearing suits now,

u sold out

FabioClone posted:

"Will no one investigate this deranged, inebriated president and her cabinet of sycophants and career shitposters" I lament, positioning myself for a presidential run as a principled outsider.

Weeping Wound posted:

I will decide the beer of choice this week. Expect a Champange. Of Beers.

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

you know who they named that poo poo after dontcha sug???

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

look my middle name up on your intelligence committee phone!!!