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quidditch it and quit it
Oct 11, 2012


nigga crab pollock posted:

...actually i think i almost had sex with her once but got interrupted

gently caress! Run!

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Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Machai posted:

Depends. Did you make an account?

you can browse the profiles without even registering

Dr. Quarex
Apr 18, 2003

I'M A BIG DORK WHO POSTS TOO MUCH ABOUT CONVENTIONS LOOK AT THIS

TOVA TOVA TOVA

nigga crab pollock posted:

the entirety of that relationship she would invite me out on dates and then frame them to not be a dates, and do things that you would assume are signs of someone who likes another person but were Definitely Not. i had slept with her multiple times but not the sex kind, the kind that makes you feel like printer goon. actually i think i almost had sex with her once but got interrupted and after that she very conspicuously spent all of her effort on her ex boyfriend she purported to hate
I think the only woman I ever went on anything resembling a date who does not make any sense even in hindsight worked kind of like this; she is clearly an exhibitionist of some sort, but she never wants to actually have anything resembling this fact spoken aloud--I cannot tell you how many times she took her top off around me, but the one time I actually asked if she would take her top off for me she got mad and asked how I could think she would do something like that.

When I had once been out of state for like a year and came back she was super-excited to see me, and we ended up making out, and that eventually turned into her totally naked while we were fooling around and she was definitely not indicating anything was off-limits. But then I made the mistake of starting to unzip my pants, and she instantly pulled away and was like "I don't know what you thought this was, but you need to leave."

In hindsight, I still do not know what that was. We are still on fine terms, but I have the feeling if I asked her what that was all about she would probably just say it never happened.

GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
Girl I'm with meets some guy she knows & basically ignores me for 30 minutes, so I call a cab & I'm home sipping on Patron with Rick & Morty for 40 minutes before I get the phone call.

ISABELLA: "Your home?"
GB: "Yep, how's your date going?"
ISABELLA: "blah blah blah you don't understand"
GB: "....uh-huh"

Next day she calls to invite me over, she's wearing a little black dress & serves me fresh carrot cake. She says I can do whatever I want to her.
GB: "Anal it is then"

I proceed to gently caress her in the rear end for 20 minutes before just passes out after orgasm. After making sure she still breathing, I get up & wipe my cock on her window treatment & leave.

I hate carrot cake.

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
I would ask you to source your quotes but we all recognize that as 2005 Tucker Max

Fartbox
Apr 27, 2017
What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

It just doesn't make no gat dang SENSE.

treiz01
Jan 2, 2008

There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality.

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

10/10 user name&post combo

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

Look at this idiot. Point and laugh

Baronjutter
Dec 31, 2007

"Tiny Trains"

Yo butt ain't made for that!!!

Groovelord Neato
Dec 6, 2014


Anne Whateley posted:

I would ask you to source your quotes but we all recognize that as 2005 Tucker Max

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjlJMpFomM8

Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

thats kinda hot

GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

Look at this child.

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌
You're supposed to tongue-punch the dirt hole, not gently caress it.

HoAssHo
Mar 10, 2005

:love::love::love:

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

butts are where poops come from

Brother Tadger
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


same post, different poster, same post/name combo

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

👰Proč bychom se netěšili🥰když nám Pán Bůh🙌🏻zdraví dá💪?

Fartbox posted:

When did loving girls in the rear end become such a prized thing

It's "forbidden" and often times hurts so of course douchebags think it's awesome in and of itself

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
I'm confused by the robotussin sex house story. I used to use robotussin a lot and it's impossible to feel aroused or have an orgasm for like 6-12 hours after coming down in my experience.

Mzuri
Jun 5, 2004

Who's the boss?
Dudes is lost.
Don't think coz I'm iced out,
I'm cooled off.
Let's resurrect this thread.

I went on a date once with a half-Irish girl, back in the days before Tinder. She was at least 20 pounds over what her profile said and her picture was taken from a very flattering angle. However, she swore like a sailor and had a lot of good stories to tell, so I had a good time but felt no attraction. After a couple of hours I went to pay the bill for our cups of coffee (this was also before online feminism was a thing), and when I came back to the table she was stuffing the spoons from the table and the saucers from the cups into her purse.

So I asked her to please not steal so obviously, to which she rolled her eyes and said "Fiiiiiine...". She put back the spoons and saucers, though. Outside, she called a cab and asked me to join her. I declined politely and went in for a friendly hug goodbye. She went in for a kiss, I turned my head away and it was all very awkward.

My next date from that site couldn't stop talking about this army helicopter pilot she had met on a road trip and how much FUN they had had all the time and now he wasn't returning her calls.

I went home and deleted my profile after that one.

MLKQUOTEMACHINE
Oct 22, 2012

Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill
Had my worst date last night; her husband showed up.

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

Had my worst date last night; her husband showed up.

what was his name

SuperSlacker
Mar 11, 2007

What is a date

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

SuperSlacker posted:

What is a date

Something awful

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

Had my worst date last night; her husband showed up.

So how was the threeway?

SuperSlacker
Mar 11, 2007

Machai posted:

Something awful

I see thanks

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
My friend met up with a girl he used to date a couple years back at school. After the date she asked where he wanted to go and he said, "let's tear up your place" but she said they couldn't because her sister was visiting. He didn't have a place to go because he just got back in town and was sleeping in his car. So she suggested the beach.

He had a blanket and pillows already so they're just looking up at the stars talking about camera exposures and how hard it is to get decent shots with a phone camera and he feels her hand slide across his belt. At first he thought she was just adjusting the blanket but the pressure from her fingers moving around was definitely downward. He thought AWESOME and the sound of the water crashing into the sand and the breeze heightened the experience.

Then he felt the sand. As he got harder and she kept stroking the grits seemed to get bigger. I'm sorry. ut that's all he told me I don't know how it ended.

Heath
Apr 30, 2008

🍂🎃🏞️💦
Drink less.

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
Reduce saturated fat intake

Wait I'm sorry what are we doing right now?

MLKQUOTEMACHINE
Oct 22, 2012

Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

Barudak posted:

So how was the threeway?

It legit was an invitation to cuckold him. I said no. His name was Terry.

DisgracelandUSA
Aug 11, 2011

Yeah, I gets down with the homies

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

It legit was an invitation to cuckold him. I said no. His name was Terry.

You could have been a gbs superstar...

Groovelord Neato
Dec 6, 2014


Elsa posted:

My friend met up with a girl he used to date a couple years back at school. After the date she asked where he wanted to go and he said, "let's tear up your place" but she said they couldn't because her sister was visiting. He didn't have a place to go because he just got back in town and was sleeping in his car. So she suggested the beach.

He had a blanket and pillows already so they're just looking up at the stars talking about camera exposures and how hard it is to get decent shots with a phone camera and he feels her hand slide across his belt. At first he thought she was just adjusting the blanket but the pressure from her fingers moving around was definitely downward. He thought AWESOME and the sound of the water crashing into the sand and the breeze heightened the experience.

Then he felt the sand. As he got harder and she kept stroking the grits seemed to get bigger. I'm sorry. ut that's all he told me I don't know how it ended.

it is incredibly dumb to go on a date if you don't have an actual dwelling to bring them back to.

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe

Groovelord Neato posted:

it is incredibly dumb to go on a date if you don't have an actual dwelling to bring them back to.
I can't decide what to say to that

-don't defeat yourself
-that's when it gets exciting
-don't tell them where you live anyway

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GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
Feb 28, 1985


The older married woman thing where they go crazy and threaten suicide when you leave them, because they tell you they are married? Classic.

I hope she isn't died.

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