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when i was 18 and out in about in the big city i started dating some random city girls and i was so inexperienced but tried to fake it so hard it was painful. one time the date had gone ok i guess and when it was time for her to leave instead of trying to kiss her or something i gave her a huge loving bear hug for like 10 seconds. she probably thought i was autistic or something, never saw her again another time i was dating this arab chick and she wanted to blow me in public at the park for like our second date but there was like 60 other people around in an open field having picnics, no way i was doing this so i reluctantly tried to awkwardly finger her a little. she convinced me to lie to my boss in order to skip work and i brought her home (ON THE BUS) and 45 minutes of transit later i couldn't even get a boner because i was so nervous my boss would fire me. she was pissed as gently caress. i offered oral but she didn't even like that. that didnt go well after that. another time i was on a date with a girl i was actually doing great with and we were walking around town. we find an ice rink and she says we should go ice-skating. I'm like ha ha ok... but in fact i can't skate at all. so we spend 20 minutes renting skates, 20 minutes putting them on. then before we go on the ice i say i can't skate i hate this. she agrees to return in the line up and get a refund with me and do something else like it's nothing. things still turned out ok after that and we kept dating i got less awkward with time but i am loving terrible at dating it's scary. like in the middle of a sentence my brain might reboot and i'd tell an internet joke and smile like a baby retard birdling.
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Apr 25, 2017 07:23
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we sat down to dinner and i was sucked across the table and lost in time
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Apr 25, 2017 07:41
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this is like when you are at a party with normal rear end people and they play some game where you talk about this kind of thing but you can't go too negative because that will bring everybody down so you say she farted on your tumby or whatever instead of what really happened
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Apr 25, 2017 07:46
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Orkin Mang posted:we sat down to dinner and i was sucked across the table and lost in time Old Country Buffet. 
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Apr 25, 2017 07:52
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I once met a woman on Tinder... She looked normal and when i finally met her she acted normal and such as well. We got on and talked through the night, had a few pints and generally got along really well. She seemed like a good and down to earth woman to me...Well, to cut a long story short, that woman turned out to be Hitler, the fuhrer of the third reich of Germany
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Apr 25, 2017 07:54
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Zzulu posted:I once met a woman on Tinder... She looked normal and when i finally met her she acted normal and such as well. We got on and talked through the night, had a few pints and generally got along really well. She seemed like a good and down to earth woman to me...Well, to cut a long story short, that woman turned out to be Hitler, the fuhrer of the third reich of Germany
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Apr 25, 2017 07:57
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Zzulu posted:I once met a woman on Tinder... She looked normal and when i finally met her she acted normal and such as well. We got on and talked through the night, had a few pints and generally got along really well. She seemed like a good and down to earth woman to me...Well, to cut a long story short, that woman turned out to be Hitler, the fuhrer of the third reich of Germany So how was your third date?
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Apr 25, 2017 07:59
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Zzulu posted:I once met a woman on Tinder... She looked normal and when i finally met her she acted normal and such as well. We got on and talked through the night, had a few pints and generally got along really well. She seemed like a good and down to earth woman to me...Well, to cut a long story short, that woman turned out to be Hitler, the fuhrer of the third reich of Germany This explains a lot about your posts in the tinder.jpg thread.
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Apr 25, 2017 13:28
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I've had a few awful dates in my time. Here's one I consider a 50/50 her/my fault: I was fresh out of a long term relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. I met this girl on OKC and her profile was pics of her partying at clubs and out with her friends and her profile mentioned how much she liked to go out and dance and stay out late and poo poo. She was cute too. So I asked her to grab drinks at a bar across town and we agreed to meet up. I got to the bar about half an hour early for some reason so I ordered a bourbon and coke to take the edge off my nerves. This was probably a poor decision on my part because I hadn't eaten much that day, but I digress. She sent me a text message that she was running late because there was a big accident on the highway and she's be late, so I said no big deal and ordered another bourbon. I finished the second bourbon right about the time she showed up. And of course because it was OKC she was about 20 lbs heavier than any of her pictures and she was dressed like a librarian. She ordered a beer and I ordered another bourbon and I asked her about what she had been up to lately, if she had found any cool new bars or clubs or night spots and she told me how actually her friend wrote her profile for her and how she more enjoyed staying in and reading most weekends. I don't remember much else of the night except that I was drunk, laughing way too hard at my own jokes, and literally SLAMMING my palm on the wooden table to emphasize the punchlines to my amusing anecdotes with which I was regaling her. There was no second date.
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Apr 25, 2017 16:40
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Here's another quick one: I sent out on a date with an Asian girl (I'm a white guy) and the date went really well. We ended up back at my place for a night cap and practically as soon as I opened my door she started going through every closet in my house. Like, flipping through my shirts and blazers and coats and stuff. I didn't really mind because all she was going to find were the aforementioned coats and shirts but she was looking REALLY HARD. "You looking for something?" "You don't have any kimonos do you?" "Kimonos?" "Yes, kimonos. You're not hiding any kimonos are you?" "What? No. Why would I be?" "Ugh. I have dated so many white guys who want me to wear a kimono for them and be some sort of weird Asian stereotype" "That's a thing?" "You'd be surprised" I told her I didn't own a kimono or any replica swords, and hadn't watched anime since the 7th grade. We had a hearty laugh together about weeaboos and then proceeded to make out for a few hours. Good times. The next week she told me she was going back to her ex-boyfriend to try and make it work.
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Apr 25, 2017 16:51
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Xarthor posted:The next week she told me she was going back to her ex-boyfriend to try and make it work. i love a schmaltzy end, really tugs at the feels. 
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Apr 25, 2017 16:55
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Xarthor posted:Here's another quick one: Dude must have had some rad kimonos. I had a girl I was chatting to send me naked pics of her all day before we met for a date and then she showed up in sweats and said she just wasn't feeling it and left.
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Apr 25, 2017 17:03
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Xarthor posted:I've had a few awful dates in my time. Here's one I consider a 50/50 her/my fault: This is why I hate when people advise others to play up their profile to make them seem like a person they aren't. You'll always see advice like "take pictures of you out at parties and cool places" and telling people NOT to admit they like stuff at home, always to make themselves seem adventurous and out going. This is the result.
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Apr 25, 2017 17:23
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tbf my profile would be "enjoys running around outside and eating raw meat" and people might get confused and ask what breed I am and which shelter I'm being held at
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Apr 25, 2017 17:30
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Kaewan posted:I rinsed off, gathered my belongings and snuck downstairs. I found a pen and paper and left a note. It read, "YOU poo poo YOURSELF, I LEFT." i'll have to use this even when no self-making GBS threads happens, maybe even when they're not asleep to begin with. I could just slip them a note mid-date. it just seems like a good excuse to bail in general. Pick posted:tbf my profile would be "enjoys running around outside and eating raw meat" and people might get confused and ask what breed I am and which shelter I'm being held at I'd swipe right on that 
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Apr 25, 2017 17:38
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one time a girl kept talking about sad stories about doggos, and then it reminded me of my doggo who got hit by a car, and we were drinking wine and i started tearing up because WHY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET HIT BY THAT CAR i don't feel bad at all about crying over my dead gay doggo tbh that was only part of the date
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Apr 25, 2017 17:41
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Went out with an alcoholic chick I met online. She started trying to blow me while I was driving at one point, and that's when I discovered she was a lamprey eel. Felt like she had teeth on her tongue and the roof and sides of her mouth. That was 9 years or so ago, and I still have nightmares about it.
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Apr 25, 2017 18:01
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akma posted:Went out with an alcoholic chick I met online. She started trying to blow me while I was driving at one point, and that's when I discovered she was a lamprey eel. Felt like she had teeth on her tongue and the roof and sides of her mouth. That was 9 years or so ago, and I still have nightmares about it. 
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Apr 25, 2017 18:02
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what the gently caress
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Apr 25, 2017 18:05
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Lmao 
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Apr 25, 2017 18:06
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Felt more like... 
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Apr 25, 2017 18:06
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quote:r/sex
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Apr 25, 2017 18:08
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Wangsbig posted:she meowed like a cat throughout the entire gently caress was this your date 
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Apr 25, 2017 19:18
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Never been on one, OP
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Apr 25, 2017 19:19
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gumdrops posted:Never been on one, OP I'm sorry, buddy. You ain't missing out on much really. At a really low point in my life I would go out with some real fuckin weirdoes. One night I went out with this girl that kind of slurred her speech when she was sober, let alone when she was drinking. She was very plain looking, dumb, and acted like a hippy pothead but didn't smoke pot from what I saw. We hung out at her place while I tried to converse with her, but every single thing I said or brought up she thought I was making a joke. . .and it was hilarious to her. I ended up drinking anything she had that contained alcohol and eventually found myself laying on a couch with her. I put my hand up her shirt and what I felt, to this day, makes me want to honk. Her skin felt like I was running my hand across tiny asphalt shingles. And maybe I was just super drunk or she was an actual lizard person, but as much and I tried I could not for the life of me find her tits. After a short time of that I really started to evaluate my current life decisions and bolted, making sure to never see her again. PureEvil6_13 fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Apr 25, 2017 |
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Apr 25, 2017 19:26
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I was maybe 19 and new to the Air Force in Minot, North Dakota. Had a sweet Mustang GT. A girl hits me up in traffic and we meet up that Friday night. I pick her up and meet her parents, dad looked like George Bush senior. I took her to a movie and dinner and on the way home she tells me to pull off on a random dirt road. She jumps my bones while I'm in the drivers seat and when she removes her shirt one of her breasts drapes itself on my face like a tossed pizza dough. We move on and she tells me to continue down the dirt road to nowhere and there's a trailer. She comes out of the trailer with her very young son and I didn't know what to do other than sit him in my lap and let him drive.
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Apr 25, 2017 19:46
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Elsa posted:I was maybe 19 and new to the Air Force in Minot, North Dakota. Had a sweet Mustang GT. A girl hits me up in traffic and we meet up that Friday night. I pick her up and meet her parents, dad looked like George Bush senior. I took her to a movie and dinner and on the way home she tells me to pull off on a random dirt road. She jumps my bones while I'm in the drivers seat and when she removes her shirt one of her breasts drapes itself on my face like a tossed pizza dough. We move on and she tells me to continue down the dirt road to nowhere and there's a trailer. She comes out of the trailer with her very young son and I didn't know what to do other than sit him in my lap and let him drive. That's American as hell
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Apr 25, 2017 19:46
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new phone who dis posted:I had a girl I was chatting to send me naked pics of her all day before we met for a date and then she showed up in sweats and said she just wasn't feeling it and left.
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Apr 25, 2017 20:51
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Kaewan posted:This girl I went out on a fairly mediocre date with asked me to walk her home from a bar after closing. Her house wasn't too far, maybe 5 blocks. On the way she casually mentioned getting brutally raped in by her friend who helped her move in. I was really taken aback and at a loss for words. I guess she took it as a sign to go into morbid detail. We get to her house and she asks me to walk her in since that whole ordeal had her shook still. I tell her how sorry I am that something so terrible happened to her. She shows me where in the living room this creep held her down. We chatted for a little bit more on the subject. I told her we can talk more in the future, but now it's getting late. The first story aboout the poop sounded bullshit enough that I knew I could get some more creative writing exercises out of you.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:00
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Putty posted:The first story aboout the poop sounded bullshit enough that I knew I could get some more creative writing exercises out of you. Why do all goons writing stories always have one about about graveyard sex. And they're always bartenders.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:09
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I know a guy that went on a date two weeks ago. He's 50, never had a boyfriend, is incredibly socially awkward, is physically incapable of not talking about how depressed he is, how alone he is, that he cuts himself and he's thought a lot about suicide. So congratulation to any goon that went on that date, he was upset that he never heard from the guy again so I'm guessing it went swimmingly.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:24
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Dr. Quarex posted:Oh good, I am not the only one who has experienced "here are sexy pictures and lots of texting about the awful things I want you to do to me!" *get together* "hey I'm really tired sorry. Gotta go." *disappears forever* She knew what I looked like and I don't think it was me because she already had sweats on and was aloof from the beginning. Someone suggested that she found someone to do the deed before I showed up and that makes the most sense to me.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:29
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tripwood posted:when i was 18 and out in about in the big city i started dating some random city girls and i was so inexperienced but tried to fake it so hard it was painful. one time the date had gone ok i guess and when it was time for her to leave instead of trying to kiss her or something i gave her a huge loving bear hug for like 10 seconds. she probably thought i was autistic or something, never saw her again lmfao
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Apr 25, 2017 21:37
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One of the first dates I ever went on in high school was with a gal who after we got back from dinner and a movie and went to make out for a little bit discovered I was ticklish along my ribs. She would not stop tickling me even when it stopped being fun and started hurting. She tickled me so much she actually made me vomit. After I went to the bathroom and cleaned up, she wanted to do it again. 
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Apr 25, 2017 21:39
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My first date ever was back in 1992 and we went to spike and mikes sick and twisted festival of animation. For our second date he sold his Playboys to take me out to dinner at the Black Angus. RIP Dan.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:43
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opie posted:My first date ever was back in 1992 and we went to spike and mikes sick and twisted festival of animation. For our second date he sold his Playboys to take me out to dinner at the Black Angus. sick and twisted festival shorts are my life right now and that sounds like a lot of fun. You didn't enjoy yourself?
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Apr 25, 2017 21:45
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Elsa posted:sick and twisted festival shorts are my life right now and that sounds like a lot of fun. You didn't enjoy yourself? It was awesome. I don't really have awful date stories.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:47
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opie posted:It was awesome. I don't really have awful date stories. Would you be interested in changing that, M'Lady?
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Apr 25, 2017 21:50
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opie posted:It was awesome. I don't really have awful date stories. good to hear lol. I'm out of stories myself, but maybe my dates saw things differently
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Apr 25, 2017 21:52
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Elsa posted:good to hear lol. I'm out of stories myself, but maybe my dates saw things differently There was the time I got taken out to taco time but we were already in a relationship and I already posted it in the "cheap" thread.
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Apr 25, 2017 21:55
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