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Chill Nazi Frog posted:This is untrue, but I enjoyed reading these anyway. I can almost believe the cosplay chick because there are definitely people like that out there. Every single other story makes me think hal wishes he wrote for sitcoms.
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Apr 28, 2017 11:12
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I want to believe them because they're funny. I just remembered a "date" from my high school. I studied Latin then and we had quite a sizeable class, and a girl I was crushing on asked me if we could compare our Latin tests before the exams to study together. We were on good terms and this kind of thing happened during the lead-up to exams in our class, so I said "sure, where you wanna meet up?" And she said "Your place, maybe?" She wanted to go immediately. I hadn't registered this as a date though because a) I was a 16 year-old nerd, b) she had a boyfriend from another school, though looking back, maybe she was lying about that back then. Can't recall anyone ever meeting the guy. And c) My grandparents were actually at my place, because they came to visit every Wednesday. The "date", such as it was, consisted of awkward small talk at lunch with my grandparents who would not stop giving us extra servings, and then us, completely stuffed, heading to my room to compare tests. Granted we did actually get a lot of studying done. Afterwards, she removed her sandals and sat on my bed and we started talking about whatever. It was around this point that I got the nagging feeling like maybe she wanted to do more than study? But I thought "naw, she has a boyfriend, I'm probably imagining things because I'm crushing on her." She pointed out the tanlines on her toes from her sandals, and we discussed her loving tan lines for half an hour before she thanked me and left. This date was super tame compared to the other stories here, but still. We had high school together for another 2 years, then 4 years at the same university. There have to be at least some of those days where she saw me and thought "oh yeah, this guy's grandparents fed us three servings of mashed potatoes and stew." as the high point in our teenage years of making bad passes at each other. Nobody I know has ever seen her alleged boyfriend from back then either.
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Apr 28, 2017 13:38
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Deltasquid posted:I want to believe them because they're funny. this is the nicest story I've read in a long time. Also sorry you took latin, why did I do that and why was it offered wtf
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Apr 28, 2017 13:52
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Elsa posted:this is the nicest story I've read in a long time. Also sorry you took latin, why did I do that and why was it offered wtf I had a lot of fun with Latin. It's actually one of the most common things to study in high school in Belgium. (Also not quite as hard for French-speaking students as for Anglophones.)
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Apr 28, 2017 14:06
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Hal_2005: "The Haier of the West"
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Apr 28, 2017 14:29
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Hal_2005 posted:- One girl who was a nurse. Two dates consisted of her lighting a joint, getting food after her shift ended and then loving. Pillow talk consisted of stoned marxist chatter. The second date was a diatribe into Alt-Left insurgency programs against American imperialism after loving for 2 hours. Date number 3 consisted of her announcing that nursing was not progressive enough for her so she joined a US Aid program. I found out 4 years later she died in a friendly fire airstrike. Obama killed my soul mate
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Apr 28, 2017 14:37
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I once had a girl thank me for opening the car door for her and I looked her dead in the face and said "actually, I have manual locks so I had to open this up for you". I wish I could project my being back in time and strangle myself. Also Jesus Christ just let the girl choose what she wants to hear on the radio because nothing dries up the well worse than Geddy Lee's wail on the first half of Hemispheres.
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Apr 28, 2017 14:51
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Vargatron posted:I once had a girl thank me for opening the car door for her and I looked her dead in the face and said "actually, I have manual locks so I had to open this up for you". I wish I could project my being back in time and strangle myself. ah, and the true origin of  is revealed
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Apr 28, 2017 14:57
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Had a first date with a girl from OKC. She was about as expected, slightly heavier than pics indicated, nice boobs, cute. Had burgers then went bowling. Ran into an acquaintance (M) out with his wife (B) at the bowling alley. This is when things went weird. To preface, I consider any first date I survive to be acceptable, so I was never particlarly upset at any point, just increasingly bewildered. M was fairly drunk when we arrived and noticed each other. He invited us to bowl with him and his wife. We agreed and everything went smoothly for like 30 seconds. Then M started hitting on my date. The starting line was "I like thick girls, all the girls I've dated, except B, were thick." It continues from there. Within five minutes we have a description of his genitals, their pet name and dimensions. This includes how weight gain/loss has changed them over the years. I'm bowled over. Both because his wife (twig-skinny, literally a ballerina) is five feet away, and because somehow this approach is working. My date is into this. I'm not even mad. Being incredibly straightforward about your sexual interest right in front of your increasingly upset (but trying to hide it, "oh M just has no filter when he's drunk haha" *thousand yard stare* ) wife is something I had never even considered as a viable strategy. Its not like the guy was gorgeous or anything. Average height, average looks, average shape. As the night goes on, his wife starts to hit on me, but not in a "oh this is polyamory" way, in a "desperately trying to make the husband pay attention to her" sort of way. Culminating in her getting a strike and taking a congratulatory running leap onto me, wrapping her legs around me and planting a big kiss, (eyes glued on M the entire time) . M does not appear to notice or give a single poo poo. By the end of bowling, my date, M and myself are somehow discussing kinks, and how her personal kink is that she has a strong preference for anal, to the extent she would prefer to never have standard sex again. B is stewing. The decision is made to go to Kroger, buy beer and head back to their place and hang out. At Kroger, M goes in to buy beer, my date goes in to pee (they exchange numbers inside, I found out later). B and I are left in the parking lot. I talk to her for a bit, she apologizes for M and calls me a "gentleman". This is the only part of the evening that actually stung. She is sobbing increasingly hard over the course of this conversation. I decide I'm done. When they emerge with beer I make an excuse to go home. Somehow this girl thinks the night wasn't insane and asks online the next day if I'd like to go out again. I didn't answer lol. Seven years later, M and B are still married and have two kids. According to a mutual friend, he cheats on her multiple times a year, and she is open about accepting it because she doesn't feel she can do better. Happy Ending!
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Apr 28, 2017 15:10
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God drat, son!
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Apr 28, 2017 15:20
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drat. Also if you had just told his wife she was desireable you could have spared her years of abuse.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:21
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One More Fat Nerd posted:Had a first date with a girl from OKC. She was about as expected, slightly heavier than pics indicated, nice boobs, cute. Had burgers then went bowling. Ran into an acquaintance (M) out with his wife (B) at the bowling alley. This is when things went weird. This whole thing is  for that poor wife.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:24
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if my heart warms anymore from these tales, it's just going to evaporate at some point.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:26
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Bowling is extremely dangerous and I recommend nobody ever bowl, lest face the same fate.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:29
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One More Fat Nerd posted:Had a first date with a girl from OKC. She was about as expected, slightly heavier than pics indicated, nice boobs, cute. Had burgers then went bowling. Ran into an acquaintance (M) out with his wife (B) at the bowling alley. This is when things went weird. sorry you passed up latent sex freak wife sex when she rode you after getting a strike dummy
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Apr 28, 2017 15:29
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Elsa posted:sorry you passed up latent sex freak wife sex when she rode you after getting a strike dummy As a goon I probably should've accepted my fate was loving women who were either crying or about to cry, but what can I say, it was 2009, Obama had just been elected, I still had hope.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:41
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One More Fat Nerd posted:As a goon I probably should've accepted my fate was loving women who were either crying or about to cry, but what can I say, it was 2009, Obama had just been elected, I still had hope. she was probably crying because you had the perfect opportunity after she came on to you but you decided to be a gentleman
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Apr 28, 2017 15:42
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the lapdance is always better when the stripper is crying
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Apr 28, 2017 15:44
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Time travel to the past and either tell your past self about the cuck meme or keep creating instances of yourself until the bowling alley explodes.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:44
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I met a girl at college who blew me ten minutes after meeting me in some bushes by the track. I told her the next day I didn't think continuing it was a good idea. One of my high school acquaintances spent the next 2 years in her friend zone listening to every crazy and stupid problem she had while desperately in love with her until she moved away. Really, I feel like I was supposed to be the second guy in this story and someone at the home office of blowjobs hosed up the paperwork.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:48
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Fat nerd i was hoping you'd defend the sanctity of their marriage but I guess not. Good job
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Apr 28, 2017 15:49
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new phone who dis posted:I met a girl at college who blew me ten minutes after meeting me in some bushes by the track. I told her the next day I didn't think continuing it was a good idea. One of my high school acquaintances spent the next 2 years in her friend zone listening to every crazy and stupid problem she had while desperately in love with her until she moved away. Really, I feel like I was supposed to be the second guy in this story and someone at the home office of blowjobs hosed up the paperwork. good news, you WERE the second guy! you just slipped into a hallucinatory state for a brief moment there, welcome back.
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Apr 28, 2017 15:50
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lorn Wayne posted:good news, you WERE the second guy! First rule of date club is you don't talk about date club
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Apr 28, 2017 16:09
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Elsa posted:she was probably crying because you had the perfect opportunity after she came on to you but you decided to be a gentleman She was on the verge of crying on and off from about ten minutes after our arrival. Held it together till near the end though, probably been in the same state the last eight years. She's a real trooper. Will she drown the kids before the inevitable murder-suicide? Only time will tell.
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Apr 28, 2017 16:27
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elise the great posted:Went to a bible college in Texas. Broke up with my then-fiancé and decided to attempt dating in this tiny, super-Christian college town. That was an awesome story. My worst dating story was an OK cupid date (who we will call Melanie from here on out) who basically lied to me about being interested in dating me and manipulated me into going on a date with her. I didn't know I was being manipulated at the time, I thought Melanie was just very, very interested when she favorited me, sent me a long written message and DM'ed me as soon as I came online. What I did not know was that she was friends with a woman (who we will call Lindsay) who I had gone on an ok cupid date with like 6 months prior and kinda made a fool out of myself in front of. Everything she was doing was part of a joke at my expense, including the date. I never got a straight story from her about why they did this, but I guess they were browsing Ok cupid together one night, saw me on there and came up with a plan. For back story, the original date with Lindsay went well but I guess something went wrong because she tried to inexpertly ghost me and lied about it. I wasn't aware of her plans to ghost but I googled her (because I was pretty crazy and insecure at the time but I also wanted to see if there were any red flags floating around about her) and found out she lied about deactivating her social media accounts (which is what she told me she was going to do-the story was she didn't want to date or interact with friends because she was loving up in school). I asked her about it. She made some excuses and I was like "Don't bother adding me to anything, I'm pretty aware of the fact that I'm more interested than you are. Bye." I was kind of hurt but I understood. I also realized that my reaction was utterly pathetic, so I deactivated my OK Cupid to work on myself some more. I reactivated OK cupid 6 months later. I had lost more weight and was feeling good about myself but I was still desperately lonely so I decided to give it another shot because I am a loving stupid moron. Cue Melanie flirting with me. Basically, over the course of several long messages and chat sessions, she convinced me she was really interested and pressured me into a date about a week later. I didn't really want to go on the date because, while I was interested in having said date, the day she picked was a bad day logistics wise and also there were some warning alarms about they way this woman was just soooooo sooooooo interested and pushy for it to happen. Most people would be like "naw, man, she just really digs you" but it had never once happened in my life so I was already somewhat suspicious, sadly. So we have the date and it goes amazingly, lots of chemistry, no awkward silences, we both laughed the entire time. I even was like "So, want to do it again sometime" and she hesitated just a microsecond before saying "Sure!" but it was noticeable. I ignored it and went home thinking everything was cool. I saw her online the next night and messaged her to chat and maybe set up the second date which is when she informed me of her friendship with Lindsay. It went something like this: Melanie: Oh, and my friend Lindsay is here, by the way. I believe you know her. Me: oh poo poo Melanie: We're both laughing. Me: It's not that funny to me. Why is it funny? Melanie: The room is filled with guffaws. <---yes, she used the word guffaws, not making that up Me: I made a huge fool out of myself in front of Lindsay. I'm so goddamn embarrassed right now Melanie: She says no (like, Lindsay said something to her that I didn't really embarrass myself but I was like shaking with despair and self-loathing at that point so I didn't believe it). Be confident. Me: I'm confident that I am sick to my stomach. I need to lay down. Melanie: Well, that is a type of confidence I guess. Well, we're gonna go out now and then I'm going on a trip to Europe, be back in a week. See you later. So, I decided to take her advice and just be confident, just in case I was reading the situation wrongly. I have a history of women...well, girls really...doing some pretty manipulative and cruel things to me, and a really dark part of me truly believed that women were pretty callous and cruel in general and I didn't want to believe that it was happening again So i resolved to just think "heh, good joke, you got me" and message her when she came back from her trip. A week later, she comes back from wherever she went and comes online. I message her and she never responds so I just deactivated my account and never looked back. Yep, I felt pretty lovely about that one and I never really found out if it was just them not realizing how their little "joke" would look to me or if they truly meant it to be harmless and I just projected a lot of my own feelings of inadequacy in there. It's loving stupid but I sometimes feel really sad thinking about it even though it happened almost ten years ago now.
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Apr 28, 2017 16:28
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Radical and BADical! posted:That was an awesome story. Had a little trouble following this tbh, but I don't know it kind of seems like it was tacking a different tack at the end? Like the story as recounted implies to me that maybe it started as a prank but by the end she was a like "actually this dude is cool, ima date him instead of pranking him as originally intended and my friend is cool with that". But I get that you were having a
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Apr 28, 2017 16:57
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When I saw the word "guffaw" my dick shriveled up and disintegrated like a spent cigarette. I should probably call an ambulance now idk?
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Apr 28, 2017 17:02
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Putty posted:When I saw the word "guffaw" my dick shriveled up and disintegrated like a spent cigarette. I should probably call an ambulance now idk? nah it'll gradually regenerate, so long as you're a land starfish like me. no need to get Big Medical involved.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:04
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Radical and BADical! posted:That was an awesome story. What kind of sociopath does this to people?
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Apr 28, 2017 17:10
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Sounds like something mean girls would do in High School. Since he said it happened 10 years ago it's most likely that.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:14
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Radical and BADical! posted:
Brother, I would have, in no particular order; lost my poo poo, become unglued, flipped my tits, lost my mind. That is terrible lovely man, I hope you've had better experiences since then and I hope both those bitches have syphilis now.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:13
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Vargatron posted:What kind of sociopath does this to people? A funny one? I'm not saying it isn't kind of pointlessly cruel but it is still kind of funny.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:21
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Chomp8645 posted:Had a little trouble following this tbh, but I don't know it kind of seems like it was tacking a different tack at the end? Like the story as recounted implies to me that maybe it started as a prank but by the end she was a like "actually this dude is cool, ima date him instead of pranking him as originally intended and my friend is cool with that". But I get that you were having a it's really hard to type out in a way that makes sense so i'll cliff's notes it Girl A=Lindsay Girl B=Mel I go on a date with Lindsay. I think it goes well, she is not interested. She wants to ghost me and lies to me about deactivating her social media under the pretext that it is affecting her schoolwork. I google her because I am insecure but also want to find out of there's anything I should know and find that she lied about that. I confront her. She makes excuses and says she will add me back to everything. I tell her not to bother and deactivate my account and admonish myself for being such a pathetic, embarrassing fucker. I work on myself for six months and make a new account. Melanie favorites my account, writes me a long message expressing interest and private messages me to express interest. We chat back and forth for a week via IM and email and also phone texts. She pressures me into going on a date with her over my reservations because in the back of my mind I was suspicious and also I shared a car with my brother and he needed it. The date goes fantastic. We end up speaking the next night and come to find out that she is friends with Lindsay which makes me remember about being rejected, and Lindsay thought I was too creepy to just say "I'm not interested" and tried to lie so as not to interact with me on top of the childish reaction I had. I said as much and Lindsay denied it through Mel, who informed me that they both found the situation funny. I was overcome with self loathing and despair which manifested in my entire body going numb and my face getting hot and wanting to puke so I excused myself after being told to message back in a week. When I did so, I got ghosted and I can't figure out whether it was meant to be harmless and I took it hard or if it was meant to be truly cruel. Also the part with the chat is like 80% verbatim. Say what you will about memory but you don't forget something like that. Radical and BADical! fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Apr 28, 2017 |
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Apr 28, 2017 17:27
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Brother, I would have, in no particular order; lost my poo poo, become unglued, flipped my tits, lost my mind. It's actually kind of funny to me now. The worst part is I was also talking to an ex-fat girl (this was in my ex-fat period before getting fat again) who literally looked like a young Paula Abdul. She was interested in me but I didn't get the same warning bells as I got talking to Mel. So guess who I chose to go with? I am an idiot fucker, but I've been dating my current girlfriend for six years now and we show no signs of stopping.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:30
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Took a girl out to a bar once and she ran into some other dude she knew. I endured about an hour of her ignoring me and talking to him before I got up and left. She ran out after me to my car. . .not to tell me she was being an rear end in a top hat, but to ask me if it's ok if that other guy takes her home and I tell her that I'm obviously leaving and don't care how or if she gets home.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:29
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Putty posted:Sounds like something mean girls would do in High School. Since he said it happened 10 years ago it's most likely that. Nope, I was 27 and Mel and Lindsay were both 24-25
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Apr 28, 2017 17:33
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Radical and BADical! posted:Nope, I was 27 and Mel and Lindsay were both 24-25 You were 27 when you online stalked her and threw a hissyfit because you couldn't catch a hint that she wasn't interested?
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Apr 28, 2017 17:41
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Uh yeah if you want to call a simple google search online stalking. If women can do it to see if a man is a nightmare, a man can do the same. At the same time, she is 24 and hatching a plan to humiliate some dude who was in her life for five seconds and also wasn't adult enough to just say "No thanks bro". Never change, 3O.  Also, the hissy fit was completely internal, I literally just texted "Don't bother. It's obvious I like you more than you like me. Good luck." and she didn't respond. Then I just kinda sat on my bed and looked at the floor for awhile and my dog put his head in my lap.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:45
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Took a girl out to a bar once and she ran into some other dude she knew. I endured about an hour of her ignoring me and talking to him before I got up and left. She ran out after me to my car. . .not to tell me she was being an rear end in a top hat, but to ask me if it's ok if that other guy takes her home and I tell her that I'm obviously leaving and don't care how or if she gets home. wait. THAT WAS YOU??
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Apr 28, 2017 17:56
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Took a girl out to a bar once and she ran into some other dude she knew. I endured about an hour of her ignoring me and talking to him before I got up and left. She ran out after me to my car. . .not to tell me she was being an rear end in a top hat, but to ask me if it's ok if that other guy takes her home and I tell her that I'm obviously leaving and don't care how or if she gets home. I believe in positive reinforcement so you done good, kid.
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Apr 28, 2017 18:02
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