Your Awful Dates

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Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Did a few OKC dates in a local college town after I was out of school. This involved me being 24 and dating girls that were still in the middle of school. I took this one girl out and she insisted that we go to the local dive bar for the first date. Didn't really bother me much, because hey, cheap beer and food makes for a cheap date. She probably knew every guy in there and constantly stopped conversations to say hello to the random passerby and talk to them for like 5 minutes at a time. Then she got drunk and proceeded to complain about how she works 80 hours a week trying to get through grad school and how she was sexually abused by her dad growing up.

I did feel sorry for her, but man she had a lot of issues. I eventually paid for a cab to get her home. Don't know what became of her later but I'm guessing she was a severe alcoholic with emotional issues.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 16:31

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 19:54

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Pick posted:

middle of schoolers?!

Yes, I literally captured them from homeroom.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 17:15

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

I dated a girl a few times and then she ghosted me for like 3 weeks. Got a text out of the blue "hey how are you doing???" to which I replied "your date must have gone terribly last night".

I understand why I'm still single.

Also minor league hockey is a poor choice for a second date if the guy/girl doesn't give a poo poo about sports.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2017 14:47

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

I once had a girl thank me for opening the car door for her and I looked her dead in the face and said "actually, I have manual locks so I had to open this up for you". I wish I could project my being back in time and strangle myself.

Also Jesus Christ just let the girl choose what she wants to hear on the radio because nothing dries up the well worse than Geddy Lee's wail on the first half of Hemispheres.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2017 14:51

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

One More Fat Nerd posted:

Had a first date with a girl from OKC. She was about as expected, slightly heavier than pics indicated, nice boobs, cute. Had burgers then went bowling. Ran into an acquaintance (M) out with his wife (B) at the bowling alley. This is when things went weird.

To preface, I consider any first date I survive to be acceptable, so I was never particlarly upset at any point, just increasingly bewildered.

M was fairly drunk when we arrived and noticed each other. He invited us to bowl with him and his wife. We agreed and everything went smoothly for like 30 seconds. Then M started hitting on my date. The starting line was "I like thick girls, all the girls I've dated, except B, were thick." It continues from there. Within five minutes we have a description of his genitals, their pet name and dimensions. This includes how weight gain/loss has changed them over the years.

I'm bowled over. Both because his wife (twig-skinny, literally a ballerina) is five feet away, and because somehow this approach is working. My date is into this. I'm not even mad. Being incredibly straightforward about your sexual interest right in front of your increasingly upset (but trying to hide it, "oh M just has no filter when he's drunk haha" *thousand yard stare* ) wife is something I had never even considered as a viable strategy. Its not like the guy was gorgeous or anything. Average height, average looks, average shape.

As the night goes on, his wife starts to hit on me, but not in a "oh this is polyamory" way, in a "desperately trying to make the husband pay attention to her" sort of way. Culminating in her getting a strike and taking a congratulatory running leap onto me, wrapping her legs around me and planting a big kiss, (eyes glued on M the entire time) . M does not appear to notice or give a single poo poo.

By the end of bowling, my date, M and myself are somehow discussing kinks, and how her personal kink is that she has a strong preference for anal, to the extent she would prefer to never have standard sex again. B is stewing. The decision is made to go to Kroger, buy beer and head back to their place and hang out. At Kroger, M goes in to buy beer, my date goes in to pee (they exchange numbers inside, I found out later). B and I are left in the parking lot. I talk to her for a bit, she apologizes for M and calls me a "gentleman". This is the only part of the evening that actually stung. She is sobbing increasingly hard over the course of this conversation. I decide I'm done.

When they emerge with beer I make an excuse to go home. Somehow this girl thinks the night wasn't insane and asks online the next day if I'd like to go out again. I didn't answer lol.

Seven years later, M and B are still married and have two kids. According to a mutual friend, he cheats on her multiple times a year, and she is open about accepting it because she doesn't feel she can do better. Happy Ending!

This whole thing is :smith:

for that poor wife.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2017 15:24

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Radical and BADical! posted:

That was an awesome story.

My worst dating story was an OK cupid date (who we will call Melanie from here on out) who basically lied to me about being interested in dating me and manipulated me into going on a date with her. I didn't know I was being manipulated at the time, I thought Melanie was just very, very interested when she favorited me, sent me a long written message and DM'ed me as soon as I came online. What I did not know was that she was friends with a woman (who we will call Lindsay) who I had gone on an ok cupid date with like 6 months prior and kinda made a fool out of myself in front of. Everything she was doing was part of a joke at my expense, including the date.

I never got a straight story from her about why they did this, but I guess they were browsing Ok cupid together one night, saw me on there and came up with a plan. For back story, the original date with Lindsay went well but I guess something went wrong because she tried to inexpertly ghost me and lied about it. I wasn't aware of her plans to ghost but I googled her (because I was pretty crazy and insecure at the time but I also wanted to see if there were any red flags floating around about her) and found out she lied about deactivating her social media accounts (which is what she told me she was going to do-the story was she didn't want to date or interact with friends because she was loving up in school). I asked her about it. She made some excuses and I was like "Don't bother adding me to anything, I'm pretty aware of the fact that I'm more interested than you are. Bye." I was kind of hurt but I understood. I also realized that my reaction was utterly pathetic, so I deactivated my OK Cupid to work on myself some more.

I reactivated OK cupid 6 months later. I had lost more weight and was feeling good about myself but I was still desperately lonely so I decided to give it another shot because I am a loving stupid moron. Cue Melanie flirting with me. Basically, over the course of several long messages and chat sessions, she convinced me she was really interested and pressured me into a date about a week later. I didn't really want to go on the date because, while I was interested in having said date, the day she picked was a bad day logistics wise and also there were some warning alarms about they way this woman was just soooooo sooooooo interested and pushy for it to happen. Most people would be like "naw, man, she just really digs you" but it had never once happened in my life so I was already somewhat suspicious, sadly. So we have the date and it goes amazingly, lots of chemistry, no awkward silences, we both laughed the entire time. I even was like "So, want to do it again sometime" and she hesitated just a microsecond before saying "Sure!" but it was noticeable. I ignored it and went home thinking everything was cool.

I saw her online the next night and messaged her to chat and maybe set up the second date which is when she informed me of her friendship with Lindsay. It went something like this:

Melanie: Oh, and my friend Lindsay is here, by the way. I believe you know her.
Me: oh poo poo
Melanie: We're both laughing.
Me: It's not that funny to me. Why is it funny?
Melanie: The room is filled with guffaws. <---yes, she used the word guffaws, not making that up
Me: I made a huge fool out of myself in front of Lindsay. I'm so goddamn embarrassed right now
Melanie: She says no (like, Lindsay said something to her that I didn't really embarrass myself but I was like shaking with despair and self-loathing at that point so I didn't believe it). Be confident.
Me: I'm confident that I am sick to my stomach. I need to lay down.
Melanie: Well, that is a type of confidence I guess. Well, we're gonna go out now and then I'm going on a trip to Europe, be back in a week. See you later.

So, I decided to take her advice and just be confident, just in case I was reading the situation wrongly. I have a history of women...well, girls really...doing some pretty manipulative and cruel things to me, and a really dark part of me truly believed that women were pretty callous and cruel in general and I didn't want to believe that it was happening again So i resolved to just think "heh, good joke, you got me" and message her when she came back from her trip. A week later, she comes back from wherever she went and comes online. I message her and she never responds so I just deactivated my account and never looked back.

Yep, I felt pretty lovely about that one and I never really found out if it was just them not realizing how their little "joke" would look to me or if they truly meant it to be harmless and I just projected a lot of my own feelings of inadequacy in there. It's loving stupid but I sometimes feel really sad thinking about it even though it happened almost ten years ago now.

What kind of sociopath does this to people?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2017 17:10

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Vespertillian posted:

I have bad date stories!

My worst date/possibly this one dudes worst date: In highschool I was friends with a group of three guys - I'm always pretty blatant about being a lesbian and everyone seemed chill at first. We hung out and played videogames and drank pretty frequently.
One of them texted one day telling me to come hang out with them all at this one arcade. I show up and of fuckin' course he's the only one there. He muttered something about the other guys ditching but said that he already bought the tokens the arcade machines used, so I should play some of the games with him.
�I was kinda unassuming and naive back then so I was like, okay, sure. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to go get a coffee. I declined as I was starting to feel that the situation was a bit odd. He insisted on walking me to my car and then looked at me expectantly. I got in my car, waved at him, and drove off.
I got home and my phone had a novel on it about how I was a bitch for not at least giving him a hug after how well he thought our "date" went.
I texted him back something along the lines of "You said the other guys ditched, were you inviting them on a date too? I think you'd have better chance�trying to get with (other male friend from group)� lol"
He never responded to that text and I never hung out with him alone again, but a couple months later he screamed a heartbroken confession of his love to me at a party after finding me making out with his sister; I laughed at him. He began to weep and then ran away from the party and into the crisp winter night, presumably a broken man.

My worst date that I was not tricked into via ambush wasn't really that bad - I met up with a Tinder girl for lunch. She seemed pretty normal. We talked about a bit of casual stuff - the weather, families, poo poo like that. At some point I asked about her hobbies.
She proceeded to talk about Steven Universe for about 30 minutes straight despite my desperate air of disinterest towards the subject. She then entreated me earnestly and with great urgency to create a Tumblr.
I mentioned that I don't really see watching TV as an actual hobby and asked what else she did in her spare time. She started to talk about some other cartoon, and any further atempts to change the topic always led back to fandoms and cartoons. It was like she was a missionary for the church of latter day children's animated shows or something.
She was 24 and allegedly getting a masters degree in women's studies and was upset when I wouldn't go on a second date with her.

I've also had a couple of first dates go entirely innocuously if not outright fantastic only to have the girl mention at the end -with one of them it was after we banged-� that they really liked me and they're excited for me to meet their up-to-that-point-unmentioned boyfriend.
It's left a bitter taste in my mouth and unto this very day whenever anyone mentions polygamy I scream, firmly clasp my scalp between my hands, and pull hard enough that my skin rips off and beneath the bloodied cover of my skull glimpses are revealed of my enraged frothing brain.

Trap sprung on that Steven Universe bit.

Sorry about the "I have a boyfriend" bit :smith:

# ¿ May 1, 2017 13:32

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

I'm surprised at how hard it is to find a woman who would be cool with getting stoned and listening to Vaporwave.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 19:49

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Yeah it was a dumb joke.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 20:15

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

I dated this girl in high school when I 16 and I was ultra hype because this my first ever GF but of course my mom has to drive us around because I had a restricted license and couldn't have anybody under 21 in the car with me. Anyway my mom does me a solid and puts a bunch of groceries in the front seat so that me and my GF have to sit in the back seat (with of course my mom doing the whole "sly wink" bit). We get dropped off to the local bowling alley because that's what you do when you're 16. We slip off and make out in the back of the alley which was pretty awesome. We have several other dates like this and all is going well.

Summer rolls around and one of my friends invites me and my GF over to his parent's house to go out on the lake to wakeboard and water ski. Well my GF's brother gets invited over there as well and for some reason she is SUPER cold towards him and it kind of kills the whole vibe. We get to talking afterwards and apparently she had been sexually abused by her brother on the reg which was horrifying because he was one of the most popular guys in school and nobody would expect that. I try handling that as best I could to salvage the rest of the day but that was always an undercurrent the rest of the time we were together. Really lovely situation for her, but after meeting her parents I kind of saw the whole picture.

She invites me over to her parents house later on in the summer and as soon as I step in the house her dad is all over me asking who the gently caress I am. Apparently my GF was supposed to have one of her friends over there to "chaperone" us and make sure that we would do anything. Evidently this is the catalyst for an argument to break out which culminates with "MY BROTHER RAPED ME LAST SUMMER" getting yelled in the middle of the house. So here I sit as a shell shocked 16 year old with the roof crashing down trying to figure out what to do. Eventually her dad comes up to me and is like "look, I'm sure you're an alright kid, but you need to leave, this is getting out of hand".

Story doesn't end there though. My GF kept calling me in the middle of the night to sneak her out of the house and eventually I had to have a conversation where I was like "look, this isn't a good idea, we can't be doing this kind of thing", which prompted her to break up with me. It loving sucked, but at this point the game was getting too hot for me. Fast forward 4 weeks later and she's pregnant with the kid of a 21 year old that worked with her at Taco Bell. I later learned that she basically did that to get back at her parents for not doing anything about her brother.

This situation was nothing but :smith:

. I've ran into her a few times around town and she's got 4 kids now, but the whole situation sucked because she was an honor student who had potential to go to an Ivy League school if she wouldn't have gotten knocked up.

Goddamn that's a loving downer

# ¿ May 19, 2017 21:15

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Bonzo posted:

When I got divorced, I happened to be playing in a band with a guy named Jim who was 20 years older than me. He overheard me talking to someone else about re-entering the dating scene and told me to, "Go get a fat girl, Bonzo. They'll do anything and will gently caress you all night long because they don't know when they'll be gettin' it again."

Would anyone care to guess on the body type of Jim's wife?

Portly.

# ¿ May 22, 2017 19:07

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

beefart posted:

I went on a dinner date straight out of college with a woman who took me to a gay bar, told me that I was "driving like a n----r" and then invited me back to her place. We made out and watched Empire Records for 30 minutes before she went into the bathroom, locked the door, and wouldn't respond. I thought she was avoiding me, and I was cool with it because there was zero chemistry and I felt like I had just been making out with the Emissary of Sauron, so I left and managed to lock myself out of her apartment complex's garage, where my car was parked. I finally managed to get home at 7 in the morning after trying all night to ninja my way into the garage.

She called me the next day to tell me that she had fallen asleep on the toilet and wanted to go out with me again. There was no second date.

goddamn lol

How the gently caress do you fall asleep on a toilet?

# ¿ May 22, 2017 19:24

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

I used to be able to take down my brother and he could never get loose even though I was like 112 lbs at the time and he was 180lbs. The holds you learn in wrestling are pretty amazing really.

# ¿ May 23, 2017 16:12