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I've been on a lot of weird dates; from a girl locking me in her house, to spooky witchy graveyard sex. My most awful first date would have to be about 4 years ago. This was back when I worked as a bartender at a fancy cocktail bar. The kind where every drink had 6 ingredients and every syrup or shrub was made in house. There was this one gorgeous woman that would come sit at my bar whenever I worked, lets call her Mary. Mary would always smile when she saw me, laugh at all my jokes and be disappointed if I was away for any reason. One night Mary suggested we go for drinks. I joked about it being a date and she was delighted. Back then I had a go-to date spot. It was an upscale restaurant where my good bud was head chef. Naturally we got quite the hookup, my scallops and her seafood risotto were both comped. All I had to pay for were the drinks. Afterwards Mary and I walked through a park holding hands, watched the sunset; it was quite magical. Later on when I drove Mary home she insisted I walked her inside. Mary showed me her liquor collection and I made us a few cocktails. We bonded over every little thing, from music to movies to booze. After some point we started making out and not before long Mary dragged me to her bedroom for some amazing sloppy sex. Now at around 3 am I bolt straight up with my stomach rumbling dramatically. I don't make it out of bed before my bowels decide to violently purge. I rolled off still half drunk while I cupped my butt attempting to block the flow. It was like trying to stop a fire hose with a tennis racket. My foot still asleep and the room spinning I stumble towards the bathroom in the dark. Inadvertently I smeared poo poo all over the wall fumbling towards the door. I finally made it and I was in complete shock, my mind racing. I stood there staring at my reflection in the moonlight, ten minutes pass in total disbelief. It had to be a nightmare, I was expecting Mary at any moment to wake up screaming in horror. Nothing happened and I got an idea. I rinsed off, gathered my belongings and snuck downstairs. I found a pen and paper and left a note. It read, "YOU poo poo YOURSELF, I LEFT."
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Apr 25, 2017 00:25
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Putty posted:how did you get locked in a house This girl I went out on a fairly mediocre date with asked me to walk her home from a bar after closing. Her house wasn't too far, maybe 5 blocks. On the way she casually mentioned getting brutally raped in by her friend who helped her move in. I was really taken aback and at a loss for words. I guess she took it as a sign to go into morbid detail. We get to her house and she asks me to walk her in since that whole ordeal had her shook still. I tell her how sorry I am that something so terrible happened to her. She shows me where in the living room this creep held her down. We chatted for a little bit more on the subject. I told her we can talk more in the future, but now it's getting late. I turned to leave and tried the door. She had locked the deadbolt and taken the key. After asking her to let me out she said it would probably be best if I spent the night and tried to kiss me. I was like yo, I am 100% not in the mood. She started sobbing and telling me how no one loved her. I consoled her until she stopped crying and told her again I have to leave. She insisted I stay, begged and even blackmailed me saying she didn't know what she would do if I left. I told her this is all too much and I need to smoke a cig. She said not inside the house but we could out back. As soon as I stepped outside I gunned it, hopped the fence and ducked down the alley while she came screaming after me.
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Apr 25, 2017 03:05
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unpacked robinhood posted:One day i brought a date into a bar and she spent the evening watching goddamn football over my head, it was pretty bad. I'm really bad about this. My eyes are instantly glued to the television no matter what's on. That's why I like to take my dates to places without tv's.
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Apr 27, 2017 23:10
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I got one more now that I think about it. I met this girl who was in a serious relationship with a woman but was interested in side dick so to speak. So this girl Kate came over to my place to hang out, we drank wine and watched a movie. After a while we started making out and things get frisky. Kate takes off my shirt and starting playing with my junk and I'm reaching down her skirt. She tells me she's on her period and has to take out her tampon. While she's in the bathroom I get buck naked and Kate comes out and just laughs. Tells me that's really creepy that I got completely naked in like 10 seconds. She keeps telling me that I made her super uncomfortable and that she should probably go. I end up walking Kate to her car and she's still laughing about the whole situation and at that point I'm more focused on how late it's gotten. She asks me what's wrong and I told her I'm supposed to be at my mates in about an hour to play DnD. Rather than laugh she tells me her partner Carol who's a total nerd and has been looking for a group. I end up getting her gf Carol's info. Lo and behold we get to where her car should be and it's gone. She inadvertently parked in a tow away zone. We find out where the towing company is and feeling bad I call an uber to take us way into the ghetto to grab it. I'm about starving at this point and try to get a pop tart out the vending machine, but the machine eats my dollar. Kate gets her car back after paying $300 and says let's get McDonalds cuz all this stress got her hungry. I'm all about it since McDonalds would be closer to my mates house. We get there and I order a 3 for 5; burger, fries and 10 piece nuggets. I ask her if she can drop me off a few blocks further up at my mates. Kate complains about how she just wants to go home but agrees anyways. As I'm getting out I realize they forgot give me my burger and I'm arguing with Kate to drive me back to McDonalds. As you can guess she says no. I go up to my mates pissed off waiting for our ranger to show up and our fighter decides to order takeout. I say throw in a medium cheese and I'll pay for it. Long story short delivery comes and they forget my pizza. No pop tart, no burger, no pizza. Worst night ever.
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Apr 30, 2017 22:38
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