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Apr 30, 2024 03:40
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- Applesnots
- Oct 22, 2010
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MERRY YOBMAS
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I went out on a completely blind date with someone I met on the internet when I first moved to LA. Yes, red flags should already be raising. I also went there by bus, not realizing the bus route shut down the moment I got there. Things went downhill from there.
So I get to her place and I immediately notice that it's a giant room with a couple beds on it. She starts talking about how her roommate and boyfriend gently caress in the middle of the room all the time and that they have arrangement where that's cool while putting on a movie. I begin texting friends hoping somebody could help me GTFO, but nobody's available. The whole place is horrifyingly grimy so I sit there trying not to touch anything.
After the movie, her roommate came home and wanted to take me us to a party. Being stuck with no way out but to wait until 6AM to get a bus, I unwisely piled in the car. Once I arrive, everyone is acting incredibly loopy and I assume it's from the drinks they're passing around. Turns out, they've all been pounding cough syrup. A lot of it. And they're all listening to Bjork cranked at top volume, shortly before someone that's late shows up with a box of donuts which he proudly declares he found on the side of the freeway. Somewhere around this time I get desperate enough to take a shot of Tequila, because just Jesus Christ. I immediately regret touching a shotglass.
Around this time, someone decides to put on American History X, something they apparently watch all the time while drunk. To back this up and make things a little more awkward I, the girl I showed up to see, and her roommate were the only pasty white people present: Literally everyone else was black. I wouldn't even mention this fact as normally it'd not matter, except when you're watching a movie like that while people make bold philosophical discussion on Robitussin wherein they decide to ask me all of the questions on behalf of white people everywhere (the girl's roommate didn't count because it turns out she believed she WAS a black person born with the wrong skin color, like literally). The girl I came there to see in the first place begins trying to put moves on me during all of this and... yeah, no, you just ate road-donuts and did a shot of cough syrup and whiskey while living in a communal fuckpit, lady. gently caress. 4 more hours until dawn.
Around this time her roommate decides to apparently extend her "who gives a poo poo" policy and starts loving her boyfriend on a makeshift hammock hung in the back of the apartment in front of everyone while the others talk about going to shoplift more cough syrup and I do the only thing I know how: Pretend to fall asleep in a corner and wait for people to scatter. As soon as everyone's falling asleep (which takes a while as Bjork is put back on) I get the gently caress out, find my way back to the bus stop, where I realize the bus I want won't show up until *9AM*. So I ended up sleeping on a bus bench in front of a Taco Bell until I could return home and never, ever go on another blind internet date again. I also learned how to check the loving bus schedule.
Looking back it's like I spent a night with the sort of people who'd totally get along great with Danny Devito and Charlie Day on Always Sunny. "Score, I found eggs under a bridge!"
ED: I also bit myself during all this without realizing it, so I thought I got something off the shot glass I unwisely drank from and went into a panic for days until it turns out that yep, I just bit myself.
Was this in the mid nineties? This sound like it happened in the mid nineties, Are you a time lord?
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May 18, 2017 21:23
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Apr 24, 2017 04:10
