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Oh boy have I had some bad internet dates. But going back to 1994 I started helping out a buddy with his karaoke gig, just helping him setup and tear down but I also got to drink all night for half price. Eventually the same people start showing up every week and we all become friendly. I had a crush on this girl, Stacy, pretty hard and I gave her my pager number and told her to beep me sometime if she wanted to come see my band practice (holy poo poo I was lame). I had also made friends with this guy, Eric, who was a pretty good guitar player and we started hanging out. Once day I'm at his house and get a page from some number I'd never seen before. I call and it's Stacy. I pretend like I'm cool and make small talk. Stacy then says that she'd love to hang out sometime and how we should go out on a double date with Eric and her friend, Jane. I'm loving floored. I ask Stacy to hold on while I ask Eric if he down for it. He briefly looked up at me and said, "Yeah ,sure,whatever". The night before the date I called Eric to remind him of where and when to meet. "Yeah man, I'll be there". If it matters the place we were meeting was some bowling alley bar where a friend of Stacy and Jane ran karaoke. So I show up right on time and sit down at the table with the girls.  "Hello ladies how are y....." "Where's Eric?" "Oh he should be there soon. I talked to him last night an....." "Are you sure he's coming?" "Yeah. He said he would"Jane huffs and walks to the bar. Stacy looks confused yet panicked at the same time. We make small talk and she perks up a bit when I buy us all a pitcher. 15 minutes later, Eric is nowhere to be found. They ask me to page him which I do. He never calls back. We sit making idle chit-chat while people loudly sing off key renditions of songs by Reba McEntire, Tim McGraw and The Judds. Jane is getting pissed, Stacy's fake smile is starting to fade. They ask me to call Eric's house and I do; no answer just the machine. An hour later and still no Eric. Obviously he stood us up so girls decide they want to go elsewhere and I ask Stacy if she'd like to accompany me to get a bit to eat which she agrees. There is a long, awkward walk to my car. As I'm unlocking my door and getting in, I can see the girls having a very quiet, just stern conversation. As I lean over to unlock the passenger side door for Stacy, she leans in the window and says, "Actually do you mind if I just go with Jane? It was great seeing you." and walks off. I then drove over my some other friends house to hang out. I was going to really lay into Eric for not showing up but then I realized the only reason Stacy asked me out, and I confirmed this later through another friend, was to get Eric on a date with Jane. I have no idea why Jane couldn't ask Eric out on her own but....*shurg* Stacy ended up dating some other karaoke guy who knocked her up and then left her to go to some karate school in Japan. Eric claims to have seen BigFoot at some Indiana state park in 2002 and appears on really low budget podcasts to discuss his encounter. Bonzo fucked around with this message at 03:34 on Apr 29, 2017 |
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Apr 28, 2017 21:36
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| # ¿ May 12, 2024 20:56 |
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Putty posted:what the hell is livejournal, grandpa It was pretty much tumblr meets /r/gonewild for the early '00s
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May 3, 2017 00:57
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Barudak posted:A male friend of mine once had sex with someone so unqualified for the act that he faked an orgasm. Slam whale
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May 4, 2017 18:10
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Need a frozen pizza recomendation. How's the 'Co? Options?
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May 13, 2017 18:35
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treiz01 posted:Nah dude fat chicks give great blowjobs When I got divorced, I happened to be playing in a band with a guy named Jim who was 20 years older than me. He overheard me talking to someone else about re-entering the dating scene and told me to, "Go get a fat girl, Bonzo. They'll do anything and will gently caress you all night long because they don't know when they'll be gettin' it again." Would anyone care to guess on the body type of Jim's wife?
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May 22, 2017 18:52
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beefart posted:No clue, she had 3 glasses of wine throughout the entire date so That was to wash down the handful of opiates she took earlier that day. Speaking of drugs, I used to hang out with a guy that was a low level dealer for weed, pills, coke and a little meth. A few of his customers were employed at a local strip club and I used to sometimes tag along because the girls would be much more attentive when he showed up. One night one of the waitresses (Lisa) started talking to me and we hit it off. Now I am totally aware of the games strippers play but this was just a waitress. Anyway she slipped me her number. I called her a few nights after and we decided to go out to dinner. However she picked a "work night" so I would have to wait until after 2am and meet her in some mall parking lot because she isn't allowed to date customers. She shows up around 2:30am with another waitress and a bouncer. Ok, so its a double date. We head off to some diner and things are going well and we all decide to go back to Lisa's house and drink. We are all just sitting around and I notice that the bouncer guy has two beepers on him (this was in 1994) and I asked him why he had too. He was very vague in his reply so later I figured he was a dealer or something. So things progress as things usually do and I end up in Lisa's bedroom while she takes a shower. Pretty soon we are making out and having sex. Sex was uneventful as we were both drunk and it was 5am. She then mentions that she has a court date the at 2pm in the next county over and can I give her a ride? Well I'm dumb so I agreed to do it. I figure it was just a traffic ticket or something but she had to appear and explain why she'd been missing payments on some judgement against her. She was involved in some hit and run and owned money to the person who's car she damaged. On the way back she starts talking about her ex husband which she also mentioned when we first started talking. I thought they had been broken up for a while but it turns out that he had just left two days before we met and she wasn't sure when or if he was coming back. "I assume he'll want his guns back." I was freaking out. All I could think about was this guy coming back to get his guns and finds my rear end in bed with her. I lost her number quickly and because of the "don't date the customers" rule at the club, it was easy to avoid her if I was in there with my friend. She eventually got fired for skimming the till.
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May 22, 2017 20:53
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| # ¿ May 12, 2024 20:56 |
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Breetai posted:Also, we need a topless Southern-style place called Tits 'n Grits. Here's the catchphrase you use. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWRB8_Cr3KY C'mon Goons if Doobie could do it then so can we!
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May 24, 2017 23:23
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