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Goons have gone on dates, which in turn means that there is a high likelihood some of those dates were stone cold awful. Maybe it was because you were terrible, or maybe it was because the other person was terrible. No matter, let's share. A girl I was friends with in high school set me up to go out with her cousin that I had never met. I picked her up at her house the day before I was leaving for my 2nd year of college to go to a movie. She wasn't great looking, but not terrible either, but as soon as we sat down to watch the movie she grabs my hand and holds it the whole show, while snuggling up to me and poo poo. Pretty weird. I talk to a girl I see at the bars sometimes and end up asking her out. She agrees and I go to her place where she says she's going to drive on our date. Doesn't bother me, sounds great. We end up driving to one of the next towns over where our first date is spent having dinner with her whole immediate family. A buddy of mine has a girlfriend that sets me on with a friend of hers and we go to meet her at this bar. She is small, pretty, and seems nice! We are having a lively discussion about the differences between men and women when my buddy says "All women are crazy". My 'date' freezes up and goes "What do you mean by that?!". The mood changes immediately and they go back and forth about the mental stability of women. She decides it's time for her to leave and we all bid her farewell. As soon as she leaves, by pals girlfriend gets all up in his poo poo about saying that. After she settles down she explains to us that her friend; my 'date', was recently released back into society from spending a considerable amount of time in a mental hospital. Thanks lady! (I did still end up sleeping with that girl a few times and she really was crazy) Asked this girl out in my later days of college who was all into abstract art dressed all goofy and poo poo but was pretty hot. I was just a regular dude that wore jeans and tshirts all the time and I never actually thought this liberal artsy weirdo would accept, but she did. I go pick her up and make her chicken stir fried rice. She's watching me make all this while chit chatting with me, then after I make her plate she says she's a vegetarian and doesn't eat anything. Ok. So after I awkwardly eat my dinner we walk to this party. We go upstairs in this building and enter a small apartment full of free thinker weirdo's and art majors. She immediately takes off and starts floating around the party hugging and chatting it up with everyone. The only thing there to drink was this weird green punch poo poo with a dash of vodka in it. I get a cup and mill about for a while before I end up sitting down and watching people. The girl says nothing to me the entire time. Eventually some dude comes up to me and gives me some flowers because he thought I was cute and also felt terrible for me. When we leave, she brings along some other dude and we walk back toward where my place was, when we got to the alleyway where you'd turn down to go to my studio apartment was, she just kept walking with the other guy, didn't say a word to me. I'm sure you guys have better ones than these.
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Apr 24, 2017 02:06
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SniperWoreConverse posted:One day all I ate was expired lemonade and Andy caps hot fries. You dodged a bullet there my friend. Back in the day there was this shop in the mall called 'Structure' that sold fancy high dollar poo poo. I asked a girl out that worked there one day and she accepted. I pick her up and we go driving around because I'm a lovely date and we go over this bridge near my house that goes over a creek that my family owns. This girl starts telling me how sometimes her and her friends come out here and party under that bridge. Instead of capitalizing on that coincidence I start chewing her rear end about trespassing and how I better not find her or her rear end in a top hat friends down there. Around that time the date ended. PureEvil6_13 fucked around with this message at 03:30 on Apr 24, 2017 |
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Apr 24, 2017 03:23
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Applesnots posted:I met a girl on tinder and on the second date she gave me a sob story about her ex-husband left her. Turns out she drowned their infant child in the bathtub because jesus told her to do so. I am not kidding in the least. Jesus Christ, that's not a story you tell until the 5th or 6th date!
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Apr 24, 2017 05:38
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new phone who dis posted:Internet dating is a minefield. Oh jeez you reminded me of two more, one of which I proved I am pure evil. Back in. . .probably 1996? I was in college, living alone. A year or more has passed since a girl I dated for 2 years and planned to marry and I broke up and I was still retarded for her to a large extent. I spent a lot of time on garbage chat rooms in the library trolling people. The main rooms I was in was called Alamak, if anyone knows it. At some point a girl thought I was pretty funny and her and I began speaking to each other exclusively. Talking in chat turned into writing letters by mail, and talking on the phone. I was living in the center of the US and she lived in Boston so phone calls were astronomical. Her and I bonded really quickly and she was absolutely gorgeous. Eventually she surprised me by telling me she booked a flight to the closest airport to me one weekend. I picked her up and drove 2 hours back to where I lived. She was 10 years older than me but didn't look it at all. Never married, no kids, hot as balls. I was in a frat back then and thought it would be great to take her to one of our parties out in a field somewhere (classy!) We didn't stay there long, and I stopped to get some beers to just take back to my place. After that though, I get pulled over for running a red light. I'm clearly impressing the poo poo out of this girl. We spend the next day kicking it, listening to music and walking around town. The day goes much better. . .until my ex calls me up. I lived in a very small studio apartment and no phone conversation is private. My ex knew about this other girl and acted supportive of it, but she calls me up and talks about how she wants me back and loves me etc. So being the complete failure of life that I am, I tell her that I love her too. The rest of the night is spent talking about that call and me trying to decide who I want to be with. On the way back to the airport I act like I'm all for trying a long distance thing with this girl, but right before she gets on the plane I tell her I want to try again with my ex. She gets on the plane in tears. My ex comes down the next weekend and explains that she didn't really want to get back together, but she didn't want me to be with anyone else either. Serves me right. The second internet encounter was just a trainwreck. Ran across a couple of girls from the next state over in another chat room and they promised they were hot. There were two of them so I told a buddy of mine about it and we would have a 'double date'. We were sitting around my apartment with some beers when the girls knocked on the door. With our hopes high I said to come in. What came in were two planetoids. My friend and I each guzzled down the rest of our beer. We decided to get out of the apartment as quickly as possible and go to a bar where we disappeared into the crowd of people and left the two out of towners to their own devices. After a short while we ducked out of the bar and went to another one down the street, not really realizing these clowns knew where my apartment was and they would be back at some point in the night. After we get back from the bars the hogs were waiting for us. They didn't seem to mind being completely deserted and they came up into the apartment with us. I don't know what happened with the one my friend was with, but she was the better of the two. The one that latched on to me kept trying to take my pants off putting her boobs all over me. I pretended to pass out drunk and slept on the floor. The next day my friend and I get ready to go disc golf and these girls go "Ok so what are we doing today?" I say, "WE (gesturing to my friend and myself) are going to play disc golf, I don't know what YOU are doing! They finally got the hint and left and my friend and I agreed to never speak of it again.
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Apr 24, 2017 19:23
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sneakyfrog posted:what is with people involving moms on dates ffs. I mentioned it in another thread but i have read it and experienced it enough now to where I must ask.. is there a significant percentage of people who think it is ok to bring or involve mom in a first date??? I went home with a girl from a bar once and we started going at it in her room. There was an ominous open door directly across the hall and I asked her if she had a roommate and if they were home. She says "Yeah, that's my mom's room, she's asleep though" I had to fake an O in order to leave.
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Apr 24, 2017 20:08
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Remembered another one when I was working at a parks and rec department. We were putting on a dance for special needs people around Halloween so everyone came dressed up. . .well, not me because gently caress that, I was bar tending later on that night. One of the college volunteer girls dressed as Raggedy Ann caught my eye and I started talking to her and eventually asked her out right before I was getting ready to leave. She accepted and I got her number etc etc. I don't know where we went or what we did for our date but I ended up at her apartment making out on her bed, reveling in her fantastic breasts. I ease my hand down her pants to find the hairiest mess of jungle thatch I've ever encountered. I had a terrible time trying to work my way through that poo poo and ended up just giving up. I ended up sleeping there that night but we didn't have sex. When I got ready to leave she said she didn't think it would work out between us because I didn't share her passion and dedication to the mentally ill. I couldn't argue that.
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Apr 25, 2017 02:11
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angerbeet posted:This was way back when I was a teenager but internet dating was just becoming a thing and I went out to the movies with this guy, who seemed a little out of it but was OK looking and whatever. He tried to give me a handjob during the movie but I stopped that. We went out to a park afterward and swang on the swings, and eventually came back to my place. Sex was pretty much going to happen so we start making out and getting undressed, it turned out he had extensive burn scars all over the bottom half of his body. Turns out he had severe mental problems and had doused his legs in gasoline and lit them on fire because "the top half is the angel and the bottom is the devil." That is a LOT of information in such a short post!
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Apr 25, 2017 03:22
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gumdrops posted:Never been on one, OP I'm sorry, buddy. You ain't missing out on much really. At a really low point in my life I would go out with some real fuckin weirdoes. One night I went out with this girl that kind of slurred her speech when she was sober, let alone when she was drinking. She was very plain looking, dumb, and acted like a hippy pothead but didn't smoke pot from what I saw. We hung out at her place while I tried to converse with her, but every single thing I said or brought up she thought I was making a joke. . .and it was hilarious to her. I ended up drinking anything she had that contained alcohol and eventually found myself laying on a couch with her. I put my hand up her shirt and what I felt, to this day, makes me want to honk. Her skin felt like I was running my hand across tiny asphalt shingles. And maybe I was just super drunk or she was an actual lizard person, but as much and I tried I could not for the life of me find her tits. After a short time of that I really started to evaluate my current life decisions and bolted, making sure to never see her again. PureEvil6_13 fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Apr 25, 2017 |
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Apr 25, 2017 19:26
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opie posted:It was awesome. I don't really have awful date stories. Would you be interested in changing that, M'Lady?
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Apr 25, 2017 21:50
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Dr. Quarex posted:poo poo I forgot about the first time I tried going out with a co-worker; the interest was definitely there, because we flirted up a storm at all times. And because she had already gone down on me in a parking lot. But anyway, we were going to go out for real but that same night some of our co-worker friends begged both of us to go out to a club with them, so we figured we would do that first and then leave together later. I dated a girl that wanted to have sex beneath the alter of the church I went to as a kid.
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Apr 26, 2017 02:00
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I never understood the 3O hate. Once I invited a girl from my college basic music class over for dinner. I made chicken fettuccine Alfredo and had her top off lickety split about 5 minutes after I bragged about how awesome my back rubs are. Things progress and she asks if I have an condoms. poo poo yeah I got co. . .oh wait. . .wait no, no I don't have any of those things, gently caress. I was so intent to gently caress this girl I told her to hang tight, I'd run down the street to get some. I was back in about 10 minutes and she said that her period just started and she needed to go. I found out later on that she was a huge dirty slut and a rumor went around that she had AIDS.
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Apr 26, 2017 02:42
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guns for tits posted:well did she? I don't know, it was the mid 90's. Everyone had AIDS.
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Apr 26, 2017 03:26
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One weekend I made out with girl I met at some party and got her number. A few weeks later I go to take her out on a date. She barely speaks to me. While we're driving through town I'm trying to get some conversation out of her, and I end up rear ending a car load of bro's. There isn't much damage to their car and the driver bro just says his dad will buy him another one (?) and they take off. The girl was not impressed and made an effort to be awkward the rest of the night.
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Apr 27, 2017 23:34
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maskenfreiheit posted:crashing the car is one way to generate conversation I could have slept with her the night I met her, but I didn't want to give up the recliner we were making out on to some other dudes there that wouldn't leave the room. Dr. Quarex posted:That reminds me of the curse of utter obliviousness I was under until about ten years ago; while still under 21, my friends and I went looking for a Halloween party so the drunkies could get drunk in their stupid costumes. Against all odds, a fairly hot woman took a liking to me, and she was running her fingers through my hair and literally put her lightly-clothed boobs in my hands early on to demonstrate she was not wearing a bra. And the whole while I was thinking, "hey, if I play my cards right, this might go somewhere eventually!" I've done that poo poo so many times too. First year of college I'm making out with this girl, have her out of her clothes an wearing only her panties and she's on top of me grinding away. I loving tell her that I'm waiting for marriage. Waiting for loving marriage... She chuckled and said that was cool, she was too. She was trying to be nice though because I found out later on in the year that she was a HUGE slut. PureEvil6_13 fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Apr 28, 2017 |
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Apr 28, 2017 03:46
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It's a weird story that will make you want punch me.
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Apr 28, 2017 03:51
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I was still friends with a few people from high school after a few years of college and every now and again a party would pop up around where I grew up. One such weekend I went to one of these parties with a buddy of mine and some guys that he grew up with, but I didn't really care for that much. Him and I met these two girls that where there and after some bullshit chatting it up we asked if they wanted to go back to my friends house and have some beers. All four of us were for that since his parents were out of town that weekend. All 8 of us were all for it, evidently, because his other friends decided to come with us. which was bullshit but I figured they would leave once the heavy petting started. We get to my friend's house and get some music going and the girl that he had attached to was running around, throwing condoms all over the place. Typically this is a good sign. So after thing settle down a little bit we all congregate in this living room area that consisted of a couch and a recliner. Since we were going to 'watch a movie' I grabbed the recliner with the blond girl that I had with me. My buddy took condom flinger up to his room and the other four nerds all sat on the couch that was like 5 feet from the recliner I was in. After short while the blond and I start making out, and I'm thinking "Oh hells yeah these fuckers will get the hint and go gently caress off". That didn't loving happen at all. Those 4 dorks sat there, in the dark, with just the light of the tv on, watching whatever bullshit was on. I mean they were shoulder to shoulder watching Godamned tv. After a while I have the girl out of her pants and shirt, with just her black satin underwear on. She's on top on me and I'm 2 fingers deep in her snatch, blasting away. . .while these 4 guys are still sitting there. For some stupid reason I'm convinced that the only reason they are still here is so one of them can get the recliner when I get up to go gently caress this girl. Eventually she whispers to me that maybe we should go somewhere else, and before I could even think about what the gently caress I was saying I go 'No gently caress that I ain't giving up this sweet rear end recliner for poo poo!' We ended up falling asleep on that recliner and at some point those cock blockers left. I don't know if my buddy at least got laid, he says they didn't do anything, but that's dumb. Almost as dumb as denying yourself hot dirty sex so some nerds you didn't like in high school didn't take your chair.
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Apr 28, 2017 05:34
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Radical and BADical! posted:
Brother, I would have, in no particular order; lost my poo poo, become unglued, flipped my tits, lost my mind. That is terrible lovely man, I hope you've had better experiences since then and I hope both those bitches have syphilis now.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:13
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Took a girl out to a bar once and she ran into some other dude she knew. I endured about an hour of her ignoring me and talking to him before I got up and left. She ran out after me to my car. . .not to tell me she was being an rear end in a top hat, but to ask me if it's ok if that other guy takes her home and I tell her that I'm obviously leaving and don't care how or if she gets home.
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Apr 28, 2017 17:29
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Elsa posted:an hour? AN HOUR? I had drinks in front of me so it wasn't a total waste
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Apr 28, 2017 19:42
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Elsa posted:hey man it sounds like you had experiences where some dude thought he could just ignore your presence. and women who let them. I don't go out unless we've already messed around, and that pretty much takes care of the choice she has to make between you and decide who's more likely to put out. that's all it is. have you solved this issue? I tend to just be overt and admit I want to touch them. takes the guesswork out of it. This happened maybe 15 years ago and the girl I went out with that night was someone I knew for a while, and she asked me to go out to the bars one night. It was one of those deals where if anything sexual would happen that would be cool, but if not, that was cool too but I wasn't going to be her loving chauffer pissboy all night.
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Apr 28, 2017 20:09
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Bonzo posted:karoakekarate I read that first part as you were helping out your buddy at his karate gig, then thought that was silly. Then karate made a surprise appearance anyway!
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Apr 28, 2017 22:12
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Elsa posted:Yeah but basically she wanted something sexual and cool and found someone who was more likely to be sexual and cool that night. It's just a running theme in your posts so I'm wondering if you've found a steady partner now which is the better outcome, or you're still looking and holding yourself to a three date rule. Yeah I been married for about 13 years now. There were times where I was the sexy and cool guy to other girls as well, I've been with a girl who called up a guy that was completely in love with her to get him to buy us beer. I felt bad for the guy, taking the beer he bought from him and getting into my car with the girl he was nutty over, knowing I was going to plow her in an hour or so. The real lovely part was, I dropped her off at his place after we were done. When I say we, I meant myself and a friend of mine who hosed her a little while after I did.
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Apr 29, 2017 07:43
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Elsa posted:mah man I'm sorry Elsa, I lied about that story. . .I didn't feel bad for that nerd at ALL.
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Apr 29, 2017 19:19
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Dr. Quarex posted:
The time I go to a bar as a third wheel with my best friend and his girlfriend, to meet a bunch of her lovely friends. I slowly gravitated toward a group of people that were a lot more fun and there were two lovely ladies in that group that seemed especially interested in me. They eventually said they were going to another bar up the street and "maybe they'd see me there". I went back and endured another 30 minutes of my pals girlfriends nerd friends and left for the bar those other cool people were at. I get to the bar and go to the busier, upstairs part and wander around a little bit, trying to not look too obvious that I'm looking for people. Turns out the girls found me and brought me to their table where they shared their beer with me. At some point they both dragged me out to the dance floor, where I rarely venture, and they make me the meat of their hot girl dance sandwich. The place was really busy and somehow we got separated, but when the placed closed everyone was herded towards the stairs. I stay upstairs for a while to see if I can find them but can't, so I meld in with the herd of drunkers going downstairs. As I get halfway down I see that both girls are waiting at the bottom of the steps, with big smiles on their faces when they see me. I walk up to them and they say "Hey! We thought we missed you! Do you know of any parties are going on after the bars close?" Me: "Hrrmm no, I don't know of any" Once in a lifetime Opp: "Uhh, well is there anything else we can do. . ." Me: "Golly I don't even know what could be going on at this time of night" Obvious 3 Way: "ooo kay so what are YOU going to do right now?" Dumb gently caress me: "Oh! I'm just going to go home and go to bed! Sad Girls: "Oh. Ok well I guess we'll see you around" loving idiot Me: "Oh MAN that would be GREAT! I really do hope I see you two some time" Around 4:45am is when I woke up screaming "Whaaaaat the FUUUUUUUCK!" Thinking back, I feel that the first question they asked about if I knew of any parties going on made me think they just wanted to find another place to keep drinking, and that shut off all my social queue detectors. I made this thread about actually 'dates' that were terrible. . .I have plenty of other times where I threw away sure thing sex like a paper cup.
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Apr 30, 2017 07:33
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Martha Stewart Undying posted:Worst "date" was with my college ex. She's white, I'm black. I was meeting her extended family for the first time. It was at a confederate themed restaurant in bumfuck PA. Was this based on your date?
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Apr 30, 2017 20:37
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The Science of Suck posted:she farted on my balls when i'm perfectly capable of farting on them myself so i guess that's feminism for ya 
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May 10, 2017 04:24
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Chill Nazi Frog posted:for all intensive purposes, they mean the same thing. 
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May 10, 2017 13:36
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maskenfreiheit posted:someone should make a fake lowtax okc profile I'm sure Lowtax has made enough enemies that at least one of them has done this.
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May 18, 2017 02:34
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 06:51 |
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Oh neat I was reminded of another one I had. I had a cousin that was a year younger than me that I hung out with all the time growing up. We'd go camping, hunting, fishing, etc all the time. One day during the summer before I was going to be a sophomore and he was going to be a freshman in high school I get some girl prank calling my house. After talking poo poo back a forth for a few minutes we ended up being friendly. It turns out that there were two of them and they just picked a random number to prank. This is like 1990 before caller ID ended a lot of prank call fun. After a while we devised a plan where one girl would have the other spend the night at her house, and my cousin and I would drive over and do all sorts of dirty stuff with them. My cousin and I said we were going to go camping that night so our parents were none the wiser. Where we camp was in a pasture with a pond on my grandma's farm and we figured since no one ever came to check on us before, it wouldn't happen that night either. So we set up camp, my cousin built a ridiculously large fire (so that people would think we were out there. . .) and we drove all the way across town to where the girl that was assigned to my cousin lived. We go inside and the girl for him is actually really cute. Keep in mind all of us were around 14/15 years old. Since that girl was cute I had high hopes that 'my' girl was going to be hot too. So we are told to go downstairs and chill out until the other girl gets there. After a few minutes I guess the girls mom brings her over and the girl that lived there tells us to shut the gently caress up while her mom brings her in. The girl I was there for comes down stairs just long enough to say hi, and then someone from upstairs calls after her. All I remember is that she was thin, had black hair and wasn't hideous. The girl that lived there told us to loving hide because some poo poo was going down, so we scatter into different rooms of this strange loving house and I hide in a closet of some bedroom. I don't know where my cousin went. After several minutes the girl that lived there comes in and tells us the coast is clear, but the girl I was there for had to go home. I figure the strange car sitting in the driveway piqued the other girls' moms interest enough that she sniffed out some shenanigans and took her daughter back home. At this point I'm like "Ok well gently caress you then" but my cousin isn't having that. Him and her lay on the couch watching fuckin Robocop while he fingerblasts her and I'm talking with the other girl on the phone in the back of the room. She keeps asking me what my cousin and her friend are doing like making out or whatever and she's saying "If I was there you and I would be doing a lot more than that". I power through watching those two 'watch' Robocop and when it ends I get a feeling of relief. . .until my cousin gets up and starts rewinding the movie. He goes about halfway through, stops, and climbs back on the couch with this skank. I get up and tell him to give me his keys so I could go gently caress off somewhere else. I go and get a gas station sandwich, come back and listen to Led Zeppelin CD's in this girls driveway for about an hour before he comes out. He gets in the car with a stupid grin on his face and goes "WHAT'S UP!" We go back to our camp spot and the fire is still going, miraculously only in the area we meant for it to be going. The rest of the night my cousin told me all about fingering that girl and playing with her boobs. The next day that girl calls me up, crying like hell, asking me where my cousin is and how she can get ahold of him. I know where he was, but it wasn't anywhere near a phone and I told her that. Turns out she 'ran away' and was at the mall and wanted him to come pick her up. I couple of hours later I got ahold of him and told him that and he just laughed and said 'Nah'. The other girl called me one more time after that but I told her I ain't going through that bullshit again and to lose my number. PureEvil6_13 fucked around with this message at 23:34 on May 22, 2017 |
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May 22, 2017 23:30
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