Your Awful Dates

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Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

About 5 days after the Dark Knight theatre shooting I went out on a first date with someone who happened to be American (I live in Australia), and the last quarter of the date was a completely unprompted (I did not say a word about the shootings or about gun control in general) diatribe about how despite how horrible and judgemental other countries are being about America there should NEVER be increased gun control and ARE FREEDUMS and how DARE anyone suggest that the seppos should tone it down on the firearms availability side of things, they DON'T UNDERSTAND.

It was super awkward.

There was also the random hookup who near-verbatim said "If you don't want to I don't mind, but if you'd like to piss on my oval office I'm cool with it."

# ¿ Apr 29, 2017 05:43

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 08:36

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Elsa posted:

story B makes me jealous

# ¿ Apr 29, 2017 05:50

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Elsa posted:

On the way back the topic of road head came up and when I mentioned it was grounds for indecent exposure charges the girl whose parents' stuff we were riding in tied her hair back and proceeded to nearly made me wreck

Oh so she did that thing where girls pretend to pull their hair back so it does or does not get in the way but you said she couldn't because you were driving?

I cannot believe she would stoop so low.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 07:24

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Elsa posted:

No after I said it was illegal, without saying anything else she decided to be edgy and give me road head

So your girlfriend with her long, blonde hair went down on you and had she must enjoyed it..but you didn't.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 07:28

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Elsa posted:

girlfriend?

I thought you'd be familiar with it, though you're obviously not getting the reference, but that being said if you have to apply your hilarious cartooning talents to any offsite post/thread, check this poo poo out.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 07:46

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Fartbox posted:

Went on a date with this chubby girl and we didn't have sex until the third date :/

Imagine this being your humblebrag.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 05:16

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Count Freebasie posted:

Not my date, but one that I think was hilarious. A friend of mine went out with this girl, they got along well, and then he takes her back to his dorm room.

They're getting it on, hot and heavy, doing a 69. She's on top, and starts to orgasm. When she does, he said he happened to open his eyes and look up, and in his words "her rear end in a top hat winked at me," and then she poo poo all over his face.