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mags

I am a congenital optimist.
ME: what are you doing there, LOSER?

*grabs notebook from your hands*

ME: oh i see, making sex drawings in your stupid book. check it out, Brad, look at this stupid SEX nerd.

*hands notebook to Brad*

BRAD: Haha, what a fuckin' nerd.

ME: Why are you into gay stuff like that, loser? *shoves you* Sex is stupid!

*you grab your notebook from Brad and run away, in tears. I throw rocks at you while laughing*

ME: Get out of here, SEX NERD

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Randy Travesty

PHANTOM QUEEN


pfft. sex-havers? who even knows what a penis is! that's super gross, you sex-knower. i bet you probably like, ugh, keep NOTES and KNOW STUFF about how to do a sex to someone! i've never even THOUGHT about how doing a sex might work.


Randy Travesty

PHANTOM QUEEN


i bet that brent probably drew a BREAST once! haha, what a dork!


FutonForensic

beautiful woman i'm having dinner with: haha! that's soooo funny.... you know, when i saw your profile, i thought you were a total sex nerd, like the kind of guy that wears a penis protector, lol

me: actually, I do wear protection *shows dick with condom on*

woman: oh... well, i guess you make it work... eh....


deep dish peat moss

Did you hear? Quentin got a new sex calculator. No matter what you add it always equals 80085

my new dog

by Nyc_Tattoo
Being examined by urologist: "you disgust me"

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FutonForensic

as I leave the house, I shout "I'm going to a colleague's house to have hot, sweaty sex, don't mind me, I'll be back in the morning." my parents wave me off with approval

but what they don't know, is that i'm going to climb back into my bedroom through the window, and play minecraft until dawn


Peg Sliderskew
*flicks yogurt at group of sex nerds huddled round the cafeteria table comparing Tinder profiles*



Courtesy of Manifisto

Macnult

*pushing up taped glasses*
"cunnilinguth"

Manifisto


"I bet you read Playboy for the beautiful naked women in provocative poses, LOSER"

I'm not sure post-internet generations will understand this 'joke' even in theory, I made myself sad


ty nesamdoom!

mags

I am a congenital optimist.
Me: "i move to initiate doggy style"

DM: "What is your coitus skill?"

Me: "80"

DM: "Not too risky, roll it."

*Roll percentile die, get 49*

DM: "You get a cramp in your foot as you strain to swing your legs over your partner. You impulsively move to grab your foot in pain."

Me: "I have a daily that allows rerolls on sex act fails."

DM: "Roll to save."

*Crits*

DM: "You stay engaged in coitus although precariously close to pulling out. Somehow your partner does not laugh at you. Woah. That was close."

mags

I am a congenital optimist.

Macnult posted:

*pushing up taped glasses*
"cunnilinguth"

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Manifisto posted:

"I bet you read Playboy for the beautiful naked women in provocative poses, LOSER"

I'm not sure post-internet generations will understand this 'joke' even in theory, I made myself sad

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought it could happen to me! I found my dad's stash of National Geographic's hidden in plain sight right there on the bookshelf!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

little munchkin
bunch of bored tweens in sex-ed complaining to the teacher saying, come on miss doyle, when are we ever going to use this

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little munchkin
jock: what are you, some kind of SEX nerd?

yospos poster: I like to gently caress my computer and cum in it

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

FutonForensic

little munchkin posted:

bunch of bored tweens in sex-ed complaining to the teacher saying, come on miss doyle, when are we ever going to use this


Plebian Parasite

Dear Diary: Every day it gets worse, this shadow hanging over me, and though with every passing day the despair gets deeper, the pain of revealing my secret is simply too much. I am afraid of what my friends might say, the way my parents might see me, the way my teachers and mentors might act. From the outside I appear perfect, the star of the school. I played the Lead in Bye Bye Birdie, I'm First Clarinet AND the Vice Drum Major, I am the Second Board in Chess Club and am nearly FIDE ranked, and I am the Junior Class Treasurer. But beneath all that, all the popularity and the parties and the glamor; I really just wanna get laid.

Macnult

little munchkin posted:

bunch of bored tweens in sex-ed complaining to the teacher saying, come on miss doyle, when are we ever going to use this

google THIS

little munchkin posted:

bunch of bored tweens in sex-ed complaining to the teacher saying, come on miss doyle, when are we ever going to use this

Peg Sliderskew

little munchkin posted:

bunch of bored tweens in sex-ed complaining to the teacher saying, come on miss doyle, when are we ever going to use this

At least there's some useful application for geometry!



Courtesy of Manifisto

cda

by Hand Knit

Macnult posted:

*pushing up taped glasses*
"cunnilinguth"

Hahahaha

little munchkin

Macnult posted:

*pushing up taped glasses*
"cunnilinguth"

lol

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little munchkin
the weird kid in school who would eat a pussy in front of everyone just because you dared him to

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Macnult

[Fist fight breaks out at the sex nerd table. Everyone else in the cafeteria gathers around to see.]

Spectator 1: "The hell is this all about?"

Spectator 2: "Apparently one of them thinks Gandalf is an rear end guy. The other claims he's more into tits."

Spectator 1: "Isn't the actor who plays him gay?"

Spectator 2: "Yeah, but they're talking about the books."

Spectator 1: *sighs* "Of course they are."

cda

by Hand Knit
I bet you're the author of a walkthrough on Fuckfaqs

Majuju

I had a beer with Stephen Miller once and now I like him.
sex jock, stuffing sex nerd into sex locker: "you better have my sex math homework ready for sex math class! if I lose out my full sex ride to sex state I'm gonna be sex pissed!"

google THIS

Majuju posted:

sex jock, stuffing sex nerd into sex locker: "you better have my sex math homework ready for sex math class! if I lose out my full sex ride to sex state I'm gonna be sex pissed!"

Think, DickFly, think! Do you realize what would happen if I hand in my reports covered in your semen?

Plebian Parasite

the whole bus groans as I reveal that the last stop on the DC field trip is the library of sexual congress

deep dish peat moss

I don't hang out with Darren, he's part of one of those Role-Playing groups... and I don't mean the kind with the dice

Slush Garbo

FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
sex nerd: actually humans have some of the largest genitalia on the planet in proportion to our size, so compared to the rest of all other primates I'm not sure that your estimation of the situation is entirely fair...

mags

I am a congenital optimist.
*guy leads girl into bedroom. the walls are covered with karma sutra posters and on top of the dresser are many sex figurines and bottles of scented lotions*

*under her breath* what a...nerd

Majuju

I had a beer with Stephen Miller once and now I like him.
nah, babe, I'm more of a sex geek...I like sex, but I don't, like, like sex, y'know?

little munchkin
(nervously) I've had sex.

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Impkins Patootie





my lil bro used to call it SAX lol :sax:

deep dish peat moss

King of the Beach posted:

my lil bro used to call it SAX lol :sax:

There's a guy called Sax Guy in Downtown Phoenix, Az who likes to sit in corporate plazas and serenade the entire city at once with sultry sax lines and sweeping solos, which you can hear bouncing off the buildings and through the streets. I'm taking some inspiration from this thread I can assure you that next weekend there's going to be a Sex Guy down there too.

deep dish peat moss

Did you guys hear about Sara? Yeah I get it... life was dull, boring, painful... but why did she take the easy way out and commit sex? I hope none of you make the same selfish mistake

cda

by Hand Knit
I've collected all the kinds of sex, and they're still in mint condition

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cda

by Hand Knit
I even have the incredibly rare Sex Error that was only done three times before it was recalled. It is not for sale. I expect it to become a family heirloom

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

google THIS

I've been both the good kind of sex guy and the bad kind of sex guy, but my favorite is the chaotic neutral kind of sex guy.

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mags

I am a congenital optimist.

google THIS posted:

I've been both the good kind of sex guy and the bad kind of sex guy, but my favorite is the chaotic neutral kind of sex guy.

sex guy is a different thread this is the sex nerd thread

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