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cda

by Hand Knit
Hello BYOB, and welcome to the TALENT SHOW PORTION of the Mx. BYOB Competition, where we will crown Mx. BYOB.

Before we get started, let me introduce the judges:

First up:



You know her, you love her, you're slightly scared of her but you're not sure why: it's BYOB's very own Moderator, FluffieDuckie.

Second:



If you could Post Your Favorite Moderator, who would it be? Perhaps a poster who knows the two mightiest subjects on the internet: pets and memes? It's PI and PYF's LITERALLY A BIRD!

Third:



A nameless wanderer in the wilds of the web. A masterless poster with a thousand disguises. They are THE SECRET JUDGE, and they could be anyone....

Finally:



I get to judge because I started the pageant. I might barge into your dressing room unannounced: do not be alarmed. It is because I never learned how to dress myself and I'm trying to learn.

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ADBOT LOVES YOU

cda

by Hand Knit


RULES FOR THE TALENT PORTION: Contestants please read so that you will not be disqualified.

Contestants may make a single post in this thread containing evidence of their talent, which may be in video, audio, visual, or written form, depending on the talent. This post may, but does not need to, contain an introduction about your talent explaining how you learned it, why you think it's interesting, or anything else you think the audience needs to know.

Contestants may make one post responding to every other contestant's talent but in keeping with both BYOB and pageant traditions, this response may only be positive and encouraging.

Contestants have until Midnight, Eastern Time, Cinco de Mayo to post their talents, in any order. Anyone who needs an extension for a good reason, PM me.

Other than the posts specified above, Contestants should make NO OTHER POSTS in this thread.

Judges will respond to each talent with a score from 1-10 and any comments they wish to make on the talent. Judges, if you want to wait to score talents so you can compare them, that's fine. If you want to judge a few at a time, that's fine. If you want to judge them separately, that's fine. You're the judge. You do you. The SECRET JUDGE will be PMing me their score and comments so that I can keep them SECRET.

Everyone else can post as many times as they want, but please try to stick to the topic of this thread at least a little bit.

The contestants are:

1.City of Glompton
2. vanisher
3. alnilam
4. posting smiling
5. MrWillsauce
6. Manifisto
7. pig slut lisa
8. fanky maloons
9. farg
10. ethical hamjobs
11. Hogge Wild
12. hockey jockey
13. Android Blues
14. King of the Beach
15. They Might Be
16. N. Senada
17. HotSoapyBeard
18. lmbo calrissian

cda fucked around with this message at 02:02 on May 4, 2017

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

vanisher

I'm very excited

cda

by Hand Knit

vanisher posted:

I'm very excited

I realized I didn't make the rules clear so I went back and clarified them. The only posts contestants should make in this thread are their talents, plus up to one positive response per other talent! Since the rules weren't clear you got away with it, so if getting away with it is your talent, then you're doing really well. :c00l:

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Plebian Parasite

I feel obligated to post in this thread since nearly every other yobber is in the competition

good luck, i'm rooting for all of you.

Peg Sliderskew
I will take one for the team (please add points for teamwork) and get mine over with so that others can learn from my mistakes. I can't sing or dance so...

My talent is working with yarn, in particular crochet. I have made clothes and throws but my favourite thing is the story sets I make for teachers. This is a Hungry Caterpillar set. I made most of it from patterns, but had to freehand the finger puppets and cake because there was nothing out there that looked right.





After doing a few of these I decided to start designing my own sets, like this Goldilocks and the Three Bears.




I make these sets for the cost of the materials for receptions (4-5 year olds) teachers who have a lot of children with English as a second or third language so that they can participate in story time more easily.



Courtesy of Manifisto

FluffieDuckie

hockey jockey posted:

I will take one for the team (please add points for teamwork) and get mine over with so that others can learn from my mistakes. I can't sing or dance so...

My talent is working with yarn, in particular crochet. I have made clothes and throws but my favourite thing is the story sets I make for teachers. This is a Hungry Caterpillar set. I made most of it from patterns, but had to freehand the finger puppets and cake because there was nothing out there that looked right.





After doing a few of these I decided to start designing my own sets, like this Goldilocks and the Three Bears.




I make these sets for the cost of the materials for receptions (4-5 year olds) teachers who have a lot of children with English as a second or third language so that they can participate in story time more easily.

i love this so much! i'm going to wait and do my scoring at the end when everyone has submitted an entry


Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

Plebian Parasite

I can say, WITHOUT A DOUBT, that hockey jockey has the best talent so far

mailorder bees

FLUFFERNUTTER

hockey jockey posted:

I will take one for the team (please add points for teamwork) and get mine over with so that others can learn from my mistakes. I can't sing or dance so...

My talent is working with yarn, in particular crochet. I have made clothes and throws but my favourite thing is the story sets I make for teachers. This is a Hungry Caterpillar set. I made most of it from patterns, but had to freehand the finger puppets and cake because there was nothing out there that looked right.





After doing a few of these I decided to start designing my own sets, like this Goldilocks and the Three Bears.




I make these sets for the cost of the materials for receptions (4-5 year olds) teachers who have a lot of children with English as a second or third language so that they can participate in story time more easily.

aww crap. why even try now


thanks Manifisto!

deep dish peat moss

I dropped out because I can't put up with the stiff competition and would rather watch from the sidelines. Beauty pageants just aren't right for me *snaps into a slim jim*

Actually it's because my label told me to keep my mixtape under wraps so I can't participate in the talent portion.

deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 21:24 on Apr 30, 2017

alnilam

hockey jockey posted:

I will take one for the team (please add points for teamwork) and get mine over with so that others can learn from my mistakes. I can't sing or dance so...

My talent is working with yarn, in particular crochet. I have made clothes and throws but my favourite thing is the story sets I make for teachers. This is a Hungry Caterpillar set. I made most of it from patterns, but had to freehand the finger puppets and cake because there was nothing out there that looked right.





After doing a few of these I decided to start designing my own sets, like this Goldilocks and the Three Bears.




I make these sets for the cost of the materials for receptions (4-5 year olds) teachers who have a lot of children with English as a second or third language so that they can participate in story time more easily.

This is wonderful and i love the good deedly purpose too! :love:

MrWillsauce

https://vimeo.com/215444492



They Might Be

Since my main talent of making delicious beer doesn't translate to a recording very well, I humbly submit my hot-take karaoke session of a favorite song of mine from two of the greatest adult folk contemporary artists of all time, Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

http://tindeck.com/listen/txyto

LITERALLY A BIRD

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Hi friends! I'd like to thank cda for the invitation to this prestigious event, as well as, of course, FluffieDuckie for hosting both it and me in her lovely subforum.

FluffieDuckie posted:

i love this so much! i'm going to wait and do my scoring at the end when everyone has submitted an entry

I'm going to do the same. There's a lot of great folks lined up and I look forward to learning a little more about you all! I hope to make you all proud by being a fair, discerning, and supportive judge of your many respective talents.


~*BIRD BIRD CREW*~

Chasterson

by Nyc_Tattoo
These talents have all been real great so far, can't wait to see more!

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

vanisher

I make gifs sometimes they aren't always great good luck other contestants

Peg Sliderskew

vanisher posted:

I make gifs sometimes they aren't always great good luck other contestants



This one is definitely great and far more useful to BYOB than mine.


Delicious food and great taste in socks! Definite asset to the forum!

They Might Be posted:

Since my main talent of making delicious beer doesn't translate to a recording very well, I humbly submit my hot-take karaoke session of a favorite song of mine from two of the greatest adult folk contemporary artists of all time, Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

http://tindeck.com/listen/txyto

Cool dude laying down sweet tracks- what's not to love?



Courtesy of Manifisto

Munchables

Ask/tell me about legal cannibalism

Nvm

Munchables fucked around with this message at 19:27 on May 1, 2017

the unabonger

hockey jockey posted:

I will take one for the team (please add points for teamwork) and get mine over with so that others can learn from my mistakes. I can't sing or dance so...

My talent is working with yarn, in particular crochet. I have made clothes and throws but my favourite thing is the story sets I make for teachers. This is a Hungry Caterpillar set. I made most of it from patterns, but had to freehand the finger puppets and cake because there was nothing out there that looked right.





After doing a few of these I decided to start designing my own sets, like this Goldilocks and the Three Bears.




I make these sets for the cost of the materials for receptions (4-5 year olds) teachers who have a lot of children with English as a second or third language so that they can participate in story time more easily.

On the real I would pay you money for a set of puppets taht go along with a story

vanisher


This is real good and has some top tier techniques



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext

N. Senada

My kidneys are busted
Hello and thank you for your time.

I play guitar like millions of other young white men across this great globe of ours.

Occasionally, my friends I made over xbox live when I was 14 will share something funny with me and I'll make a song out of it and record it on my laptop microphone for us to laugh at.

The first one I made was based on a craigslist post on the Miami, FL site. It provided the lyrics. It's called Swamp Buggy Baby Here it is:




Here's another one I made for my friend Lee when he wanted me to cover a christmas song but make it about lovecraft.

:ghost: Happy halloween :ghost:

N. Senada

My kidneys are busted

These are cool and exist for a cool reason.

:ghost: Happy halloween :ghost:

MrWillsauce

hockey jockey's talent is so good and pure and good



HotSoapyBeard

I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
Hello there my name's HotSoapyBeard nice to meet you.
So my talent isn't the most exciting or wholesome but I think it's pretty chill so here goes.
I drive a tour boat for work, here's a few pics for context





And here's a little vid of a very quiet trip
https://youtu.be/FWgmps4sULQ

Thanks for watching and good luck everybody

Chasterson

by Nyc_Tattoo
That's so dope

is that wheel the actual wheel that steers the thing or is it just for decoration?

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

They Might Be


this is heartwarming



those shotglasses rule


next level gimp work



sort of a daniel johnston vibe, very cool stuff



everything i expected from your avatar and more

lmbo calrissian

i'm into fashion
men are my passion

HotSoapyBeard posted:

Hello there my name's HotSoapyBeard nice to meet you.
So my talent isn't the most exciting or wholesome but I think it's pretty chill so here goes.
I drive a tour boat for work, here's a few pics for context





And here's a little vid of a very quiet trip
https://youtu.be/FWgmps4sULQ

Thanks for watching and good luck everybody

TGhat's quite a job and I find you very attractive.

Peg Sliderskew

You are from the UK so obviously have an unfair advantage already, but you should still get double points for the ice cream bit.


I love Lovecraft and your talent.



Courtesy of Manifisto

Twenty Four


Why yes, I would enjoy a handmade puppet show on a boat accompanied by guitar, singing, and gifs, while we eat grilled cheese sandwiches.

Randy Travesty

PHANTOM QUEEN


oh hi so. i'm bad at participation and just noticed this so participation is definitely not my talent hahah!

my talent is DOIN STUFF TO MAKE YOUR CLOTHES. literally. i make you clothes, what up my dudes. i know that's weird so i'll illustrate with some pictures that i found on the internet (all are mine, except the sheep chart is not obv.) LET'S GO.



WHOA poo poo IT'S SOME SHEEP HOLY gently caress LOOK AT THEM



this is a fleece off of a sheep! in fact it's a fleece off of a bersugget colored shetland/jacob cross ewe lamb named abby. abby was a dirty sheep and is being sorted right now. she lives in a nice place and i got to go shear her myself, with manual scissor style shears. it takes me about 4 minutes to shear a sheep with electric shears and 5 to ten depending on the size and how hard they kick me with manual shears. it's completely painless to the sheep (and it helps keep them from getting sick!)



here is a nice shaela shetland fleece, turned upside down for inspection and sorting. after the shearing, i have to skirt (remove the poop/really dirty bits), sort (by lock size/color/quality), wash (special wool wash, no agitation, it's an all day process for one fleece), dry (again, no agitation--drying racks outside in the sun) and re-sort all of the locks. you have to be super careful not to felt the wool via agitation, heat or the wrong kind of detergent. sheep have lanolin and are super gross so there's often two to three washes and sometimes four rinses to get the wool clean enough to process. i saved you from seeing sheep poop, y'all.



these are four pitch english combs. four pitches means they have four rows of tines and the tines vary from 6" to 9" long. they weigh about 10 pounds each and have a mounting pad. after all that washing and sorting--we're now on day 3 or 4 depending on drying times, btw--i "lash on" the locks of wool to the comb, butt (cut end, closer to skin) to tip on the comb. you don't want to overfill the comb--fiber is light--so for an average 4 pound fleece, you may fill that comb 600 times. it takes four to six passes to get quality combed wool "top" for true worsted spun yarn. oh yes. this isn't the entire process, this is just for a worsted spun yarn in a fingering weight. i won't go into carding and the processes of spinning true woolen yarns.



and by the magic of television--i combed all of this in about 8 hours. that's a large flat rate box of tiny bundles of fiber, and it took 8 hours of solid combing one day to get it. phew. it's a hell of a workout for upper body strength (and hypervigilance--don't drop those combs on your feet). now: this can go a couple of other ways, it can be DYED or it can be SPUN then DYED. i actually usually dye in the wool (before combing) so this isn't a big deal to me!!!

then after that it's time to oil up a spinning wheel. oh gently caress, here we go.



this is my favorite wheel. she's an ashford elizabeth 30" anniversary edition (one of the nicer newer ones too!!!!) dt, and her name is lizzie borden. she hates everyone but me. she'll throw her flywheel off in the floor if anyone else spins on her. :D



and that's all yarn i've made in the last few years. i have more, too. oh wait there's more. we're just now on what, a week off the sheep? i have yarn and thread. what do you have a week after you peel a sheep?

well, i generally PULL A WARP for my loom. then i have to get the warp on the loom. warp threads are those cool vertical threads in a piece of woven fabric; weft are the cross threads. here. i'll make this make more sense with a picture.



so this is a louet jane 40cm wide loom with a scarf warp on it from one of my students. it's my table loom; i use it for travel/teaching/class stuff because they're super easy to teach on but also easy to warp, so i have my warp tied onto the back beam there, with it sorted into the raddle to wind on and make a scarf. this is probably day 9 because yarn making breaks can be taken.



and now here's me weaving on my louet spring 90 cm loom at the yarn store (rip my lys, you were my favorite job). that's a scarf in yarn i made. for real. i am pretty pleased with that scarf now that it's fulled out and finished; unfortunately i don't have a picture because it got stolen by mike and taken to work as a chill-chaser because his office is -5C on a good day.

so yep. that's my talent. i can make your clothes. that's all i got.


vanisher

can confirm, hammers makes some legit rad scarfs

very cool post Miss Jobs

e: bonus picture

vanisher fucked around with this message at 16:58 on May 2, 2017

cda

by Hand Knit

Eugene V. Dabs posted:

oh hi so. i'm bad at participation and just noticed this so participation is definitely not my talent hahah!

my talent is DOIN STUFF TO MAKE YOUR CLOTHES. literally. i make you clothes, what up my dudes. i know that's weird so i'll illustrate with some pictures that i found on the internet (all are mine, except the sheep chart is not obv.) LET'S GO.



WHOA poo poo IT'S SOME SHEEP HOLY gently caress LOOK AT THEM



this is a fleece off of a sheep! in fact it's a fleece off of a bersugget colored shetland/jacob cross ewe lamb named abby. abby was a dirty sheep and is being sorted right now. she lives in a nice place and i got to go shear her myself, with manual scissor style shears. it takes me about 4 minutes to shear a sheep with electric shears and 5 to ten depending on the size and how hard they kick me with manual shears. it's completely painless to the sheep (and it helps keep them from getting sick!)



here is a nice shaela shetland fleece, turned upside down for inspection and sorting. after the shearing, i have to skirt (remove the poop/really dirty bits), sort (by lock size/color/quality), wash (special wool wash, no agitation, it's an all day process for one fleece), dry (again, no agitation--drying racks outside in the sun) and re-sort all of the locks. you have to be super careful not to felt the wool via agitation, heat or the wrong kind of detergent. sheep have lanolin and are super gross so there's often two to three washes and sometimes four rinses to get the wool clean enough to process. i saved you from seeing sheep poop, y'all.



these are four pitch english combs. four pitches means they have four rows of tines and the tines vary from 6" to 9" long. they weigh about 10 pounds each and have a mounting pad. after all that washing and sorting--we're now on day 3 or 4 depending on drying times, btw--i "lash on" the locks of wool to the comb, butt (cut end, closer to skin) to tip on the comb. you don't want to overfill the comb--fiber is light--so for an average 4 pound fleece, you may fill that comb 600 times. it takes four to six passes to get quality combed wool "top" for true worsted spun yarn. oh yes. this isn't the entire process, this is just for a worsted spun yarn in a fingering weight. i won't go into carding and the processes of spinning true woolen yarns.



and by the magic of television--i combed all of this in about 8 hours. that's a large flat rate box of tiny bundles of fiber, and it took 8 hours of solid combing one day to get it. phew. it's a hell of a workout for upper body strength (and hypervigilance--don't drop those combs on your feet). now: this can go a couple of other ways, it can be DYED or it can be SPUN then DYED. i actually usually dye in the wool (before combing) so this isn't a big deal to me!!!

then after that it's time to oil up a spinning wheel. oh gently caress, here we go.



this is my favorite wheel. she's an ashford elizabeth 30" anniversary edition (one of the nicer newer ones too!!!!) dt, and her name is lizzie borden. she hates everyone but me. she'll throw her flywheel off in the floor if anyone else spins on her. :D



and that's all yarn i've made in the last few years. i have more, too. oh wait there's more. we're just now on what, a week off the sheep? i have yarn and thread. what do you have a week after you peel a sheep?

well, i generally PULL A WARP for my loom. then i have to get the warp on the loom. warp threads are those cool vertical threads in a piece of woven fabric; weft are the cross threads. here. i'll make this make more sense with a picture.



so this is a louet jane 40cm wide loom with a scarf warp on it from one of my students. it's my table loom; i use it for travel/teaching/class stuff because they're super easy to teach on but also easy to warp, so i have my warp tied onto the back beam there, with it sorted into the raddle to wind on and make a scarf. this is probably day 9 because yarn making breaks can be taken.



and now here's me weaving on my louet spring 90 cm loom at the yarn store (rip my lys, you were my favorite job). that's a scarf in yarn i made. for real. i am pretty pleased with that scarf now that it's fulled out and finished; unfortunately i don't have a picture because it got stolen by mike and taken to work as a chill-chaser because his office is -5C on a good day.

so yep. that's my talent. i can make your clothes. that's all i got.

paging bo-pepper

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Peg Sliderskew
Eugene vs Dabs, we should be partners! Beautiful wool. I have a huge weakness for variegated colours.



Courtesy of Manifisto

Fanky Malloons

Is your social worker inside that horse?
Hi BYOB! I am not a talented poster, which pains me, but luckily I have this other thing I do that I'm p okay at and which I will humbly share with you, since we're having a pageant and all.

So, may talent is that I like to make art out of paper cut-outs. Like, really elaborate cut-paper things, with layers and stuff. Sometimes I can't find the right colour of paper, so I have to paint my own which is fine, but it takes forever to dry and I am impatient!! I had lots of pictures and I didn't want y'all to be bored, so I made some collages instead:

Here is a collage of my fave thing I've made so far, which is an octopus in the shape of a human heart (I sent it to my best friend because I love her). I thought you might like to see the difference between the drawing and the finished product, and also I wanted to show some of the layers, and a close up of the octopus skin texture, which I did with watercolour paint and I was pretty proud of myself for! (In case anyone is wondering, the final image is flipped because I usually trace the layers, and I wanted the finished image to be mirrored so that it was anatomically correct [insofar as that is possible when you are a heart made from an octopus])



Here's some other small things I made for fun. The jellyfish is the first paper art I ever made! It has some glue ~issues~ because I hadn't figured out that part yet when I made it. The portrait is Freddie Lounds from Hannibal, because I really liked her hair and wanted to see how it would look, and the bear is a bear.



Finally, here's a card I made for one of my other friends for Galentine's Day, and also a drawing of a work-in-progress that I've been meaning to finish for like a year but I've been busy with funeral school and also I don't want to start it because all those flowers are gonna be real difficult and I'm lazy.



Thanks for looking I hope you liked my stuff!

Edit: IDK If was supposed to sign up beforehand somehow?? I just got real excited to post, so here we are, sorry if I'm doing things wrong cda!!

Fanky Malloons fucked around with this message at 02:05 on May 3, 2017



:krad: sig brought to you by the amazing & beautiful vanisher, feat. Helle Woods, artisinally designed by Death Sext !!!

Robot Made of Meat

Cool stuff, Fanky!


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

alnilam

Hi there BYOB :)

I know you're all expecting me to set myself on fire again. I'm sorry to disappoint, but well I'm out of isopropanol and anyway duckie told me not to do it again EVEN THOUGH I'm pretty good at it, so I decided instead to take this opportunity to play around with something musical that I've wanted to for a while.

I like to play music, and I really really like to sing. I've always wanted to do more harmonizing with my voice, because when I do get to I friggin love it.

I also bought a field recorder a while ago that musicians like to use for recording jams, because it's cheap and has a decent mic. So I decided I'd record over myself multiple times and have some fun recording a song.

Man this was a lot of fun. Since it's an external recording device, I could listen to the mix so far on headphones while playing/singing into the mic, but the tracks were not inherently synced. So syncing the tracks was a little challenging.

Also I'm getting over a cold AND I'm a little rusty at guitar so it might not be the best but hey this is my first try and I really had fun so I hope you enjoy it!!

So without further adieu, here is me having a lot of fun covering the song Wildewoman by Lucius, a band I really like a lot.



I've really liked the other entries so far! I'm glad everyone is having fun with this and al lthe contestants are really great. I don't mind if you think mine's the best or not because there are lots of great choices, I just hope you enjoy it and have fun :) okay thanks everyone! :love:

e: pretend the track is 9 seconds shorter :blush:



ty manifisto

City of Glompton

Fanky Malloons posted:

Edit: IDK If was supposed to sign up beforehand somehow?? I just got real excited to post, so here we are, sorry if I'm doing things wrong cda!!

Fanky Malloons can have my spot


thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

Randy Travesty

PHANTOM QUEEN


hockey jockey posted:

I will take one for the team (please add points for teamwork) and get mine over with so that others can learn from my mistakes. I can't sing or dance so...

My talent is working with yarn, in particular crochet. I have made clothes and throws but my favourite thing is the story sets I make for teachers. This is a Hungry Caterpillar set. I made most of it from patterns, but had to freehand the finger puppets and cake because there was nothing out there that looked right.





After doing a few of these I decided to start designing my own sets, like this Goldilocks and the Three Bears.




I make these sets for the cost of the materials for receptions (4-5 year olds) teachers who have a lot of children with English as a second or third language so that they can participate in story time more easily.

this is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND THANK YOU. i love amigurumi.


hockey jockey posted:

Eugene vs Dabs, we should be partners! Beautiful wool. I have a huge weakness for variegated colours.

yayayay! we totally should; i make (literal) tons of yarn a year and weave full time as a job. that may change with my impending move (h*ck!) but i am 100% sure i'll still be spinning and weaving at least 30+ hours a week. :D

Randy Travesty fucked around with this message at 04:33 on May 3, 2017


joke_explainer


It's going to be very difficult to win if you do not submit a talent portion, contestants. This may account for a significant amount of the final score. Cultivate a talent rapidly if you do not have one. That will probably be even more amusing than the already amazing entries.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Munchables

Ask/tell me about legal cannibalism

Here are some things I made that don't have a lot of revealing personal info:
A school project about anti bullying
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91z5Ol5LzhI

A mock movie trailer parodying michael bay style action flicks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h6ELp2M844

And a little thing I made for a gaming forum I used to frequent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykYyNvBTZYM

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