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Loving the piratical wink! anilam and HotSoapyBeard slashfic anyone?
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May 10, 2017 10:13
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 23:03 |
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apologies in advance for the pasty skin, I have not yet laid down a base tan this year! bonus background crane! 
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May 10, 2017 19:59
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looks like a great egret m8 nice!
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May 10, 2017 20:28
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King of the Beach posted:looks like a great egret m8 nice! I hope I did not frighten it, sometimes people mistake being a fist for being angry 
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May 10, 2017 20:37
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i debated posting this, but hell, what's the worst that could happen? it's just a picture of me at the beach.
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May 11, 2017 13:31
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posting smiling posted:i debated posting this, but hell, what's the worst that could happen? it's just a picture of me at the beach. I would say hot, but maybe cold is more accurate? Bone zone.
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May 11, 2017 13:57
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 e: Bold move going in after soapy beard's rugged burly man bod with this, me 20 lbs ago, I know lmbo calrissian fucked around with this message at 01:54 on May 12, 2017 |
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May 11, 2017 22:58
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i'm naked on a beach right now, so pretend this is my entry.
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May 11, 2017 23:21
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Eugene V. Dabs posted:i'm naked on a beach right now, so pretend this is my entry. Hi naked |
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May 11, 2017 23:34
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 Visit https://www.ascii-middle-finger.com/ and see me bare all for you 
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May 12, 2017 00:09
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pig slut lisa posted:
this is the finest swimsuit entry we've ever seen. 
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May 12, 2017 00:20
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lmbo calrissian posted:
Lookin' good, Lmbo!
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May 12, 2017 01:41
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Ralph, my Sphodromantis lineola (Giant African Praying Mantis), was so kind to submit his final venture into the nude bathing area to get an all-over-tan after molting into his eight instar as my submission for the swimsuit portion.
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May 12, 2017 01:59
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King of the Beach posted:
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May 12, 2017 02:21
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lmbo calrissian posted:
god I hope this means you gained 20 lbs and not lost them my friend |
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May 12, 2017 09:23
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pig slut lisa posted:
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May 12, 2017 11:25
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Judge's report first of all, i glossed over the judging rules and then blew them off bc this is byob and also who's going to stop me. i used my own judging criteria because i'll be damned if i'm going comment on anyone's bodies good or bad Alnilam 9 (+1 for rope flying pic) Fanky Malloons 9 (+1 commitment to tribal theme) Munchables 9 (+1 for being smart enough to not post a picture) King of the Beach 9 (+1 bc pirates are cool) Vanisher 10 (+1 presentation, +1 cool birds) N. Senada 7 (-1 calling me an rear end in a top hat) hockey jockey 10 (+1 creativity, +1 attention to detail) hot soapy beard 9 (+1 for wink) manifisto 10 (+1 creativity, +1 flamingo suit) posting smiling 9 (+1 artistic merit) lmbo 9 (+1 pro umbrella) eugene v dabs 7 (-1 effort) psl 9 (+1 bikini drawing skills) they might be 10 (+1 creativity, +1 mantises rule) Edit: corrected math on one entry FluffieDuckie fucked around with this message at 23:41 on May 12, 2017
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May 12, 2017 19:13
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The more I look into your eyes, the more love I see there. Your pose is inviting and speaks of a humble compassion. Your swimsuit shows up nicely in the emerald water. Your nipples are a little weird to me. My score: 9.4 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:15
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It's a bold move to wear two swimsuits at once, and your pose emphasizes this boldness. The number of your forehead makes you seem like maybe some sort of futuristic cyber-warrior. I imagine you emerging slowly from a pool of static and glowing green numbers. It's not your fault but my secret fear is being Snow Crashed by a futuristic cyber-warrior. You terrify me. My score: 9.2 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:21
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What are you drinking? Cranberry Juice? Blood? It better be blood. Real pirates don't fear scurvy. The earrings and hat are dope, but I would not call them a swimsuit, since most pirates could not swim. My score: 8.9 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:24
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I thought about this a lot. I don't want to gently caress birds, so I have a problem with you trying to project sex appeal. But then I thought: maybe the sex appeal is for other birds. I don't know what kind of bird this is exactly so I picked BUFF-BREASTED SANDPIPER. Dr. Laurie Santos, Associate Professor of Psychology at Yale University explains: Dr. Laurie Santos posted:[This bird is] drab looking because it lives in the Arctic, very hard to get food and do everything. But it kind of allows for its beauty to come out in really strange ways. And one of these ways is that it has incredibly attractive armpit. So, it’s armpit is very white, very clean and it will do flash displays for females where males will kind of get out in a field and kind of flash its armpit and if the females like the armpit, they can fly from miles and miles and then they’ll do this kind of wonderful armpit display and the females, you know, fall for it; they think this is wonderful. But you can tell, you know, kind of which males have the sexy armpits by which ones are flashing and all the females are all “Ahhh!” As my grandma used to say: If you ain't showin' pit, your sex appeal is for poo poo Your elegance is on point though. My Score: 9.2 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:29
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Classic goon bod in a classic pose. At this moment I am euphoric, not because of any phony god's blessing, but because you have stairs in your house. My Score: 6.9 (the funny number) ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:32
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This swimsuit daringly avant-garde. The pose is sassy. The dog is a nice touch. The black box behind you is mysterious (Dinto's Favorite Gravy Grandles?). My Score: 9.7 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:37
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Windmillslayer Would My score: 10 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:39
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Powerful. Perceptive. Manly. Shorts with flamingos. Fuckin ace. My score: 10 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:40
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Great pose. Your fun-loving spirit and amiability come through loud and clear. I don't know exactly which sea creatures feasted on your flesh and picked your bones clean, but as a team they deserve praise for the job they've done. There's not a speck of meat left. Swimsuit is disappointing though: just a simple black speedo. Tip for next time: flamingos brah My score: 9.8 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:44
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The umbrella says elegance, the hat says let's ride, the squint says "you feelin' lucky, punk?" That's too many different facets. It makes me feel like you're a real person with a complex history instead of an object for me to judge. Looking at this photograph I started wondering about who you are and what you've been through, who was taking the picture and what they meant to you. A friend? A lover? A stranger? And where did you get the umbrella, and could it perhaps symbolize something, perhaps innocence lost? This is supposed to be a swimsuit competition, not a New Yorker short story. My score: 9.1 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:50
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Eugene V. Dabs posted:i'm naked on a beach right now, so pretend this is my entry. Thank you for allowing me to use my imagination. This was almost a haiku. I'm naked on a beach right now so pretend this is my entry Next time try I am naked on a beach right now, so pretend this is my entry My score: 9.7 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:53
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The swimsuit says "gently caress me," the body says "gently caress you." That kind of aggressive porn-lite pandering might work in the Miss Universe competition, but not here, buddy. Not. Here. My score: 8.7 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:57
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I honestly don't know how to score this so I'm going to roll a d100 and that's going to be your score. My score: 9.0 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 21:00
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cda posted:What are you drinking? Cranberry Juice? Blood? It better be blood. Real pirates don't fear scurvy. The earrings and hat are dope, but I would not call them a swimsuit, since most pirates could not swim. grog!
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May 12, 2017 21:32
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Hello again, friends! Let's jump right into this. alnilam: Like the last one, this round kicks off strong, much like alnilam as he swims through some really gorgeous green-blue waters. The sassy smile says, "yes, the setting may be beautiful, but so am I." 9/10 Fanky Malloons:  I'd be lion if I didn't say that this is the finest tiger outfit slash swimsuit I've ever seen. 10/10Munchables: A powerful mental image, if slightly unnerving. 9/10 King of the Beach: Fitting that a pirate would grow up to be the King of the Beach. You also have excellent taste in earrings. 9/10 vanisher: Not that these haven't all been great, but wow, here is an entry that really speaks to me! Such plumage. Such poise. 10/10 N. Senada: Casual confidence exudes from this photograph. I also like your smile. 9/10 hockey jockey: You are a striking woman! That hair, those pompoms, the roses! That's a face impossible to forget. 9/10 HotSoapyBeard: Oh my! 10/10 Manifisto: What interesting skin you have! I like it, but now Blue (Da Ba Dee) is in my head, and I resent that. 8.75/10 posting smiling: Nice choice of swimsuit! It really flatters your hips. 9/10 lmbo calrissian Your parasol is as bright as your smile. 9/10 Eugene V. Dabs: I am trying to imagine you on a beach, as requested, but it is very abstract if I'm to be honest. I'm going to imagine myself on a beach instead. pig slut lisa: I'm not a real fan of mismatched bikini colors, but that's a marvelous fit for your rare body type. Nice job! 9/10 They Might Be: What a graceful figure you have! I do think it would have been easier to show it off were you not hanging upside down. 9/10
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May 13, 2017 03:27
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The SECRET JUDGE speaks: Alnilam I'm only supposed to judge the body, huh? Okay, well are you aware that your body becomes like a green slime of some kind? Wouldn't want to run in to that guy in a dungeon! I think you have all the body parts of a human but I can only see one leg in the pic, so I'm taking off 2 points and giving you an 8/10 in case that other leg isn't there, and this body isn't perfect. Fanky Malloons You're killing me here... first maybe Alnilam only has one leg and now you maybe only have one arm? Well I can't be sure from looking in the picture if the other one is there so I'm going to have to take off two points here too. I'm going to add one point back for the stripes, if you don't have a second arm then maybe you have some tiger parts to make up for it. 9/10 Munchables This one was very hard to judge because you didn't mention about him.. does he have arms? Does he have legs? I know he has knees for sure, and he scratched himself with something... it might be an arm. Each arm, each leg, the head... the 5 puzzle pieces you need to create Life. I'm supposed to take two points off for each body part to make sure you add up but this one can't be solved with math. There are enormous mysteries of the cosmos here staring me raw in the soul. I asked my mom to take me to the beach to look for answers, I let the waves call to me.. and I heard the man. He was yelling that he deserves a 8/10 King of the Beach I would think with scurvy and a crew like that you would be King of the Seas, not of the beach. Isn't that just where your treasure goes? X marks the spot but X also marks my score, the X/10 I am giving you. That is a variable, I learned about them last week and I don't know what they mean, but I know it means a number. I asked my dad what number X is and he said 10/10. vanisher Very good. Glad to see some confidence here. Don't bow down to the other contestants... you must fight. Especially as a small bird in a big world, you [i]must[i] fight. Very patriotic, you got the slideshow... 3 different pictures. I don't know if birds count as having arms, but 3 pictures... there are 2 legs and a head for sure. Technically you have more parts on display here than anyone else, but I got confused and don't know if this is good for points or bad for them - is too many parts a negative? MAybe when I'm older I'll know. I give you a 9/10 N. Senada All five parts clearly on display... nice. Majestic posing, a coy smile in the afternoon sun. Ultimately I realized that you're like a 50 foot giant compared to those tiny people gazing at your arm and if I don't give you a 10/10 you might grind my bones to make bread. hockey jockey Terrifyingly beautiful... beautifully terrifying. I'm not sure. Arm, leg, leg, arm, head... it's all there. The only thing I'm worried about... that's not real skin. I don't know what kind of monster you are but without skin I can just give you a 8/10. HotSoapyBeard You're an international man of mystery, I can tell, but the real mystery here is how you got a second head. How do I score that? 12 points? I don't know if that's appropriate. Anyway you should be wearing a striped black and white one-piece suit and carrying one of those old barbells with the round weights on each end. You should be kicking over the nerd's sand castle. And bullies... bullies are mean. Well you can have a 9/10 because I'm scared about my sand castle. Manifisto Look I'm going to be blunt with you here. I'm supposed to judge the contestant's body and your body only has one of the parts of a body. On the other hand, my Hulk Hands are my favorite toy. But they're green and you're blue - are you a Hulk villain? I'm scared you're going to punch me so here's an 8/10 posting smiling A coy wave... completely, skinlessly naked. You have the personality we're looking for in a contestant but I'm worried about your health and well-being, you look nearly dead and whatever necromancy animated you - while it's good and didn't forget any parts and I'm sure was performed by one of the best necrosurgeons in the valley - you don't need to be this skinny, honey. Eat some hamburgers and maybe I can raise this 8/10 lmbo calrissian I'm a 9 year old boy and let me tell you - glad to see another 9 year old boy entering this competition. The umbrella is cool, the hat kind of looks like a diaper but don't worry I have lots of friends still in diapers at this age. I'm giving you a 10/10 because I want another 5th grader to win this thing. pig slut lisa Look I uhh. I don't want to like.. I'm not here to body shame, but wow... your body really offends me. Your body language is very rude. My mom wouldn't let me click to see you naked but I'm not even sure I want to, it might hurt my feelings. I'm sorry to do this but I don't put up with bullies, and you get a 7/10 eugene v. dabs If you're on the beach take a dang picture. You could have shown us the hunk sitting next to you and we never would have known. I'm sorry but I can't give a good score for this. If Miss America's talent was eating hot dogs do you think she could just go sit at Portillo's eating hotdogs during the talent competition? No. Not unless she took us there with her. This entry was phoned in and I can only give you a 6/10. Take me to the beach next time. You can just call my mom and ask, she'll be okay with it. They Might Be Are contestants allowed to sublet their entries like this? Raising mantises seems more like a talent than a swimsuit entry. Ralph has an amazing body, one of the best I have ever seen. This image is going to be with me in my head always, especially in the future when I hit puberty but... this isn't you. I give Ralph a 10/10 but I give our contestant a 7/10 here. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 00:31
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Munchables posted:You see him. Large and hairy, standing in the water before you. His swimsuit a dark color gradient, with blues and greens and light stripes in between. His tubby stomach folding out of the tight waistband, the stretch marks on his sides barely visible. His man titties stare mournfully into your soul, as he scratches the seawater out of his beard. Fortunately for everyone involved, the legs of the swim trunks come down to his knees, but once he dives under a small crack appears behind him, and is then sucked under the waves. He is gone. Munchables. I forgot to judge this the first time around. Thank you for the tasteful swimsuit. My score: 8/10 ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 00:33
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Thanks to all the lovely contestants for subjecting themselves to objectification. We promise we'll still respect you in the morning. The results of the SWIMSUIT PORTION are as follows: 1. vanisher - 9.55 2. HotSoapyBeard - 9.5 3. fanky malloons - 9.3 4. lmbo calrissian - 9.275 5. King of the Beach - 9.225 6. Manifisto - 9.1875 7. hockey jockey - 9.175 8. posting smiling - 8.95 9. alnilam - 8.85 10, They Might Be - 8.75 11. munchables - 8.5 12. pig slut lisa - 8.425 13. N. Senada - 8.225 14. eugene v. dabs - 7.675 And halfway through the competition, less than point separates first place from 14th place. It's still anyone's competition to win...or lose! The overall standings are: 1. HotSoapyBeard - 9.2625 2. alnilam - 9.2375 3. posting smiling - 9.1 4. hockey jockey - 9.0875 5. lmbo calrissian - 9.05625 6. Manifisto - 8.95625 7. fanky malloons - 8.95 8. vanisher - 8.8625 9. King of the Beach - 8.775 10. pig slut lisa - 8.6375 11. munchables - 8.5125 12. N. Senada - 8.36875 13. They Might Be - 8.2875 14. eugene v. dabs - 8.2875 ----------no swimsuit entries------------------ 15. Mr Willsauce - 3.925 16. City of Glompton - 3.875 ---------- ye line of total laziness ----------- 17. farg - 0 18. Hogge Wild - 0 19. Android Blues - 0 ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 00:54
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:Manifisto: What interesting skin you have! I like it, but now Blue (Da Ba Dee) is in my head, and I resent that. 8.75/10 darn, my blatant pandering to the bird judge has gotten me nowhere!
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May 14, 2017 01:05
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We now enter the EVENING WEAR PORTION of our Posting Pageant.   I don't know about you, but when I think about BYOB, the words that first come to mind are: Taste. Style. Sophistication. Elegance. And that's what this portion of the competition is all about. Oscar Wilde may have said that fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months, but if that's the case, then BYOB fashion is a form of beauty so radiant that you never change it, no matter how funky or covered in ketchup stains it becomes. The rules for this portion are: Contestants must post either: 1. A photograph or video of themselves in evening wear. 2. An artist's rendition of them in evening wear: any visual medium (paint, collage, crayon, digital, sculpy etc.) 3. A written description of the evening wear they are wearing and what they look like in it. All entries must be Safe For Work Judges are not allowed to consider the bravery of those who post a photograph in their score. There will be no points for being a elegant, sexy human being who is willing to share a photograph. Judges will consider: 1. The taste and sophistication shown in the selection of evening wear. 2. The way this selection expresses a unique personal style while still saying "I paid ten dollars to post in the pastel cat forum" 3. The way that the contestant's post and facial expression complement this unique style. Entries are due by Wednesday the 17th at Midnight EST. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 01:07
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Evening wear, you say? Please accept this, my most formal and serious set of pyjamas (and weaponry):
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May 14, 2017 01:41
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sig brought to you by the amazing & beautiful vanisher, feat. Helle Woods, artisinally designed by Death Sext !!!
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Dual Kamas are a powerful tool |
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May 14, 2017 02:29
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 23:03 |
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May 14, 2017 06:18
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