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Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic

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Second Hand Meat Mouth
Sep 12, 2001

Malachi Constant posted:

In 1979 an ex-green beret named Barry Sadler wrote a book called Casca: The Eternal Mercenary which chronicled the life of the Roman soldier who was given the job of marching some guy he'd never heard of named Jesus to the cross and standing guard until he died. He decides to help Jesus out by stabbing him with a spear, then Jesus curses him to live as a soldier until the second coming.

His tragic heroic flaws are that women can't help but fall in love with him after he demonstrates his shocking sexual prowess and he occasionally gets his sword/bayonet stuck in an enemy's rib-cage.

Sadler (and his ghostwriters) wrote 22 books in the series, covering Casca's life spanning his Roman days to his experience in the Viet Nam war. The series continues to this day, and is currently on book #45, released in September of 2016.

The original covers looked like this:



based on a picture of the author:



For some reason the covers were redone and now they look like this:
1
2 3 4
5 6 7
8 9 10
11 12 13
14 15 16
17 18 19
20 21 22

I think Casca's vague stare and weak cosplay should be immortalized, since he must still be alive somewhere in our world.






Here's a song written (and performed by!) the author to inspire you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK9KdJWTfQY

My favorite is the one where he looks like Fabio with the long flowing locks and no hat on whatsoever. My second favorite is the one where he just has a cool Zorro headband.

NotWearingPants
Jan 3, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo
Nap Ghost

NotWearingPants
Jan 3, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo
Nap Ghost

Malachi Constant
Feb 2, 2006

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all


I can't help but think you people are not taking Casca: The Eternal Mercenary seriously.


That's more like it.

NotWearingPants
Jan 3, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo
Nap Ghost

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug

Hydrocodone
Sep 26, 2007

Cursed, you say?

Hydrocodone
Sep 26, 2007

Scroon
Oct 22, 2016

Scroon
Oct 22, 2016

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
The original covers are way cooler :(

Pneub
Mar 12, 2007

I'M THE DEVIL, AND I WILL WASH OVER THE EARTH AND THE SEAS WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF ALL THE SINNERS

I AM REBORN

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp

Malachi Constant
Feb 2, 2006

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all

Scroon
Oct 22, 2016

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH
So, wait. Is the guy serially reincarnated, or just immortal? And how come the curse also comes with time travel powers to be in Ancient China despite being cursed by a dying jesus?

Also, those covers should be one of those "Person doesn't change facial expressions" gifs.

Also also, Vampire the Requiem clearly tells us that the soldier who speared Jesus in the side was named Longinus, and he was the first vampire. Did both these guys stab jesus? Which one did it first? Was it a peer pressure thing? Why did they get different curses?

Something tells me these books weren't very well thought out.

Instruction Manuel
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Has the look of a man that says "Can you believe this poo poo?"

Uncle Itchie
Sep 19, 2008

The FIRST thing that came to mind

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

literally lmao

my rear end is off

a cyberpunk goose
May 21, 2007

gnarlyhotep posted:

literally lmao

my rear end is off

rear end off to you, sir!

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

a cyberpunk goose posted:

rear end off to you, sir!

no serieously it went down the storm drain, we're calling the city

Malachi Constant
Feb 2, 2006

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all

Elfface posted:

So, wait. Is the guy serially reincarnated, or just immortal? And how come the curse also comes with time travel powers to be in Ancient China despite being cursed by a dying jesus?

Also, those covers should be one of those "Person doesn't change facial expressions" gifs.

Also also, Vampire the Requiem clearly tells us that the soldier who speared Jesus in the side was named Longinus, and he was the first vampire. Did both these guys stab jesus? Which one did it first? Was it a peer pressure thing? Why did they get different curses?

Something tells me these books weren't very well thought out.

He's immortal and has healing powers like Wolverine. He first travels to China in ~100-200 AD.

His full name is Casca Rufio Longinus. The spear he used becomes a sacred relic called the Spear of Longinus (As seen in Wolfenstein: The Spear of Destiny).

Vampires are not real. Only Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and the guy that stabbed him are real. Geez.

KrolleBolle
Oct 26, 2005

Hello, Is this dog?

Lmbo

Horseshoe theory
Mar 7, 2005

So Casca's an Immortal?

Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic

Scroon
Oct 22, 2016


Anne Frank Funk
Nov 4, 2008

giddyup!




Mad Doctor Cthulhu
Mar 3, 2008

Better Fred Than Dead posted:

The original covers are way cooler :(

Yeah, the new covers are downright infantile. Always pay for an artist, folks.

Elfface posted:

So, wait. Is the guy serially reincarnated, or just immortal? And how come the curse also comes with time travel powers to be in Ancient China despite being cursed by a dying jesus?

Also, those covers should be one of those "Person doesn't change facial expressions" gifs.

Also also, Vampire the Requiem clearly tells us that the soldier who speared Jesus in the side was named Longinus, and he was the first vampire. Did both these guys stab jesus? Which one did it first? Was it a peer pressure thing? Why did they get different curses?

Something tells me these books weren't very well thought out.

All men's adventure novels are either written by diehard right-wing freaks who believe whatever the party line is or left-wing people looking for a quick paycheck. So you either get some bland diatribes by lonely old white guys who are way into gun specs or underage sex (William Johnstone, come on down) or actual authors who write well but need some cash (Will Murray, who now writes a poo poo ton of Doc Savage novels) to make the rent. So yeah, these weren't thought out at all. They were designed to appeal to someone in a grocery store to pick up a copy and make a sale.

That said, Casca does hold a very unique place in the annals of Men's Adventure novels: two of the 'new' novels were plagiarized from the guy who wrote the Rambo novels. More can be found at the Wikipedia entry for the series in the second paragraph.

hate hoot
Nov 7, 2012
I read one of these; I think it was Casca the Barbarian but he was basically a Viking. He and his bros rescue a bunch of women being raped and the women reward the good guys with immediate sex. Later, Casca is imprisoned with no food for over a year but since he can't actually starve to death he just resorts to eating his fingernails to soothe his hunger. There's a happy ending though - he marries a blind princess and since she can't see him she doesn't realize he never ages. He stays with her until she dies of old age then returns to his cursed wanderings. There weirdest part of the book was that whole sentences of inconsequential descriptions and such were repeated, sometimes just a few paragraphs apart.

The new cover for Casca the Eternal Mercenary was an attempt to cash in on Russell Crowe's turn as Gladiator, right? If it came first, that's a little uncanny.

Stretch Marx
Apr 29, 2008

I'm ok with this.

Steve Enh-stin

Relin
Oct 6, 2002

You have been a most worthy adversary, but in every game, there are winners and there are losers. And as you know, in this game, losers get robotizicized!
pretend i posted the cloud atlas character chart, except its cloud cascas and all the actors are the different casca

NotWearingPants
Jan 3, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo
Nap Ghost

Pneub posted:

Am I the only one who sees it?



this is still one of my favorites.

Malachi Constant
Feb 2, 2006

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all

Pierogi posted:

giddyup!






temple
Jul 29, 2006

I have actual skeletons in my closet
My dad owns all those books.

Grouchio
Aug 31, 2014

Perfection.

The Skeleton King
Jul 16, 2011

Right now undead are at the top of my shit list. Undead are complete fuckers. Those geists are fuckers. Necromancers are fuckers. Necrosavants are big time fuckers. Skeletons aren't too bad except when they bleed everyone in the company. Zombos are at least not too bad.


temple posted:

My dad owns all those books.

Have you read them?

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Goa Tse-tung
Feb 11, 2008

;3

Yams Fan

lol

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