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I got an excellent deal on a new house from a "motivated seller" and, I don't want to disparage folks in a hard place, but they were clearly in over their head. Lot of drafts, lot of scratches and claw marks on the hardwood floors (raccoons?), fair amount of water damage, and the whole outside needs redone.  The new dream house But a manor on a hill isn't a deal you can pass on, especially one with so much gorgeous, old-growth forest around it. It's my own little piece of Old World charm right here in New England, hedge maze and all. Plus I just adore the authentic wrought iron and wooden sculpture all imported from a workshop in Moravia by the original builders. I'm just over the moon, but I need a weency bit of guidance and I thought we could sort of share our experiences and DIY together (if that makes any sense). More of this:  And less of this:  Right, guys? Let me get us started. I think I have an HVAC issue in the basement. Whenever I go down there, I can see my breath. It's crazy cold down there; it cuts right through me no matter how much I bundle up. There's even frost forming on all the old bottles down there (OH did I mention WINE CELLAR? Yeah, be jealous). I guess it doesn't hurt anything, but it seems like a serious waste of money. I can't actually find any vents, so I guess the cold air must be coming down from the floor above? Is that a thing? I want to get it sorted as soon as possible especially because the temperature difference creates a serious draft. I've been locked down there twice already. Haha. Old houses, right? |
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May 8, 2017 17:33
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I did not realize how annoying gophers could be. Every morning these wooden statues are in a different position in the yard. And they are pretty heavy too, I'm not sure how the little devils manage it. They are really tearing up the yard though, cause all that burrowing is forcing dirt and rocks and little animal bones out of the ground. I know a house in the country is a little more "real" than an apartment, but I DO NOT need to see squirrel bones. By the way, does anyone know why Moravian angels all have their wings cut off? Is that like a symbolism thing? The statues are sooo well made, I wouldn't dream of getting rid of them; I just want to "get" them. |
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May 8, 2017 17:39
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This is great moneysaving news! Sell your chest freezer and put all your frozen foods in the basement. You might find they are still rotting overnight or that some kind of large rodent (a squirrel maybe? I don't know rodents) has bitten chunks out of them but the savings should make the slight inconvenience worthwhile. Ignore any shrieking sounds you hear- sometimes frozen chickens come back to life briefly in this scenario (no clue why, I assume it's all the steroids) but only for an hour or two.
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May 8, 2017 17:44
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The theme from the Munsters began playing in my head when I saw that house picture. Take that as you will on if this is a good house or not.
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May 8, 2017 17:54
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:By the way, does anyone know why Moravian angels all have their wings cut off? Is that like a symbolism thing? The statues are sooo well made, I wouldn't dream of getting rid of them; I just want to "get" them. I'm not sure about the wing thing but i think there's some weird... fungus? growing on them, because every time i go to look at them they are slowly oozing a think red liquid, i wipe it off and later there's more. I'm guessing there's some kind of red mold in the pores of the statue and a lot of moisture in there too. Maybe try to put them in a sunny spot this summer to really dry them out. |
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May 8, 2017 18:10
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I've never owned a home before -- totally running before I walk here -- but how often should it rain in the attic? I know it's all moisture from the basement and mountain air and stuff. I'm totally aware that keeping up a house is real work. But are we talking like once a month? Every other month? I need to make a plan, because all that rain can't be good for the porcelain dolls I found up there. |
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May 8, 2017 18:24
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I've never owned a home before -- totally running before I walk here -- but how often should it rain in the attic? I know it's all moisture from the basement and mountain air and stuff. I'm totally aware that keeping up a house is real work. But are we talking like once a month? Every other month? I need to make a plan, because all that rain can't be good for the porcelain dolls I found up there. It depends on how horrible the trauma your house has witnessed, and how often it cries in response.
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May 8, 2017 18:27
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I've never owned a home before -- totally running before I walk here -- but how often should it rain in the attic? I know it's all moisture from the basement and mountain air and stuff. I'm totally aware that keeping up a house is real work. But are we talking like once a month? Every other month? I need to make a plan, because all that rain can't be good for the porcelain dolls I found up there. I tend to find my attic rainfall depends on my mood. If I feel any joy or pleasure it pours down. Since cultivating an attitude of dour loathing for all mankind, it's almost dried out completely! Interested to hear that you have porcelain dolls up there. In my house they're just in the cupboard under the stairs. Think they attract mice, judging by the scratching sounds at night, but however often I put them out for the bin men they always end up back on the doorstep- obviously some kind of recycling contravention 
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May 8, 2017 18:31
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Hey I think I recognize that house. Isn't that the one up on the hill that the birds and squirrels refuse to go near? I really like the wrought-iron fence but don't you worry that the spikes at the top being sharpened and curving inwards towards the property might, y'know, be a hazard to kids? |
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May 8, 2017 18:43
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Has anyone worked with stained glass before? I got this real nice piece (usual stuff, chalice & realistic heart) in the dining room but I guess its coming out of the fixture or something because whenever I sit near it I feel a cold wind on the back of my neck and something like whispering? is there a good sealant that will blend in with the wrought iron?
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May 8, 2017 19:00
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Scroon posted:Hey I think I recognize that house. Isn't that the one up on the hill that the birds and squirrels refuse to go near? I really like the wrought-iron fence but don't you worry that the spikes at the top being sharpened and curving inwards towards the property might, y'know, be That's the first thing the insurance guy said! Still haven't gotten that quote, thank you for reminding me. I think the builders wanted to keep the deer in. I haven't seen any out in the day, but I can hear them out in the woods most nights calling to one another. Majestic creatures. I am really loving getting in touch with nature. Did you know their eyes kind of glow like cat eyes? So bright in the dark. hockey jockey posted:Interested to hear that you have porcelain dolls up there. In my house they're just in the cupboard under the stairs. Think they attract mice, judging by the scratching sounds at night, but however often I put them out for the bin men they always end up back on the doorstep- obviously some kind of recycling contravention I'm glad it's not just me. I was starting to worry, haha. I bet you are right, probably the paint or something. Still, I guess it is nice of them to put the dolls back in the attic for me. It's funny how you can't help but humanize a doll. Almost all of them remind me of someone I know. If anyone collects dolls I'll be opening a thread in the Mart. |
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May 8, 2017 19:03
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in my experience, old houses like this often need to breathe. they get all cloistered and closed up, kind of congested if you will, what with all the closets getting nailed shut, the ancient stone wells in the basement being stoppered with cement decorated with sigils and runes, the curiously misshapen attic rooms with bloodstained floors being walled off, that sort of thing. make like alnilam with a neti pot and really open that thing up. get rid of the wreaths of garlic cluttering the thresholds, sweep up any star-shaped sand circles you might find, make sure there aren't crucifixes and silver mirrors interfering with the energy flow in your house. you'll be surprised at how much easier you will sleep! e: and definitely dig up anything you think might be buried, you don't want random stuff just moldering away in your basement/backyard Manifisto fucked around with this message at 19:11 on May 8, 2017
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May 8, 2017 19:08
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*dials op's house on phone* Hi there, new neighbor! Al there from down the street Good, how are you? Great, great. Yeah, I'm calling about ... well, I hope this doesn't come off as unfriendly, and I love dogs and all, but do you think you could try to keep yours quiet at night? They howl an awful lot and it's been keeping us up pretty- You say you don't have any dogs? I swear I've heard at least 3 over in your direction, and you know you're the last one on the street before the woods. Well sorry to bother you then, it must be some kind of weird echo or something. Anyway let me know if you figure anything out. |
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May 8, 2017 19:28
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*gets call the next day* Hello? Heyyy, shiny bird teeth! How's things? Uh huh... Well I don't usually, uh, i mean, have you used a compound bow before? Alright, sure, you can borrow it, just don't do anything i wouldn't do haha No, none with silver tips, just carbide, sorry buddy that's a little too rich for my blood |
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May 8, 2017 19:31
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I mean, it's great that it turns out that theres all this extra space now, but what am I even gonna use 5 basements for? I guess I could just put all the boards back up. Goddamn, now my heating bill makes a lot of sense.
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May 8, 2017 19:38
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idk sounds like u love it but im gonna say LIST IT
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May 8, 2017 21:28
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King of the Beach posted:idk sounds like u love it but im gonna say LIST IT No can do, my Sandy Liege. I've got a plum piece of real estate here and we're gonna get crafty together. I think I've shown the wolves who's the "alpha" around here and if I put up a for-sale sign, they would sense my weakness. I will not lose face in front of them. Manifisto posted:e: and definitely dig up anything you think might be buried, you don't want random stuff just moldering away in your basement/backyard So this turned out to be a heck of a good idea. I thought, "Teef, you need to relax if you're going to get through a project like this, so why not put in a little garden?" Let me tell you buster, I can taste that fresh basil and garlic already. I'm going to be making pesto out the wazoo and all of you are invited! I turned up a lot of fieldstone, which is good, because stacked stone is tres chic. I also found a lot more horse bones than I was expecting. Not a lot of skulls though. I think I read once that wild animals eat antlers for the calcium...Does anyone know if the town used to have a tannery up here? |
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May 8, 2017 22:17
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First things first. See if your local county/community has a insulation energy efficiency program. Sometimes governments give out subsidies for people to upgrade their energy efficiency. This can include HVAC, Refrigerators, windows and insulation. I recommend "Closed" foam insulation. It acts as a natural vapor barrier, insulates, and in the floor joists it can sturdy them up to help them stay firm and not creek (it can make the structure up to 30% stronger). Be sure to get Closed foam, and not open. Open foam is the stuff dish sponges are made of. And you can see how that would be bad in a rainstorm. However, some seedy companies will offer it as a cheaper option.
Everyone is capable of violence. The important distinction we must make is, are you homicidal or suicidal? |
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May 9, 2017 00:26
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:No can do, my Sandy Liege. I've got a plum piece of real estate here and we're gonna get crafty together. those are prob just coyotes, they won't give u any trouble unless they have a den inside ur place that u impede upon...have u chked yet to see if there might be a den?? u didnt specify where ur home is but if ur near the coast in a populated locale the tannery odds are likely. u kno what they say, "u don't own the house - the house owns u!" 
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May 9, 2017 00:48
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i think a good thing to do would be to make the house taller
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May 9, 2017 04:05
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little munchkin posted:i think a good thing to do would be to make the house taller a belfry would be an ambitious undertaking...
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May 9, 2017 04:55
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I would literally give away my virginity for a room in this house and another room form my wife
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May 9, 2017 11:09
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I noticed an unusual amount of rumbling from the basement last night. Normally it just sounds like a house settling -- creaks, pops, some screaming, that sort of thing. But last night was more of a howl followed by...I want to say "phlegmy" but that's not the right word. Anyway, I go down into the main basement, pry up the access panel to the reinforced sub-basement, push aside the security door to the canning vault and I'll be darned if there isn't a hole in the wall. Fine, haha, let's do this. Now I'm not thrilled. Foundation damage is a big deal! Then I realize it's going IN and not down and I think we're like forty feet underground at this point anyway... I decide to poke my nose in and what do I find but a really lovely natural cavern. There are all these stagmites (sp?) and they are just amazing. I thought stagmites were supposed to be pointy, but these were almost like saguaros with a "head" and "arms." I think its because of the humidity and all the steam coming up. The cavern sloped in and down for a long ways and just got warmer and warmer. Must be a spring, but I couldn't find any sign of it. Let me tell you, I never thought of myself as a spelunker, but it was so peaceful in there. I had the strongest urge to go as deep as I could. But, I also wanted to just stand and marvel at the dancing lights. I darn near fell asleep standing there watching the cave lights playing. I wonder how deep I can go... Does anyone have a good cavern guy? I need someone bonded and licensed. I skimped last time and the roofers just bailed on me. They worked half a day in the attic, I ran out to buy us all lunch, and when I came back there was nothing but tools up there. |
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May 10, 2017 00:04
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dude i didnt want to say anything but i think u bought a haunted haus
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May 10, 2017 04:26
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King of the Beach posted:dude i didnt want to say anything Ignore this superstitious idiot. He'll be suggesting the cavern is some kind of 'Hell' next. Time to get enlightened by your own intelligence 'King' of the 'Beach'! Okay OP you need to get in touch with your local amateur caver's club. If they're legit, the members will include a hot blonde chick, a handsome man, a nerdy brunette chick and one (1) black guy. There may be some other members but this is your core group. Insist on them taking you down there with them- they'll claim that it's too dangerous but they're just trying to steal all the glory for themselves.
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May 10, 2017 09:06
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hey i never said it was a bad thing! id take harmless possibly sexy ghosts over red squirrels anyday, and America's #1 home improvement icon Bob Villa would agree. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-n7N1RXJbM
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May 10, 2017 12:52
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FYI full moon tonite 
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May 10, 2017 13:36
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I noticed an unusual amount of rumbling from the basement last night. Normally it just sounds like a house settling -- creaks, pops, some screaming, that sort of thing. But last night was more of a howl followed by...I want to say "phlegmy" but that's not the right word. Anyway, I go down into the main basement, pry up the access panel to the reinforced sub-basement, push aside the security door to the canning vault and I'll be darned if there isn't a hole in the wall. I think you are on the right track op, thick rusty water leaks have to come from somewhere and my cursory knowledge of physics tells me it is very likely that the liquid is flowing uphill, that's . . that's what liquids do, I think? but it also occurs to me that you might want to rent that jewel thief movie and pay some attention to that one actor |
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May 10, 2017 14:19
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the quaint New England village u moved to isn't named Tristram by any chance is it??
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May 10, 2017 14:55
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hockey jockey posted:Okay OP you need to get in touch with your local amateur caver's club. If they're legit, the members will include a hot blonde chick, a handsome man, a nerdy brunette chick and one (1) black guy. There may be some other members but this is your core group. Insist on them taking you down there with them- they'll claim that it's too dangerous but they're just trying to steal all the glory for themselves. For a small New England town, this place has a real surplus of adventurous types. I swear everyone up here is a former Navy This or a retired Anthropologist That. I took your advice and tacked an ad to the town notice board: WANTED posted:Intrepid explorers to explore my depths. Journey of discovery awaits as we plunge in together. No idea what we will find, surprisingly moist, but depth unknown. Bring your own supplies. Experience a plus. Inclusive employment opportunity -- a balanced race/gender team considered a necessity. I've gotten a lot of calls already! King of the Beach posted:the quaint New England village u moved to isn't named Tristram by any chance is it?? Close, it is named after Tristram Coffin, but I guess they figured "Tristram" was too obvious...Not the choice I would have made, but I'm not one to judge. King, your more familiar than I am with New England, so do you know anything about this church near me?  It's called "Our Father In His Iron-bound Fastness." I think it is presbyterian? Manifisto posted:I think you are on the right track op, thick rusty water leaks have to come from somewhere OHH, that explains so much. Once I breached the cavern I got a lot more of the thick rust and that red mold someone mentioned too. But for some reason it just doesn't bug me anymore. I've actually gotten pretty fond of the texture. It gives things a sheen. So what do you think gang: do I get serious about the expedition or do I explore the town of Coffin and its majestic churches? |
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May 10, 2017 16:14
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lol |
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May 10, 2017 16:53
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I wish I could contribute more to your house repair problems, but we're - well, we were - habitual renters. You haven't mentioned much about a family and I know it's too early to really start thinking about this, but consider renting part of the property out as a Airbnb. Old houses have a lot of quaint features and that rustic experience can be a keystone to a weekend getaway. My wife, bless her soul, and I loved to take trips and stay in older houses, learning about the history and walking the grounds. Her health took a turn for the worse last June but we found a nice home out of the city we were able to rent for a few months to see if her health improved. It ultimately didn't, but I think she found a lot of peace visually tracing the patterns in the yellow wallpaper of her room before the end. |
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May 10, 2017 18:31
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:
I'd go explore the town and churches first, see if you can get to know some of the locals, you know. Go to a church meet or two, these people might have their own caverns beneath their houses and have spare spelunking equipment. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 15:20
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A couple of years ago when i was looking for a mansion, i went to the towns local bookstore to ask about the previous owners of the house i was interested in. They put me in contact with a nice lady who they told me painted portraits for a living and had immortalized most of the town's residents over the years.  While obviously a masterclass painting of some very nice looking folks, i was kind of weirded out by the idea of four men living together with one lady for decades in this particular house, so in the end i decided to look elsewhere. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 15:47
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Perhaps they were her sons? You have to keep an open mind if you want a real bargain in property. Ineradicable dark brown stains on the ceiling? Damp. Scratching sound behind the oak panelling? A cute mouse family. The sound of a thousand pleading whispers surrounding you constantly in a maelstrom of despair? Also probably damp.
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May 14, 2017 18:13
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Wow yeah, looking back on it now, i think i missed a huge opportunity. I Guess the lesson here is; keep an open mind when your trying to find your gloom house. That said; My current house has a basement that fills up with water at night, but is dry as a desert at day. The problem is... the plumber refuses to come at night to my house. I keep calling them when it happens but they always hang up on me. Help? E; Oh yeah there are fish in it, anybody have a clue ? ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 21:41
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Can you catch the fish? Could be an excellent opportunity to save on grocery bills! And it must be great to have your own indoor pool for parties. I suppose it must be a nuisance not being able to store anything down there though. Every (blackened and dead) rose has its (blood encrusted) thorn.
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May 15, 2017 09:49
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heard u like girls posted:I'd go explore the town and churches first, see if you can get to know some of the locals, you know. Go to a church meet or two, these people might have their own caverns beneath their houses and have spare spelunking equipment. hockey jockey posted:Can you catch the fish? Could be an excellent opportunity to save on grocery bills! And it must be great to have your own indoor pool for parties. I decided to take HULG's advice and meet the new neighborinos. I thought I could "fish" for some information about HULG's indoor lake arrangement at the same time. I think you may be in luck, because everyone at the BBQ was really interested in that house and in meeting its owner, so if you do decide to let go of it there is deffo a market for basement lakes. As one of the old timers put it "cave fish is the sweetest meat of all bar one." Sounds like you should throw a line in! I asked about the big church, but you know how people get about religion. When I asked if they were Presbyterian someone told me that they "do respect the elders," which I guess is a yes? Anyway, they said I could stop by for the feast of Sethian later this month. Expedition is on the back burner until I sort out my recruitment issue. |
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May 15, 2017 14:37
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Bumping this up because I found a cool guidebook to churches OP and although you don't mention exactly where you live the clues suggest it might be relevant. 'A Stranger's Guide to the Churches, Temples and Standing Stones of [redacted to preserve OP privacy]' by A. Machen. Chapter 1 is titled 'The Church of Seth and the Feasts to Avoid Thereof' which gave the game away! The actual chapter is mostly scored over with disturbing esoteric markings, so obviously pretty old and valuable. If you let me know your address, I'll send it to you.
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May 18, 2017 13:29
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so when's the slumber party goin down? lmk i can bring an Ouija and some candles, maybe make some dumplings or pot stickers too
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May 20, 2017 05:06
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