- Android Blues
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Coming out with this new and quite obscure brew, its a chinese style Jiang-shi
Its very hops forward.
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May 22, 2017 16:21
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Apr 28, 2024 19:06
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- Android Blues
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I'm doing a pop-up sepulchre in Ravengarth on the coming eve of Tandle when the moors shall whisper with the visits of ghosts. Would really appreciate it if any clerics, wizards, gladiators could show up to kind of quell my zombies and maybe give the place some buzz. Loot for guests provided, will be at the centre of my horrid maze (ask the doorman).
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May 22, 2017 17:12
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- Android Blues
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A ghost? No. This is an ectoplasm jus, finely savoured with raspberry air. Mimic? Nope. That's a hand-carved bed chest with Potomac stylings and several rows of long, serrated, authentic teeth. Good for storing blankets, eiderdowns, sprigs of heather maybe. Just whatever you feel would be cool in there. Priceless jewels? Christ, what is this, 2005? *all the other necromancers laugh and the novitiate feels really embarrassed*
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May 22, 2017 17:18
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- Android Blues
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*summons a banshee, it starts singing Annie Lennox* i love the album that's just three different takes on the same sooong, i cackle, zapping the adventurer with my ivory-bespiralled energy rod
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May 22, 2017 17:22
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- Android Blues
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*a man dressed in a white sheet and white face paint emerges from a hidden recess in the stone and starts doing little spiralling dances with a neutral look on his face* i'm really into post-modern hauntings now, i holler from behind him, zapping the adventurer with my energy rod
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May 22, 2017 17:23
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- Android Blues
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my energy rod slides out of its horse leather sheathe and i whisper something in French before zapping the adventurer with it. "the real haunting," i whisper, "was the cool rear end melancholy of me saying a foreign word before i iced you". the bard i keep in a cage starts doing a Madonna cover on his lute
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May 22, 2017 17:27
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- Android Blues
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i go to the graveyard to raise zombies. i only raise the ones that have no flowers on their graves because i want to be responsible about re-homing.
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May 22, 2017 17:27
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- Android Blues
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i kiss and caress my energy rod. "i'm over zapping," i say, with a languid look at the adventurer who is stabbing me. "i think this is a more challenging thing to do with it. i'm sort of questioning the phallosymbolism of the zapping rod i use to slay my foes before turning them into my thralls? you know? anyway, make sure to give the gold you take from my foetid crypt to local causes."
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May 22, 2017 17:31
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- Android Blues
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i inspect my robe from high school with RAISE DEAD written across the back in rhinestones. i switch them around using Mordo's Vertex of Affixation until they read RAISE THE SUBJECT OF RACISM WHEN BREWING THE STINKING POTION THAT WILL INCULCATE YOUR THRALLS WITH THE DESIRE FOR FLESH. i nod. i'm a responsible necromancer.
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May 22, 2017 17:35
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Apr 28, 2024 19:06
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- Android Blues
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necromancers are yonic, i say to my kids, teaching at the Y. my pointer for the whiteboard is a severed fingerbone, long, like from someone with Marfan's syndrome maybe. i got it at the flea market i think. anyway i tell them about how necromancers live in caves and reap sweetbreads from the soil and it's all pretty anti-phallic. i'm really making a difference in these classes. when i was a teen it was all sun-pocked demiliches boasting about the size of their one remaining thighbone.
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May 22, 2017 17:38
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May 22, 2017 16:21
