| theres an arrow in the FedEx logo | |
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May 20, 2017 19:07
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 00:34 |
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stopped touching my genitals and I noticed i've actually been living in a wolf den and have been raised by wolves since birth
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May 20, 2017 19:21
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me (pecker in palm): I'm going to drive my car on the parkway until I reach my house, where I will park it in the driveway me (three months since pud-touch): women think my medal is sexy, the medal Merriam Webster gave me for fixing the English language |
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May 20, 2017 19:30
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vanisher posted:stopped touching my genitals and I noticed i've actually been living in a wolf den and have been raised by wolves since birth when I was born the doctors thought i might be dead because i was so quiet but i was just fondling my junk and hadn't realized what had happened yet |
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May 20, 2017 19:32
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a bunch of my peers wearing backwards baseball caps and t-shirts with emojis and the word "swag" printed on them: come jack off with us me: no thanks I am going to write some poetry instead ---------------- |
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May 20, 2017 19:52
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cda posted:theres an arrow in the FedEx logo ur innuendo delivers my nintendo -> ~PROUD BOYS~
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May 20, 2017 20:02
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i use to be an ineffectual craigslister always requesting shady j/o seshs, now that I've put a stop to that i've become a powerful craigslist scammer |
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May 20, 2017 20:04
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now that ive stopped touching my genitals, i've realized that there are four other senses, so my next goal is to stop smelling, tasting, seeing, and hearing them
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May 20, 2017 20:09
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i'm tryign to imagine how perceptive i'lll be once i stop looking at my genitals but the only thing i can currently imagine is my genitals.
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May 20, 2017 20:14
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| I have taken steps beyond just not touching my genitals. I forbid my taint from even making contact with my thighs, nor contact with itself. I have seen sounds, I have tasted colors. I have communicated with inter-dimensional space beings from Venus to Jupiter. My mind has traveled to the top of Everest and to the black bottom of the ocean. Every day my kids tell me I'm fantastic and I always win the lottery. Despite all this, it just saddens me that with one misstep this will all come crashing back down in a second. | |
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May 20, 2017 20:26
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Putty posted:I have taken steps beyond just not touching my genitals. I forbid my taint from even making contact with my thighs, nor contact with itself. I have seen sounds, I have tasted colors. I have communicated with inter-dimensional space beings from Venus to Jupiter. My mind has traveled to the top of Everest and to the black bottom of the ocean. Every day my kids tell me I'm fantastic and I always win the lottery. Despite all this, it just saddens me that with one misstep this will all come crashing back down in a second. then one nite u bust a nutt and unleash the Halle-Bopp comet from ur magick johnson 
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May 20, 2017 20:35
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I've touched things other than my genitals for the first time today. Like a blind person being granted sight, the experience was at first shocking. I cut my hands on knives as I tried to grab them like I did my genitals. I touched my face for the first time, groping at open holes and feeling the strange texture of the hair on my head, so unlike my previous experience.
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May 20, 2017 21:05
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vanisher posted:I've touched things other than my genitals for the first time today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv6Ql21FBz8
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May 20, 2017 21:10
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joke_explainer posted:i use to be an ineffectual craigslister always requesting shady j/o seshs, now that I've put a stop to that i've become a powerful craigslist scammer could you explain this, maybe while holding your explanation crystal instead of your genitals? |
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May 20, 2017 21:51
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once you stop your lotus eating of mirth meat, you realize that you are a one-eyed monster. a one-eyed monster constantly touching a one-eyed monster, continuing on down a recursive cycle of realization, horror, and masturbation as you realize your whole existence always resolves down to being a one-eyed monster polishing the skin of another, smaller one-eyed monster. fractal fruity funny business.
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May 20, 2017 21:54
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cda posted:me (pecker in palm): I'm going to drive my car on the parkway until I reach my house, where I will park it in the driveway |
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May 20, 2017 23:00
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My carrots have Never touched my peas... This improves the flavor of the meat loaf considerably. |
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May 21, 2017 03:23
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my distant wife: why won't you make love to me anymore me: the clouds in Super Mario Bros. are the same as the bushes
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May 21, 2017 05:39
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summer of not touching myself has been great so far I ran into my ex and we had an awesome talk dude |
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May 21, 2017 05:53
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I can see auras now |
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May 21, 2017 08:29
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FutonForensic posted:my distant wife: why won't you make love to me anymore |
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May 21, 2017 11:22
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Things I have noticed since someone else stopped touching my genitals: "Eh, I got this I guess, whatever."
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May 21, 2017 11:54
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I'm like the Benjamin Button of masturbation in that I get smarter whenever I touch my gennies
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May 21, 2017 13:01
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since i stopped constantly touching my junk I have come to the somewhat shocknig realization that I have two arms and hands to interact with the world like I can hold something in one hand and manipulate it with the other freakin bananas man, I have finally cracked the mystery
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May 21, 2017 13:40
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In that case never stop, be the hero that we need, touching your junk whenever you can, in private, public, whenever. Use medical tape to secure your hand down there while you sleep. You could save the world with your genius!
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May 21, 2017 13:41
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my guitar instructor couldn't believe my improvement recently. |
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May 21, 2017 15:33
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| yesterday i reread 'flowers for algernon', this time with two hands. and you know what i noticed? not really sexy, not at all. and that's not all i noticed. and then i thought, "you can, too." welcome to my new self-help book, 'boners for algernon' | |
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May 21, 2017 16:08
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~*
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The Russian word Sputnik is a combination of two words, Sput, the Russian form of the English "Pud", and -nik, meaning "no". Just an example of the kind of things we can achieve when you don't pull the pud. |
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May 21, 2017 18:03
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deep dish peat moss posted:Just an example of the kind of things we can achieve when you don't pull the pud. woah I had no idea my activities were holding back humanity's progress so dramatically
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May 21, 2017 19:57
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Manifisto posted:woah I had no idea my activities were holding back humanity's progress so dramatically me to scarlett johansson: so in sum it's been pretty conclusively demonstrated that any built-up sexual tension on my part will lead to global inaction and dysfunction. I'm really just . . . mentioning this, seems like the sort of thing we all might want to keep in mind, for the, uh, good of the planet. |
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May 21, 2017 20:04
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i once knew this person, Jen Littles...would always answer the phone at this sandwich place anyways she would answer the phone and there would be a brief pause until u would suddenly hear some abruptly say GENITALS
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May 21, 2017 22:07
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Millenial journalists having a blast writing articles about the so-called "generation nettles" |
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May 21, 2017 23:26
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not touching
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May 22, 2017 01:07
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touchimg
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May 22, 2017 01:07
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Piso Mojado posted:not touching masterful posting. the caliber that lesser beings strive for Piso Mojado posted:touchimg barbarism. the author could barely spell, hosed in the mind by their own lewdness
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May 22, 2017 07:36
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mrbradlymrmartin posted:could you explain this, maybe while holding your explanation crystal instead of your genitals? Oh, of course. So this joke was structured around a lampooned phenomenon on the popular "classified ads' style website craiglist. Some understanding of craigslist and history of craigslist and the context of the sorts of things that were joked about online and more specifically this website for a while. Craigslist is essentially a massive online classified sections of a newspaper, where any city can post or respond to ads for almost anything. Some of these ads are extremely personal or bizarre and notable examples have been followed for years. There were frontpage articles that made fun of this, and here are some of these sorts of pages: http://www.somethingawful.com/news/jo-buds/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/jo-buds-2/1/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/craigslist-jo/1/ The basic premise of these jokes was to make fun of the casual but very sexual requests by men to meet other men for mutual masturbation, while constantly denying the idea that anything they were participating was homosexual, suggesting some kind of homophobia despite the search for sexual activities with members of your same sex. While I don't think the culture of the forum at the time derided the idea of same-sex sexual interaction, the juxtaposition of illicit inquiry with the machismo and rabid insistence of propriety that you could find in real craigslist posts made it a target for comedy, mainly thinking about the deluded nature of theoretical participants. So, that's the idea behind the joke: Since this was a thread about no longer touching your genitals, the joke was a first person representation of such a 'j/o bud' seeking guy who reached the thread's hypothetical spiritual, emotional and mental advancement by ceasing his masturbatory activities. Yet, the person didn't divorce themselves from shady businesses of craigslist, so he used the raw power of the theme of the thread to become a powerful craigslist scammer, craigslist scams being another very common then where someone offers something or tries to pay for something in a way that results in fraud benefiting the scammer. I guess the main thrust of the humor is the idea that, true to the thread, he saw the world in a new light after ceasing touching his genitals. But his new power didn't really result in a positive, yet it is spun as one. |
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May 22, 2017 07:51
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That actually happens to me tho |
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May 22, 2017 08:12
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Me on stage about to perform at a comedy club: "Oh don't worry about me being not funny, you see, I've stopped touching my genitals, allowing me to notice a whole lot more stuff than a normal genital toucher." *audience laughs uncomfortably* |
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May 22, 2017 10:13
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joke_explainer posted:Oh, of course. Classic Joke Explainer. But how powerful is your crystal?
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May 22, 2017 12:33
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 00:34 |
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Piso Mojado posted:touchimg Some of us were not meant for greatness. |
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May 22, 2017 13:49
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