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May 22, 2017 18:27
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Riyadh- Controversy erupted amid the White House Press Corps today as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer denied reports that President Donald Trump touched the dreadful Orb to gain its power. “This is ridiculous. Donald Trump pledged to the American people that he would resist the beguiling siren song of the Orb, and he has done so. This is yet another distraction by the failed Democratic party trying to block President Trump’s Make America Great Again agenda.” Hours later, President Trump tweeted “Yes- I touched the Orb. Obama wouldn’t listen to the song of the Orb. Big mistake! Insulted allies and the Orb!” When asked for comment, Spicer said “I think the President’s tweet speaks for itself.” Op-ed, NYT: Once Again, President Trump Crosses a Red Line …have we forgotten the lessons of the past so easily? Yes, the Orb’s melody is alluring and seductive, but the power it grants corrupts body and mind. Who can forget Dwight Eisenhower’s famous farewell speech, in which he warned of “the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the Orb?” We cannot know the Orb’s true intentions for mankind, but it is all too easy to imagine that they are hostile and alien. We say to Donald Trump: reject the politics of division! Reject hatred! And reject the Orb, for though its lambent glow soothes the mind, the terrible power that crackles across its surface will bring you no peace. Op-ed, WSJ: Liberal Critics Overstate the Dangers of the Orb …yes, we know the Orb may not have our best interests at heart, but we should trust the Orb to act rationally. It is in the best interests of the Orb, now that Donald Trump has been suffused with its vast might, to work for America, not against it. If we cannot trust the President of the United States to safeguard the might of the Orb, then who can we trust? An Orb Working Group, its members drawn from the elite across fields, will be able to strategize the best way to harness the Orb’s awful might and transform our society just as it has transformed Donald Trump’s living flesh into bitter, cold darkness. Tweet, RealDonaldTrump account: Haters and losers say that Orb cannot be trusted. I have absorbed Orb and will carry it within my soul! #MAGA! 8.2k replies 7.4k retweets 45k likes posts from r/the_donald, thread entitled “INCREDIBLE: he touches the Orb! CUCKS BTFO!!!” MAGA_MAN_X fellow pedes i can’t believe he’s done it again! volkisch1487 cucked SJWs at my school cant stop cryin about this, rofl trumpinTN12 This is really Presidential. This is a breath of fresh air after 8 years of 0bungler. Rachel Maddow, 6/27/17 broadcast (partial transcript) …and his skin, it’s turned midnight black. I think I see rainbows moving across it, like an oil slick in sunlight. But just so you know, the White House is denying all of it. They’re denying that he’s taken on the Orb’s power, they’re denying that he’s grown to twelve feet tall, they’re denying that anything happened at all. Lightning struck the White House 452 times last night, according to meteorologists. This is not normal. Tweet, LouiseMensch account Sources have revealed to me that #orb was planted by #Russia, #Putin. Supreme Court preparing Articles of Exorcism as I write. 12 replies 180 retweets 100 likes #Neverorb, Erick Erickson, Redstate.com …the Republican Party used to stand for something greater than the pulsing Orb and its horrible keening drone. I remember that, even if the bootlickers in Congress don’t. The Orb has no regard for human life, not even the life of the unborn. Hey, Paul Ryan — why does your budget allocate $0 to faith-based family centers that offer alternatives to abortion, but $800 billion to a massive basalt monolith in the middle of Washington DC? Sean Hannity show, 7/12/17 HANNITY: These liberals, they fear the Orb. They’re afraid of it. GINGRICH: You know, it’s sad, it really is, because the Orb wants what’s best for America, for all of us, and- HANNITY: Exactly! The Orb loves us! The Orb- [crosstalk] GINGRICH: It’s like I said in 1994, the American People don’t want big government. They want a vast, glowing Orb that swells up to block out the sun. Bernie Sanders, speech, 8/16/17 …and I don’t think it’s right that President Trump now walks around outside for days at a time, plants wilting wherever he plants his massive feet. I don’t think it’s right that our President, a billionaire, gets to be twenty feet tall and exude an oily darkness while the regular, hard-working people of this country slave away for long hours for a minimum wage that’s not enough to feed a family. I don’t think it’s right that every night the pool at the foot of the massive basalt altar in DC — paid for with tax money, yours and mine — must be filled with sacrifices of blood, hair and teeth. Not when millionaires and billionaires pay less tax than at any time in the last century. Barack Obama, GQ interview, 9/2/17 …I don’t want to sound overly critical. But when I was President, I didn’t touch the Orb, for a very good reason. And, you know, I wanted to. I could have easily. I heard it singing to me in my dreams, a song that melted away like morning dew when I awoke. And I could have… (he loses focus for a moment) I could have touched it. But I didn’t. And I think that was the right choice for the American people, and when you look at the boiling cloud of gnats that used to be our President, I think you’ll agree with me. Headline, Washington Post CROP FAILURES ACROSS MIDWEST Life Force Drained to Feed Orb’s “Endless, Terrible Hunger.” Blog Post, fivethirtyeight.com The Disappearance of the Upper Midwest in a Vortex of Madness Could Doom Trump’s Re-Election Chances From “The Orbs of Our Fathers,” an essay by Ta-Nehisi Coates in The Atlantic …I knew from the moment I saw it what the Orb was. I knew what it represented, even when others chose not to see. The Orb is America. The Orb is white supremacy, hatred and disregard, the disregard that communities of color face every day. The Orb is Donald Trump, and Donald Trump is the Orb. His body has evaporated, but we see him now reflected in puddles of oily rain, on our television screens, in our dreams. He is screaming, only screaming. That scream is the hate-cry of white supremacy, the message that never leaves us. Why is the President Screaming: a special report by CBS News JOHN DICKERSON: Experts say that that the power of the Orb may have consumed President Trump and now feeds on his soul. What does this mean for us as a Nation? Was it a mistake to touch the Orb? REINCE PRIEBUS: No, John, not at all. These reports are yet more distractions from the liberal media. The President is deep in contemplation of the Orb’s mysteries. That’s why he isn’t seen outside these days. JOHN DICKERSON: Do you have an explanation for why every reflective surface on Earth shows the President’s screaming visage at precisely 4:22 PM each day? Or why the great black Monolith of the Mall has cracked right down its face? REINCE PRIEBUS: Listen, if you want to sit there and criticize every little thing the President does, you have that right. I can’t stop you. But frankly, it’s counterproductive, and it’s a little sad when the President’s agenda has been such a success. I mean, the crops are growing again, they’re- JOHN DICKERSON: The farmers are saying that the crops are twisted and swollen with unholy power. They’re inedible. They’re useless. REINCE PRIEBUS: We’re growing for export. We knew there would be resistance when we set out to make America great again, there will be hiccups, but… Inaugural Statement from Mike Pence …and in the weeks and months to come, we know there will be questions. Where is President Donald Trump? Why do we still hear him screaming, faintly, at the edge of our hearing? What has become of the baneful Orb that hung low in the sky like a second sun? My fellow Americans, I do not have all the answers for you. This should be a time for healing, a time for people of all faiths to come together and bow their heads in thankfulness that the Orb’s awful designs have been averted. I never expected or wanted this, but I solemnly swear to do my duty as your President, to heal a wounded nation, and to stand strong against the alien menace of the Orb wherever it threatens. I pledge that I will never touch the Orb or any other item of cosmic, unknowable power. Alex Jones show, 11/25/17 …and he’s heading to Beijing next week for a summit. Can you believe that? We all know that they’ve recently unearthed a gleaming cube of alien metal from the ruins below Xi’an. What is the President hiding? Why won’t he tell us whether he plans to touch the Cube?
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May 22, 2017 18:43
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