Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Neukoln19
Oct 27, 2005
does anybody have some Pappy MacFarland's Joints and Rheumatism Wonder Tonic? It's got opium in it and I want some


snipe

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Mycroft Holmes
Mar 26, 2010

by Azathoth
*Hires armed thugs to murder small ranchers so I can buy their land and close it off*
*The President has to send in the Cavalry so I don't get shot.*
*Am never charged with a crime and win anyway*

girth brooks part 2
Sep 6, 2011

Bush did 911
Fun Shoe
*shoots an indian cause he's an indian*

*shoots a black man cause he's black*

*shoots a mormon cause he's an rear end in a top hat*

*shoots a white man cause he owns a nicer watch*

*gets shot by the preacher man cause he's the rowdiest mother fucker in town*

nextlevelstart
Feb 26, 2015
Theres still injuns in these parts, I reckon that we







KICK OUT THE JAMS MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
*keeps knocking up the old lady so we can have more workers around the farm*

Pug Rodeo
Feb 20, 2007

BRING IT ON BRING IT ON YEAH


Sitting at the saloon holding playing cards doing this:

:clint:

Tinfoil Papercut
Jul 27, 2016

by Athanatos

Pug Rodeo posted:

Sitting at the saloon holding playing cards doing this:

:clint:

*Peeks at his cards and looks at you blank-faced* :clint: Raise 50.

Jabberlock
Nov 29, 2014



Captain Lavender posted:

*bone tomahawks a guy*

*bones a tomahawk guy*

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.
*Meets some of the locals smoking tobacco near a fire*

*Sits down and they share they pipe with me*

***

"Wait a minute, this isn't tobacco..."

:lsd:

Tinfoil Papercut
Jul 27, 2016

by Athanatos

EorayMel posted:

*Meets some of the locals smoking tobacco near a fire*

*Sits down and they share they pipe with me*

***

"Wait a minute, this isn't tobacco..."

:lsd:

Wait a minute, gimme that. *sniff*

Yep. That's jenkum.

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord

Antiquated Pants posted:

Watch out for snakes.

That was from the 1960s :science:

nextlevelstart
Feb 26, 2015

That Robot posted:

That was from the 1960s :science:

The real cowboys of the sixties weren't in the south they were in Detroit and they were called the MC5. And what was their call to arms? KICK OUT THE JAMS MOTHER FUCKER

nextlevelstart
Feb 26, 2015
There's a snake in my boot!

de_dust
Jan 21, 2009

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.
This thread makes the old west sound kinda fun

Marv Hushman
Jun 2, 2010

Freedom Ain't Free
:911::911::911:
*is the obligatory highly educated cowboy who relies on Latin, calculus, Shakespeare, and classical music to resolve most conflicts, thereby heightening the drama when actual weapons are used*

*fails to convince anyone that cowboys were anything more than ignorant, overly romanticized itinerant workers with really cool hats and boots*

*composed the original post while in an opium den, apparently*

*edits post with Bowie knife*

Marv Hushman fucked around with this message at 03:09 on May 24, 2017

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH

Marv Hushman posted:

*is the obligatory highly educated cowboy who relies on Latin, calculus, Shakespeare, and classical music to resolve most conflicts, thereby heightening the drama when actual weapons are used, and generally just not convincing anyone that cowboys were anything more than ignorant, overly romanticized itinerant workers with really cool hats and boots*

I'm your huckleberry

nextlevelstart
Feb 26, 2015
I'm a cowboy baaaaaby

Tinfoil Papercut
Jul 27, 2016

by Athanatos
Missing Persons

Tom "Huckleberry" Findlay

Last seen near Devil's creek on the Twenty-First of May.

Please help us find our beloved brother Huck. He is a slow boy prone to bouts of confusion and will wander off. He usually comes callin' back on the ranch by sundown, but he's been missing these two days now. Huck may approach an unfamiliar lady or gentleman and claim that he is "theirs." It's important he be found before such a time as he can be dangerous if you actually do take him with your person on your travels, as poor Mrs. Jones found out four moons past.

If you see Huck, please send for Sherrif Joe Arpaio to wrangle him back.

StupidSexyVaultGuy
Jul 26, 2003



*has nine kids*
*five die from The Rickets*
*two get stole by the Apaches*
*blows brains out after wife leaves me and shacks up with the town drunk*

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

*tomahawks a guys bone*

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



*dies*

*gets reincarnated in the machine under the park*

*dies again*

*repeats*

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
Feb 28, 1985


*is 100% White, Identifies as a Native American*

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009

*bones a guys tomahawk*

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

*become town drunk currently cuckolding some dudes fertile wife*

*oddly enough town drunk is a heriditary position like king or doggystyle*

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

*kills hundreds of native americans*
*is rewarded with money, land, and status*
*establishes multi generational wealth because of it*

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
*Ambles into general store, backlit halo of sunlight though door.* "Reckon I could use some saddle wax and talcum powder" winking, non-sexually. :clint:

FisheyStix
Jul 2, 2008

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.
*pours shot*

No black, no gays...

*takes a huge drag off a cigarette, leans back and tips hat down over eyes*

No jews.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

Marv Hushman posted:

*is the obligatory highly educated cowboy who relies on Latin, calculus, Shakespeare, and classical music to resolve most conflicts, thereby heightening the drama when actual weapons are used*

*fails to convince anyone that cowboys were anything more than ignorant, overly romanticized itinerant workers with really cool hats and boots*

*composed the original post while in an opium den, apparently*

*edits post with Bowie knife*

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Marv Hushman posted:

*is the obligatory highly educated cowboy who relies on Latin, calculus, Shakespeare, and classical music to resolve most conflicts, thereby heightening the drama when actual weapons are used*

*fails to convince anyone that cowboys were anything more than ignorant, overly romanticized itinerant workers with really cool hats and boots*

*composed the original post while in an opium den, apparently*

*edits post with Bowie knife*


"Didnt you hear what the barkeep said after he said 'no blacks'?"

I.C.
Jun 10, 2008

I bet I could get good boots that fit.

Jukeboxblues
Jul 29, 2015


Grimey Drawer
*spits tobacco infused spit into a cup*

Heh, I ain't got time to bleed lol

Marv Hushman
Jun 2, 2010

Freedom Ain't Free
:911::911::911:

I.C. posted:

I bet I could get good boots that fit.

yon corpse is a wearin' yer size...

*forces self to drop trailing g's and substitute leading a's. dang, missed those two. wait, what is the syntax here, why don't you drop the g in dang, i'm so confused*

EoinCannon
Aug 29, 2008

Grimey Drawer
*Diet consists entirely of beans, meat and whiskey*
I feel like poo poo all the time, I wonder why?

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

*drives time traveling car from 1985, leaves in a cave*

Incitatus
Dec 16, 2005

The Meat Man was out of wings, Mr. William Ash More!:argh:
*busts out jar of salsa made in NEW YORK CITY*

solar energy panel
Apr 30, 2007
I got on 6 pairs of undergarments and a full length dress and am stirring a hot pot of beans in 100 degree weather over an open fire.

Loden Taylor
Aug 11, 2003

*fiddles, dances*

*never sleeps, never dies*

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost

Jukeboxblues posted:

*spits tobacco infused spit into a cup*

Heh, I ain't got time to bleed lol

i'm pretty bored, i bet i would have plenty of time to bleed

*stabs self*

yep! wow, look at'er go! woo doggie!

Booty Pageant
Apr 20, 2012

*smashes the patriarchy*

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams
*Is just pawn in game of life*

  • Locked thread