NHL Be A Pro -- Goon Style '17: Just when I think I'm out...

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > NHL Be A Pro -- Goon Style '17: Just when I think I'm out...

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barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Name (First & Last): Touchdown Thomas
Birthday: July 4
Birth Year (1999-2001): 1999
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 195lbs
City: Boston
Country: USA
Position: LW
Number: 13
Handedness: Right

Pick one of the paths to the Pros:
Major Junior

Player Type: Sniper
Real life counterpart (active or retired) or short description of player: Patrice Bergeron, a highly skilled offensive machine, but not an enforcer or a heavy physical presence

# ¿ May 25, 2017 00:25

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 00:07

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

shyduck posted:

Name (First & Last): Danny Provolone

the trash talking of danny provolone
the venomous sting of running back......rake yohn

ultra sick legends of football trivia reference, i swear me and my friends still quote that poo poo to this day

quote:

I'm hoping Mr. Touchdown just scored a goal here

# ¿ May 26, 2017 20:19

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

god please don't let me get drafted by the loving Islanders

# ¿ May 28, 2017 18:56

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

I can't think of anything loving worse than my tribute to the golden god being drafted by the New York loving Islanders. we better win the goddamn cup or something in my rookie season because I'm slamming that mf "request trade" button

# ¿ May 29, 2017 18:55

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

So am I gonna have to wait like 6 in-game years for Touchdown Thomas to make it to his first NHL game? No idea how that system works in-game. Considering I got assigned to some ultra small poo poo-tier farm team, I'm assuming it's going to be a while until his name starts to pop up.

Also, to my new fellow Islanders: :getin:

# ¿ Jun 3, 2017 11:24

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Hockles posted:

Think of the CHL (consists of the QMJHL, OHL, & WHL) like the feeder league into the NHL, similar to NCAA>NFL. But, it would be like if the Patriots drafted a kid from OSU that was a Junior that declared for the draft, but didn't make the 53 man roster out of training camp. Because he wasn't the proper age (let's say 22 in NFL), he would get sent back to OSU. Like you were sent back to the CHL because you didn't make the NHL and were underage (20 in the NHL). Once you hit 20, you can get sent to the AHL (the AAA-style affiliate of the NHL).

oh hell yes. I knew the CHL was a feeder to the AHL and then the NHL, I just didn't know how NHL 17's AI progression worked. the football analogy makes total sense, but I guess everything is all answered now that I'm 3rd line scoring forward. time to put it in the fuckin' twine, baby.

dangle - snipe - celly

barnold fucked around with this message at 19:27 on Jun 3, 2017

# ¿ Jun 3, 2017 19:22

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Hockles posted:

All-Stars
Metropolitan - Touchdown Thomas (1st selection)

Notable Stats
Thomas is 9th in the NHL in points, & 4th in Goals

Comments
Thomas gets bumped up to 1st Line FWD and makes the ASG as a rookie!

holy poo poo lmao :eyepop:

# ¿ Jun 4, 2017 14:33

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

baller as gently caress to win Rookie Of The Year....but that also significantly reduces the chances of the Islanders wanting to trade me to an actually good team. At least I get to thrive individually in a sea of mediocrity :toot:

# ¿ Jun 4, 2017 20:28

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

hey Hockles, just wanted to say that I've been abroad in Germany for the past week and a half and the only thing saving me from the depressing boredom of being awake when all my friends are asleep back home has been this thread. thanks for sticking it out and doing another BAP, this poo poo is amazing

# ¿ Jun 5, 2017 17:07

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

corn on the cop posted:

i guess the islanders want touchdown thomas to work on his passing

I'm totally cool with obliterating every AHL record, and then doing it again in the NHL :getin:

# ¿ Jun 6, 2017 10:12

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

just goes to show that even when things get hosed up and he stays in the AHL instead of the NHL, you truly can never count out Touchdown Tom

# ¿ Jun 7, 2017 07:11

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

so....now Thomas has won Rookie of the Year twice. let's make it 3 times in a row this season lmao

# ¿ Jun 8, 2017 07:31

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

come on Nippon, do well in the AHL so we can make the Islanders the dynasty they will never actually be

# ¿ Jun 10, 2017 11:00

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

haha holy poo poo NYI 2nd in metro east. we really are starting a dynasty :eyepop:

# ¿ Jun 11, 2017 15:52

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Touchdown Tom wins a cup in his first full NHL season, and promptly gets fuckin paid. how fitting

# ¿ Jun 12, 2017 16:39

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

god damnit, I know I already won a cup, but the Islanders are so bad.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2017 01:58

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

come on Touchdown Tom, lead the Islanders to glory once morey

# ¿ Jun 25, 2017 12:26

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

just call him ole "Two Time" Thomas :smugdog:

i can now rest easy knowing that my time in the NHL has been a success

# ¿ Jun 26, 2017 18:27

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

only 3rd in the NHL for goals? simply not good enough Mr. Touchdown.

# ¿ Jun 30, 2017 12:39

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

the Islanders lost to the god drat Panthers

this alternate universe is amazing

# ¿ Jul 2, 2017 12:47

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

i think it's great that Thomas spent a full year in the NHL, then the Islanders were like "uhhhh maybe we'll send you down to bridgeport", then they realized how badly they hosed up and immediately won a cup after returning him to the NHL

Schlesische posted:

Poost is a Bruins lifer. I hate everything.

you think that's bad, imagine getting drafted by new york

# ¿ Jul 3, 2017 12:28

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

turgid tommy really loves burying the puck in the back of the net

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 02:29

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Furnaceface posted:

Keep it up because the Best 4th Line In Hockey is having a down year and you need to carry us to another Cup.

I have eclipsed the top 350 hockey players in history, and I will not stop until I shatter every offensive record in NHL history and finish atop that list.

EDIT: Upon further review, I don't seem to be on track to get ahead of Wayne Gretzky, and not by a long shot. God drat it, you loving Canadian bastard

barnold fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Jul 7, 2017

# ¿ Jul 7, 2017 01:15

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

The question was: "What if there was a Tom Brady of hockey?"

And the answer was: "He still wouldn't be as good as Wayne Gretzky."

# ¿ Jul 7, 2017 03:48

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

NYI gonna win the Cup, playing 7 games in every round before hoisting the Stanley

# ¿ Jul 8, 2017 19:31

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

this poo poo is loving rigged I didn't win a single trophy this year

also I'm laughing my rear end off at a ECF involving the Islanders and the Panthers. this simulation is truly gold

# ¿ Jul 9, 2017 23:49

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Furnaceface posted:

Nippon get a pay raise and moved up to the third line after a good playoff run.

keep up the good work grinding it out on the ice, we need more of that in this glorious Islanders franchise

# ¿ Jul 10, 2017 23:53

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Furnaceface posted:

What the gently caress Islanders?

You will regret giving up on Nippon.

e: Oh hey, 2 other goons on the Canes. We got this poo poo guys.

god damnit I have been left stranded in New York, sitting alone in the locker room as faces I don't recognize pass by. how could they do this? the 7th all-star game feels more hollow than ever as my only real friend, Nippon Ichi, no longer rides the ice with me

# ¿ Jul 13, 2017 12:20

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

I'm pretty sure Thomas has lead the league in goals at the halfway point in the season for the past like.....4 seasons in a row. Dude is a loving machine.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2017 01:26

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Furnaceface posted:

Islanders put Nippon on waivers, Canes claim him, then proceed to knock out his former team from the playoffs on the way to the SCF.

gently caress you man it should have been me

# ¿ Jul 22, 2017 12:34

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Hockles posted:

All-Stars
Pacific - Bavel Bortnik (6th selection)
Pacific - Floaty McPylon (6th selection) *will not play due to injury
Central - Aunt Jemima (8th selection)
Atlantic - Quayden Aydin (7th selection)
Atlantic - Jus Poost (8th selection)
Atlantic - Gord Murphy (6th selection)
Metropolitan - Coach Hockles (3rd selection)

what in the good gently caress is this? Thomas missing his first all star game.....in eight loving years?

rigged

# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 01:16

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Athanatos posted:

wtf is with my ASG votes?

I'm top 5 goal scorer every year

looks like we both just got juked the gently caress out of our rightful place in the most meaningless game of the season

# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 03:08

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

i just lost a game 7 to a guy named bavel loving bortnik

# ¿ Jul 27, 2017 12:40

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Aye Doc posted:

that's two time, two time, two time.... stanley cup champion, bavel bortnik to you, jerk

gently caress you win a conn smythe and then talk to me

this thread is so amazing lmao please keep doing these, the banter is just too good

barnold fucked around with this message at 01:38 on Jul 28, 2017

# ¿ Jul 28, 2017 01:35

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Hockles posted:

Go on...

god loving damnit

# ¿ Jul 28, 2017 02:03

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Well, I guess I don't need to stick around and see who wins the cup since those last set of comments pretty much gives it away. But hey, maybe a miracle is up ahead...

# ¿ Jul 30, 2017 22:13

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Touchdown Tom getting beaten by his hometown team on their way to a cup. I can't think of anything better :unsmith:

# ¿ Jul 31, 2017 01:19

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Hockles posted:

2031 All-Star Break Update

Comments
Islanders drafted an Elite center to play next to Thomas

holy poo poo yesssssssssss

# ¿ Aug 4, 2017 03:26

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

there's always next year, Tommy.......

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 01:52

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 00:07

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

the worlds richest stanley cup loser, touchdown tom

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 22:59

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > NHL Be A Pro -- Goon Style '17: Just when I think I'm out...

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