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 Name (First & Last): Floaty McPylon Birthday: September 15 Birth Year (1999-2001): 2001 Height: 5'9" Weight: 160 lbs City: Brest Country: Belarus Position: D Number: 84 Handedness: Right Pick one of the paths to the Pros: Europe Player Type: Offensive Defenseman Real life counterpart (active or retired) or short description of player: Basically a defenseman who's really good at offense but sucks at defense (think a Justin Schultz on the Oilers with better offense or an Erik Karlsson that sucks more defensively)
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May 24, 2017 23:13
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 16:20 |
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Furnaceface posted:Player Type: You're missing this one: 
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May 25, 2017 00:37
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Pylon don't do local Belarus league. Pylon only plays for best KHL team, the Dinamo Minsk of glorious Belarus.
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May 26, 2017 22:36
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OoC: First the Caps beat the Pens in the playoffs, then the ~~~Oilers~~~ don't win the draft lottery? Game is clearly broken. 
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May 28, 2017 20:17
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OoC: So the Oilers have missed the playoffs 11 straight years in this alternate universe. Needless to say I don't like this alternate universe so far.
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May 31, 2017 05:58
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I looked forward to draft of rich NHL, but agent told me I born day too late. бздура! Give me money now, rich American pigs!
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Jun 4, 2017 01:27
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Agent tell me NHL scouts like skills, want to draft high, but want more defense. I laugh. Who need defense in hockey???
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Jun 5, 2017 22:22
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Hockles posted:Notable Stats quote:76 GP - 93 goals 
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Jun 7, 2017 02:52
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I go to NHL combine, I asked questions by teams. I say я не размаўляю па-англійску. Agent say they not find funny, hurt draft rankings. Pylon don't care, for fat American pig questions are dumb.
Kilza fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Jun 8, 2017 |
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Jun 8, 2017 04:43
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OoC: Hockles posted:End of 2019-20 Season Update How did Talbot get the Vezina but the Oilers still missed? Did McDavid die in this alternate universe?
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Jun 8, 2017 04:48
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I get drafted by Los Angeles. Big place they call "Tinseltown". Agent say many stars live there. Floaty McPylon shall become big star in place with many stars!
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Jun 10, 2017 04:44
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Team bring me in, say I need to work on defense. But Pylon don't do defense. Team tell me I go to little league team. Ебать вас вы не кажаце мне, што рабіць! I go back to glorious Belarus!
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Jun 10, 2017 17:36
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Agent convince me to come back to Tinseltown, say they only demote me to "American Hockey League" this time. I accept. Pylon play Belarussian way, they see what I do, they like and give me chance in richest hockey league! Гэта слаўны дзень! Грошы, вось я прыйду! e: Also, OoC, but a shorthanded goal for a defenseman who's bad at defense? Nice. Kilza fucked around with this message at 00:26 on Jun 13, 2017 |
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Jun 13, 2017 00:14
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Team did not make playoffs. But that okay. I get no money in playoffs.Hockles posted:Comments  Pylon would have won Amereekan Hockey League awards if Tinseltown not call me up. But I make more money this way. All is good.
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Jun 13, 2017 22:42
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Hockles posted:You were basically Justin Schultz from like 2012 or whatever Kilza posted:Name (First & Last): Floaty McPylon Looking good so far.
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Jun 14, 2017 00:21
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I get invite to All-Star Game. Teammates say I get money if I win! Фантастычны! Pylon score all goals and get big check!
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Jun 19, 2017 05:09
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Team praised me for regular season, say Pylon play well. I play Belarussian way, get many points, don't bother with defense. Team best team in league. But I no plan on doing well in playoffs, as I not paid in playoffs. But agent convince me, say contract up and big performance get me big money. Pylon listen to agent, play well in playoffs, play Belarussian way. It worked. Team won. Floaty McPylon singlehandedly bring back Cup to Tinseltown! Ура! Зараз усе амерыканскія свінні пакланяйцеся мне! І я буду атрымліваць дзярмо кучу грошай! Days later, during the NHL Awards: "And the winner of the James Norris Memorial Trophy is...Floaty McPylon of the Los Angeles Kings!" McPylon, excited, runs up to the stage, his translator alongside him. He grabs the Norris trophy and walks up to the microphone. McPylon: Дзякуй ідыётаў за гэтую вялікую ўзнагароду! Я ніколі не гуляў абароны ў маім жыцці, але вы ўзнагародзіць мне ўзнагароду за добра гуляць у абароне! Вы усё па-чартоўску па-дурному! Я лепшы! Хахаха! Суперзорка Floaty McPylon па-за! ("Thank you idiots for this great award! I have never played defense in my life, yet you award me an award for playing well defensively! You're all loving stupid! I'm the best! Hahaha! Superstar Floaty McPylon out!") Translator: grimaces at McPylon's speech, sighs, then goes up to the microphone "Thank you all for this tremendous award, I am happy to be the first Belarussian player ever to win this award. I hope I can continue to play well for my team. Truly grateful, Floaty McPylon." Audience looks confused yet claps anyways. The next day: "The NHL has fined Floaty McPylon $25,000 dollars for his acceptance speech during the NHL Awards."
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Jun 20, 2017 22:40
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I say to agent to make me richest man in NHL. Agent only make me 12 million American dollars for 3 years. Agent fired. Floaty McPylon will now represent himself! No agent needed!
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Jun 22, 2017 21:41
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I like how, two and a half seasons into his NHL career, Floaty McPylon looks like Erik Karlsson 2.0. Now give my beautiful Belarussian boy more awards, EA.
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Jun 26, 2017 05:08
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Floaty McPylon is already 1st in career goon defenseman points and 8th in career goon points despite being one of the last two drafted. He's good (at offense).
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Jun 30, 2017 17:31
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I am tired of Seth Jones winning my Norris Trophy. I hired American sniper to get rid of him. Not as good as Belarussian sniper, but he will do.
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Jul 3, 2017 07:03
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This is the first season since he started playing that Floaty McPylon hasn't been invited to the All-Star game (AHL or NHL), all because the goon d-men are injury prone this season. 
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Jul 5, 2017 23:55
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Looks like good ol' Belarussian boy Floaty McPylon picked up another injury after the All-Star break, which probably was the root cause of LA missing the playoffs. Still managed to be the top goon producing D and 4th out of all goons in P/G, though. He good.
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Jul 8, 2017 08:35
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I negotiate own contract, I say I want 11.5 million American dollars per year. Guy says okay, gives me contract to sign. Turns out I fail to read, only get 11.5 million American dollars over 2 years! ебать!
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Jul 10, 2017 04:17
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Unless it happened at some point during the sim, that's the first 100+ point season by a d-man since 91-92 (or in 35 years). Crazy.
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Jul 15, 2017 06:50
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4 points away from McPylon winning the scoring race. Aydin 
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Jul 21, 2017 02:32
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Hockles posted:Is anybody actually happy on the team they are on? Floaty McPylon is a simple Belarussian boy. He doesn't care which team he is on, as long as he's getting paid the big bucks.
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Jul 21, 2017 03:38
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I think the Los Angeles Kings managed to turn themselves into the Erik Karlsson version of the Ottawa Senators.
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Jul 21, 2017 18:41
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It only took 8 seasons but finally Floaty McPylon is considered a Top 2 defenseman by the game. Too bad the Kings are underpaying him by at least $2 mil per season. They are, as they say in Belarus, танна.
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Jul 22, 2017 07:11
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I have a conspiracy theory that Bortnik injured McPylon in order to win the Norris. McPylon has sent all info of this to the NHL head offices. 
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Jul 24, 2017 01:22
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Kings get your poo poo together and get my soft boy another Cup or two before his career is over. My soft boy who's starting to decline. 
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Jul 31, 2017 05:56
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Floaty McPylon is back, baby!
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Aug 4, 2017 03:48
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Floaty McPylon, first Art Ross winner since Bobby Orr in 1974-75. 56 years in the making. Now if he could win the Hart, and Stanley Cup, and Conn Smythe to top it all off. Also a goon friend joins the Belarussian star in LA. 
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Aug 5, 2017 07:53
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First d-man to win the Hart since Pronger in 2000. First d-man to win the Ted Lindsay since Bobby Orr in 1975. Another Cup. Another Lady Byng. No second Conn Smythe, but that's the only thing Belarussian Superstar Floaty McPylon missed out on this season. Only 29 years old, too. One of the best d-men ever with a few good years still ahead for him.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:36
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Floaty McPylon unfortunately died after being the best player in the league last season. Also the Kings are acquiring all the goons now.
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Aug 10, 2017 00:33
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Floaty McPylon, 3 time Stanley Cup champion. Thank god the Kings drafted an amazing goalie and have started acquiring some goon players too.
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Aug 12, 2017 07:08
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Hockles posted:Comments Hey! You can't just say that and then not reveal the OVR ratings!  Also the retirement links lead to the 2031 retirements, just FYI.
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Aug 13, 2017 05:29
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Only 17:51 in average TOI? What are you doing to my precious Belarussian superstar, LA?!?
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Aug 16, 2017 03:43
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corn on the cop posted:you jamokes are getting old Floaty McPylon is only 32! And has made numerous requests that he deserves more playing time! Unfortunately he still has neglected to take the advanced English courses offered by the Kings, so he's only able to tell them this in Belarussian.
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Aug 20, 2017 01:22
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 16:20 |
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Pleads posted:Floaty McPylon is perhaps the greatest defenceman of all time.
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Aug 21, 2017 17:20
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